Blended - Navigating The Blended Family Experience

Step-parents face unique challenges. Many of which can be difficult to prepare for and the need for resilience is without question. Nonetheless, the 'NACHO' approach isn't the way to go! It's impossible to apply the phrase "not my kid, not my problem," and fulfill our commitment to the best of our ability. Whether step or biological, as parents we function within certain limits. Regardless of the extent of our bounds, our job is to love, instruct, and shape our kids for their sake, not our own. 

Is your stepchild two different people? Are they one person in your home and someone entirely different elsewhere? Have you become the home that is resented opposed to being the one that is preferred? All of the above are questions that we may entertain and desperately want to answer. But are the questions fair? Kids that go from one home to another, regarless how frequently that may happen, deal with much. Whether they want to be different people, or feel as if they have to in order to keep it all together, is hard to determine. However, what we believe about our kids will always set the pace, despite the challenges that are sure to come. 

Much has been accomplished this year! None of which would be possible without the collective support of those that have listened and engaged throughout 2022. There's plenty of momentum as we move into the new year and we can't wait to see what's in store! 

Among the many wonderful outcomes of being a step-parent, one of my favorites is the ability to pick your battles! However, this is a skill-set that we tend to stumble upon with a lot of time and much effort. Brett Kanda is no stranger to this process. In this episode he touches on the strain of being a leader and authority figure in his family, while also having to lay down his pride and a sense of control that tends to come natural to any of us. Check out this powerful conversation! 

The stop-and-go of a child leaving the home and returning can be taxing for everybody. If relationships are strengthening, their departure can be deflating. If we look forward to them leaving, then we probably won't receive them well when they get back. Not to mention the tax on the child as they go from one space to another. Reminding ourselves to function within our roles and the outcomes we want to see in our family will help us to navigate this the right way! 

There is hardly a more defeating or frustrating experience as a step-parent than to lack influence. Expressing an opinion or exercising authority within our families can be suprisingly difficult as everyone is adjusting. However, finding your voice as a step-parent is a must! This process often times feels like a balancing act where we're treading lightly, but not walking on eggshells ~ being flexible, but assertive ~ disagreeing at times, but not being disrespectful. Time, practice and teamwork are necessary for the step-parent to assume their role as they are both seen and heard!

A step-parent is an individual, a partner, a parent and a resource for restoration! Unfortunately, when these traits are lost among those that function within the role, we're left with fewer tools and an optimism that takes more effort to rev up than it used to. If we can define this incredible title of Step-parent, and accept it fully, I believe excitement, connection and hope will stay within arms reach! 

If you'd like to connect for a free 30minute video call then please check out my availability via the link below! 

https://calendly.com/renewyou-live/30min

This year has had its challenges! After stepping back for a bit I look forward to what's ahead for the listeners of Blended and those that will soon be part of the community! Back to posting podcast episodes on the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of each month and blogs will be available on the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month via our navigatingtheblend.com page. Stay tuned! 

Tyler Jones is a product of the blended family! While Tyler may be a man of character, faith and well accomplished professionally, he has not forgotten the moments that shaped him. The opportunity to exercise hindsight concerning his experiences is a blessing for parents so that they're reminded of the value that they possess. Tyler also reminds those that grew up in the blended family that they weren't alone, and that despite the challenges, we can identify our values and pursue better for ourselves and our families. 

Thrivent Values Worksheet

Those of us within the family unit can foster health and connection, or we can achieve the opposite. Sometimes we have to protect our family from ourselves! As parents learn to assume ownership and kids are continually supported, in spite of the challenges they present, we can cultivate something amazing in our homes. We should protect our loved ones from 'outsiders', but it's the 'insiders' that really need our attention!

If you'd like to connect for coaching or support, then please use the link below:
https://calendly.com/renewyou-live/30min