My Very Last Life

You know when you do some little thing, some local neighborhood charity thing, like you tutor some neighbor kid in speaking English (as a foreign language) that they're struggling with, and you know they will forget you as they grow up, as kids do, faced with the excitement and challenges of their own lives, but it doesn't mater, you're happy that maybe you contributed something to their lives? They remember.

Managed to fast all day yesterday, that’s a 38 hour fast, all total, and am deliberating whether to continue to lunch or have breakfast - but who am I kidding, breakfast is waiting in the kitchen and it’s spectacular, it’s carbs all the way, and even though I feel good about not binging the day before yesterday, before going into my fast, I feel like this fasting thing, reducing my total meals to 8 meals a week, means I am losing out on a lot of good food and drink out there I will never be able to experience before I die. 

From Christmas on – actually from Thanksgiving on – I have been eating like there’s no tomorrow. So I started fasting again and will fast (intermittently) until I get my weight back down below 75 kilos then to 72, which I have been aiming for for years now. My main problem is not the fasting itself – the is. For some reason, easy – but the binging afterwards, both with food and drink (alcohol).

So this is my attempt to solve the binge problem – after every fast period I will reflect and monitor myself and try to find out why I can’t stop binging and how to stop. 

These are mini-episodes – maybe 10 minutes each, through the month of January. 

MY BINGE DIARY Part 1

From Christmas on – actually from Thanksgiving on – I hav ew been eating like there’s no tomorrow. Yesterday I started fasting again and will fast (intermittently) until I get my weight back down below 75 kilos then to 72, which I habe aiming for for years now. My main problem is not the fasting itself – the is. For some reason, easy – but the binging afterwards, both with food and drink (alcohol).

So this is my attempt to solve the binge problem – after every fast period I will reflect and monitor myself and try to find out why I can’t stop binging and how to stop. 

These are mini-episodes – maybe 10 minutes each, through the month of January. 

Been thinking about what makes a man a man and came to the conclusion that it’s all about the hat. It was.a little late when I recorded this and I had been drinking the kind of whisky that makes me sentimental, which is every kind … perhaps it is unwise to publish this… but only the very wise know that they are not really wise.

My Very Last Life Chapter 43.

I’ve been telling myself for some weeks now that I don’t have that much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving … so I sat down and wrote a list of things I was not thankful for … then I took another good look at myself and saw the other side.

Reading Iliad, I had to think about heroes and heroic moral values … then Kyle Rittenhouse happened. 

My Very Last Life Chapter 41.

Look at the vastness of space – look at the empty space inside our molecules – what are the chances that you tried out to be a thing and not part of the Great Empty?

I have begun five inner journeys in my life – and hope I will conclude at least one or two of them before I die. 

Also, the Dad question. 

One meaningful relationship – it seems to me that no man should die without one – but I don’t know how to do it, or with whom. 

Funny how certain thoughts, loves, jokes, anecdotes, comments come to define certain sections of your life – I find myself increasingly bored with and rejecting the stuff that has defined me for so long.  

My Very Last Life Chapter 37