Learning How To Live

An episode about that moment when you seem to be getting better and then suddenly have a bad day, or bad week. Following my story of recovery from anxiety and in this case discussing my relapse a few years later and how I came to terms with it.

In this episode I look at the many varying ways I learnt to calm my anxiety. Some of these are small physical and practical changes, some were skills I learnt, others still were difficult relational choices I had to make. I hope this might help you if you have recognised you are struggling with anxiety and don't know what could help.

In this episode I look at the unhelpful mindsets I was stuck in during my 20s (and if I am not careful mindsets I can still slip into today). These deeply held, but never properly acknowledged beliefs created an environment for anxiety to flourish. It is only by re-examining and unpicking these ideas I have been able to recover and live well.

In this episode I discuss my mental health diagnosis (initially with Post-Natal Depression and then with Generalised Anxiety Disorder.) Being diagnosed with a strange experience, it changes nothing and every thing. Here I discuss my initial reactions to the diagnosis and what I then went and did about it with my usual level of skin-off honesty. 

A deep dive into why it can be so hard to realise you are struggling with your mental health. I talk about my 20s, the unrealistic expectations and circumstances that surrounded my eventual diagnosis of post natal depression and anxiety. This correlates strongly with what I see happening around me at the moment. The pandemic has pushed many of us to the brink of not-coping and many people are struggling with anxiety for the first time. Lets talk about why and how and what we can do about it now.

I can be my own worst and most harsh critic. 

My inner critic is loud and persistent, telling me all the ways I am not enough: not good enough, don't work hard enough, not consistent enough. 

I have done a lot of work to quieten and even silence my inner critic, but I still have days when by the time it gets to the evening  I realise - 'oh, I have been listening to that pesky voice again'.

In this episode I describe how my inner critic talks to me, what the persistent nonsense she spouts consists of and how it makes me feel, and... how I work to quieten her voice.

In this episode I take a long hard look at the World of Measurement.

Not sure what that is?

It is the world most of us live in nearly all the time.

A world where we compare and quantify, chart academic progress and weight loss, reward promotion and achievement, where the most important thing is winning and if that means somebody else loses, well so be it.

In the World of Measurement we measure everything from our income to our cars, from how tastefully decorated or tidy our homes are to the behaviour of our children, from the size of our waist to our academic achievements.

Want to know if you are a success: ask how you measure up?

In this episode I talk about learning to recognise the world of measurement and how to start to step outside of it.

This episode is for anyone who is tired of striving and performing and wants to find a new way to be in the world. For anyone who is tired of competition and comparison and longs for community and connection instead.

The book I reference in this episode is:

The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander.

This might just be my favourite podcast episode so far. 

A couple of weeks back I travelled to Bath to attend the launch of the Positive Wellness Journal, the new book from the Positive Planners.

For those of you who don’t know, the Positive Planners are Ali and Finn and together, fuelled by their personal mental health stories, they designed and launched a successful range of gratitude mindful journals. I was introduced to Ali and Finn about six months ago via the medium of Instagram. Having exchanged many messages over the past half year it was great to be able to finally meet in person, and even better to have the opportunity to chat to them about all the ways they have been learning how to live.

This conversation cover many topics including; creativity, education, becoming the most authentic version of yourself and the perils and positives of receiving a diagnosis. To say we went deep would be an understatement. Ali and Finn spoke vulnerably and articulately about their mental health journeys and what has helped them along the way.

A couple of things mentioned:

The Art of Possibility by Benjamin and Rosalind Zander. 

I first read this book nearly 10 years ago and have picked it up numerous times since then. An excellent, permission-giving, truth-telling read.

Mental Health Resources.

This link will take you to the mental health resources page of the Positive Planners’ website. If listening to this episode of the podcast has stirred up anything for you and you think it might be good to get some help, this is a great place to start.

And finally, the Positive Planners website, where you will find details of their brilliant books and a whole lot more.

This episode explores why it is vital to know the limits of your capacity.

I didn't know how much I was able to do. I tried to do it all. I pushed hard and kept going when I should have stopped. It didn't end well. I ended up at the age of 30 riddled with anxiety, experiencing panic attacks and burn out.

One of the most important elements of my recovery has been to think about how much I can do. This is easier said than done when you live a life full of responsibility and activity.

In this episode I look at the pre-existing ideas I had around capacity and how these had to change. I share my experiences and how I manage my capacity now; discussing boundaries, different stages of life, saying no and the perils of people pleasing.

The book I mention in this episode is called The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk

I hope you enjoy it.

Episode four is an interview with Phil Watson. A conversation about finding the words to talk about how we are feeling and the limits of language when it comes to discussing mental health.

I have known Phil for over 20 years. He is a husband and Dad to his two birth children and adopted son. He is a secondary school German teacher and foster carer recruiter, and eight years ago found himself in the midst of a period of extreme anxiety.

In this episode Phil talks candidly about his experiences of anxiety and what he did about it. 

A warm hearted chat between two friends about the things that really matter. Hope you enjoy it!