Every Damn Thing

In their long-awaited return, Phil & Jake rank patriarchy, the legendary comics creator Jack Kirby, and the soft drink Fanta on the List of Every Damn Thing.

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• Bully sticks really are made from beef penis.
• "Work for hire" is the situation that an illustrator like Kirby, or a session musician, might work under. He was paid cash for his work but didn't retain any ownership. At the time, the idea was that the work was ephemeral trash anyways; but now, years later, it's proven to be valuable.
• The Fourth World was Kirby's set of fantasy/science-fiction stories at DC. He got to do pretty much what he wanted and he went nuts with it.
• Mister Miracle was maybe the character that's most closely identified with Kirby. He's an escape artist refugee who lives in the suburbs and is married to an action heroine.
• Star Wars really seems to pull from Kirby's work.
• Doctor Doom is a very fun comic-book villain created by Kirby (and Stan Lee).
• Stan Lee worked with Kirby in the 1960s and co-created almost all of the early Marvel characters and stories with him.
• The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay is an acclaimed novel by Michael Chabon where one of the characters is based (partly) on Kirby.
• Here’s Kirby’s original drawing of Captain America punching-out Hitler.
• The Banshees of Inisherin is a 2022 film partly about legacy that explores the question “Does being a decent person matter?”
• Thundarr the Barbarian was a 1980s cartoon about a post-apocalyptic adventurer. Kirby did some design work and by all accounts was paid fairly and treated well.
• Kamandi was a post-apocalyptic comic about the last boy on Earth, an Earth now populated by talking animals. It seems like it was heavily influenced by Planet of the Apes, even though Kirby hadn’t seen the movie when he created the comic.
• Holy Mountain is a film directed by Alejandro Jodorowsky, financed partly by John Lennon, which is difficult to explain. It's surrealistic, absurd and mind-blowing, and it really seems Kirby-influenced.
• Kirby Krackle is a visual effect that Kirby was known for. If there was energy coursing through something, he might illustrate it with weird dots around it.
• The Neil Gaiman quote that Jake recites is from the book Kirby: King of Comics by Mark Evanier.
• O.M.A.C. (One Man Army Corps) is a truly bonkers comic written and drawn by Jack Kirby.
• It appears as if Glenn Danzig did know Kirby personally, and even worked with him. Here’s an interview that Danzig conducted with Kirby.
• Mezzo Mix is totally the most normal thing in the world.
• We discuss Kit-Kats in Japan, which have been incredibly successful there, in part because their name sort of sounds like "good luck" in Japanese. There are many, many variations on the traditional Kit-Kat flavor in Japan. Some of these have come to America as well.
• The Fantanas ads were a throwback to an earlier style of ads. The premise is that sexy babes with soft drinks show up and refresh people. Here's a good example, and here's one in Spanish.
• Other sodas discussed include Crush, Orangina, Surge & Josta.
• Jake drank is half-Fanta at the Loews Portofino Bay Hotel at Universal Orlando, which is near Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. He paired it with some Old Florida Original Gourmet Chips.
• The fever has really passed on hard seltzer. Now that the dust has settled, in the cold light of day we can say it was ranked fairly.
• Calamari isn't good, it's just a rubbery mass.
• Hulk Hogan was a boring wrestler who's had a really negative impact on the world.
• Phil thinks Aerosmith are dire, just absolute bottom level garbage, and he’s Phil has banned from his life with a zero tolerance policy.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Marfa, TX * wild pigs * the male gaze * capitalism * Gambit * Steven Seagal * the McRib * Death * Jon Voight * QAnon * transphobia * Marvel Comics * D.C. Comics * the Marvel Method * Gil Kane * Argo * Hank Williams * Britney Spears * Prince * Dolly Parton * bicycles * coffee * Jamaica * Oreos * Bill & Ted Face the Music

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea
4. bicycles - tool
5. Jack Kirby - person
6. coffee - beverage
7. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
8. Prince - person
9. It’s-It - food
10. Doctor Doom - fictional character

BOTTOM TEN:

297. British Royal Family - institution
298. Steven Seagal - person
299. McRib - food
300. Hoarders - TV show
301. death - idea
302. war - idea
303. cigarettes - drug
304. patriarchy - idea
305. QAnon - idea
306. transphobia - idea

Theme song by Jade Puget. Graphic design by Jason Mann. This episode was produced & edited by Jake MacLachlan. Show notes by Jake MacLachlan & Phil Green.

Our website is everydamnthing.net and we're also on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Email us at [email protected]. 

Phil & Jake are back to rank John Carpenter's 1986 film Big Trouble in Little China, the musical subgenre known as Bro-Country, and Baby Yoda on the List of Every Damn Thing.

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• The kid in Madonna's Open Your Heart video isn’t Leo Dicaprio, he's Felix Howard, who is now an A&R guy.
• Actors that we talk about include Kurt Russell, Kim Cattrall, Dennis Dun, Victor Wong, James Hong, Danny Trejo, He Huy Quan, Al Leong (here's his wedding announcement), Dennis Quaid, Harrison Ford, Jason Mantzoukas, Tom Cruise, Jackie Chan and Rodney Dangerfield.
• Other movies discussed include Everything Everywhere All at Once, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Overboard (which Phil thinks is really indefensible because Kurt Russell’s character brainwashes Goldie Hawn’s; “it's a Rapemantic comedy”), Minority Report, Dreamscape (filmed in Stockton, CA), Innerspace, Guardians of the Galaxy, The Golden Child, Friday, Caddyshack, The Matrix, Trading Places, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Flashdance, The Truman Show, The Wizard of Oz, Howard the Duck and Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.
• Jack Burton is a very influential protagonist, maybe even more so than Snake Plissken. He's sort of John Wayne as a buffoon. Bruce Willis' persona owes something to Jack Burton.
• If you want to hear an even more in-depth discussion of Big Trouble in Little China, check out this episode of the Blank Check podcast.
• Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson owns the remake rights to Big Trouble in Little China and makes noises about a remake from time to time.
• John Carpenter’s soundtrack (and especially the theme song) are a must-listen.
• Here’s the New York Magazine article in which Jody Rosen first coined the term “Bro-Country.”
• Here’s a history of the Country laundry-list song.
• Dr. Suess’ pants with no one inside them are from the last story in the Sneetches book.
• “Cruise” by Florida Georgia Line is maybe the ur-text of Bro-Country. Or– going further back– in could be either “Honky Tonkin’” or “Jambalaya” by Hank Williams.
• Other songs discussed by include “Big Green Tractor” and “Dirt Road Anthem” by Jason Aldean, “Sand in My Boots” by Morgan Wallen, “Jack & Diane” by John Mellencamp, “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” by Trace Adkins, “Dilemma” by Nelly w/ Kelly Rowland, “If That Ain’t Country” by David Allan Coe, “That’s My Kind of Night” by Luke Brian, “Friday” by Rebecca Black, “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight” by Hank Williams Jr., “If You’ve Got the Money, I’ve Got the Time” by Lefty Frizzell, “Friends In Low Places” by Garth Brooks, “Tulsa Time” by Don Williams, “Boys Round Here” by Blake Shelton, “New Truck” by Dylan Scott, “Beer With My Friends” by Shy Carter, “Beer” and “Turned Up On the Weekend” by Branchez & Big Wet, “American Pie” by Don McLean, “Do You Know the Way to San Jose” by Dionne Warwick, and “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
angiograms * perimyocarditis * Chinatown in San Francisco * Sam Raimi’s New York City * Star Wars * Margaret Cho * Bruce Springsteen * Rappin’ Rodney * Ke$ha * The Beach Boys * Insane Clown Posse * Bon Jovi * Aerosmith * Garfield * Grogu * The Mandalorian * Muppet Babies * Baby Groot * the X-Babies * Double Stuf Oreos * Miss Piggy * Hulk Hogan * Reese’s Ultimate Peanut Butter Lover’s Cup * seedless watermelon * peanut butter ice cream * Old Man Logan * Trouble * Sorry! * radio edits

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea

Melissa B. is back to help Phil, Jake & Jason rank the tabletop role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons and sliced bread on the List of Every Damn Thing. Plus we re-rank contemporary pop superstar Harry Styles.

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• Valley Fever, also called desert rheumatism, is a respiratory disease that's thought to be caused by shark scales. It's endemic to Central and Southern California.
• Dungeons & Dragons is a role playing game invented by Gary Gygax and many others. It's really broad and open-ended but is the most popular game in that genre. In the game, players assume the roles of characters who have fantasy-themed adventures.
• Dungeons & Dragons was also the name of a cartoon made in 1985 as a tie-in for that game. It was about a group of teens that got transported to a different world and became fantasy adventurers with magic weapons. It had a kind of Narnia vibe.
• Gary Gygax was the creator of Dungeons & Dragons, although he didn't create it alone, and it grew out of other, similar games.
• JRR Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings & The Hobbit which are foundational works in modern fantasy. Along with Conan, these books more or less created the genre/setting for Dungeons & Dragons.
• Alcoholics Anonymous is a mutual-aid group formed in 1935 in which members work together to help themselves recover from  alcoholism. Phil speculates that there are probably good AA Dungeons & Dragons games.
• Dice are polyhedral objects with numbers on the sides used to generate random numbers. The most commonly used dice are the six-sided dice you might use in a craps game or Monopoly or inside the Pop-o-Matic bubble of a Trouble game. Dungeons & Dragons requires different dice, 4-sided, 8-sided, 12-sided, 20-sided etc although now that Phil thinks about it, it's pretty unnecessary. With a few math changes, the game would work fine with 6-sided dice but people like to have that velvet dice sack. In prison, where dice are banned, Dungeons & Dragons players have to use other methods though.
• The Dungeons & Dragons movie looks like it has some pretty bad special effects, even for the time. Jeremy Irons appears to be having a fun time with it, though.
• SPOILER ALERT! Harry Styles plays Eros aka Starfox in Eternals.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
chain mail * half-orcs * improv * the Satanic Panic * E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial * role-playing games * the Golden Girls * video games * audio books * Sorry! * titties * The Matrix * Insane Clown Posse * karaoke * Bill Paxton * Spaceballs * graffiti * Star Wars * industrialization * bagels * NASCAR * Bakersfield, CA * knives * Triscuits * Top Ramen * rye bread * plastic straws * Tommy Bahamas shirts * Britney Spears * “Weird Al” Yankovic * Bill Murray * the Golden Gate Bridge * Bruce Springsteen * Shakira

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea
4. bicycles - tool
5. coffee - beverage
6. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
7. Prince - person
8. It’s-It - food
9. Doctor Doom - fictional character
10. Cher - person

BOTTOM TEN:

291. cops - people

292. British Royal Family - institution
293. Steven Seagal - person
294. McRib - food
295. Hoarders - TV show
296. death - idea
297. war - idea
298. cigarettes - drug
299. QAnon - idea
300. transphobia - idea

Theme song by Jade Puget. Graphic design by Jason Mann. This episode was produced & edited by Jake MacLachlan. Show notes by Jake MacLachlan & Phil Green.

Our website is everydamnthing.net and we're also on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Email us at [email protected]. 

Phil & Jake are joined once again by Natalie H. to rank actor and superstar singer (in Germany) David Hasselhoff, chimichangas as a lifestyle choice, and teeth on the List of Every Damn Thing.

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• There’s lots of Popeye talk at the start of this one. Popeye Village in Malta is just sitting there waiting for Jake. Here’s the part from Popeye the movie where Bluto sees red.
• You don’t want to know the cast of Cheers’ ages when the show started.
• We talk a lot about movies where inanimate objects have personalities, including Pixar’s Cars, The Brave Little Toaster, Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and Toy Story.
• Elephant tusks are evolved from teeth.
• The movie Teeth looks pretty crazy. So do teratoma tumors.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Bruce Springsteen * Barack Obama * Dolly Parton * the Country music industry * Throat Coat tea * Knight Rider * Tom Selleck * Ted Danson * Baywatch * animism * “Looking for Freedom” by David Hasselhoff * public humiliation * Gary Busey * Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. tv movie * Blade * chest hair * “Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of…)” by Lou Bega * Deadpool * Friday * graffiti * titties * strip clubs that serve food * Tommy Bahamas shirts * George Washington * sleep

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea
4. bicycles - tool
5. coffee - beverage
6. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
7. Prince - person
8. It’s-It - food
9. Doctor Doom - fictional character
10. Cher - person

BOTTOM TEN:

289. cops - people

290. British Royal Family - institution
291. Steven Seagal - person
292. McRib - food
293. Hoarders - TV show
294. death - idea
295. war - idea
296. cigarettes - drug
297. QAnon - idea
298. transphobia - idea

Theme song by Jade Puget. Graphic design by Jason Mann. This episode was produced & edited by Jake MacLachlan. Show notes by Jake MacLachlan & Phil Green.

Our website is everydamnthing.net and we're also on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Email us at [email protected]. 

Phil & Jake rank the very necessary activity of sleep, the very American foodstuff called peanut butter, and the very mustachioed actor Sam Elliott on the List of Every Damn Thing.

VOTE HERE to help decide which topic we're going to re-rank on an upcoming episode. Polls are almost closed!

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• For the second time in recent episodes we discuss the songs of Chubby Checker (both "The Limbo Rock" and “Let’s Twist Again”).
• I Know What You Did Last Summer was a post-Scream 90s horror movie. The title of the sequel was I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, which Phil doesn't approve of.
• The Karina Longsworth podcast You Must Remember This had a recent episode about Flashdance & Risky Business as part of the current season which is about sex in movies (which used to be a thing). 
• Pittsburgh is a city in western Pennsylvania where the Allegheny & the Monongahela rivers meet to form the Ohio.
• Phil claims that old Popeye cartoons are much more Olive Oyl and Bluto-centric than you'd think. Some of the better Popeye cartoons aren't streamable because WB's not crazy about the themes. Phil's favorite is "Can You Take It" in which Olive gets a job as a nurse for an underground fight club.
• Thimble Theater was the original comic strip that Popeye sprung out of. 
• Freddy Krueger was a villain in horror movies in the 80s who attacks people in their dreams. Phil has only ever seen the third Nightmare on Elm Street, where Laurence Fishburne is an orderly at a hospital for traumatized kids and the kids flip the script on Freddy and defeat him.
• Phil mentions a French scientist who thought sleep was a distraction, and caused himself health problems by staying awake for long periods. This may have been something his parents told him as a kid to get him to sleep. He doesn't know why the scientist was French either.
• We talk about “sack hounds” and “sack artists”. Phil had always understood these to mean lazy people who could sleep wherever. After looking it up on WW2-era slang websites it seems like a “sack artist” is more like a womanizer whereas a “sack hound” is someone who tries to sleep.
• Beetle Bailey is a simple, gag-based comic strip with a military setting.
• Peanut butter is traditionally made of peanuts, smashed. That's why Phil's idea of selling roasted peanuts as extremely crunchy peanut butter makes sense. To Phil.
• Peanut oil is the oil that you can squeeze out of peanuts. In peanut butter jars, it separates and has to be stirred back into the peanut butter. What? You think it'd be better to just have a jar of peanuts so that the oil will stay put? Yeah me too!
• Almond butter is mashed-up almonds.
• The Got Milk? ad campaign which emphasized milk's usefulness as a lubricant, was kicked off by a Michael Bay-directed ad in which a guy has jammed so much PB&J into his mouth that he can't say "Aaron Burr" to win a radio contest. It's a very common problem.
• George Washington Carver invented about three hundred products derived from peanuts, but did not invent peanut butter.
• Peanuts are legumes that are eaten as food in the world and are especially popular in the USA, Nigeria and Thailand. Phil used to work with someone who was Thai and she said that Americans all eat rancid peanuts in contrast to Thailand where they eat fresh ones. We’re afraid she might be right!
• Phil went looking for pics of Lucy Pinder to link to and found this which is an NFT of a picture of her. We hope she gets a cut of this. Realizing that Lucy Pinder is a real person has taught Phil empathy.
• Boiled peanuts are a fantastic Southern food. They come in a wet paper bag (the kind that so many people have trouble fucking their way out of).
• Sam Elliott was on the Mission: Impossible TV show back in the early 1970s. He looked good even without the mustache. 
• We talk about a few movies, including The Big Lebowski, Power of the Dog, Young Guns and Tombstone. We also talk reflect on the Western and superhero movie genres in general.
• Here’s the Sam Elliott episode of WTF with Marc Maron.
• Malk was the name of an alternative milk in a gag on the Simpsons from 1995. It's now a real product.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
sleepwalking * napping * insomnia * sleeping naked * Popeye’s chicken * goats * Blade * Nutella * peanut cheese * strip clubs that serve food * It’s-It * pickles * backpacking * Spice Girls * forest bathing * moustaches * Bill Paxton * Shaquille O'Neal * shirtless men wearing elaborate angel wings, gold lamé shorts & furry cha-cha heels * Harry Styles * Britney Spears * cochlear implants * plastic straws

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea
4. bicycles - tool
5. coffee - beverage
6. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
7. Prince - person
8. It’s-It - food
9. Doctor Doom - fictional character
10. Cher - person

BOTTOM TEN:

286. cops - people

287. British Royal Family - institution
288. Steven Seagal - person
289. McRib - food
290. Hoarders - TV show
291. death - idea
292. war - idea
293. cigarettes - drug
294. QAnon - idea
295. transphobia - idea

Theme song by Jade Puget. Graphic design by Jason Mann. This episode was produced & edited by Jake MacLachlan. Show notes by Jake MacLachlan & Phil Green.

Our website is everydamnthing.net and we're also on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Email us at [email protected]. 

Phil & Jake are joined by dear old pal Chon Travis (from Love Equals Death) to rank cops, strip clubs that serve food, and the activity known as forest bathing on the List of Every Damn Thing.

Find Chon on Instagram (@therealchontravis) and Facebook (chon.travis), and check out his band Love Equals Death (follow that link to find out their show dates)!

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• The Cops television show was a reality TV show in which a camera crew followed police around. The police departments got final approval of what was included in the show but it was educational to see what police thought made them look good. 
• District Attorneys are adjacent to cops, but aren't exactly cops.
• Training Day is a movie about Denzel Washington as a bad cop.
• Columbo is TV good cop who is completely non-violent and walks around being an unassuming disheveled genius and catching rich people who do murders.
• Lethal Weapon is a movie about two cops, one of whom is a "Lethal Weapon" because he's suicidal.
• Die Hard is a movie about an off-duty cop and an on-duty cop (who shot a child while on duty) learning to trust each other.
• Beverly Hills Cop a movie about a cop from Detroit who goes to Beverly Hills and puts a banana in the tailpipe of cops there.
• Movie cops are always good or at least necessary.
• England is a country where cops don't carry guns.
• We discuss gun ownership. In the USA, 3 in 10 adults say they own a gun. It's something like 40% of men and 20% of women.
• RoboCop is another movie about cops in which the police force has been privatized. It's fantastic and Ronny Cox from Beverly Hills Cop is fantastic in it as Dick Jones.
• The Pinkertons were founded as a sort of private police force to crush labor.
• Rod Lavers shoes are Adidas sneakers named for the great Australian tennis star Rodney Laver. The Australian Open is played in an arena named for him as well. They're fantastic shoes but the best ones are white and it's hard to keep them clean.
• Firefighters are people who fight fire. When Phil imagined a fire that hated firefighters he was thinking of a little stinker like this guy.
• Clowns are people trying to make other people laugh.
• Commandos are special military units.
• Theodore Roosevelt was a US President and an extremely colorful character who's personally responsible for a lot of death and pain. 
• The Last Starfighter was a nice little movie that's somehow never been remade. It's about a kid in a trailer park who, by virtue of being good at video games, gets recruited into an interstellar war.
• Howard the Duck is a movie about a duck who falls in love with Lea Thompson.
• Capitalism is the system we live in that makes ethical consumption impossible.
• Middle school is a necessary evil, a place to put young teens.
• Gambit is a fictional character, a superhero and member of the X-men. He wears a long trench coat and a weird thing on his head.
• Hoarders is a TV show in which the pain and mental illness of real people is mined for cheap thrills. 
• Steven Seagal is a movie star who's been credibly accused of sexual assault and has incredibly accused himself of being a yogi, a holy man, a secret agent, a Navy SEAL & a martial arts master.
• The British Royal Family are pretty bad.
• Jon Voigt had been really good in a lot of films. He's as low as he is almost entirely because he said some stuff Phil & Jake didn't agree with. Phil even liked his accent in Anaconda.
• Jenny McCarthy is pretty low on the list because she has some trash opinions.
• 48 Hrs. was followed by a sequel, Another 48 Hours. The second sequel, 127 Hours, is a big departure for the franchise.
• Flashdance is probably underrated by us. Karina Longworth went into why in a recent episode of You Must Remember This.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Insane Clown Posse * speed limits * Hank Williams, Jr. * jorts * Bell Biv Devoe * mini-trucks * Warner Brothers large-graphic cartoon t-shirts * water parks * “Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of…)” by Lou Bega * Spinderella * Bend, OR * Mendocino County * moongazing * meditation * backpacking * Spice Girls * Pee-Wee Herman * Donald Duck * goats

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea
4. bicycles - tool
5. coffee - beverage
6. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
7. Prince - person
8. It’s-It - food
9. Doctor Doom - fictional character
10. Cher - person

BOTTOM TEN:

283. cops - people
284. British Royal Family - institution
285. Steven Seagal - person
286. McRib - food
287. Hoarders - TV show
288. death - idea
289. war - idea
290. cigarettes - drug
291. QAnon - idea
292. transphobia - idea

Theme song by Jade Puget. Graphic design by Jason Mann. This episode was produced & edited by Jake MacLachlan. Show notes by Jake MacLachlan & Phil Green.

Our website is everydamnthing.net and we're also on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Email us at [email protected]. 

Phil & Jake rank the funny-pages sensation Garfield, the proposed policy of student loan forgiveness, and the word “y’all” on the List of Every Damn Thing.

VOTE HERE to help decide which topic we're going to re-rank on an upcoming episode.

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• There's an infamous strip where Jon Arbunkle drinks dog semen. For the record, Jim Davis denied that's what was going on.
• Discussion of portrayals of cats in popular culture leads to some talk about Tom and Jerry and much talk about Heathcliff (the Original Orange Cat).
• Phil was wrong about the name of the Garfield convention, it's called the Garfield Gathering. It should be called The Garfering. The next one is May 20th, 2022 in Warwick, Rhode Island. They don't happen every year so don't miss your chance.
• Garfield Minus Garfield were some edits people made in which Garfield was removed. Phil mentions the very grounded and realistic Garfield without his thought balloons.
• Beetle Bailey is singled out by Phil as a good gag strip
• Olivia James took over drawing the comic strip Nancy a few years ago and it's been a breath of fresh air. The old Ernie Bushmiller strips are extremely good also. 
• Garfield: His 9 Lives was a very strange Garfield project in the 80s.
• When talking about historical tax jubilees, Phil didn't really understand the mechanics too well but in Leviticus, God tells the Hebrews to forgive debts and free slaves every 50 years. It's unclear how this worked in practice. The idea wasn't unique to Hebrews, there are also records of jubilee proclamations in Babylon & Egypt.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
vocabulary * spelling * Bill Murray * Garfield: The Movie * Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties * Odie * Nermal * Pookie * lasagna * capitalism * Donald Duck * Popeye * Sir Topham Hatt * Charmander * Jessica Rabbit * Cinderella * the 80s * Theodore Roosevelt * Aerosmith * “Friday” by Rebecca Black * Girl Scout Cookies * the national debt * kids in restaurants * Barack Obama * cochlear implants * “Macho Man” Randy Savage * shirtless men wearing elaborate angel wings, gold lamé shorts and furry cha-cha heels * standing in line * gender * Texas * Chris Gaines * “Party Up” by DMX * “moist” * jorts * dippin’ sauce * dilapidated shacks * puns * intro to “Back that Azz Up” * Country music * rye bread * the Jersey Shore * pigeons * Crocs * Britney Spears

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea
4. bicycles - tool
5. coffee - beverage
6. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
7. Prince - person
8. It’s-It - food
9. Doctor Doom - fictional character
10. Cher - person

BOTTOM TEN:

280. Hank Williams, Jr - person
281. British Royal Family - institution
282. Steven Seagal - person
283. McRib - food
284. Hoarders - TV show
285. death - idea
286. war - idea
287. cigarettes - drug
288. QAnon - idea
289. transphobia - idea

Theme song by Jade Puget. Graphic design by Jason Mann. This episode was produced & edited by Jake MacLachlan. Show notes by Jake MacLachlan & Phil Green.

Our website is everydamnthing.net and we're also on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Email us at [email protected]. 

Phil & Jake are joined by returning friend (and author) Eirinie Carson to rank the British Pop group Spice Girls, the outfits that the British call shell suits, and British food on the List of Every Damn Thing.

Follow Eirinie on Instagram (@eirinieeee) and Twitter (@Eirineee), and read her columns on Mother Mag. Her upcoming book The Dead Are Gods will be published by Melville House.

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• The Spice Girls are, of course: Victoria Adams aka Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice, Geri Halliwell aka Ginger Spice, Melanie C aka Sporty Spice, Mel B aka Scary Spice and Emma Bunton aka Baby Spice.
• Was there a sixth Spice Girl? Kind of. Michelle Stephenson was briefly part of the group that would go on to become the Spice Girls.
• At the time of this writing, we can’t provide a link to Lady Camden from Ru Paul’s Drag Race because it would risk spoiling the season finale for ourselves.
• Lucy Pinder is, as Wikipedia tells us, a British actress, TV personality and former glamour model. Shes also joins Eirinie for going on "holiday" (aka vacation). Phil at some point got it into his head that she was a right-wing ideologue and it broke the spell she had over him. It's probably for the best, even if it wasn't true!
• We talk about the Spice Girls songs “Wannabe” and “2 Become 1”. The video featuring them in leather outfits is for the song "Say You'll Be There".
• 2 Live Crew are filthy Miami rappers who legally laid the foundation for all filthy rappers that followed. Mogul did an excellent series about them.
• We get into a little Chubby Checker discussion, including his songs “The Twist” and “Let's Twist Again”. Phil tells us about Don't Knock the Twist , is a movie that features Checker with a lot of associated acts including Dee Dee Sharp, who sings Mashed Potato time, one of Phil's favorites. Phil likes anything where the song tells you "It's the latest" or "it's the greatest" and Mashed Potato time does both.
• Robbie Williams is the cheeky chappie from Stoke.
• Harry Styles is Hazza?
• Dolly Parton is the Backwoods Barbie.
• Hank Williams is the Hillbilly Shakespeare.
• Phil mentions the 2013 Morgan Spurlock 3-D documentary about One Direction, This Is Us but then gets confused as to whether it exists or not. It does.
• Phil mentions the youtube video "A Scouser Tries The Wigan Kebab and Smack Barm Pea Wet" in which a guy from Liverpool travels 17 miles to Wigan to enjoy Smack Barm Pea Wet which is a roll with a potato that's been batter dipped and deep fried, served with the liquid that peas sit in. 
• Turkey Twizzlers were a UK meat product that used to be served to children at schools until celebrity chef Jamie Olive raised a fuss about them.
• Bovril is a beef broth concentrate, formerly known as Johnston's Fluid Beef. Phil remembers a guy saying it's served hot in a disposable cup.
• Kit-Kat is a candy that originates in England but really hit its stride in Japan where they make many variant flavors and generally appreciate the brand.
• Lucozade is a sports drink, roughly akin to Gatorade that was originally sold at pharmacies.
• Kebab stands are places where you can buy kebabs. Phil said we don't really have them in America but it's not really true. In his old neighborhood in Queens they were all over.
• Phil mentions a shocking ad for breakfast in a can he saw in a lad mag. He was unable to find images because when people are preserving and scanning lad mags, their priority is the photos of Lucy Pinder or Lucy Collett and then when that's done they'll eventually get around to the horrifying pictures of canned sausage and eggs. The product was probably ​​Hunger Breaks' All Day Breakfast.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
fishing * Spice World * Destiny’s Child  * TLC * Jessica Rabbit * K-Pop * girl power * British politics * Margaret Thatcher * Britney Spears * Flat-Earthers * British Imperialism * spices * Simon Cowell * volcanoes * pickles * backpacking * “I’m Scum” by Idles * tracksuits * Tommy Bahama shirts * zipper jeans worn with no underwear * no-show socks * commandos * fast fashion * plastic straws * chip shop chips *  English breakfast * bangers & mash * toad in the hole * bubble & squeak * haggis * Irn-Bru * burritos * pie

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea
4. bicycles - tool
5. coffee - beverage
6. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
7. Prince - person
8. It’s-It - food
9. Doctor Doom - fictional character
10. Cher - person

BOTTOM TEN:

277. Hank Williams, Jr - person
278. British Royal Family - institution
279. Steven Seagal - person
280. McRib - food
281. Hoarders - TV show
282. death - idea
283. war - idea
284. cigarettes - drug
285. QAnon - idea
286. transphobia - idea

Theme song by Jade Puget. Graphic design by Jason Mann. This episode was produced & edited by Jake MacLachlan. Show notes by Jake MacLachlan & Phil Green.

Our website is everydamnthing.net and we're also on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Email us at [email protected]. 

Phil & Jake are joined by friend-of-the-pod Micah to rank the reality TV show Hoarders, the craft beer style known as IPA, and the activity of backpacking on the List of Every Damn Thing.

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• The Collyer Brothers were famous hoarders who died in the 1940s. There was a musical made about their lives.
• Aida is a Verdi opera, first performed in Cairo in 1871. Of course Phil pronounced it wrong. What did you expect?!
• During the episode Jake drinks a Picnic Lightning by Brouwerij West. It’s a top-notch Hazy IPA.
• Shop ‘n’ Wash was a laundromat & convenience store in Ukiah, CA. It's name is pure description, zero wordplay. Phil feels that laundromats should have some wordplay in their names eg "Get the Funk Out" 
• "Escamoles" or "Mexican caviar" are ant eggs eaten as food by adventurous eaters like Micah.
• Phil referred to Shackleton’s Endurance as Sir Edmund Hillary going to the North Pole in the Perseverance. The wreck of Endurance was just discovered in March of 2022!
• "The Ride" by David Allan Coe is a 1983 country song about an encounter with the ghost of Hank Williams while hitchhiking from Montgomery, AL to Nashville, TN.
• Phil mentions Plagues and Pleasures on The Salton Sea, a documentary about the area. It's a very strange place both culturally and geologically.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
The Lost Coast * hoarding * transphobia * exploitation * A&E * public humiliation * The Last Starfighter * McRib * Steven Seagal * crushed ice * Gary Busey * hot sauce * puns * beer & wings * mini-trucks * Fritch’s mustache * cold brew shandy * sriracha * Mendocino County * nature * cats * dogs * Britney Spears * Hank Williams * camping * the Eastern Sierras * feeding cats like babies * pickles * The Lone Ranger radio show * Cher

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea
4. bicycles - tool
5. coffee - beverage
6. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
7. Prince - person
8. It’s-It - food
9. Doctor Doom - fictional character
10. Cher - person

BOTTOM TEN:

274. Hank Williams, Jr - person
275. British Royal Family - institution
276. Steven Seagal - person
277. McRib - food
278. Hoarders - TV show
279. death - idea
280. war - idea
281. cigarettes - drug
282. QAnon - idea
283. transphobia - idea

Theme song by Jade Puget. Graphic design by Jason Mann. This episode was produced & edited by Jake MacLachlan, with audio help from Luke Janela. Show notes by Jake MacLachlan & Phil Green.

Our website is everydamnthing.net and we're also on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Email us at [email protected]. 

Lighting (episode) strikes again as Phil & Jake rank The Twilight Zone media franchise, plastic straws, cochlear implants, mocha lattes, ants, belly button lint, hitting rock bottom and former U.S. President Barack Obama on the List of Every Damn Thing.

If you have something to add to the list, email it to [email protected] (or get at us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook).

SHOW NOTES:

• We mentioned several episodes of the original Twilight Zone TV series, such as It's a Good Life and Mirror Image. We didn't mention After Hours which is fantastic.
• The Twilight Zone 80s reboot has one really good episode "Button, Button" which we think was made into a movie. The way it works is a guy gives you a button to keep for a month and if you press the button you get a million dollars. 
• The Twilight Zone Jordan Peele reboot was OK but too long. The right amount of time for something like this is under 30 minutes. 
• Here’s some of the Twilight Zone episode with Buster Keaton. There’s a lot of jokes about the differences between the 1890s and the 1960s that don’t really hit in 2022.
• William Shatner bugs out in a Twilight Zone episode. A couple decades later, John Lithgow bugs out in a reboot of it from The Twilight Zone: The Movie.
• “You know, for kids” is one of our favorite things.
• Sound of Metal is a great movie about deafness. You should watch it. We don’t mention it in the episode, but Coda is also a great movie about deafness (and especially deafness as culture). You should watch it too.
• Cyborgs is short for "cybernetic organism". Phil has a very loose definition of cyborgs that his family doesn't agree with. Phil claims that not only is someone with a pacemaker a cyborg but also someone with glasses, a cell phone or shoes.
• Phil claimed that The Ants won E.O. Wilson the Pulitzer prize but he was actually thinking of Tales from the Ant World.
• Leiningen and the Ants is a 1938 short story you probably remember from school here's the full text but, I hasten to add, it's of (looks left and right) dubious legality.
• Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is a former wrestler and current movie star, his second most famous move was the Rock Bottom. Here are ten examples of him performing the move. Phil had it confused with the People's Elbow, which goes off the turnbuckles. The Rock Bottom is what's called a "side slam".
• Here’s the Between Two Ferns with Obama.

ALSO DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
The Twilight Zone pinball machine * Star Wars * Black Mirror * Peter Falk * The Outer Limits * EC Comics * Rod Serling * Saturday Night Live * alternative milks * Crocs * Spaceballs * Nerf guns * generation ships * Aerosmith * fast fashion * Plackers dental flossers * capitalism * Josta * sports team jerseys * bicycles * BIC lighters * earplugs * Charli XCX * hot cocoa * coffee * cold brew shandy * animal crackers * grilled cheese sandwich * dippin’ sauce * expresso with an “x” * Popeye’s chicken * Taco Bell * picnics * The Grasshopper and the Ants * crows * wool * radio edits * death * public humiliation * Guantanamo Bay * Theodore Roosevelt * Ice Cube * Gary Busey * Jessica Rabbit

Below are the Top Ten and Bottom Top items on List of Every Damn Thing as of this episode (for the complete up-to-date list, go here).

TOP TEN:

1. Dolly Parton - person
2. interspecies animal friends - idea
3. sex - idea
4. bicycles - tool
5. coffee - beverage
6. Clement Street in San Francisco - location
7. Prince - person
8. It’s-It - food
9. Doctor Doom - fictional character
10. Cher - person

BOTTOM TEN:

271. Jon Voight - person
272. Hank Williams, Jr - person
273. British Royal Family - institution
274. Steven Seagal - person
275. McRib - food
276. death - idea
277. war - idea
278. cigarettes - drug
279. QAnon - idea
280. transphobia - idea

Theme song by Jade Puget. Graphic design by Jason Mann. This episode was produced & edited by Jake MacLachlan, with audio help from Luke Janela. Show notes by Jake MacLachlan & Phil Green.

Our website is everydamnthing.net and we're also on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Email us at [email protected].