How To!

When Allen’s gym crush asked him—point blank—if he liked someone, he panicked. Should he tell her? What should he do if she wasn’t actually flirting with him? On this episode of How To!: Courtney Martin finds out what happened and brings in Jeff Guenther, therapist and author of the new book Big Dating Energy. (You might know him as TherapyJeff from TikTok, Instagram, or YouTube.) Jeff gives Allen the tools to flirt more authentically, stick to his non-negotiables, and lean into his self-confidence. If you liked this episode check out: How To Ditch the Apps & Actually Find a Date Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode of How To!: co-hosts Courtney Martin and Carvell Wallace sit down to talk about his new memoir, Another Word for Love. In the book, Carvell’s examination of his own journey becomes a reflection on how so many of us spend our lives trying to become whole again. He and Courtney discuss his approach to writing and interviewing, what it means to be seen as good (versus actually being good), and why it’s often so hard to forgive yourself. If you liked this episode check out: How To Find Genuine Happiness Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A few years ago, Leah was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Her condition has posed many serious challenges, including how to start and maintain friendships. She wants to build a rich social life, but her symptoms—and the stigmas surrounding mental health—often get in the way. When Leah does meet a new person, she struggles with how (and when) to talk about her diagnosis and feels intense pressure to be “the perfect friend.” On this episode of How To!: Carvell Wallace brings on psychotherapist Dr. Aleksandra Rayska for a frank conversation about managing expectations, celebrating new achievements, and just going easy on yourself. If you liked this episode check out: How to Navigate Adult Autism. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Doing the work” is a phrase often heard when talking about racial justice. We heard it a lot after the death of George Floyd in 2020. And we need to continue talking about it—but there’s an important aspect of “the work” that’s been missing. On this episode of How To!: Courtney Martin brings in Garrett Bucks, author of The Right Kind of White and founder of The Barnraisers Project, to help Elizabeth Doerr talk to fellow white parents about the implications of opting out of their kids’ public school. If you liked this episode check out: “How To Fight Racism in Your Town” CAST YOUR VOTE FOR HOW TO! IN THE 2024 WEBBY AWARDS! https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2024/podcasts/shows/advice-how-to Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mia is a professional violinist. She’s played in symphonies. She’s played in improv groups. She’s played as a form of personal exploration. But now she’s taking on a big, conceptual project that may have nothing to do with music. Instead, she wants to create a piece rooted in connection. The only problem? She doesn’t know what she wants to create. On this episode of How To!: Carvell Wallace brings in storyteller extraordinaire Michaela Leslie-Rule. Michaela talks Mia through the process of bringing a potentially overwhelming idea to life. Check out Michaela’s work with Spiritual Technologies Project, the group we mention in the episode. If you liked this episode check out: How To Put Your Town on the Map or How To Be an Artist and Not Starve. CAST YOUR VOTE FOR HOW TO! IN THE 2024 WEBBY AWARDS: https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2024/podcasts/shows/advice-how-to Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Last week we learned about using the four different styles of humor to your advantage, and who makes a good target for a joke. But what if you read the room wrong and absolutely bomb? On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series, we resume our conversation with Naomi Bagdonas, co-author of Humor, Seriously!, and Michael Terry, the most hilarious hedge fund guy we’ve ever met. They swap stories about office jokes that fell flat, how to navigate a suddenly tense situation and what to do if your humor accidentally offends someone (especially your boss). If you liked this episode, check out “How To Be Funny” with comedian Gary Gulman. If you want to discover your own humor style, take the test on Naomi and Jennifer’s website. Do you have a joke that killed at the office, or totally bombed? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you know that we, as a society, have fallen off a comedy cliff? No joke. Studies have shown that we largely stop laughing when we enter our mid-twenties, which is a shame because delighting in humor has a ton of health benefits. Plus, being perceived as funny can actually make people think you’re more intelligent, more competent, and even better looking! So on this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Naomi Bagdonas, co-author of Humor, Seriously!, and Michael Terry, an amateur comedian who is working in the funniest of places: high finance. Combined, they have decades of experience harnessing the power humor and applying it to the workplace. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor” with Tig Notaro. If you want to discover your own humor style, take the test on Naomi and Jennifer’s website. Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forgetfulness. Repetitiveness. Confusion. Dementia is a long, painful road for both the person living with it, caregivers, and their additional loved ones. Mara’s mom just received her diagnosis and Mara is wondering what is next for their family. She turned to our host Courtney Martin for guidance—since Courtney is going through the same thing with her father. On this episode of How To!: Courtney and Mara are joined by Tami Anastasia, author of Essential Strategies for the Dementia Caregiver. As a dementia consultant, Tami helps families support each other and find the beautiful moments in this painful journey. If you liked this episode check out: How To Make Aging Easier for Everyone Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shannon is set to become an ordained minister—but she has always struggled with public speaking. Here’s the thing: She’s fine in front of large gatherings. In smaller gatherings, however, she mentally “freezes up” and rambles until she regains her train of thought. As Shannon prepares to start interacting with a congregation, Courtney Martin sits her down with former How To! host Charles Duhigg, author of Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. Charles gives Shannon the tools to understand others and be understood herself. If you liked this episode check out: How To Speak Up So Others Listen Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Patti retired a few months ago, everyone told her she would love the freedom and flexibility that came with leaving the workforce. Not so. The transition has left Patti grieving the loss of her routine and sense of purpose—and she’s wondering how to find fulfillment in life’s (gulp!) third act. On today’s episode, Courtney Martin welcomes Brad Stulberg, author of Master of Change: How to Excel When Everything Is Changing—Including You. Brad helps Patti rethink this massive transformation and emerge from it stronger. If you liked this episode check out: How To Start Over at 60. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices