Talk About Cancer

Lauren shared what it was like to follow her daughter Melissa's lead in having open conversations about end-of-life wishes, which gave Lauren a path forward during grief and led to the founding of 13 Thirty Cancer Connect to support thousands of AYA cancer patients in her community.

Find out more about 13 Thirty Cancer Connect's programs that are now available virtually and locally in Rochester NY and Syracuse NY. 

Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email [email protected] or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!

Thank you for listening!

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My reflections on the conversation:

I thought a lot about what Melissa’s brother said during his graduation speech to his 400 classmates 20 years ago - that Melissa’s life was not taken away, but that it was just shorter than most. I’m astounded by how much is packed in that one simple sentence in the mind of a 16-year-old. There was a sense of defiance, meaning - don’t pity my sister. But there was also this profound wisdom about - it’s not how long you live that matters, but what you do with the time you were given. I know that losing my dad helped me better appreciate the finality of my own life and has given me focus and gratitude that I probably would not otherwise have if I didn’t go through that painful experience with him. 

I’m also keenly aware, however, that insights like this are often luxury in a sense. It’s a perspective that’s easier to hold when you can put the adversity behind you. For those in the thick of things, it may not be so easy. But that’s also what’s really incredible about Melissa, is that she had that clarity while facing her imminent death. 

Lauren shared what it was like to follow her daughter Melissa's lead in having open conversations about end-of-life wishes, which gave Lauren a path forward during grief and led to the founding of 13 Thirty Cancer Connect to support thousands of AYA cancer patients in her community.

Find out more about 13 Thirty Cancer Connect's programs that are now available virtually and locally in Rochester NY and Syracuse NY. 

Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Contact me on Instagram or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

++++++++++++

My reflections on the conversation:

I thought a lot about what Melissa’s brother said during his graduation speech to his 400 classmates 20 years ago - that Melissa’s life was not taken away, but that it was just shorter than most. I’m astounded by how much is packed in that one simple sentence in the mind of a 16-year-old. There was a sense of defiance, meaning - don’t pity my sister. But there was also this profound wisdom about - it’s not how long you live that matters, but what you do with the time you were given. I know that losing my dad helped me better appreciate the finality of my own life and has given me focus and gratitude that I probably would not otherwise have if I didn’t go through that painful experience with him. 

I’m also keenly aware, however, that insights like this are often luxury in a sense. It’s a perspective that’s easier to hold when you can put the adversity behind you. For those in the thick of things, it may not be so easy. But that’s also what’s really incredible about Melissa, is that she had that clarity while facing her imminent death. 

Fabian took us back to the time when his existential crisis collided with his cancer diagnosis and how he was able to pull through 900 days of chemo with a vision to support other cancer people struggling with mental health.

You can download the War On Cancer app on your phone and check out the amazing Clinical Trial Finder feature. You can also connect with Fabian on Instagram @fabianbolin. 

Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Contact me on Instagram or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

++++++++++++

My reflections on the conversation:

What’s really important about Fabian’s story is that oftentimes when you get a cancer diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that whatever crisis you were already facing in your personal life just gets put on hold. As we heard, crises can have a way of amplifying each other and making the experience more complex and difficult to untangle. I was really impressed with how Fabian was able to pull apart what was helping him vs not in the middle of such an intense emotional rollercoaster. It shows how much work he has put into processing his own experiences, and ultimately, channeling the learnings towards building the War on Cancer platform to support other cancer people struggling with mental health. 

Fabian took us back to the time when his existential crisis collided with his cancer diagnosis and how he was able to pull through 900 days of chemo with a vision to support other cancer people struggling with mental health.

You can download the War On Cancer app on your phone and check out the amazing Clinical Trial Finder feature. You can also connect with Fabian on Instagram @fabianbolin. 

Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email [email protected] or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!

Thank you for listening!

++++++++++++

My reflections on the conversation:

What’s really important about Fabian’s story is that oftentimes when you get a cancer diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that whatever crisis you were already facing in your personal life just gets put on hold. As we heard, crises can have a way of amplifying each other and making the experience more complex and difficult to untangle. I was really impressed with how Fabian was able to pull apart what was helping him vs not in the middle of such an intense emotional rollercoaster. It shows how much work he has put into processing his own experiences, and ultimately, channeling the learnings towards building the War on Cancer platform to support other cancer people struggling with mental health. 

Brianna talked about how isolating the caregiving and the grieving experiences can be, and how creating art in a nonverbal way can be incredibly cathartic and healing. 

Check out Brianna's artwork on her website and let me know what it brings up for you! Also, follow her on Instagram @briannalhb so you will get updates about her upcoming workshops and shows.

Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email [email protected] or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!

Thank you for listening!

++++++++++++

My reflections on the conversation:

By coincidence, Brianna and I lost our loved ones - her mom and my dad - around the same time four years ago. Our conversation uncovered so many similarities and differences between our experiences of caregiving and grief, and all of it was so interesting to hear, like what helped us put things in perspective while grieving and how we handled conflicts with family members. But the way Brianna works through her emotions in a nonverbal way was so new to me, as I’ve been so entrenched in verbal and written expressions as ways of organizing thoughts and healing, it made me really curious about what I would end up creating if I participated in one of Brianna’s workshops. 

Brianna talked about how isolating the caregiving and the grieving experiences can be, and how creating art in a nonverbal way can be incredibly cathartic and healing.

Check out Brianna's artwork on her website and let me know what it brings up for you! Also, follow her on Instagram @briannalhb so you will get updates about her upcoming workshops and shows.

Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Contact me on Instagram or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

++++++++++++

My reflections on the conversation:

By coincidence, Brianna and I lost our loved ones - her mom and my dad - around the same time four years ago. Our conversation uncovered so many similarities and differences between our experiences of caregiving and grief, and all of it was so interesting to hear, like what helped us put things in perspective while grieving and how we handled conflicts with family members. But the way Brianna works through her emotions in a nonverbal way was so new to me, as I’ve been so entrenched in verbal and written expressions as ways of organizing thoughts and healing, it made me really curious about what I would end up creating if I participated in one of Brianna’s workshops. 

Laura explained how being diagnosed with cancer gave new meaning to her work as a health care advocate and that staying engaged with advocacy actually helped her push through her cancer treatment.

Laura mentioned Imerman Angels, which has also been referenced by a few other guests on this podcast about the wonderful one-on-one peer support they offer.

If you are interested in getting your story out for advocacy efforts, check out the resources offered by Laura’s nonprofit Health Care Voices.  You can also check out Laura's video on Now This asking Trump to not take away her health insurance by repealing Obamacare. Connect with Laura on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email [email protected] or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!

Thank you for listening!

++++++++++++

My reflections on the conversation:

When I first heard about Laura’s story, I didn’t understand how she was able to continue her advocacy work in the middle of her cancer treatment. As we all know, cancer treatments can be incredibly draining physically and emotionally, so going to a public meeting to challenge my senator’s voting choices would be nowhere on my to-do list. But that’s exactly what Laura did.

But it all made sense when she explained - which was that as challenging as our political system is and as controversial as Obamacare is, it was still something that she had a better chance of affecting than her cancer. The juxtaposition of this says everything you need to know about the cancer experience. 

Laura explained how being diagnosed with cancer gave new meaning to her work as a health care advocate and that staying engaged with advocacy actually helped her push through her cancer treatment.

Laura mentioned Imerman Angels, which has also been referenced by a few other guests on this podcast about the wonderful one-on-one peer support they offer.

If you are interested in getting your story out for advocacy efforts, check out the resources offered by Laura’s nonprofit Health Care Voices.  You can also check out Laura's video on Now This asking Trump to not take away her health insurance by repealing Obamacare. Connect with Laura on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Contact me on Instagram or email me at [email protected]. 

Thank you for listening!

++++++++++++

My reflections on the conversation:

When I first heard about Laura’s story, I didn’t understand how she was able to continue her advocacy work in the middle of her cancer treatment. As we all know, cancer treatments can be incredibly draining physically and emotionally, so going to a public meeting to challenge my senator’s voting choices would be nowhere on my to-do list. But that’s exactly what Laura did.

But it all made sense when she explained - which was that as challenging as our political system is and as controversial as Obamacare is, it was still something that she had a better chance of affecting than her cancer. The juxtaposition of this says everything you need to know about the cancer experience. 

Michelle and Phil shared some of the most challenging moments, thoughts, and feelings they’ve had in their caregiving and grief process over the last three decades, and how they were able to eventually move forward from the devastating loss of their son Gabe.

You can read more about their story in an article Phil had written for the San Diego Reader. Also, check out Okizu and the amazing services they are still providing to families today. 

Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email [email protected] or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!

Thank you for listening!

++++++++++++

My reflections on the conversation:

I asked Phil our recording what he meant by the following (in reference to his last moments with Gabe): 

"I feel like having gotten through that moment and then having gotten through his actual death... in some way was part of what enabled me to get through the last 23 years."

He explained that seeing Gabe accepting his own impending death helped Phil start to accept what was happening, and while Phil at that point had spent nearly eight years trying to save his son, the most loving thing he could offer at that moment was to help Gabe leave, and "... help his spirit be freed from this life." 

Listening to Michelle and Phil’s reflections on their caregiving and grief experience dusted off some of my own memories of the most intense moments I had with my dad’s cancer experience, like how my mom and I used to argue quite often because we were both stressed and perpetually sleep-deprived or having intimate conversations with each other when my dad was dying.

What I did not experience though, was the decade-long heartache Michelle described. As someone who doesn’t have children, it’s impossible for me to fully appreciate how devastating the experience of losing a child must be for parents. But that’s also what’s really reassuring about Phil and Michelle’s story. While they described their experiences in different words, the underlying message was the same - that grief requires courage, honesty, and persistence, but if you genuinely put in the work, the wound will eventually become a scar. 

Phil also added another piece of advice after we finished recording - which is that it’s okay to ask for help, and if help is offered, it’s okay to accept it. I couldn't agree more, but I also know that we live in a culture where asking and accepting help is very hard for some to do. Just remember that dealing with cancer is often a marathon and not a sprint, so if there’s ever a reasonable time to get help, this would be it!

Michelle and Phil shared some of the most challenging moments, thoughts, and feelings they’ve had in their caregiving and grief process over the last three decades, and how they were able to eventually move forward from the devastating loss of their son Gabe.

You can read more about their story in an article Phil had written for the San Diego Reader. Also, check out Okizu and the amazing services they are still providing to families today. 

Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.

Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Contact me on Instagram or email me at [email protected].

Thank you for listening!

++++++++++++

My reflections on the conversation:

I asked Phil our recording what he meant by the following (in reference to his last moments with Gabe): 

"I feel like having gotten through that moment and then having gotten through his actual death... in some way was part of what enabled me to get through the last 23 years."

He explained that seeing Gabe accepting his own impending death helped Phil start to accept what was happening, and while Phil at that point had spent nearly eight years trying to save his son, the most loving thing he could offer at that moment was to help Gabe leave, and "... help his spirit be freed from this life." 

Listening to Michelle and Phil’s reflections on their caregiving and grief experience dusted off some of my own memories of the most intense moments I had with my dad’s cancer experience, like how my mom and I used to argue quite often because we were both stressed and perpetually sleep-deprived or having intimate conversations with each other when my dad was dying.

What I did not experience though, was the decade-long heartache Michelle described. As someone who doesn’t have children, it’s impossible for me to fully appreciate how devastating the experience of losing a child must be for parents. But that’s also what’s really reassuring about Phil and Michelle’s story. While they described their experiences in different words, the underlying message was the same - that grief requires courage, honesty, and persistence, but if you genuinely put in the work, the wound will eventually become a scar. 

Phil also added another piece of advice after we finished recording - which is that it’s okay to ask for help, and if help is offered, it’s okay to accept it. I couldn't agree more, but I also know that we live in a culture where asking and accepting help is very hard for some to do. Just remember that dealing with cancer is often a marathon and not a sprint, so if there’s ever a reasonable time to get help, this would be it!