Warm Mug of Phantom Poetry

This podcast is best enjoyed with a cup of tea and today's tea is white tea with RaspberryFlower Lady the poem for Brianna lime leaves and sunshine flowers darling would you count the hours lady laughter warm sand color a firecracker reading energy or smile pink like rose of friendship Daydreamer light Beamer never a moment of dull or gray she takes the rain clouds paint them blue with Sky Ray's she sings the song The Birds hum along she takes the words on the page reads life into each so strong graceful nothing out of her reach no one's like her no one can compare so modest so unaware of just how amazing she is any day by her side is a day of Adventure she is Joy at the center she's a memory you want on endless replay She lays down on the field of grass e greens the world knows now what beauty means her, flowing are Brown waves around her face hair blowing in the wind with such Grace carmelize filled with such love and passion one feels mezmorized by everything she sets her mind to you don't know what next she'll do oh flower lady Sky fairy laughter dreamer won't you stay awhile and sit with me. Nostalgia mirage A poem for Miguel The sky isn't clear the spitting rain escaping the lips of clouds, tumbles into open lakes, snapshot memories of sunny day, bright nights, those starry Eve's, a friend like a tree still there despite the ever changing weather, roots buried in the ground like days past not dug up till change becomes inevitable. There is jar of moments, of better hours spilling out of the top, pouring over the sides, leaving it's mark on time, remember when things were simple, where someone else's hand held onto yours and kept it warm in the cold, it all used be easy you swear, the remarkable self tries to recall everything that once was begs to go back there, but your feet keep moving in the opposite direction you are dragged on by the wind, where did it all go? with love to a temporary friend That after 379 pages came to an end inked and wild transporting to the world of the mind of a child pages folded to mark our favorite spots little notes in the corners fade into dots each chapter a memory for a book is a friend that's only temporary its smooth soft cover or hard one like no other as the book was read a rush was felt pulse wasn't steady and our hearts began to melt so much to offer in this book things we didn't expect at out first look the adventure and places we saw the maps and animals we later draw inspired to read more for just one book opens doors here's to everyday spent together i wont forget a single letter it was a great time You will always be a forever friend of mine thank you temporary friend for 379 pages till the very endFor lo The moon cast its shadow upon the night the stars lit the way home to what I loved had left my mind forgetful was I. I felt the trees tangle around my ankles, pull me in and become one with them. I felt a leaving then a longing. Suddenly I was not the being I was minutes ago in the woods, and nature had stole my soul ever so slightly and I longed to have it returned. But it feeds upon the earth and leave me baren. The walk to where I was going and planning to go no longer felt important. I was no more. As I approached the door I discovered I could not open it. I was like the wind just a breeze. I was a shell on a shore. I, a hollow opening wishing to be filled. But I could not fill it. For my soul flew among the birds and took to the sky. Sinking into the mud and river, I was alone, yet I did not feel lonely, because the world around me was so alive with evening voices. This gave me a sort of reason to go on. And so I did, with out a soul, with out a body, with out a heart, with out a form, I grew my branches, and stemmed out my roots. I became one with what was around me, and I loved it. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Catching feelings- He told me he loved me last night I wanted to ask how I wanted to ask why I wanted him to explain it as if I was a math equation and love was the answer to solving me fixing me but it's not I'm sorry I don't even say I'm sorry anymore I just shut up quiet down No one will hear me leave Because I wont dare make a sound I don't like talking about myself Except in poetry, somehow it feels more filtered there like not the ugly coffee grounds I have wont make it into your coffee in the morning Maybe he doesn't love me he just loves the idea of me I'm afraid I don't even say I am afraid these days My mouth shivers with anxiety and no one ever gets that close to me but he's getting close to me, falling in love with me or so he says I'm paranoid scared he'll find the real me behind every carefully placed brick of this wall, scared he'll not like what he sees or worse, scared he'll actually love me and I hate me, I don't tell him this but I do believe he knows this I don't know how anyone could love someone who won't even bother liking themselves. I think I am ugly Except when he calls me pretty I feel like crying in his arms honestly Am I really allowed to have the answer this time? Maybe I'm not meant to be solved I'm not some project after all. Maybe I am not afraid or sorry that he loves me Maybe I'm just scared to love me. January 12 2019 Kiss me Kiss me with your smile Ask me to stay awhile Kiss me in the moonlight Tell me it's alright Kiss me with one hand on my waist the other on my butt Kiss me because you don't give a fuck Kiss me with your words Kiss me because it means everything Kiss me because you want to Kiss me like you knew it was right Kiss me like your life depends on it Kiss me like tomorrow won't come Kiss me because maybe we'll have another day to kiss again Kiss me sloppily Kiss me with those wet soft lips I've always wanted to taste Kiss me as were laughing Kiss me while we're crying Kiss me before we sleep Kiss me as we are waking up Kiss me in the rain Kiss me in the sunshine Kiss me no matter the weather Kiss me cause you like to kiss me I'd like to kiss you, I'd like to know what your lips on mine feel like I wanna kiss you no matter the weather Kiss you in the rain Kiss you in the snow Kiss you and not let go Kiss you as you fall asleep Kiss you as your eyes return to open Kiss you in the middle of the song while you're singing Kiss you as you begin to giggle Kiss you to know what it's like to kiss you Kiss you when you need comfort Kiss you when you need quiet Kiss you because we might not get another day Kiss you because we still have tomorrow Kiss you even if some say it's wrong Kiss you feircely Kiss you and have it not mean anything I'll kiss you because I want to because I need to I kiss you for awhile Till we're both left with smiles Kissing you in the sun light Kiss me and it feels right Kiss me and I'll kiss you. Falling in love on the foot path I wanna lay in the grass As you exhale the breeze Your breathe against my neck is calming to me Can I get lost in your scent? The way birds lose track of flying when they sing their song. Will you hold me safely but not too closely just enough but still with space to grow Just enough to know someone needs me Will you try not to forget me the way we forget the sun when it rains Can we wash the tears down the drain I wanna fall asleep next to you, eyes met, no regret with nothing to do Am I worthy of table for two Of the love you give so sweetly Can we just be here existing, maybe kissing, are you listening to the way I'm learning to be okay Do you care, because I'm oh so aware, that if I dare, be honest and open I might scare you away. I feel exhausting from the changing sensations, the spikes in tempature, leaves falling becoming snow, I just hope you won't get sick of me Don't let go Love is natural I've been told it comes from within But do the fish ever forget how to swim? Can I like being in my skin I'm trying to want --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

   today's tea is lavender chamomile rose tea Drifting down into the somber feelings for you: I find myself think of you, and for a moment the rainy night sky sparkles, Its bright and warm even when you're not around, I fall asleep fall in in love to the way your memory leaves a sound "Everytime you kiss my forehead I fall more in love" he said I fall more in love every time you kiss me, there's this silence in my brain, its so beautifully blissfully I fall in love every time I try to count the freckles on your back as my finger traces the curves of your spine I fall in love every time the songs you like come on, I cant stop playing them on rewind I fall in love with your exhales the way you smile when you breathe out I fall in love so simply because youre so lovely. I didn't expect to fall so suddenly yet so sweetly my heart beats so warm and wonderfully I am falling in love with the way you talk, for hours about anything, especially music I am falling in love with your arms around me in bed, I might almost just loose it I am falling in love with your eyes, not just the way they shine, but how you don't even need to say a word, I can just look into them know I am falling in love with the way you always listen and make me feel like I'm heard In the night we are singing, and laughing, and smiling and crying, Let me stay lying down beside you. I am falling in love and not wanting to leave, I am falling in love and forgetting how to breathe I am falling in love, and the remembering how to laugh, did you know you caused that? Did you know that I cant stop thinking about you? I am falling into something I am so afraid to put myself through and yet, I don't stop myself, I'm not very good at poetry, not very good at falling, I'm not even good probably at loving you, but I don't know if it matters I hope I am at least good enough to say I am falling into you, and you look over say you're catching feelings too. How to know your in love The thoughts you think are not what they normally are Falling asleep becomes way too hard Dreams stop being an escape The food you eat has lost all taste And oddly its magical The bewildering feeling has a pull You need them by your side Its like the independent part died Why let yourself fall Why not try to forget the memories your mind wants to recall You lose your reason You feel lost in your favorite season And yet you want it more This love has opened a new door There are no recollections of previous And to everyone else you seem mysterious You’re just saying how you feel But to the rest of the world thinks it isn’t real Love drive you high and takes you away And the feeling can’t disappear, it stays Sometimes that’s okay But other days, the feeling of love is the worst Its a paralyzing curse But it pulls you in Till you can’t remember where you been I love you And maybe your feelings will ensue But not now Not before curtain call or our first bow Please get off my mind I forgot how to be kind I wish there was a sign A sign to tell me its over Love makes me hate being sober And yet I crave For you to just wave And miss me The way I want to kiss thee To tumble To fall To stumble Its graceful in all Unless you mumble I came to love you My heart got caught There was nothing I could do So you're friendship I sought In your dazzling eyes Listening to that calming voice It was a surprise Tripping for you wasn't a choice You're arms like wings You pulled me into a safe place You make my smile sing And my heart race I miss you before I go sleep I think of you when I wake I tumbled far and deep You repair what others like to break I look at you and I find things I miss The person I was, am and will be You pull me to your face for a kiss I remember self love I had toward me And it's thanks to the things you say And thanks to the things you do You make things okay I mean it when I say I love you. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

 today's tea is London fog Grief housing Poem to Moshe Grief feels like 2 grey clouds turning into arms that grab on to your neck, hide your eyes, cover your mouth, capture your ability to breathe and hold your body down till you are suffocating in fumes of memories of the loss of someone who didn't deserve to die because they did so much for all those around them, they cared so much, they wanted to help so much, but now they are gone and there is an empty space in the world where they used to reside, grief is a light sucking force that remind us how close we are to death, that at any moment someone we love or adore can be ripped from existence and become just fragmented memories that every time you dream or think about, make you feel an overwhelming emotions,greif is the guilt that comes every time you laugh Stars and Footprints (A poem in honor of Bridget Harold) A star appeared in the sky, A star I never noticed, A star always there but to dull for us to see, Tonight it was brighter, I knew it was you. Though we can’t see or hear you anymore, We know your there, We know you’re not gone. You’re listening to our wishes, As we wish you were here with us. You won’t be forgotten, Your star shining so beautiful and bright, When you left, You left Footprints, Memories, You left footprints on the people you touched, Footprints that can never be erased, Though someday, We may forget your face, voice or even name The memories you gave us, Will last forever, They can never be erased. Though we can’t see you, We know you’re not gone, You’re still alive, Living your life in the people you touched,. You won’t be forgotten, You’re memory shining bright, You will never be forgotten, You will always be remembered, Because everyday, You’re spirit shining through all those who knew you, It shines as bright, As your beautiful star, Looking down at us in the night sky. 2011 John Donne Holy sonnet death be not proud Death, be not proud, though some have called thee Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so; For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me. From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be, Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow, And soonest our best men with thee do go, Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery. Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men, And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell, And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then? One short sleep past, we wake eternally And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die. Christina rossetti Passing away, saith the World, passing away: Chances, beauty and youth, sapp'd day by day: Thy life never continueth in one stay. Is the eye waxen dim, is the dark hair changing to grey That hath won neither laurel nor bay? I shall clothe myself in Spring and bud in May: Thou, root-stricken, shalt not rebuild thy decay On my bosom for aye. Then I answer'd: Yea. Passing away, saith my Soul, passing away: With its burden of fear and hope, of labour and play, Hearken what the past doth witness and say: Rust in thy gold, a moth is in thine array, A canker is in thy bud, thy leaf must decay. At midnight, at cockcrow, at morning, one certain day Lo, the Bridegroom shall come and shall not delay: Watch thou and pray. Then I answer'd: Yea. Passing away, saith my God, passing away: Winter passeth after the long delay: New grapes on the vine, new figs on the tender spray, Turtle calleth turtle in Heaven's May. Though I tarry, wait for Me, trust Me, watch and pray. Arise, come away, night is past and lo it is day, My love, My sister, My spouse, thou shalt hear Me say. Then I answer'd: Yea. Thank you for listening and if you would like to support this podcast or buy me a cup of tea You can at ko-fi.com/unwrittennat Tune in next time for more tea and poetry --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Empty valley on blank pages By njsaroff 2017 There are only valleys filled with memories of you Rivers of moments flowing through the pathways of the head Bloated with what is left of you The lips that used to speak are glued together as you come toward them Like an unseen ghost in this haunted house of a body, Dead on the inside from the abandonment The house still feels every inch of you Still feels your teeth biting on the skin Sharpening were your nails, Like claws, Those knives striking the bones, Grinded into pieces When you left, Thorns grew in the heart Tore away at what remained of the soul The hands you used to hold are consumed by the need to write But sentence that once came to life are wiped clean by An imagination that can only thinks of you The fingers can not clasp the pen to write Blank stay the pages like the crevices of the mind In the corners of the brain lies your memory Feeding on the person from the past like a leach You still reach inside the spirit, Take the last pieces of emotions and turn them into shard Shrapnel Sharp glass that impales anyone nearby with the slightest of movement No words come No thoughts of the person who used to exist return Lungs gasp for air in an empty room but there is nothing to suck in No way to breathe Shell of an older form Feelings of numb Everything is hollow Like no blood runs through the limbs Like thoughts have deserted from every part Turning into voices that can’t escape the mouth The moment replays, Every color of you fills the space Fills the body Once again like it did that night Seasons and smells Sounds and flavors Never leave Enter the body Latch on, They come in like you did Unannounced Unwanted Unwilling to leave Creeping in Smothering anything of what was It's all gone now, It's all boring It's all blank valleys written on empty pages. 11/15/18 --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

If you're new to the podcast I'm NJ Saroff also known as the phantom poet on SoundCloud

This podcast is best enjoyed with a cup of tea and today's tea is winter delight and dandelion peach green tea

ken doll,

stabalized,

deniers of moon,

identity

the gay tea song

Frank Bidart queer

Joy young queer hokey pokey

Lee Mokobe ted talk poem

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

just poems episode 3 This podcast is best enjoyed with a cup of tea and today's tea is lavender Earl gray After Low What happens next is an after low Some people get an after glow A sort of high a renewed will to stay alive, or to survive After the stage has left I lose my pep I fall down My depression sea drowns My heart Pulls me apart like a drug I'm addicted to the moment before Keep running back for more Then I'll run away Because I got problems I put off for another day That sensation of its over and ending Wishing I could just break and not keep bending The world moves slow And I'm trapped in a feeling of low There is no escape or exit The lights of my mind are dim lit Everything is hollow and lonely There is nothing left of me What's going on in my head I feel like I'm suffocating in blankets of my bed I didn't leave it it just ended its over Because I crave the past moments of joy I can never be sober I don't need to drink or smoke When I'm on the stage I don't feel nervous or like I might choke Its just what happens after I'm put in such a damper Floating in the ocean on a raft Is that depression or just a draft In the air I don't think I even care It's a low No one knows I mask it with a smile and a pleasant attitude So people don't know my saddening mood Its an after low, you say no Don't feel the way you do If only you knew I cant control the way I feel I keep replaying the happy moments trying to make them real But its gone Like a band with a one hit wonder song I wish I could prove myself wrong And pick myself up and let the sadness go but I cant What a stupid rant Once everything is done Others will be filled with satisfaction like a contest they have won But me I watch that energy As it leaves every part of my soul Suddenly I'm dull void and null The moment of okay has taken its toll Some people get an after high While I just want to die I'm in an after low And you you look so good in your after glow. 2015 is The actor a poem for naomi The actor is not faint of heart Not a wanderer or a drifter They come on with purpose Moving forward knowing exactly where they are going The actor draws you in effortlessly The actor captures your eyes, leaving you utterly mesmerized Stealing your breathe for a moment The actor commands the stage for it's an arena The actor presents the arts we humans need to survive Take me on a journey dear actor Tell me a story only you know the words to I don't see you my dear actor I see this new person A stranger But suddenly I've come to love them This beautiful character They have charms and quarks, They are real A breathe You breathe passion and life A physical being has come to life Actors, they are souls of fire that demand things of our mind As audience it is our job to listen So open your ears my fellow audience members Dance with the actor's tale This next poem is called Perform I'd rather become deformed Than lose my ability to perform I need to stop destroying my body through intricate forms, I crave that stage, that anxiety filled haze The glowing lights that move my shadow to beige The after glow that puts me in a daze My body comes alive My spirit takes a dive Its freedom, I take control of my presence Yet its so easy to forget my essence The self loathing i have come to know well Has covered me in thorns that do begin to swell I wait for the audience to cheer Taking a bow stricken with fear The curtain begins to fall The question remains, is that all? But I was born to perform And i will die, the stage will not mourn Following artaud Listening to artaud At the scholars conference They talk sanely Of madness I pretend To be sane But I am demented Like our hero Following artaud Into the forbidden Where he lost himself In madness I strive for the infinite Possibilities Like the insane Thank you all for listening and if you would like to support this podcast or buy me a cup of tea You can at ko-fi.com/unwrittennat Tune in next time for more tea and poetry --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

This podcast is best enjoyed with a cup of tea and today's tea is constant comment also known as orange spiced black tea Body check, intrusive thoughts, and my friend the mirror If you lift up my shirt you’ll find a gut, A month ago it was ribs I zone out as the food enters my mouth but I’m okay, I’m healthy now My friend the mirror has never talked back The scale just says a number I liked it better when food was what I lacked I still count all my calories I track everything I do, eat and say my appetite is gone I force myself to eat anyway I still feel I’m not enough I still do body checks It’s not as simple as waking up My body I sometimes still see as a fat wreck I’m still recovering Sometimes I can’t handle it The food on the plate is overwhelming Sometimes I just wanna lay down or sit On the bed and not eat a single thing It’s not easy, but no one said it would be It’s not fun but it is attainable My goal is to walk by the mirror and not see All my imperfections, i just want to see me Sometimes the smell of food makes me nauseated Sometimes I wish like an animal I was sedated asleep that would be better than leaning over the toilet bowl Knowing nothing will come out ‘What’s your goal’ They’d ask, ‘to be thin?’ I wanted to disappear and be forgotten The thoughts cloud my mind some nights I can’t do anything but hear them I think of how it’s always gonna be a fight Things like food constantly difficult Suck it up they say it’s harder to be sober to get off a alcohol or drugs But what has the highest death rate? An eating disorder Some days I love my body Some days I don’t Some days I eat all I need Some days I can’t fight the voice that says skinny people won’t Some days I get out of bed and go for a walk Some days I don’t even have the urge to talk Maybe I’m a shell of who I was Living in ana’s buzz I try again if I fail today Part 2 poetry on your left thigh, silly things you cant deny, youre through with trying not to cry, Poems on your right thigh wanting to forget the lies, today you felt as worthless as a fly Short stories on your right arm wanting to forget self harm, this odd old alarm, Essays on your left arm they only see your charm See your body growing like a farm little notes on your chest, maybe tonight youll finally get some rest, Your words come out as a shaky gumbled mess, as you try to not feel less, it's okay you're doing your best compliment on your feet that remind you to eat, talking of daily goals you can meet, that depression, anxiety, anorexia, and social disorders can be beat, funny jokes on our fingers, to avoid the memories that linger, they disapate their hateful stingers, messages on your back to stop yourself from a panic attack, focus on what you have not what you lack, quotes on your shoulders, to guide you as you get older, even when the days get colder, letters on your neck, some days youll be a wreck, but its okay to fall from the card deck Sentance on your tummy Don't hide your laughter when you hear something funny never give up trust your gut one line more than a few times trying to read signs understand sweet rhymes to bring an end to the marks that are not only mine We are one of a kind Today I'll be reading my favorite poem love after love The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life. Thank you for listening and if you would like to support this podcast or buy me a cup of tea You can at ko-fi.com/unwrittennat --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Date with yourself Approach the counter Ask for a table for one, but not a small one you deserve the biggest one in the restaurant You deserve a large place setting Your plate should be filled You should eat all you need Your silverware finally touched This is a meal for you and only you, sitting in the chair just you at the long table no other chairs needed the meal is what you deserve the love you've starve yourself of so be greedy and enjoy every bite no longer waste your time on the self hatred and the mirror gazing at yourself sulking at your form, the beauty that is you has been lost for so long, It's time to appreciate yourself and all you do do you see the light emitting from your house, calling you, you belong here you are loved, You are needed Take a moment to look at the sky above the moon is out, the stars are shining Let yourself be at peace Do not fight yourself why don't you take yourself out on a date, you and only you Why not fill your stomach with a meal of self love You and only you Why not cherrish the person at the table who decided to take you out? You and only you Why not love the body instead of the looking glass you stare into? You and only you Why not treat yourself to the love notes better than the ones you sent but went unnoticed? You and only you To love yourself for you at the end of life will be here at the table alone with yourself, shouldn't you want to spend the end with someone you love? Take the pen Write a poem under candle light and frame it, a love poem to you, to read at every meal, to read on your last date, tell yourself to have an open mind and loving heart, to dig in and enjoy the life you were born worthy of. The final poem I'm going to read is incase you're feeling lonely In case you're feeling extra lonely today Know that when I look into your eyes I see the whole night sky, twinkling so bright, baby it's alright Know that when your hair is a mess, I never see you as any less than beautiful, darling you make my life wonderfully unusual Know that when you're crying I will do everything I can, I won't stop trying, to make you see the color you give to life, sweetheart you have so much strife. Know that when you smile it's like a thousand sunflowers are blooming for miles and miles, honey you don't know the sunshine you bring to my day, and I only wish I could take your pain away Know that when I'm standing next to you in the cold, holding your hand is the only thing that warms my bones, you're so lovely Everyday I fall for you so abruptly Know that when you're apologizing for being yourself, I am still in love with every part of you, not wishing you were someone else, My dear on the days when you feel exceptionally lonely when I am not around Know that I am missing the sound of your love, the beat of your heart, and the way you make the world into the prettiest piece of art. Dennis O'Driscoll was an Irish poet said to be one of the best European poets of the 20th century he was born on New year's, January 1st, of 1954 and passed away suddenly in December of 2012 He was married to another poet Julie O'Callaghan who survived him. Today's poem is called You which I found in a the poetry Anthology Staying alive real poems for unreal times edited by Neil astley published 2003 Thank you all for listening and if you would like to support this podcast or buy me a cup of tea You can at ko-fi.com/unwrittennat Ko-fi is spelt ko-fi Thanks again and Have a happy healthy new year --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app