As An Adult

In perhaps his most elementary role, Arnold Schwarzenegger charms as tough cop turned goofus Kindergarten teacher, John Kimble. Yes there's a ferret and YES Leslie Knope's mom (actress Pamela Reed) SLAYS as Arnold's partner. Who is the target audience for this adorable/scary light-hearted/bloodbath family/thriller film for? We still don't know.  

Go-Go Gadget Podcast! In syndication for a million years, Inspector Gadget, Penny, Brain, Dr. Claw, and Madcat bumbled their way into our living rooms day after day. Was this show ever NOT on??? Heck, even the constantly exploding Chief Quimby holds a special place in our 90's kids' hearts. 

"Welcome to doing whatever you wish...eating and sleeping all day...welcome to being...DEAD." 

YES! This is a kid's movie about dog-on-dog MURDER. Wasn't being a 90's kid just a BLAST??!?! It's fine, there's waffles and a raygun and a singing alligator. 

Remember how we thought that in the 90's we dressed like Cher Horowitz? And then we thought we dressed like Clarissa? Yeah, we dressed like Alex Mack. And we weren't even cool enough to have Capri-Sun-morph powers to make up for it.  

Second star to the right and straight on til morning! So, what would happen if Peter Pan...grew up? Would he become cranky corporate lawyer who doesn't like kids and afraid to fly??!! Of COURSE he would. But don't worry. A little dip into his repressed memories of (some very confusing) childhood trauma and some pixie dust should do the trick! 

If Charles Dickens could choose any modern day actor to play him as Narrator in this most beloved Christmas Carol, he would DEFINITELY choose Gonzo, right?? Also, if Rizzo isn't almost choking on plastic fruit, is it even Christmas? 

This could all have been avoided if SOME ADULT ordered lil' baby Kevin a dang cheese pizza. Just one olive-free slice, and we could have avoided this whole charade. But NO. Buzz had to go and eat the last piece of cheese, milk goes everywhere and poor Kevin gets left behind. But was violently assaulting the Wet Bandits every kid's DREAM or WHAT??!?! 

Don't forget to @ us this week with your ten answers to 1995's Outburst category: Things Your Family Takes on a Trip 

Is Zach Morris *actually* trash? Maybe. Is the CURLY to STRAIGHT hair ratio on this show perfect? Absolutely. Does a duck have to die to make a point about environmentalism? You'll have to listen to find out. This week we take a look at your favorite preppies (preppys?) and dorks from Bayside High. 

Does everyone know what time it is?! TOOL TIME. That's right, this week we revisit a 90's family sitcom staple. Will Wilson ever show his face? Was Al the 90's OG Lumbersexual? Also, I know there's a joke about Meg and Sarah being tools in here somewhere. 

Submitted for the approval of The Midnight Society: Are You Afraid of the Dark? Know what we're afraid of? Kids starting fires in the woods by themselves and guest appearances by the likes of Gilbert Gottfried and Ryan Damn Gosling. Snuggle up in your flannel, hide behind your crimped hair...it's the final Halloween Ep of AAA!