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Clean Food, Dirty Stories
by Barbara FernandezI share my own stories as well as other women's, to hopefully entertain, encourage and inspire others. The world needs more stories, and I love true, human stories best of all. Often the women's stories are linked to something that they're doing with their lives now, be it in their personal lives or in business. And I love finding and sharing a 'clean food tip' with a fruit, veg, spice or other culinary tidbit that could have 'saved the day', or just come in handy in that particular situation. We learn, but we also have a lot of fun!
Copyright: Barbara Fernandez, Rocking Raw Chef Ltd
Episodes
CFDS Episode 025: Playing With Spirits
22m · PublishedHow I almost found myself possessed by the god of thunder, plus how to increase intuition and psychic sensitivity
Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.
I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:
Playing With Spirits
In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you some top tips to increase intuition.
OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.
A pretty crazy story
First let me say that when I say playing with spirits, I'm not talking about Ouija boards. And I don't mean playing with them as in being disrespectful. This story is all about their power, how they can help and how that relates – yes, surprise, surprise – to food.
Off to California
This story begins when I decided to go out to the San Francisco Bay area to live there for a while. I was in a bit of a mess, as I'd just gotten ejected out of a relationship in a very painful way. This included a cry-for-help-disguised-as-a-suicide-attempt and a hospital stay which I talk about in last week's episode.
So to say that I was a bit fragile would probably be an understatement. However I knew that I would meet some amazing people in the Bay area, and I couldn't wait to reconnect with one of my favorite people in the world. She's one of my dearest friends and has been since college, and she was like, “Come and stay! I'll help you settle in”. Well, I couldn't resist that offer. Her name is Francesca and her story is incredible. In fact Francesca overcame depression as well, and we share her story in Episode 12, From Depression To Diva.
Anyway I got on a plane and went to Oakland California, where luckily my friend helped me land a job through a temp agency. I don't even remember what I did there, I think it was something in marketing and I know it involved a computer, but the rest of it is pretty much a blur. I do know that I made a big effort to dress really nicely every day. For some reason that's the one thing I remember. Superficial perhaps, but true – although I did get pleasure out of looking nice. Even though on the inside I was still a bit fragile.
A clothing-optional weekend, with Santeria
Fortunately for me I made friends really easily through Francesca. And shortly after I had arrived, Francesca invited me to come along to a clothing-optional weekend where we'd attend some ceremonies. One was a sweat lodge, which I've talked about in Episode 19, and the other was a ceremony in a tradition called Santeria. Plus as the weekend was going to be clothing-optional, well that alone was going to be a new experience for me. And of course I was up for it.
I'll talk about the clothing-optional aspect of the weekend in another episode because that alone was really interesting. This week I want to focus on what happened between me and the spirits. First though, let me tell you a little bit about Santeria.
A simplified definition of Santeria
Santeria means 'way of the saints'. It's an Afro-Carribean religion that originated in Cuba and was traditionally practiced by descendants of West African slaves. Practitioners replaced the slave owners' Catholic saints with their own spirits, called the Orisha. The Orisha are the go-betweens, if you like, the way in which we can connect with the one energy linking everything in the universe, which in Santeria is called Olorun. So kind of like using saints to interact with God, except you're using Orishas. That's way oversimplifying this, but this is just to give you an idea. I'll link to where you can find out more about Santeria in the show notes.
Anyway I went with Francesca to a beautiful place in California called Harbin Hot Springs. Harbin has been a very strong spiritual center for people from all over to go and relax in its hot springs while doing yoga and all kinds of other good stuff.
Drumming, dancing and spirit possession
And on the Friday night, I got my first introduction to Santeria in the form of a drumming and dancing ceremony. Now I knew nothing about Santeria. All I knew was that we were going to be doing some drumming. That was it. I never suspected that we would use drumming and dancing to let some of us be possessed (temporarily of course) by one of the Orishas.
At this point you may be wondering, 'Why would anyone allow themselves to be possessed by a spirit?' Or you might be thinking, 'This is totally insane, I'm out of here'. But bear with me because what happened was pretty amazing.
Now, people contact the Orishas to help them and others with their lives. It's also a way for them to expand their personalities, because each Orisha has a very distinct personality, as I was soon to discover for myself. So if you're normally a very timid woman for example, it can be quite something to suddenly be a big, burly spirit who loves cigars. That kind of thing. But I didn't know any of that at first.
So the drumming started. I really liked the music, it was really healing to be able to just move around freely and enjoy the drums. People had left offerings for the Orishas on various altars, and each Orisha was honored by participants playing their song in a specific order. It's while the Orisha's song is playing that any of his or her devotees can be possessed by that Orisha.
Enter the Orishas
And yes, you can have several people possessed by the same Orisha at once. Energy is limitless, after all, so I don't know about you but that does make total sense to me. And I saw it, anyway, which was incredible.
So suddenly one woman picked up and lit one of the cigars. She puffed away while walking around like a warrior. I learned that Oshun was the Orisha that she connected with, and Oshun loves cigars, very spicy food like hot peppers, and rum. So those were some of the things offered to him, and her whole personality changed. I mean, she was definitely not there, and someone else was. You could really tell. It was incredible, especially as I'd never seen anything like this before. OK well I had actually, once before when I assisted at a past-life regression that kind of went badly. But that's another story!
Other songs and other Orishas came to the ceremony too, until there were about a quarter of the participants who were one Orisha or another. Oh and by the way, one interesting thing was that the people who were possessed by Orishas always knew instantly when someone else was about to be taken over as well. They knew even before the person did, and they'd run up to them and spin them around to help the process along.
Knock, knock, knocking at my brain's door
I know this all sounds crazy, but bear with me! The music changed again, and it was at this point that all of a sudden I felt like someone was knocking on a door situated about three feet up and behind the top of my head. I kid you not. Literally knocking and asking if I'd let him in. He was very polite, at least he asked. I knew it was a 'he', though I can't tell you how I knew, because the only thing I knew about any of the Orishas were that some were male and some were female. That was it. It's important that I emphasize my total lack of knowledge by the way, because of what came later.
So I'm feeling this knocking at my door and I'm thinking, 'Nooooo, I didn't really have spirit possession in mind when I came on this weekend, thank you'. But the other Orishas came rushing over to me and started laughing and spinning me around. Mind you, I hadn't even been moving before this. It happened in a split second, and none of these people knew me. But they knew something was happening.
Well, I didn't let the Orisha in, but he wasn't quite finished with me yet. The others laughed and spun away dancing, and the evening went on. I learned by the way that the Orisha who had come knocking was Shango. Shango, I later learned, is the god of thunder, war and virility, and is also the Master Drummer and Master Dancer. So pretty cool.
Messages from the spirit world
Anyway at this point all of the Orishas had come, and they went round helping the other people present by going up to them and giving them messages. I had three different Orishas come up to me. And the messages were incredible. One of them said to me, “You're not done in France yet. You'll go back there pretty soon.” At that time I had no idea what my plans were, let alone anyone else. No-one there even knew I'd been living in France. Another Orisha said, “Ah, you need a place to live! Don't worry, we'll help you”.
Which they did, because when I got back from the weekend on the Sunday afternoon, there was a message on the answering machine offering me an apartment. Amazing! Particularly as we hadn't placed an ad – we were only asking a few friends.
Now I mentioned earlier that after Shango had knocked on my door and I'd turned him away that he hadn't finished wi
CFDS 024: From Suicidal To Sensational
23m · PublishedThe story I've never told about how I know you can recover from being suicidal and go on to live a happy life. Plus food tips to get you started to beat depression.
Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.
I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:
From Suicidal To Sensational
In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best ways to use food to beat depression and help get your emotional life back on track.
OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story. It's a big one.
My inspiration for this story
A very short time ago – last week in fact – I learned that one of my favorite rock singers ever, Chester Bennington, committed suicide. And I was pretty shaken for days afterwards – not because I was close to him, because I wasn't. I never actually met him, although I was fortunate enough to see him live in concert about ten days before he died. Not because I didn't love his singing, because I did. But because I thought to myself, 'If Chester had known what I know, maybe he wouldn't have had to die'.
So Chester this episode is dedicated to you. As well as to anyone who is experiencing the kind of debilitating sadness that can end in a life ended way too soon.
So that's why I'm sharing with you a very personal story that I've never shared before. I want to tell you exactly why I can help people who feel they're broken. People who feel so unhappy, that suicide looks like the only way out. And I'm sharing this because if this even helps one person listening, then it will be worth it.
This story is about depression, and about how you can absolutely one hundred percent overcome it. How you can kick it to the curb so that it never darkens your door again. Yes you can beat depression and I will tell you how to start.
The first time I was depressed
The first time I was very depressed that I can remember, I was about eight years old. All I remember is that I was sitting on the bed in my parents' room, holding my dad's revolver on my lap and wondering if I could pull the trigger. I must have seen TV shows with people shooting each other or something. I mean I don't know how else I could have known at such a young age how to use a gun. My dad never showed us how to use it. And I don't even remember how I knew the gun was in there. He must have taken it out at one point, I don't know.
There's a lot from my childhood that I don't remember because although on the whole it was a happy childhood with travel and lots of animals and all kinds of very good things, parts of it were not so good. One event in particular when I was about three years old was blocked from my memory until many years later – but that's another story.
Anyway I was sitting with this gun on my lap and obviously I didn't pull the trigger. But I can remember that I wanted to. I really wanted to – but I thought I wasn't brave enough. It took me many years actually to realize that by deciding not to pull the trigger was the brave decision. It takes a lot more courage to face your fears and try to move past them than it does to obliterate everything with a gun shot, a jump off a roof or whatever.
Playing dolls house with a child psychiatrist
At some point my parents took me to a child psychiatrist, because my teachers at school were worried about me. They were worried for good reason because I was crying all the time. At least, that's what they told me. I don't actually remember that, fortunately, but it must have been true. I mean, why would they lie, right?
So I went to this child psychiatrist and we basically played with a dolls house for an hour and he'd talk to my parents afterwards. I remember him asking me to tell him about the relationships in the family. He'd ask things like, “What does the dad do when he comes home?” and “What does the little girl think about her brother?” That kind of stuff.
I don't really remember if it brought any benefit, I mean it was good to have someone to talk to. But I didn't feel any different afterwards. The doctors told my mom that I had a 'chemical imbalance in the brain' and that it was kind of tough luck, really, because nothing much could be done apart from perhaps drugs.
Then I discovered theater
Things gradually got a little bit better at school, mostly because I discovered theater. I found out that when I was performing on stage, everyone wanted to be my friend afterwards. It didn't last long – only as long as the run of the show. But still it was a start. And I don't remember any other big incidents with guns or anything. Just an overall sadness which at the time I'd channel into writing journals, as I imagine many teenagers do. I wrote a book as well – two books actually, one for children about a magical world, and one about a girl who ran away from home. I never tried publishing them, but I did enjoy writing.
My life got gradually better when I made some really good friends in high school. I went to college, got a theater degree, still with rocky highs and lows in terms of mood swings though. For a while I thought I was probably manic-depressive or something, because that's what it felt like. I'd have huge highs and huge lows.
Fast forward a few years, and I found myself in Paris, France. If you've been listening to this podcast you'll have heard about several of my adventures those first few years there. More are coming, by the way, just to let you know!
Anyway I was working as a singing waitress slash coat check girl in a very bizarre but fancy French restaurant. I'll share more about that in another story – but for now let me say that at this time, I was having a pretty good time. Life wasn't perfect but I did have fun. However I was about to take a deep dive into my lowest low ever.
But then along came the guy...
And it started, as these things often do, with a guy. A very attractive, magnetic guy who to this day still carries a torch for me, as the saying goes. If I'm to believe his family. Anyway one night my friend – I'll call her Mabel – invited me to her sister's house for dinner on Christmas Eve.
Now you have to know that dinner on Christmas Eve in France is a big deal. It goes on for hours and the food is of course amazing. We sat down to eat at about one in the afternoon and we didn't get up till about eleven at night. The amazing thing was that because each course was very light and we had breaks in between, I actually didn't feel overstuffed. I felt quite good.
What made me feel even better though was that as soon as I sat down to the table with Mabel and her family, I saw the most gorgeous guy looking right at me. I'll call him Jean. Our eyes met and that was it. It was like being hit by lightning, like the world stopped and there was no-one else there but he and I. I imagine the rest of the family was like 'oh boy, here we go'. It was very obvious to everyone that there were some major fireworks shooting across the table.
A whirlwind relationship
So of course we wound up getting together. I think he called me the next day or something, I can't remember. What I can remember is that we had a bit of an intense, whirlwind kind of relationship. I went to his house and basically never left. We were together all the time, we were massively attracted to each other, and our physical relationship was amazing.
Mabel's family were really happy about this, because they already knew me, and Jean was the son of my friend's sister's husband, if that makes sense. So it was like I was going to be part of Mabel's family, which was very cool. They could all see that it was pretty serious. And everything happened really quickly. Everyone took it for granted that we'd marry, have kids and all of that. We were that magnetised.
A week into the relationship I went with him to the south of France to meet his parents as well as his daughter (from a previous relationship) who was I think about 8 or 10 years old at the time. His parents loved me, his daughter really took to me straight away - and I to her. All the family were doubly happy because Jean was a bit of a wild guy and they felt that I was the perfect person to...I don't know, bring him a bit of stability, I guess.
A powerful connection
So for those few weeks we had an incredible relationship. I felt like I'd finally met the guy for me, and all of that. Four weeks went by that felt like four days, and though that might not sound like a long time, sometimes that's all you need. When you have a strong connection with someone, you just know, right? Have you ever felt upon meeting someone that you just have this very powerful link to them somehow? That's what this was like, with of course all the romantic stuff thrown in. And the power of a very intense physical attraction too.
The beginning of the end
But Jean had a real cruel streak. I didn't know how cruel until one night, literally in the middle
CFDS 023 Nikki Harman: From Homelessness To Mindfulness
39m · PublishedHow Nikki Harman went on a journey from being homeless to practicing mindfulness. Plus the best food for mental clarity.
Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.
I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:
From Homelessness To Mindfulness
In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food for mental clarity and focus. This food literally raises our brain function to its maximum and it's really easy to find.
OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.
I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Nikki Harman, who has an amazing story to tell. Not only has she been through quite a lot in her life, but what she does now is super exciting as well. So I really can't wait to dive into it, and so let's do it!
Nikki welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!
Nikki: Hello! Thank you for having me.
Me: You're very welcome!
Nikki's story
So you've got quite an incredible story and I'm actually quite honored that you're happy to share it with us and everything. I know that your story, I believe your story begins when your parents split up, is that right? And you were about eleven, is that right?
Nikki: Yes, so when I was eleven my parents split up. And at the time just before they split up I was living in a really lovely six-bedroom Victorian house in a nice seaside town. My parents had good jobs and all was going fairly well, but they split up. And because the house we were living in came with the job that my dad had, we lost the house.
Me: Oh!
Losing everything
Nikki: So we lost everything basically. My dad moved to London to go and find work, and my brother, myself and my mom moved into this temporary accommodation, a bed and breakfast.
Me: How old was your brother?
Nikki: My brother was eight.
Me: Sorry?
Nikki: I was eleven and he was seven. So it was from the age of eleven to twelve that we were in this temporary accommodation. For a year before we were rehomed into a council flat, so my brother was seven and eight.
Me: Wow yeah. What did your father do during this time? Did he just like go to London and not look back, or...?
Nikki: He came down when he could. Although he was working most of that time. And I remember only really seeing him every few weeks. Probably every four to six weeks, an occasional day trip down, a Saturday. Most of the time it was just me and my mom and my brother.
Me: And so your mom, she wasn't at the time of the split...She was looking after you? Did she have any other work or a job?
Nikki: No, she didn't work. It kind of broke her, this whole situation. She wound up having quite a significant mental breakdown over it. She became quite distant and disengaged with us. It was just really quite difficult because I remember what it was like just before we moved out saying goodbye.
Packing your life away
We had two beautiful cats and a couple of cockatiels and we had to rehome them. Just packing all of our belongings, packing everything away. Everything in my room, all my toys, my books, my stereo, my tapes, cassette tapes. All my music, all that kind of stuff, it all had to be put away. And I felt like I was packing away a part of me, really.
That was my room, that was just me. So what it must have been like for my mom to pack everything in the house away and not know when next we might see it all.
We were told initially that the law is that temporary accommodation means four to six weeks before you are rehomed. Clearly that doesn't happen now and it didn't happen then. And so we didn't really know how long it would be. It was kind of assumed at the time that it would be a short-term thing. But it became clear very quickly that that wasn't going to be the case. So by the time we moved into this room that had just a bed and two bunk beds in...
Me: That was the B&B?
Nikki: Yes that was in the B&B where we were living, that was where we lived, that was our home. And we were able to use the dining room for breakfast with the other guests, we'd get an evening meal.
Life in a B&B
But the B&B itself was quite run down and the people there I think had sort of a prejudiced attitude towards us, because we were council tenants. We weren't normal paying B&B guests, so they treated us quite differently.
When there were other guests staying, we got better quality food. But if it was just us, it was very much sugar puffs in the morning, a piece of toast. And then in the evening it was often like a tinned stew or tinned something. It wasn't proper cooked, home-cooked food. Tinned potatoes...They would be as cheap as much as they could. We didn't really have much in the way of quality food.
But I was grateful really for having had anything to eat at all, because it was quite the case that we didn't get lunch during the weekends and school holidays because the B&B didn't provide that for us. And my mom didn't have a job, she didn't have money, she didn't have the inclination really to be wanting to do very much in the way of supporting me and my brother. So we'd go quite hungry throughout the days when we were not at school.
Me: So how could...I mean, what I don't understand is how could the owner of a B&B have, you know, children in their home who don't have food. You know? Like when you're on school holidays, you're still in the B&B. They still see you every day, they know you haven't eaten anything. And yet they just don't feed you. I don't understand that.
Nikki: No, I mean occasionally we'd get a jam sandwich.
Me: Yeah. Oh boy.
Being kept out of the way
Nikki: Something like that. But they weren't like that, they weren't those kind of people. They had their own children anyway. So they were sort of preoccupied with them. They didn't really pay too much attention to us. And actually they didn't want us there. During the day we were kind of kept out of the way. Sometimes we'd be allowed to go and play in the garden with their children.
Me: That's what I was going to ask, yeah, if you ever played with their children.
Nikki: Yeah, we did, but not very much.
Me: Did you have to like stay in the room or something?
Nikki: Yeah, we stayed in the room a lot.
Me: Wow.
Nikki: So it just wasn't a very pleasant experience. And given that we were living in a seaside town....My mom, because of the way she was, didn't want us to go onto the beach. To get to this bed and breakfast we had to walk past the beach. And we were never allowed to go and play on the beach in the summer holidays.
Me: Oh that's awful!
So close yet so far from the beach
Nikki: We saw people playing with their sand castles and eating ice cream, and the smell of fish and chips everywhere you went. All these lovely things, and on a hot day just not being able to go on the beach because my mom didn't want us to do that. We would invariably be...we didn't go into town very much because mom didn't want to. But it would be to go into the lauderette to wash our clothes. So we'd sit there and then head back home.
I'll never forget that, just not being able to play on the beach. And then having to go and sit in this room on lovely sunny days, and hear about all the real guests in the B&B going off and doing fun stuff. Where they'd been and what they'd been doing. It was all quite difficult.
Me: I'll bet. And your mom, I think you said, was she like smoking? What did she do? You said she was like smoking all day or something?
Nikki: Yeah, she was a smoker.
Me: So you were in one room with a mom smoking all day. Ewww.
Nikki: Yeah, not nice.
Me: Oh my goodness. And so that lasted a year, yeah?
Nikki: Yeah, so what happened...It was a year long in temporary accommodation.
A cottage for the winter
The council put us in a what was called a winter let from about November to February time. February March time. So we were moved out of the bed and breakfast and into this tiny, tiny dilapidated, rundown cottage which... It just had frost on the inside of the windows. The only sort of heating was a tiny little fire in the lounge.
My brother shared a bed with my mom and then I was in another room. So I was grateful to have my own space. But the sheets were wet from the cold in the house and the condensation.
Me: So did you have to
CFDS Episode 022 The Body Whisperer: Adventure Was My Missing Nutrient
43m · PublishedHow Fiona Robertson travelled the world on a shoestring, discovering her life path as she went. Plus the best travel food ever!
Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.
I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:
Adventure was my missing nutrient
In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best travel food I know. It's not only packed with nutrients and easy to carry everywhere, but it's also the best food to help eliminate parasites from the body.
OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.
I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Fiona Robertson, the Body Whisperer, who helps people understand who they want to be. Fiona has travelled all over the world and has some amazing adventures to share with us which I think you will find very inspirational.
So Fiona, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!
Fiona: Yeah, thank you very much for having me. Thanks for inviting me. Nice to meet you here finally, face to face.
Me: Yes, exactly! Cause we've known each other for a while, right? But it's been like an internet based...
Fiona: An internet-based friendship, yeah, I know (laughs).
Fiona's story
Me: Super! So I know that you've got, you've had quite a lot of adventures, but I think you mentioned that your taste for adventure perhaps came from your childhood. Is that right? You said you felt quite different as a child, can you maybe explain why?
Fiona: Yeah, 4 years old we went to South Africa to live as a family. We kind of grew up with no shoes. So basically just kind of playing with lizards and centipedes and understanding all about nature and just wanting to be outside climbing trees, being a tomboy.
A different way to grow up
It was just a different way for me to grow up. And when we moved back to the UK, I realized I was just different. I wanted to be outside playing in different ways and not playing giggly, schoolgirl games.
Me: So how old were you when you moved back to the UK?
Fiona: I was nine. Yeah, nine, nine and a half, something like that. Just kind of old enough, over the formative years, you know, that I'd really got a different country and kind of life under my skin. You know, I'd learnt Afrikans, I'd learned there was another language, I'd learnt there were different things going on. We were in South Africa at the time of apartheid as well, so you get a lot of different experiences, you know? We travelled there too on holiday of course.
You see, I didn't think it was different, but it is, you're in a game park for a holiday and there's cheetas walking in the car park. It's exciting! And that's what my story's about, I didn't realize that adventure was so under my skin.
Into the military
Me: And so you said that you signed up to work with American Express in the military, is that right?
Fiona: Yeah, one of my first jobs when I finished college and school and everything, I didn't want to go on to be an interior designer. That was my dream. But when they mentioned to me that it was four years foundational course and then I could specialize, I was like, “You've got to be kidding me! I can't sit still for that long! I've gotta be out there doing something!”
I was interested in travel and so I got a job with American Express and it was on the American Air Force bases in the UK. So I started in High Wyckham and I was basically doing their travel tickets, their military travel tickets, then I ended up going and reliefing on the other different air force bases. So Greenham Common, Huntingdon, the ones in East Anglia, and just travelling around and doing that. Going and doing my travel, my specialist travel stuff for the American air force base.
A different world
It was cool because you walk into a different world. You go on the American an air force base and that land is owned by America. They have their happy hour, they have their bowling alleys, they have their shops, they have their own ways and cultures of doing things.
Me: Wow. That just strikes me as really weird, you know? Like I've never, I mean even though I've lived in the UK for quite a while now. I've never been on any of the bases, and so part of me always just thinks, 'you're not contributing to the local economy', you know.
Fiona: Oh they are, they don't all live on base, they live outside. But that was when I was nineteen, I started working on the American air force bases.
The perfect job in travel
Looking back now I just think what a perfect job for me. Working in travel and on an American air force base, you know?
Me: So you organized travel for them, is that right?
Fiona: I organized travel for them and basically with the old Prestel sets and the old ABC travel guide books we found air flights and all that kind of stuff. So I took all my exams for APTA travel. After that I went on to do incentive travel and after that I went on to sort of venue finding. Anything to do with people and traveling and moving. But incentive travel was very interesting, I liked that too.
Me: What's incentive travel?
Fiona: Imagine that you've got top salesmen and saleswomen and they're given an incentive. If they're the top team in the whole company in the whole of the country, then they get sent to some glorious destination and everything's paid for. So we used to organize all that, you know? With the ground agents and meals and restaurants. Down to exactly what kind of napkins would be on the table. It was like organizing a big wedding every few months, you know? Everything from the chauffeurs to the taxis to the kind of color-coordinating the flowers, everything.
Import, export and video cameras
Me: And then you went into a very different kind of business, right? With video cameras or something?
Fiona: Yeah, I had another job in between time working for actually Ocean Pacific and I was on the export desk there. And I used to do all the certificates of export, and that was interesting for me. Because other people couldn't understand what these guys were saying, and I was just able to tune into what maybe the Greeks or the Spanish or the...You know, they were speaking pidgin English and wanting to be understood and then I was able to tune in somehow to what they were actually trying to tell me.
And then I went on selling military cameras into industry, and again I worked with a lot of people from all over the world. So I listened to their languages and I listened to their accents and I understood about their cultures
Me: So what happened when you wanted to go travelling? Because you said that at one point you had this business and then you sold it, is that right?
Fiona: Yeah, from running the company I was working with I then set myself up for myself and found all my own clients and things and did that for two or three years. And I woke up one morning and thought 'God do I want to be doing this in five years' time? No! Two years? No!'
Time to go travelling
Me: So was there any specific incident that prompted this decision? Or was it literally from one day to the next waking up and going 'I don't want to do this'?
Fiona: I thought that the company that I'd set up was my baby. I'd been with this other guy who was in the same industry though he ran a different company. So when we split up I think that was probably one of the kick up the backsides. I just said, “No, this is my baby, I want to hang onto this baby, this company” because Vision Source was my baby.
But then when I woke up in the morning I just went, 'oh my God what am I doing? Do I really want to be doing this?' And when it was such a loud, resounding 'no', I couldn't not listen to that. I really had to think, 'no I'm just not going to be satisfied, it's going to kill me if I stay in this office and do this'. Even though it was doing really, really well.
I managed to find somebody who was interested in selling, I sold the company to them. I rented my house out and I just took a rucksack and started travelling around the world.
Me: So then how did you start? I think you said you bought an around the world ticket or something? I'm asking because, you know, if there's somebody listening who thinks 'oh I'd really like to travel around the world', I think some people wouldn't even know where to start, you know?
A pink-haired rebel going round the world
Fiona: Yeah, I was thirty-nine, I dyed my hair pink.
Me: That's hilarious!
Fiona: I was like wanting to be rebellious. Most people when they see the photographs ki
CFDS 021: How Not To Date As A Single Mom (And Still Find Love Anyway)
34m · Published
Description: Heather Craik shares with us some pitfalls of dating as a single mom, with some pretty crazy results. Plus a food that fills you up from the inside out
Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.
I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:
How Not To Date As A Single Mom (And Still Find Love Anyway)
In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food to feel full, in other words, to fill you up from the inside out.
OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.
Our guest, Heather Craik
I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Heather Craik. Heather's going to share with us what it can be like to start out life as a single mom, explore dating on Tinder (which like I've never done) and have long distance relationships (which I haven't done either). So all that sounds super interesting to me! She now helps people solve a completely different kind of problem which we'll mention later.
For now though, Heather, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I've been looking forward to having you ever since you told me about your incredible, roller-coaster story!
Heather: Hey, thanks for having me. Glad to be here.
Me: You're so welcome. So I think if I understood it correctly that your story starts where you were with somebody and you got pregnant? And then you wound up being a single mom? Can you talk about how that came about, maybe?
Heather's story
Heather: Yeah, sure. I mean I'd been with this guy for about nine years or so and that's an entirely different story in and of itself. But what happened was I was in Canada when I fell pregnant. And because I wasn't expecting to fall pregnant in Canada, I didn't actually have medical coverage for that. So I came back home to the UK which is where I'm from. And you know a couple of months after that I realized that it was really not working out with this other guy.
Me: The nine year guy.
Heather: So that was just a bit entertaining for a while. I broke it off with him and went through the rest of my pregnancy, it was just me. My parents were there which was really helpful. But I was about 5 months pregnant I reckon when it ended.
Me: That is so, I have to say that is just so, so brave! Oh my goodness. Like how did you...how did you feel like when you... I mean, yeah, how did you feel? I can imagine – I can't imagine, I mean I've been pregnant, I have two kids. But how did you feel when you just like made that, made that decision, you know? To...
Heather: Well I think leading up to it was quite stressful. And I noticed that before the decision was actually made, I felt stressed for a lot of days, but once it was done and it was over I actually felt relieved. Which I think was really telling.
Me: Wow. That's really telling. Especially like the situation you were in, right? Cause I know that for me, when I was pregnant in some ways I felt kind of vulnerable, you know? Because you're carrying this child
Heather: Oh yeah, entirely. I was back staying with my parents even. So yeah. But they were great, by the way. My parents were fantastic from the word go.
Me: Oh wow, that's really good. Well I'm sure that at the end of the day they just really want you to be happy, right?
Heather: Yeah, they're really good that way.
Rebuilding a business
Me: So then you started out as a single mom, so was your son born when you were still living with your parents? I mean, were you working at all?
Heather: Yeah, I was still with my parents for about 10 months after he was born, actually. So I was working, I had started work on my business at that point but it hadn't really fully taken off. I had my business before I fell pregnant, let's just clear that up. But then it sort of, you know, the whole moving country and then being very pregnant and then having a very small child, it had fallen by the wayside. So I had to kind of build that back up again.
Me: Yeah. Wow. I can't even imagine, like, I don't know, I started...I started my business when my kids were like 10 and 12 or something like that. But I think I was so traumatized when my son was born, my first child, that I don't think I could have had any head for business at all. It was like...
Heather: Oh I tell you what, pregnancy brain is such a real thing though. You don't realize it, but probably the last couple of months of my pregnancy and for three months after I couldn't focus on my work at all. I would try, I would sit down in this dazed fog and try to code and it just did not work.
Me: Wow, I guess because...that would be an interesting topic in and of itself, right? Pregnancy brain and why it happens and everything. I mean you've got another being with you, right? That's, that could be...that's the first thing that comes to my mind. That must have been really hard. But at least your parents were there to help out, right? I imagine when your son was born, then...
Heather: Yeah, I didn't have to cook for the longest time! That was hugely helpful!
Me: Oh! Heaven! (laughs)
Heather: I know! I do miss that!
Time to start dating again
Me: Yeah! So then how old was...cause I know that at some point you did...you did want to start dating again. How old was your son when you were like, 'OK, I'm gonna just, you know...'
Heather: I think just over a year, actually.
Me: And was there anything that happened? Any specific, I don't know, moment or incident that caused you to think, 'OK I'm ready to date now'? I mean, it's a pretty big decision, right?
Heather: Honestly, it had been a very long time for me since I'd had any...you know, any of that wonderful sex stuff.
Me: Any action. Yeah, of course!
Heather: And it was getting to that point...I had moved out which was, you know, helpful. So I'd moved out and had my own place and my son was more settled, he started to sleep better at night which was a real help. Yeah, that was pretty much what led up to it.
Me: Wow. And then so you said that you started finding people...How did you start finding people? I'll let you talk about it!
Trials of Tinder
Heather: Well since I pretty much live online anyway, I automatically gravitated over to dating sites. You know, I'd been hearing a lot about Tinder because I'm of that age group that they obviously target for that kind of thing. So I thought 'OK whatever, I'll have a look'. I wasn't expecting to find anybody but I thought whatever, it would be worth a laugh at least.
Me: So then like sorry, for people who don't know what Tinder is, can you say a little bit about like how it works?
Heather: OK well basically, what Tinder is, it's an app first and foremost. It links into your Facebook but it doesn't post to your Facebook. It just pulls information from there. And you know, you get these photos that come up and you either swipe right if you'd like to talk to them or swipe left if you don't want anything to do with them.
Me: Yup (laughs).
Heather: So what happens is if you swipe right and someone else, like the one you just swiped right on also swipes right, then you can start a conversation.
Me: Right. Kind of like shopping, I guess.
Heather: Kinda sorta. You already have that 'OK well we both agreed we like something about you'. You get that. By its nature it can be quite shallow, but there actually are descriptions and bios as well. People don't actually read them...
Me: That was my other question as well. Cause if you swipe...So do you have the description under the picture that you can read before you swipe? Or do you only swipe based on...
Heather: Yeah, you can see it under the picture. You just have to click and you can read it. Not everyone does.
Me: Of course, yeah I can imagine.
Interesting people...or not
So you met some pretty interesting people on Tinder, right? I believe there's a little story there...
Heather: Oh, yes, did I ever!
There were a few interesting ones I will grant you, but the one that still sticks in my head was this one guy. And I don't remember his name, I don't even really remember what he looks like, but I remember he was quite reasonable at first. So obviously we'd both swiped to the right to talk, whatever. We'd exchanged a couple of messages and then pretty much off the bat he was like, “Well I like Lego”. As one of his interests. And I was like “OK, well Lego's pretty cool, fine.” And then he comes back with, “No, no, I really like Lego”. Before I had a chance to respond to that, he follows up with this othe
CFDS 020 The One Thing Your Therapist Should Never Say To You
18m · PublishedMy adventures of having a therapist and teacher who put us both into a bit of a situation. And the best food to soothe the gut and recharge your brain.
Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.
I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:
The one thing your therapist should NEVER say to you
In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food to soothe the gut, recharge your brain AND bring you strength and connection to who you really are.
OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.
Right, so this story is a bit of a doozy and I've never shared it before except with a few close friends. So why not share it all over the internet, right? The reason I'm sharing this story though is because I feel it deals with a really important topic, and that is boundaries.
Let's talk boundaries
When I say boundaries, I don't mean fences or stone walls or anything like that. I'm talking about the boundaries that we all set that say to people, “You can come here but no closer”. For those who don't know, boundaries are our (mostly unconscious) way of telling people what is and is not OK.
So for example your boundaries with your friends are probably very different to those with your coworkers. Friends can most likely get closer to you, not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. You probably wouldn't move away from a friend in an elevator if they were standing fairly close to you, whereas with a stranger, you would. Right? We talk about personal space and that's one kind of boundary.
Now why am I prefacing my story with talk about boundaries? Well, because this story is all about violating someone's boundaries – imposing upon them, in this case, mine - in a very intimate way...without even touching them. And this kind of behavior is just not OK, although it does make for an interesting story, as you'll see.
It started in a bookstore
This story takes place not in Paris as with some of my previous episodes, but in London, England. And it starts in a used bookstore.
My son was very small – he was about a year old – and he and I often found ourselves in used bookstores, whether we wanted to be there or not, because his dad loves books. He wanted to browse and scour all the shelves searching for whatever books caught his eye. While my son and I were waiting, I spotted a flyer on a bulletin board advertising training in a particular method of therapy that sounded really exciting. I won't say exactly what it was because this isn't about name calling and the story involves the founder of that method and, you know, I don't want to use real names because the purpose isn't to name and shame, it's just to tell a story.
I looked at the flyer and my intuition said, “You need to do this course. It's perfect for you”. So I wrote down the phone number and the website address and looked it up at home. And sure enough, it looked fantastic. It was a full year of training in a small group to become a therapist using this method. I could even use my vocal skills, so I thought 'wow that really is perfect!'
Very exciting...at first
I signed up for the course and was very excited on my first day. Beforehand I had already read a bit about the method's founder, whom I'll call Chris, and I was really looking forward to learning from him.
We were definitely a small group – there were twelve of us, plus Chris and his two female assistants. And the training was very intense. Chris told us that he wanted to 'break down the walls of our egos' (and if this sounds like something a leader of a religious sect might say, well yes you're right. How did you know?)
So what followed were some very long days of exploring our own inner psyches using Chris' method – we did this in the mornings usually. Then in the afternoons we would do group work, so trust exercises, therapy games etc. We also always had some kind of circle time where we would talk about things that had come up during our group and individual explorations of our inner worlds. Chris was the lead therapist, and we were all like his clients. We were learning by exploring our psyches and then using him and his therapeutic skills to deal with what came up.
Dealing with heavy stuff, and ego-breaking exercises
And I have to say that some of the stuff that came up was pretty heavy. Things that people had repressed for years, or that they remembered vaguely but had never explored, or that they didn't even remember until the work we were doing brought a memory to the surface. I can't go into details for obvious reasons, but we're talking childhood abuse, family members committing suicide, birth trauma, that kind of stuff. So not exactly what you'd chat about over a coffee, right?
Some of the exercises were pretty interesting as well, as was the homework. One assignment I remember was that for 3 days we had to create a blanket fort in our homes (now that does sound like fun, right?) and we had to live in there. We also had to eat our food without using our hands from a bowl on the floor. Sounds weird, right? I mean now you probably definitely think I'm nuts!
I mean I'm all for self-exploration, but I have to say that my son's dad thought I was nuts. My son thought it was normal – I mean he spent a lot of time crawling around on the floor anyway so he probably figured Mommy was playing like he was. It was interesting to say the least, and I know I did have some deep realization or other during that process but for some reason I can't remember for the life of me what that was. Anyway, that's not important.
Is he skilled, or is he psychic?
Anyway exercises like this make you a bit vulnerable, and we very quickly came to depend on Chris in the all-day sessions for his help and support. He was very, very skilled – extremely good at what he did, and he would see things in people that left you thinking, 'Is he psychic? How did he see that?' It was incredible to watch. So we all, I think, admired him. Certainly for me, I had him on this therapist pedestal – I admired him as a teacher, a trainer and a therapist. Nothing more than that though.
One day we were learning about two aspects of a relationship between therapist and client that are crucial to understand if you want to be a good therapist. And those aspects are transference, and countertransference. I need to explain them so that you understand what comes next. But it's pretty logical and I'm going to give a very simplistic explanation here.
Transference and countertransference
Transference is a process where the client unconsciously transfers feelings that they have for someone in their life onto the therapist. So for example let's say a therapist is helping a woman get over her difficult relationship with her brother. At some stage in the therapy, that woman can start to transfer her feelings for her brother – good and bad – onto the therapist. The mind does this to help us work through those feelings, because the therapist is a 'safe' version of her brother. The client can rant and rave or say things to the therapist-as-brother that she perhaps wouldn't feel able to express to her real brother. And a good therapist knows about this process and is smart enough to work with that transference.
For example if the woman starts ranting at him in the way she used to at her brother, the therapist can use that dynamic to respond to her in a way that can help her move forward. This is very simplistic, so if you're listening and you're a therapist, please forgive me. I know it goes deeper than that but I'm just trying to get across the basic idea because of what comes next in my story.
An example of countertransference
Let's say then that the woman is ranting at the therapist because in her unconscious mind he has become her brother, in a sense. In a perfect world, the therapist wouldn't take this personally. He or she would be thinking 'Well her transference is that I'm her brother, I know this, so I won't take this personally'. But therapists, like the rest of us, are human. And they do react to the client's transference – which we call countertransference.
In the case of the ranting woman, the therapist's reaction – his or her countertransference – could be anger. It could be fear. It could be any number of things depending on the therapist's own personal history. And a good therapist will recognize that if he or she starts to feel a strong emotional response, then perhaps the client is unwittingly triggering some of the therapist's own personal stuff. Cause we all have our personal stuff, right? We all have buttons that people can push, regardless of how much personal development we do. It's just that usually the more personal development you do, the more difficult it can be for someone to push your buttons. But the buttons are still there.
And now the story gets tricky...
So here's where my story gets tricky. One day we were in our c
CFDS 019 Kate Fisher's Story: This World, Or Another
33m · PublishedHow Kate Fisher found herself at the brink of death, having to choose between this world and the next. Plus one of the best foods to feel grounded: for keeping a level head and making good decisions(!)
Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.
I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:
This world...Or Another
In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the best foods to feel grounded – in other words, to help us stay clear-headed and even make better decisions in our lives.
OK enough hints from me, I'm sure you have no idea what that food is...or maybe you do, so let's get on with the story.
Our guest, Kate Fisher
I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Kate Fisher. Kate is a shamanic practitioner who specialises in helping others to connect with the power that is already within them. She is also an artist, and she works with drums, paint and clay to create shamanic tools, paintings and ceramics. And she works with people not only face to face, but also at a distance which I think is very cool. She has a pretty incredible story to share which I think you're going to love!
So Kate, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!
Kate: Thanks Barbara.
Me: Yeah, it's great to have you. I'm looking forward to sharing your story.
Kate's story
So you work in Norfolk, you live in Kent, but do you have a lot of trees surrounding you now? Because I know that you spent a lot of your childhood in trees, is that what you told me? Is that where your story begins?
Kate: Yeah, it kind of is, I was much more into sitting in trees and hanging out there and not really with the other kids. It just felt calming and I later found out that what was actually happening was that I was speaking with the tree deities and the tree spirits themselves.
Me: So like when most kids had imaginary friends, like little playmates and stuff, then you just had your playmates that were like in the trees and nature spirits and everything.
That's really cool, when I was little actually, I didn't play with the other kids either. I was with them but I was a tiger roaring and crawling on the floor. So there were no nature spirits for me, just a bunch of crawling around.
On to herbalism
At one point you studied herbalism, is that right? How did you come to study that?
Kate: Well, I began studying it. After doing my art degree, I actually got a job in Neal's Yard Remedies in Norwich. And so that just kind of brought me back to plants and their uses. The medicinal uses were the sort of thing I was drawn to. I was going to move to Australia to do the whole course of naturopathy.
There was something still missing from that for me. So from that I actually found magical herbalism.
Me: Okay.
Kate: Yeah, so that's kind of like hedge witchcraft. It's understanding that everything has an energy and you can use that energy to help heal and help rebalance.
Me: I know about wild plants, you know, and collecting wild plants and just eating them because they taste really good, and I know that nettles for example are really good for arthritis, just little things that you kind of pick up. But that's kind of all I know. So is it like making teas for people and poultices and things like that out of plants and stuff?
Kate: No, no, it's purely energetic, so it's basically like spellcasting.
Me: OK.
Magic herbalism, then on to the Philippines
Kate: So you would use certain herbs and plants that have certain attributes and they often correspond with the medicinal uses as well. And you'd kind of enchant them and then you'd make them into little sachets to hand to people and once they'd got their use from it, they would bury it. It was always just for an energetic purpose.
Me: Oh OK.
Kate: It's like the old wives' tale of putting certain things above the door so things can't come in.
Me: I get it. OK. So you were doing herbalism but then I think you stopped, is that right, and you moved to the Philippines? Is that right?
Kate: Yeah, that's right. So magical herbalism still wasn't doing it for me and I still felt there was something more. And I came across a book and it was called Chance Spirit Shamanism, and this just sent me off! I knew that I had to do something with this because it would take me deeper into that plant realm. The way I actually got to the Philippines was through my ceramics, with a job as a teacher over there.
Manila and the Saturn return
Me: How did you get that job? That's really cool.
Kate: A Filipino lady, her family ran the college there and she approached me and asked if I would teach there.
Me: Wow!
Kate: Unfortunately it was in Manila and for me that was just too busy. It's a really built city with really rich and really poor areas. I found this place called Bahay Kalipay which means the House of Happiness. So I went there, I volunteered and from there I taught this process called The Inner Dance, and this was precisely when my Saturn return hit. I had just turned 28 and I decided to drop everything, I sold everything that I owned in England basically, and I decided to move to the Philippines.
Kate's Saturn Return
Me: Wow. So can you just...sorry, can you explain to people, some people that may not know, what is a Saturn return and why does it just – cause I've experienced one too – what is a Saturn return and why does it turn your life upside down?
Kate: Yeah, well, OK. The Saturn return is...Saturn's in a certain place in the night sky and what happens is when that then comes around which obviously it takes 28 to 30 years to come round in your astrological chart, that changes everything. You're then kind of pushed or encouraged onto a path that you should have been taking that you may have been diverted from. Some people's is really turbulent, other people it can be quite free flowing depending on what their life path life has taken.
And then this happens again normally in women's time, it's normally around the menopause.
Me: Well it would be like 28 years later, right?
Kate: Exactly, yeah, it's on that time scale. So it really can turn your life upside down because Saturn's known as the teacher. If you haven't learned your lessons, you're gonna learn them!
Why the Philippines
Me: Yup! I've experienced that so I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, so it can be quite big life changes and stuff, right? What made you decide to move to the Philippines?
Kate: Well, in all honesty a man.
Me: (laughs) As so often happens...
Kate: And he worked at the retreat center that I went to. Yeah, I kind of knew that it wasn't gonna work out but I'm always this kind of romantic person, I'm just gonna follow my heart...I loved it there anyway because it was just so beautiful and I felt so held there, just on the land.
Me: Yeah. So you moved to the Philippines, so if you moved because of him, did you stay with him and then, like, what happened?
Releasing inner blocks
Kate: Well, I think I moved in with him to begin with, him and his family. And then I went back to work at the retreat center for meditation and the inner dance which is kind of meditative. It allows the flow of energy and any blockages to come out, it can be quite cathartic and transformative in itself. So I went back there and lived there, and I did that for 8 months. I was looking for land to buy as well.
Me: So you were gonna buy land in the Philippines? That's very cool. You said at one point that you had a kind of like dark night of the soul, was that related to the guy? Or...
Kate: It was all, you know, a whole lump of stuff rolled in together (laughs). That's what happens, isn't it?
Me: All at the same time, of course, yeah.
Crying in paradise
Kate: All at the same time. So yeah, for me, I was in paradise but I was crying my eyes out every day.
Me: Oh!
Kate: Yeah, and it was just this kind of ultimate depression, but this was something different, it was a transformative kind of time. And I ended up not really seeing the point in life, so I went from, you know, being on a real high and feeling the connection between all things and all of this and then just fell apart and thought, “Well, if everything is nothing and no
CFDS 018: I Used To Date Guys, But My Travel Sickness Found Me A Wife
35m · PublishedCorrina's journey from dating guys to finding a wife...thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you've already found your partner...)
In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you've already found your wife or partner).
OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.
Our guest, Corrina Gordon-Barnes
I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships.
So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!
Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you.
Me: Oh well you're so welcome! I love your story and I really can't wait for us to share it with everybody.
Corrina's story, starting with being boy mad
Me: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you...and I've said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner?
Corrina: Well, I was boy mad.
Me: Boy mad!
Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early.
I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”.
Me: Oh my god!
A relationship expert...in primary school
Corrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don't do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad, and getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me...
Me: Sounds familiar, yeah.
So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me.
Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right?
Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17.
Me: Wow!
We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life... That was the path that I thought I was on at that age.
Me: So then what happened to take you off that path?
The path to self-discovery
Corrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself.
So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan... It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life.
Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like 'Oh I think I need to take care of myself more' or become a different person, or...?
Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe, and he just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don't you come along”.
And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this - “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”.
And it was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that's who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I'm a spiritual being”.
The layers (or the clothes) fall away
Me: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing...
Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off.
Me: (laughs) Um...I haven't heard that one before!
Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that, and I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being.
It was like everything that wasn't true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months.
Me: Wow. That's very cool!
Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool. I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light. I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful.
Me: It's interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that's really interesting.
Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment, it was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up.
On to Cambridge University...and a fated bus trip
Me: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University?
Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, I was sat next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just...a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like 'Huh, she's just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?'
So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her...I'd already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!”
So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice.
A brave declaration
Me: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later?
Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like 'Huh! What is this woman doing to me? What this? What is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier...'
Me: Wow!
Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized.
Me: It sounds like a good, a good...I don't know, I mean, I've never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right?
Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of 'switch-on, turn-on, I'm awake, I'm alive, oh my gosh, who are you' kind of thing.
Me: Was it the same for her as well?
Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I've realized that I'm just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?”
Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don't want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did!
Corrina: I just did! And that's
CFDS Episode 017, Sohini's story: Because Every Drop In The Ocean Counts
28m · PublishedSohini's discovery of a young boy and his amazing story, and how he inspired her to leave an upscale London legal firm to become a solicitor who helps change lives, one drop at a time. Plus one of the best foods to help fight overwhelm.
In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food to help fight overwhelm, because our guest today went through something that was pretty emotionally intense.
Our guest, Sohinipreet Alg
Which brings me to say that I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Sohinipreet Alg. Sohini is a solicitor – a lawyer – who has an incredible story for us about how she left what could have been a very financially lucrative career to take a very different direction as a solicitor, all because of a young boy. She is compassionate, determined and very caring, as you will hear.
So Sohini welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really happy to have you here today!
Sohini: Thank you for having me Barbara, I'm excited to be here.
Sohini's story
Me: Super! So Sohini, why don't you start by telling us what kind of work you were doing before you met this young boy, when you first got started as a solicitor?
Sohini: OK well I think that was quite early on in my training contract, so I was doing various areas of law at that point. I hadn't finalized what I wanted to do, which area I wanted to go into. Immigration was actually not something that I wanted to go into, but as you'll see I kind of just fell into that.
My main area of interest was kind of a corporate, commercial area of law, so I was mainly concentrating on that.
Me: And is there any reason why you were concentrating on that to start with?
Sohini: You have to do a few seats in your training before you qualify. So they gave me a commercial seat, and an immigration seat, and also a housing and litigation seat.
Me: What's a seat? Is that just like a temporary post, or something?
Sohini: It's about 6 months, 6-8 months of training in each area over a period of two years, and then at the end of the training you kind of naturally go into one of those areas and specialize in that.
Going for the money
Me: OK. So then your story I guess would begin... How did you find the corporate seat, first of all? Did you do that one first?
Sohini: I did, and I really enjoyed that. It was something that I thought I'd like to go into just purely because of the financial side of it I think. A lot of people obviously end up going into law or anything similar thinking “oh yeah, the money”! So I think I was probably quite similar in that way.
I didn't have a real interest in law in that sense, I did a History and Latin degree so completely different to law. But I didn't know what I would do with my history and Latin degree, so I thought 'the corporate and commercial side of it's gonna make a lot of money so let's try and do that!'
Very long hours
So first I went into a firm which had quite a strong corporate field and that was the first seat that was given. And I enjoyed that, it was very cutthroat, very long hours.
Me: That's what I was going to ask, yeah, I mean, what was the atmosphere like? What kind of hours were you working?
Sohini: Well it would easily be...you'd start at eight o'clock and you'd be finishing at maybe ten or eleven o'clock at night.
Me: Wow! And was that normal even for people that were...once they'd finished their training?
Sohini: Absolutely, people would just continue into the early hours of the morning if necessary. So if you're working on a deal, if you're working for an organisation or a company, they expect you to be at their beck and call so you'd be available 24/7 really.
Me: Wow!
Sohini: It wasn't actually too bad compared with some of my seniors. So yeah, it's pretty difficult.
Me: But you enjoyed it!
Sohini: I enjoyed it, well not as much as I actually then enjoyed other areas as you'll see but especially because I thought that was what I wanted to do and that was what was going to make me money. So that's what I was seeing more than anything else.
Me: And you did 6 months there and then what happened? Then was it the immigration seat?
Defending the homeless
Sohini: No, then I went to do a public law and housing seat. So it was kind of...I was dealing with local authorities, dealing with a lot of homeless people, dealing with landlord/tenant issues, nuisance, etc. It was a completely different seat, it was more personable, more client contact. That was quite nice actually, I enjoyed it. There was a lot of appearing in courts etc and assisting barristers and solicitors.
Me: Were you assisting...I mean I just want to get an idea because I know nothing about law. So were you assisting...for example with the homeless people, were you assisting the homeless people? Or...I mean to me I kind of see it always as two sides, right? There's the side of the homeless person and what they want and the side of the, I don't know, the council and what they want.
Sohini: I was working primarily for the individual so it would be for example the homeless person. So I wasn't working for the local authority, I was working for the individual in that situation.
Legal Aid
Me: And how did they...so was that pro bono? Like how did you get paid?
Sohini: Yeah, well it's Legal Aid, so our firm also had a Legal Aid contract with the government as well. So if you aren't able to pay and you can prove your financial situation, you do get free access to legal care.
Me: Wow!
Sohini: The government paid for it. We just had to basically at the end of the case prove that we'd put in x number of hours and this person wasn't able to pay privately and so we were paid accordingly from the government.
Me: With the homeless people, what kind of things would you help them do? Did you help them get housing then?
Sohini: Exactly. So it would be where they were refused temporary housing and they could prove they were homeless, there was criteria that they had to follow. Sometimes it's pretty difficult to prove everything. Or it was just that they had temporary accommodation but they got kicked out of the accommodation because they'd spent too long in the accommodation etc. Basically it was just trying to get them housing when they deserved the housing and the local authority wasn't giving it.
On into the world of immigration...dragging her feet
Me: Wow, OK. And then from there you went to immigration, I guess?
Sohini: Yes, my final seat was immigration and that was the seat that I really didn't want to go into.
Me: And why not? What were your thoughts about it before you went into it?
Sohini: I think it was just...Well, I didn't think there was much money in that area also, and I was also concerned because it's a very fast-paced, very rapidly moving area of law and I wasn't sure I'd be able to get to grips with. It's an area that you need to just keep retraining and keep on top of it because the immigration rules change that quickly. And there are so many...there's a variety of countries that people can come into the UK from, and there are different rules according to where you might be applying from. So it was just such a difficult area, that's just what I thought, it wasn't something that I wanted to move to naturally.
Me: Right, so then you started going into it not really wanting to do it, and then what happened?
Discovering new aspects of herself
Sohini: Yeah well I think not even a couple of months into the seat, just a few weeks into the seat I quickly became very absorbed with the area actually. I was doing longer hours in immigration than I was when I was doing the commercial seat.
Me: Really!
Sohini: Yeah, and I think that was purely because I enjoyed it that much, and I felt that compassion that I didn't have initially, I didn't think I had in me.
Me: Oh wow! That's honest!
Sohini: Yeah, so it was just quite overwhelming when I joined. I mean the firm that I was with, they have an excellent track record with immigration law and it's one of the biggest departments in the UK. So we had a variety of immigration clients. We had private clients, we had Legal Aid clients, we had asylum seekers, you know it was all sorts of clients, people who were in the UK unlawfully or illegally trying to legalize their stay. There was just such a variety and listening to people's stories, finding out what their background was, why a lot of them really felt the need to live in the UK, what had happened in their past, it was amazing. Hearing the stories was just amazing. Very heartwarming and very humbling as well.
Me: And so speaking of stories, this brings us to the story that you mentioned, right? That seemed to affect you the most, is that right?
A young boy...under a truck
Sohini: Yeah, exactly. I think it was because I hadn't come across many such cases before. But it was a young boy who...and I think it was early in the evening and I was getting ready to actually leave the office. We got a call that there was a young boy who had entered the UK unclaimed. That was assumed. He couldn't speak any English and he'd come under trucks. He was kind of held on under the trucks, so the truck drivers didn't even know that they'd picked him up in Calais for example.
Me: Oh wow, how was he under the truck? I think you said he was strapped? Like somebody
CFDS 016: From Wounded to Warrior: How The Path of Sensational Sex Unlocked My Power
41m · PublishedJessica Louise Li shares how she went from being in an abusive marriage to creating a legacy with a new love of her life using what she calls the path of Sensational Sex.
And at the end of this episode I'll share with you a little food that I bet you don't know is a powerful libido booster – as well as another food that you definitely want to avoid, because it acts like a cold shower of toxicity!
Our guest, Jessica Louise Li
I am very excited to be joined here today by Jessica Louise Li. Jessica is a former raw food chef who now teaches women how to use the power of sex energy to unleash self-expression in both the bedroom and in business. Now I don't know about you, but that alone would get me very excited. But she's got a lot more to share with us today, so let's get started!
Me: So Jess welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm super excited to have you here!
Jess: Yes, thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to those tips you have at the end.
Me: Yeah, let's see how that turns out! We'll see if you know them – including the toxic one.
I'm really glad we're able to do this because we've known each other for quite a while.
So I already know your story, but I love it and I think it's quite a powerful one. You went from such a place of hardship to a place of lightness and joy. I think people will be very inspired to know how you went from one to the other, and what it was like for you.
I know that for a while you had a bit of a rough time because you were in a bit of an abusive relationship. Do you want to say a little bit about that? Because I think that's where your story starts, if I'm not mistaken?
Jess: Yeah definitely.
Jessica's story
So I was married for 10 years – I mean it was 14 years in the long run. But it was 10 years into the marriage where things started to accumulate more and more.
An abusive marriage from day 1
It always...from day 1 it was mentally abusive, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive...There were 5 times when he put his hands on me and of course as we know, one time is more than enough.
It wasn't until almost 10 years into the marriage where he had actually tried to take my life.
My husband had actually tried to kill me as my 3 children were sleeping upstairs.
Me: Oh my God, how old were your children?
Jess: They were 7, 9 and 11...or actually no, that was 2010...The kids are 2 years apart so they were 3, 5 and 7.
Me: Wow.
Jess: They were really young.
And I know that's the hard run of the story, but...I want to share it like that because that's an experience. As dramatic and as crazy and wild as it may seem to some people, it's something that I happened to experience in life. But I know that that doesn't define me.
A journey too
It's really the journey of what I experienced back then to what I am now. And that's what I'm really here for, it's the inspiration, it's the whole picture. It's not just that one incident.
Me: Exactly. If people were to look at your life now, when people see what you're doing now, it's amazing. I know that you'll say a bit more about that later but it's kind of hard to imagine that you started from that kind of place.
Jess: Yeah, totally. I guess that's a testament to how far I've come. It was something that was really horrifying and I wouldn't wish it on anyone for sure.
Married to a killer (literally)
But here's the thing: when I was in that relationship, I knew that it was wrong. Deep down I knew that I shouldn't be in there. But the thing is that I was living in so much fear, and I didn't feel like I had the resources to be able to leave him.
On top of that he was someone who was involved with the gangs, so I was in fear of him having someone follow me. Or, you know, because he was in that lifestyle, he had no qualms about coming after me or trying to kill me.
Like when he said he was going to kill me, I like 100% believed him.
Me: Wow.
Jess: Because he had killed people before. And I can say that freely now only because he passed away. He died suddenly 3 years ago, it's been almost three years now.
Living in fear
One of the biggest secrets that I couldn't tell – and I think even when I met you, I couldn't say my whole story. So maybe it's perfect timing now that we're doing this interview!
There's only so many details that I could say, right? It's not about ratting him out or like trying to show off, even if you'd consider that showing off. But it's to highlight that I was living in so much fear that every night I knew that I was laying in the arms of someone that has killed before.
People ask me, “Why didn't you leave earlier?” A lot of people say that about abused women, 'why do you stay' or 'I don't get why you're still with him'. And I think it's not until or unless you're in that situation that you really understand why a woman stays.
Like I said, of course I knew it was a bad thing. As my kids were growing up, I knew that I didn't want my daughter to see that it was OK for a man to hit her and for her to go back. And vice-versa, I didn't want my son to think it was OK for him to put his hands on a woman and then she comes back and all is great.
So I had to be mindful of that. When they were younger there was so much that I could get away with, but as they got older they started to mimic certain behaviours. They started to see my ruses, they started to ask “Why does Mommy have a black eye?”
The turning point
It just got to the point where you know what? This was enough. And yeah, unfortunately it got to the night where he attacked me and tried to kill me.
Me: And was that the turning point?
Jess: That was the turning point, because I was on the sofa, and without going into too much detail... One of the ways he tried to kill me...
He was huge, he choked me twice unconscious on the sofa.
So I had three thoughts. One, that my parents would find my body here. Two, that my children wouldn't have their mother. And three, that this isn't fair, I didn't get to do everything that I wanted to do.
It was the third thought that was the catalyst. That was what made me want to take my own life, after healing, and create something that was for me. To create the life of my dreams. And to do something that was gonna benefit my kids - I was gonna be happy.
I didn't want to waste time, and I didn't want to life my life for someone else. Now I wanted to live my life for me.
The scariest moment
Actually I was very fortunate, because he had stabbed me after I had regained consciousness. He had actually stabbed me in the head.
Me: In the head?!
Jess: He did, yeah. And I know it's crazy and it was the scariest moment. I mean, the whole night was crazy. Crazy scary.
Me: Well it's amazing that you survived!
Jess: Yes, but do you know what though Barbara? If you believe in it...I do... it was divine intervention.
Face to face with a knife
What happened was he had picked up the knife, it was a big stainless steel kitchen knife. He came towards me and he was 6, 6 feet 1 and 270 pounds at the time. Mostly muscle, a big guy. And I'm like 5 feet 4, 5 feet 5, a 140 pounds, 135 pounds.
He came to me, basically we were like face to face and he picked up the knife and I shut my eyes and I was hoping that it wasn't going to hurt too much.
I was like 'wow, this is the last scene I'm going to see before I die'.
And I shut my eyes and I squeezed my eyes so tight, and I was just braced for the knife. I felt the knife go in and out of my scalp really fast. It was really creepy.
All of a sudden he backed off. I tried to deflect the knife for one or two seconds and he backed off and I thought this was weird, I was just in so much shock.
After he had already punched me, after he had already broken a chair over me, after he'd choked me unconscious twice, and now he'd just stabbed me...my adrenaline was just pumping and all of a sudden he just stopped out of nowhere so I was in a huge state of shock. Then on top of that I was like 'what the heck? What's going on?'
So I actually thought he was going to go get...I knew that he had a gun in the house and I thought he was going to go get that.
Divine intervention
And it wasn't till later that I realized when I talked to him that he has a rosary. Usually as you know you don't wear rosaries. But he had his decked out in diamonds, and he made it fancy. So he was wearing his rosary at the time, and it snapped, it broke. He had owned it for years, maybe like 8 years up to that point or so. It broke, and he told me that's what snapped him out of his rage, because when the rosary snapped it took him out of what he was doing to me and he was like 'What the f am I doing?'
So I keep that piece with me to this day, I have it in my room. I've done talks when I've spoken in front of organizations and young girls, I've showed it to them. Because that's what saved me. If the rosary hadn't broken at the time, I don't know whether I'd be here talking to you.
Me: Wow. Whoof!
Jess: Yeah.
Me: It's such a powerful story that I'm kind of glued to my chair. I'm kind of like wow, where do you go...
Getting out fast
So how did you leave? Was it after that night that you just like left? Did you take your kid
Clean Food, Dirty Stories has 25 episodes in total of non- explicit content. Total playtime is 11:14:12. The language of the podcast is English. This podcast has been added on November 27th 2022. It might contain more episodes than the ones shown here. It was last updated on February 23rd, 2024 03:43.
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