Difficult Relationships - Christian Wisdom for Life's Toughest Ties

If you want to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life, be sure to grab a copy of my Toxic People Survival Guide
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Does it seem like the narcissist in your life just skates by and gets away with their manipulative, destructive behavior, almost like they're somehow immune to justice?

Today, I want to give you the clarity you're craving about why God's justice might seem a little slow, and EXACTLY how God deals with issues of pride, manipulation, and deceit.

My friend, stick with me, because by the end of our time today, your wavering faith WILL be strengthened.

There's a character in the bible that always reminds me of God's justice. Perhaps you know her from the books of 1 and 2 Kings. She was a Phoenician princess who was the wife of Ahab, king of Israel. And her name was Jezebel.

Jezebel was a spiteful, wicked, manipulative, malicious woman who presented as charming and attractive, and who at times played victim.

Sound like anyone you know?

Narcissists are notorious for putting on the performance of being everything you need. But beneath the surface, they are self-centered, immature, entitled brats who will stop at nothing to get what they want.

Jezebel was infamously known for promoting the worship of Baal, a Canaanite deity, in Israel, directly opposing the worship of God. She was also famous for her role in the persecution of the prophets of God, including the murder of Naboth, simply because her husband wanted his vineyard.

In our lives, she's the mother who seems to get away with her constant abuse. She's the woman at the office who has the boss fooled into thinking she’s a team player.

But SHE doesn't need to be a SHE.

This Jezebel behavior is no respecter of genders. In fact, there are some predictable patterns that I want you to start looking out for--patterns you might otherwise miss if you're focused on the fear and frustration.

For starters: God will not tolerate idolatry and falsehood.

Jezebel's promotion of Baal worship and her attempts to suppress the worship of God represent the pinnacle of how the narcissist operates.

Like Jezebel, narcissists create false images and exalt themselves at the expense of others

God hates idol worship. Let's go back to Exodus 20. It says, ’You shall have no other gods before me.’

The narcissist’s carved image is their mirror, because narcissists worship themselves. They exalt themselves and anything they desire above God.

Don't be fooled my friend, they're not content with just worshipping themselves. They need YOU to worship them too.

Do you ever wonder why things always go south when you raise an issue or express a concern or a dislike about them? Their ego is as fragile as that mirror.

And just like God warned the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6 not to follow other gods, just like He also sent warnings to Jezebel, He will also send warnings to the narcissist.

You can always expect God to be merciful and give us chance after chance.

In His next phase, God will send warnings.

Jezebel’s fate didn’t have to end the way it did.

Narcissists (and all of us for that matter) are given chance after chance, warning after warning to turn from our ways.

How many times did God have to tug on your heart before you answered the call?

If we heed those warnings, it can lead to repentance and restoration.

If we ignore them, we head for destruction, full steam ahead.

And that's exactly what He did for Jezebel. Elijah and other prophets were sent to stand up to her

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Conquering Codependency Biblically Online Course
https://krisreece.com/conquering-codependency/

Master Powerful Tactics to Gain Control When Triggered into a Toxic Argumenthttps://krisreece.com/live-workshop/

Am I a People Pleaser Quiz? Discover Your Type.
https://krisreece.com/am-i-a-people-pleaser/

Want to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life? Be sure to grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Being in a marriage with a narcissist can leave you feeling like you've got only two choices: resign yourself to a life of misery or pack your bags and leave.

Before you make a decision that will change your life forever, I want to talk to you about three categories to consider when contemplating a divorce from a narcissistic spouse.

With a multitude of twisted scriptures, it can be difficult to determine the most biblical action for your situation. So by the end of our time together, my hope is that you will have greater peace in understanding God's will for your situation, and that you will have an answer the question that I get asked more than any other question--will God let me leave my narcissistic spouse?

To do that we need to address three categories: the justified, the baseless, and the plausible.

The first category is going to be the most important to dive into but be careful not to automatically assume that you fall into this category, as most don't.

Category #1: the Justified

These are the people who have a justifiable reason to leave the marriage.

The first justification is found in Matthew 19:9 where it states that we shouldn't divorce except in cases of infidelity. So, the first justified reason is when there is betrayal in the marriage.

Infidelity is a justification for divorce. You’re not in the wrong. You’re not sinning against God. You’re free to leave. You don’t have to, but you’re free to.

Within the church, that's where you'll find that justification stops—no infidelity, no recourse. But infidelity isn't the only time where God allows for divorce.

The next is abandonment.1 Corinthians 7:15 states, But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you[b] to peace.

Yet another reason is neglect or abuse. Narcissistic relationships are defined by the selfishness of one partner at the expense of the other. So instead of using scriptures like "God hates divorce" as a weapon, perhaps we should acknowledge how much God hates abuse. In fact, that scripture "God hates divorce" was written because the men were abusing their roles and discarding their wives at will.

So let's talk about this justification of abuse. Abuse can be defined as extreme danger or harm; physically, mentally or emotionally.

To tell a victim of abuse that he/she needs to stay and suffer further abuse is further victimizing the innocent.

Some may say that "no divorce" is a hard and fast rule in scripture. And I agree that it should not be abused, but we also find in scripture where there are many cases where the 'rules' are broken:

· Jesus talking to the woman at the well

· Healing on the sabbath

· David eating the showbread

· Instructing Ezekiel to eat unclean food

We even see Abigail going behind her husband Nebal’s back because of his destructive behavior, all to save life.

And we have scriptures that appear to contradict themselves like, turn the other che

10 Clear Signs You've Been Abused by a Narcissist

FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Conquering Codependency Biblically Online Course
https://krisreece.com/conquering-codependency/

Want to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life? Be sure to grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Are you tired of falling victim to the emotional and psychological manipulation of a narcissist?

Do you worry that long-term exposure to this devil-sent individual will negatively impact your faith?

Narcissists are self-centered, egotistical, fragile individuals who only care about meeting their own need—often at your expense.

They are excellent at playing mind games to gain the upper hand and get what they want in relationships.

They don’t see you as an individual with feelings. They see you as a pawn for their purpose and they don’t care how their behavior impacts you. In fact, it doesn’t even occur to them.

They are demonically inspired and often dangerous.

1 Peter 5:8 reminds us that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. I would argue that if we need to be alert to the devil, we also need to be alert to the people he’s using.

Let’s take a look at the demonic mind games they’ll use to manipulate you.

Demonic mind game #1: The blame game

It's easy to forget, but narcissists are very fragile individuals.

You may have fallen for their false facade but behind that phony exterior is an empty shallow parasite who needs to feed off of you for validation. When that validation dries up and you try to have a healthy relationship with healthy confrontation, you will see a wounded soul. And this is where it goes from broken to bad.

Narcissists can skillfully play the victim to garner sympathy and shift blame. They may exaggerate or entirely fabricate situations where they appear to be the innocent party, diverting attention from their own harmful actions.

Whether referring to past “failures” or current problems, narcissists will rarely accept responsibility for their actions. They’ll blame all the relationship issues on you. They never feel like anything is their fault. They’ll even make things up, so that you’ll be the one to fix their mess, all while they play the victim.

This behavior dates back to the beginning of time when God called out Adam for eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. What did he say? “The woman YOU gave made me do it.”

Now, I’m not saying that Adam was a narcissist, but you see how cunning the devil was right from the start.

Demonic mind game #2: The trigger game

Do you ever wonder how the narcissist seems to know ALL of your pain points? That’s because they studied you like a book.

Not with the intent to truly get to know you, but for the sheer purpose of gathering information for the future. That’s why they work so hard with love bombing to win you over, break down your guard, and get you vulnerable.

This can really throw you for a loop, especially if you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist who doesn’t seem to care or listen, but suddenly when you’re arguing or they’re trying to get their way, they seem to have amazing recall. Every mistake you’ve made, every little thing you’ve said can and will be used against you.

Demonic mind game #3: The coercion game

If narcissists don’t get what they want from you, they will use various forms of manipulation, guilt, shame, and triangulation all to get you to feel bad about yourself, second guess your boundaries, and ultimately give them what they want.

If you think the narcissist only uses coercion with big ticket items, think again. This tactic is their go-to with EVERYTHING, which is why narcissists can be so exhausting to be in relationship with.

If you struggle with only being OK when others are OK with you, please check out my online course called Conquering Codependency Biblically. https://krisreece.com/conquering-codependency/

Want to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life? Be sure to grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Have you ever wondered WHY that person isn’t respecting your boundaries?

Perhaps you think you need to find a better way to communicate or maybe you believe there are just some people who are boundary-proof.

That’s why today, I want to dive into the ONE mistake that will cause your boundaries to fail every time AND what you can do to fix it.

This particular mistake reminds me of the time my friend Meredith asked me to come with her to the car dealer to negotiate a price on a car.

You see, this was the car she'd always wanted. She dreamed about it for years and she was finally able to afford it. Sort of.

It was still a little out of her price range but she was so close that she couldn't take wait any longer. She knew how much I've saved on car purchases over the years, so she asked if I would join her. Happy to help her avoid over-paying, I said yes. Then I told her I have a few questions and there are a few rules. The biggest question was, are you flexible on colors and options? And the rules were this:

1. Let me do all the talking.
2. Don't get excited about the car.
3. Follow my lead, even if you disagree.

DEAL! She was so excited to drive off the lot with her shiny new sports car.

We headed into the dealer. Gabe greeted us on the lot. And from the moment Meredith sat in that driver’s seat, I knew we were going to have an issue. She was so giddy that the salesperson looked like a kid who just scored the biggest lollipop. He knew he already had her, and I know I had my work cut out for me.

When we finally sat down at Gabe's desk, the issue went from bad to worse.

Gabe laid out the price and I pushed back. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Meredith was getting squirmy. Each time Gabe went to speak to his manager to get approval for what I was asking, Meredith needed to be talked off the ledge.

“Let’s not push so hard,” she’d say. “What if he changes his mind?”

“Changes his mind about what? Selling you a car? I don't think so.” But Meredith was terrified her dream car could slip right through her fingers.

So when Gabe came back with his final offer--which I found to be completely unacceptable, especially given that sales were down and there were four of the exact same model on the lot--I knew it was time to say “Thank you Gabe, but no thank you.” Just as I was about to open my mouth, Meredith jumped out of her seat and said, “I'll take it.”

I pushed myself away from Gabe's desk and knew my time here was done. There was nothing more I could do to help Meredith get the best price possible on her dream car.

Truth be told, Gabe could have charged her double and I think she would have found a way to pay.

You might be wondering, Kris, what does this have to do with boundaries? Everything. In fact, the one mistake that’s keeping you stuck with people who don't respect your boundaries is the SAME mistake Meredith made—the inability to walk away.

Now, I'm not saying that you have to walk away from a relationship to get what you want (that's just manipulative). But I am saying that if you can't go without whatever they're offering you, your boundaries won't stick.

Before you go thinking that this is just some game of “get m

Grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide right here https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide

Why is it that some Christians are able to move on from toxic relationships while others stay stuck in their hurt feelings?

Maybe you've suffered so long, you don't even know what happiness feels like anymore.

Before you go thinking that God's forgotten you (or worse, getting angry at Him), I want to break down for you three very powerful reasons why this hurt may be lingering more than you'd like,

AND the prayer that could change EVERYTHING.

To do that I need to remind you what happens when you touch a hot iron. You may cringe at the thought because you know how much it hurts. But how do you know it hurts? Well if you're as stubborn and stupid as me, it's likely because you HAVE touched one of these at some point in your life. (Despite how many times your mamma told you not to.) And once you did, the pain was excruciating. Maybe you even needed to go to the hospital. And I'm going to take a wild guess and you never did that again.

The same is true for toxic relationships. We enter into them, ignoring the red flags, and then we slide right into the sizzle.

For what godly reason would this happen? There are actually three of them.

Reason #1: God wants to make sure you learn

What do you think would happen if God just took those feelings away, erased them from your memory, wiped them from your emotional hard drive? You'd enter into a toxic relationship again, because you'd have no memory of how painful it was.

So yes, God will allow these feelings to linger to teach you. I'm not saying that what that person did to you was OK, or even excusable. But ignoring this valuable insight is like being offered a ride in a luxury SUV but choosing a piggyback ride instead.

Reason #2: You’re trying to stay in the driver’s seat

Even with these valuable lessons learned, missing what I’m about to share could cause you—as it would most Christians—to backslide during a difficult time.

If you're like me, you use your GPS for everything, even when you know exactly where to go and how to get there.

And again, if you're anything like me, if your GPS tells you to go a way that differs from where YOU think you should go, you ignore it. (I told you I wasn't smart.)

And what happens? More often then not you're stopped by a traffic jam or worse. That's because the GPS knows the roadblocks and delays you can run into.

Your hurt feelings are the roadblocks and God is your GPS.

God doesn't always remove the roadblocks because they actually serve His purpose. Just like his purpose for the Israelites in the Red Sea and the wilderness wasn't to harm them but rather draw them closer to HIM.

Could it be that God wants to be your guiding light on this journey of healing? My friend, don't miss an amazing relationship opportunity because you're upset that he's not teleporting you to your next destination.

Reason #3: God wants you for His purpose

You may be saying, “Kris, that's great. I've learned my lesson and I've made my way back to God. But what's the point in keeping me in pain for so long?”

That question can best be answered by Sam’s example. Sam was a trainer I hired when I had my old personal training business.

Sam was highly educated. She graduated at the top of her class in biomechanics and she could tell you about anything that had to do with anatomy, from the function of the hip flexors in relation to the knee upon deceleration to the distal insertion point of the femur.

There was only one problem: Sam had zero life experience. She couldn't relate to our clients who came to us wantin

Grab your FREE Promises of God Guide https://krisreece.com/13-promises-of-god/

Need a counselor? Connect with Faithful Counseling. https://faithfulcounseling.com/krisreece

What if I told you that everything you thought about forgiveness was wrong? That in seven short minutes I will help you understand why these people still set you off--even years after you've walked away and forgiven them?

I'm going to answer the question that's been haunting you once and for all—“Have I truly forgiven?”—and overcome the biggest forgiveness myth holding back Christians today.

It all comes down to bookmarks.

I want you to think of your life as a book, and each significant trauma or experience as a different chapter. When someone hurts you, it's like placing a bookmark in that particular chapter. You can believe that you’ve forgiven and then move on. However, the bookmarks still remain in the book.

Even as you continue living your life, those bookmarks make it easy to flip back to the painful chapters. This act of inadvertently returning to these chapters can make you feel as though you haven't truly moved on or forgiven, even though you’ve tried to close the chapter.

There are three reasons why it’s so easy to flip back to those bookmarks.

Reason #1: Unresolved trauma

Many bookmarks were created by a traumatic experience—one that you've tried to push aside, but it still needs to be dealt with.

You may be thinking, “Yeah but that was 20 years ago. I should be able to let it go by now.”

But letting something go is not the same as resolving it.

We often think avoidance is the best option (and don't get me wrong, in some cases it is).

But if there's stuff going on inside of you—well, everywhere you go, there you are. That’s why an old memory, an unexpected phone call, or a harsh comment can all elicit an outsized reaction.

Resolving that trauma is like removing the bookmark.

If you have unresolved trauma, it's important to find a good Christian counselor who can help as it can take a toll on you and your relationships. We've connected with Faithful Counseling to help you find a counselor that's right for you. Simply click this link https://faithfulcounseling.com/krisreece for more information.

My hope is that you will get the healing that you need to work through the pain of the past and in doing so, you get to remove the bookmarks.

But unresolved trauma is only part of the reason that you're getting triggered long after you've forgiven.

Reason #2: Unresolved trust

If you're not creating NEW bookmarks, it almost feels like there's nothing worthy in your story.

So when you get triggered, you will automatically default to the old bookmarks. When your anger kicks in, when someone tries to manipulate you, when you hear about how the other person is slandering you, yet again you may not have anything new to refer to. In other words, you have unresolved trust.

You know you can't trust your trauma any longer, but what can you trust? If you do not cre