Finding Your Way

Jessica Guicheteau is a Care Lodge volunteer and certified victim advocate. In today's episode, she shares her own story of domestic violence and sexual assault. She describes what helped her in a time of crisis and ways she continues to care for herself today. Today she is channeling her experiences to be an advocate for other survivors. MS Coalition Against Sexual Assault: www.mscasa.org/ Wesley House Sexual Assault Crisis Center: https://wesleyhousemeridian.org/sexual-assault-crisis-center/ Street Harassment: www.rainn.org/articles/street-harassment Sexual Assault Spectrum: hbr.org/resources/images/arti…ARDON_THESPECTRUM.png If you or someone you care about is experiencing an abusive relationship, you can call Care Lodge on the 24/7 Help Line at 601.693.4673 (HOPE) and speak with an advocate who can help you take your next step toward becoming safe. If you are not in the east Mississippi/ west Alabama region, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Individuals who are Deaf or hard of hearing may use TTY 1-800-787-3224. Visit our website www.carelodge.com for examples of safety plans and a list of all the free services available for victims of domestic violence.

Today’s episode features guest speaker Santee Ezell, Assistant Director, Health Promotion & Wellness at Mississippi State University! She speaks to the power of creating safe spaces for victims of interpersonal violence to share their story and connect with a community who supports their journey to becoming a survivor. Ms. Ezell talks shares how *consent is HOT and victim blaming is NOT, and how creating and maintaining healthy boundaries within our relationships is a key component to living a healthier life. Sexual Assault and Harassment can be hard to define if we are not educated. Here are a few things we think you should learn to become a supportive person for a potential victim: MS Coalition Against Sexual Assault: http://www.mscasa.org/ Street Harassment: https://www.rainn.org/articles/street-harassment Sexual Assault Spectrum: https://hbr.org/resources/images/article_assets/2018/06/W180607_REARDON_THESPECTRUM.png Check out Mississippi State University's Health Promotion website at https://www.healthpromotion.msstate.edu/ Guest Speaker Contact Information: Santee Ezell, MS, PCED, CHES, CHWI, CPM, CNP, CPT Pronouns: (she, her, hers) Assistant Director, Health Promotion & Wellness Office: 662.325.7545 MSU Safe Line: 662.325.3333|Crisis Text Line 741-741 [email protected] If you or someone you care about is experiencing an abusive relationship, you can call Care Lodge on the 24/7 Help Line at 601.693.4673 (HOPE) and speak with an advocate who can help you take your next step toward becoming safe. If you are not in the east Mississippi/ west Alabama region, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Individuals who are Deaf or hard of hearing may use TTY 1-800-787-3224. Visit our website www.carelodge.com for examples of safety plans and a list of all the free services available for victims of domestic violence.

Is it okay to be single? I feel pressured to date. A few things to keep in mind: 1. Get to know YOUR values and goals. 2. Smooth your path by connecting with a mentor. Who is already serving in a profession that interests you? 3. Use your value system to weigh which relationships are in alignment and which are NOT. 4. When considering someone to date, try not to jump in head first, get to know them on a deeper level, meet their family, watch how they treat others… 5. NEVER… NEVER rush a relationship. 6. Make sure you are well-versed with the signs of dating abuse in regard to relationship health 7. Remember that the only person you can change, is who? Yourself! 8. Jumping into a relationship may cause us to compromise our values to avoid being alone. 9. Focus on your current social connections 10. Develop your own interests and passions, and enjoy being single! 11. You are ALREADY "complete" and good enough, as you are. 12. Later when you're ready to date, and you find someone on the same page as you, it'll be a bonus! You'll complement each other instead of "completing" each other. RESOURCES: LoveIsRespect.Org https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/going-single-and-going-strong/ "Learning to Love, Not Fear, Being Single" | Theresa E. DiDonato Ph.D. Meet, Catch, and Keep https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/learning-love-not-fear-being-single?utm_content=buffer0c007&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer&fbclid=IwAR3svYOGiK3L-_08V5crULvQonAYjzXoXdrSpndNqdQjE-AsoOZq6oE7Q1c

Listen to this track or read the affirmations in the description every day for 21 days to help build a habit of hope & healing from an abusive relationship. Affirmations provided on this podcast are inspired from a post by Catherine Beard on theblissfulmind.com. 1. I create a safe and secure space for myself wherever I am. 2. I give myself permission to do what is right for me. 3. I am confident in my abilities 4. I can use my time and talents to help others 5. What I love about myself is my ability to _________. 6. I feel proud of myself when I _________. 7. I give myself space to grow and learn. 8. I allow myself to be who I am without judgment. 9. I listen to my intuition and trust my inner guide. 10. I accept my emotions and let them serve their purpose. 11. I give myself the care and attention that I deserve. 12. My drive and ambition allow me to achieve my goals. 13. I can share my talents with the world 14. There ARE people around me who encourage my safety 15. I am headed in the right direction. 16. I trust that I am on the right path. 17. I am creatively inspired by the world around me. 18. My mind is full of brilliant ideas. 19. I put my energy into things that matter to me. 20. I trust myself to make the right decision. 21. I am becoming closer to my true self every day. 22. I am grateful to have people in my life who support my journey 23. I am learning valuable lessons from myself every day. 24. I am at peace with who I am as a person. 25. I make a difference in the world by simply existing in it. 26. I am brave 27. I am enough 28. I am worthy 29. I am kind 30. I am fearless

Part 2 of this podcast explains a few safety and support services offered to students at Meridian Community College that can help them overcome challenges to their safety or well being. Very real issues that could prevent them from successfully graduating. If you are a student who is facing gender discrimination, mental health crisis, relationship abuse, stalking or any other safety concerns... Derek Mosley can help connect you with the right services on campus to help you with your current situation. MCC Students can use the following contact information below for more on Title IX, incident reporting, safety services or other options available at Meridian Community College. Mr. Derek Mosley Title IX Coordinator/ Social Science Instructor Smith Hall, Room 109 910 Highway 19 North Meridian, MS 39307 Phone: 601.553.3453; Fax: 601.484.8635 Email: [email protected]

Part 1 of this podcast highlights some of the many supportive services offered at Meridian Community College that help students overcome everyday challenges that could prevent them from successfully graduating. Whether it is stress at home, financial burdens, or needing a few supplies like grocery items... La'Shundra Grady can help connect you with the right person on campus to help you with your current situation. Don't forget to ask her about how to apply for: -Peer Support Advocate Training Program -Student Mentoring Program MCC Students can use the following contact information below for more on Student Support Services at Meridian Community College. La'Shundra Grady Support Service Coordinator Meridian Community College 910 Highway 19 North | Meridian, MS 39307 601.484.8836 Office Phone | meridiancc.edu | [email protected]

Part 6 and the final portion of our interview with Hollie Jeffery invites listeners to become a part of what Permanency Specialists do in their own home and community! Listen to how simple solutions long-term have the greatest lasting impact. We can all be a part of this movement to mentor children. A great example of how a community can work together and thrive is the Tree House Foundation in Massachusetts. The Tree House Community: A multi-generational living - started by foster parents who understood that community was important for foster children and parents. https://www.treehousefoundation.net/who-we-are/ Hollie takes us back to one of the most difficult cases she experienced working with Child Protection Services and how the client’s faith helped to play a crucial role in her development. Part of holistic wellness addresses the spiritual beliefs of the individual and any spiritual wounds that might be present. She shares that often times with victims of sexual assault or human trafficking, the predator will often use scripture to justify the abuse. Hollie stresses that where we may be able to heal from physical abuse or sexual assault, spiritual wounds can weigh down a victim for many years. Hollie speaks to the difference between taking a holistic approach in assessing a client’s needs and providing or referring them to receive services that are outside your area of expertise. Having trauma informed professionals like doctors, therapists, chaplains, and churches are important to add to your agency’s resource manual under community partners. Sources should be vetted for their knowledge of trauma and healing. If you see a gap in knowledge, this can be a great opportunity to promote an opportunity for professional development training with your local Domestic Violence Shelter (www.carelodge.com) or Children’s Advocacy Center. *The first step to helping our community thrive, is by helping them first understand childhood trauma and how to support each other as we heal from our experiences, together. For more information on how to become a Trauma-Informed organization or community: Care Lodge https://www.carelodge.com/what-we-do/presentations.html Ace Institute https://www.lightupaces.com/ If you or someone you care about is experiencing an abusive relationship, you can call Care Lodge on the 24/7 Help Line at 601.693.4673 (HOPE) and speak with an advocate who can help you take your next step toward becoming safe. If you are not in the east Mississippi/ west Alabama region, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Individuals who are Deaf or hard of hearing may use TTY 1-800-787-3224. Visit our website www.carelodge.com for examples of safety plans and a list of all the free services available for victims of domestic violence.

Part 5 of the interview with Hollie Jeffery talks how we can retrain our brain to feel safe again so we can begin the process of learning to thrive instead of living to survive. When you begin to feel safe, the survival part of your brain powers down and your thinking brain starts to take over again. In order to allow this exchange to happen, the following must occur: 1. Create an environment that is safe at home and in the community 2. Establish meaningful relationships with safe people 3. Predictability = safety; staying informed about processes and schedules helps balance the fear of the unknown with predictability. She shares that it takes time to build and maintain safe relationships. “Psychological and physical safety”, Hollie states, “has to be key.” Best Practice Tip: Try to eliminate the "guess work" and "unknowns" for a client to smooth out the transition into new territory for them. Assume they are not familiar and clearly outline the steps in order to create predictability. Unknown = unsafe. “If I don’t know where to go or who to talk to when I get there, I’m probably not going to show up because it’s going to make me feel unsafe.” Best Practice Tip: Quickly assess the environment where services are provided (i.e. shelter, interview rooms, counseling spaces, entry ways, etc.) and ask yourself the following questions: 1. How do I feel when I enter this space? 2. Is it clean? 3. Do the aesthetics of the environment (pictures, paint, decorations) make me feel more comfortable and welcome? 4. Is there a restroom or refreshment available to me as a guest? One model for increasing rates of permanency can be seen in the practices found at Anu Family Services. Anu Family Services - Intensive permanency services https://www.anufs.org/our-services/intensive-permanence-services/ Intensive Permanency Specialists carve out time throughout the week to spend with each of the young clients looking at homework, shopping, and simply “doing life” together a few hours throughout the week. Each worker has no more than 6 children assigned to them and they are intentionally using that time to model how to build and maintain a healthy relationship and learn positive coping skills. Hollie shares that as these professionals served over a 2-year period, permanency rates went from 35% to 75%! If you or someone you care about is experiencing an abusive relationship, you can call Care Lodge on the 24/7 Help Line at 601.693.4673 (HOPE) and speak with an advocate who can help you take your next step toward becoming safe. If you are not in the east Mississippi/ west Alabama region, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Individuals who are Deaf or hard of hearing may use TTY 1-800-787-3224. Visit our website www.carelodge.com for examples of safety plans and a list of all the free services available for victims of domestic violence.

Part 4 of the interview with Hollie Jeffery unpacks the ACE Study and the 10 risk indicators of childhood trauma. When children are overexposed to trauma, they will feel unsafe and may develop coping mechanisms to try to control their environment. As they grow, this need for control can pour out into close relationships with family or intimate partners, later becoming domestic abuse. While this is not the case for all individuals who choose to abuse their loved ones, many offenders of domestic violence involved with the criminal justice system answer “yes” to more than 2 ACE indicator questions. Hollie explores how complex trauma affects brain development and the ability for us to turn the “survival” part of our brain on and off. Children who are abused and neglected tend to stay in “survival mode” and their ability to problem-solve and think critically is turned “off” due to being in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze or flop (shut down). This inability to switch the thinking part of the brain on and off can have a negative affect the following parts of daily living: • Poor relationship health • Frequent job loss/ inability to maintain employment • Low performance at school or work • Hyper/Hyperarousal • Self-medicating or sleeping often as means of escaping reality… In this section Hollie also shares why advocacy through the power of peer support is a critical factor of healing for those who are still trying to gravitate toward hope. When survivors who are now thriving after abuse have an opportunity to speak life into those still trying to process the truth of their situation, the potential outcome for quality of life dramatically improves. When we understand how ACEs and complex trauma affect our ability to process through regular, everyday situations, we can begin strengthening our level of empathy and support for those who are not functioning at capacity. The Truth About ACEs and Their Effect on Health & Wellnesshttps://socialworksynergy.org/2014/02/26/aces-adverse-childhood-experiences-basics/ The Connection of ACEs and Risk of Perpetrating Domestic Violencehttps://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ Violence Intervention Program Participants and Presence of ACEs Healing happens when intervention programs infuse ACE research into programming.https://www.acesconnection.com/blog/if-you-integrate-aces-science-into-batterer-intervention-programs-recidivism-plummets-and-men-and-women-heal Adverse Childhood Experience in Perpetrators of Intimate Partner ViolenceWeisz-Lipton, Lisa. The Chicago School of Professional Psychology, ProQuest Dissertations Publishing, 2020. 27955539. https://search.proquest.com/openview/3835ddc36267b528db3e40ff7716588c/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y Bottom Up Brain Development Diagrams by Beacon Househttps://beaconhouse.org.uk/resources/ Abuse Can Slow Brain Developmenthttp://dhss.alaska.gov/ocs/Pages/childrensjustice/reporting/why_brain.aspx If you or someone you care about is experiencing an abusive relationship, you can call Care Lodge on the 24/7 Help Line at 601.693.4673 (HOPE) and speak with an advocate who can help you take your next step toward becoming safe. If you are not in the east Mississippi/ west Alabama region, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Individuals who are Deaf or hard of hearing may use TTY 1-800-787-3224. Visit our website www.carelodge.com for examples of safety plans and a list of all the free services available for victims of domestic violence.

Part 3 of the interview with Hollie Jeffery leans into the concept of asking children those critical questions up front to learn more about the “less obvious issues behind the issues”. Hollie shares another account of looking closer at what’s really going on within a child’s case of sexual assault and how the system had opportunities to provide early interventions and prevent further trauma exposure, and failed. Somatic symptoms are often the language used to tell others, “I’ve been hurt, I’m in pain, and I don’t have the words to explain.” As a human, we each have many facets of our being that once effected by an exciting or painful moment, the rest of our being is also effected. Somatic Symptoms of Childhood Trauma https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6288276/ Know Your Ace Score https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean 6 Dimensions of Wellness http://www.clark.edu/tlc/healthy-penguin/wellness-dimensions.php If you or someone you care about is experiencing an abusive relationship, you can call Care Lodge on the 24/7 Help Line at 601.693.4673 (HOPE) and speak with an advocate who can help you take your next step toward becoming safe. If you are not in the east Mississippi/ west Alabama region, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Individuals who are Deaf or hard of hearing may use TTY 1-800-787-3224. Visit our website www.carelodge.com for examples of safety plans and a list of all the free services available for victims of domestic violence.