Accountability

Accountability

GDDB 13 - Accountability - Nobody is going to make you do it, except you. Life, working out, how you talk to your kids, what you prioritize…

Don’t really have show notes for this one. Going off the cuff. It’s 04/24/2022 and i’m getting this podcast back up & running. I would apologize for the delay, but the only person i need to be sorry to is myself for putting it off this long. Can’t believe I let myself wait this long to get the next episode recorded…anyway.

Accountability: Only you can get yourself to do IT. Whatever it is. Don’t rely on anyone else for encouragement,

Part 3 [Why I Want To Be Better Than My Father Was To Me]

GDDB 012 - PART 3 - Why I Want To Be MORE Than My Father Was To Me

So first, I want to apologize. It has been a while, I lost steam during this series. I think part of it was or is emotional, and part of it was mental hurdles to actually talk about it.

This is difficult. More difficult than most of you can imagine. I mean...this changed my life, my view of life and made me even question myself (who I was, who I would end up being, how I can make sure that I don’t become the same person). This has irked me for the past almost eight or so years... A person that I thought I knew my entire life, completely changed and ruined my thoughts and feelings of who they are. Someone who helped teach me so many things in life, made me question everything that I learned from them…...my father.

• I have brought up some interesting topics the previous episodes, but this one...
• This episode right here will be my hardest episode yet.
• When creating this podcast, I knew I would have this episode...I didn’t know when then, but here we are now.
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• Ok..if you’re not driving doing something that you need to see to do…follow below, otherwise listen along.
• Close your eyes...take some deep breaths… Now, I want you to put yourself in your shoes as a kid. Imagine yourself growing up through elementary school. Now Middle School, and maybe even High School, and now think of who you thought of as your “hero”…
• You can open your eyes now.
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• What are the reasons you chose the person you did? Why did you consider them your hero?
• I know for me, growing up I always looked up to someone who taught me how to be the person that I have grown up to be. I think of who always was strong for our family. And I also think of who always took me to do things like camping, paintball, birthday parties and other “fun” events.
• Many times that person that you’re thinking of right now is your father.
• I know that's who I thought of growing up.
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• Let’s jump to present day real quick, then i’ll go back to the story and the “why” I want to be MORE than my father was to me.
• First off, I now refuse to call him “dad”. I refer to him only as my “father”.
• For me, there are different meanings for the word “dad” compared to the word “father”
• A dad can be a father, but to me a father is not always a dad
• To me, your father is blood. Your father has taught you things. A father is a technical term.
• A dad is someone who mentors you. A dad is someone you love & trust. A dad is a friend. A dad feels like someone you can lean on & rely on.
• Again, in my world and my mind a dad can be a father but a father is not always a dad.
• Next, I want to make it clear that I learned many things from him growing up and I appreciate that. Truly.
• And last, I am who I am today because of what my parents taught me. Things like: be a good person, work hard, tell the truth; and he was part of those teachings.
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• Now...back to the story:
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• So. Where this mindset all started: Almost eight years ago. 2013. The year my wife & I got married. Also the year that I found out my parents were getting a divorce...and I found out very shortly after the wedding.
• FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuck. Me.
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• During this time, my father, the man who I had looked up to and was there for me throughout my entire childhood and into adulthood decided during this period of time to be everything he taught me not to be as a person.
• He was not the same person I grew up knowing.
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• He lied. He was rude. He talked to me like I was a 9yr old...

Part 2 [What My Father Was To Me]

GDDB 011 - PART 2 - Connecting Back To Growing Up: What I learned and Who I want to Be

When I was growing up, my father was what I thought of as the “fun dad” and the go-to dad to get out of the house and go do things like camping, hiking, playing paintball, going to movies etc...

• I learned a lot from my father and my mother.
• I am still learning today, as an “adult”
• I think that we are who we are today because of how we were raised.

• From the day we are born, we are impacted by our parents on how we are going to develop and the type of person we are going to be.
• It doesn’t all happen that first day of life, but that is where it starts and then it evolves from there.
• The reason is the strong bond between child and parent. Even before a baby can open their eyes and look around, they are developing emotions and feelings.

• “The most two important days in your life are the day your born and the day you find out why” – Mark Twain

• I remember my childhood, and learning how I was going to be who I was.
• I remember my parents teaching me how to ‘act right’, be patient, have manners, be polite, have respect...all the things that are instilled into me today.

• I also think about the things that I wasn’t taught (or don’t remember specifically) that I want to make sure my daughters will know:
• How to cook (or I should say: enjoy cooking)
• How to handle money
• (Not that i wasn’ taught this, but i think it has been lost in the world today:) There are winners and losers. Not to be a sore loser, and not to be a bragging winner (too much). Either way you have to work harder next time to “win”.
• Doing things around the house (maintenance)
• How to work out

• My father was always considered the ‘fun’ dad, the dad that went and did everything with us, and the dad that always took me to do things.
• We would go camping, hiking, paintballing. My mom & dad came to all of my band events in middle school and high school. They were always parents that were ‘involved’ in what I was doing.
• I also want to be that kind of dad. I want my wife and I to support and be involved in our daughter’s events - no matter what they are.

• I want our daughters to remember that mom & dad were there. That we supported them, and that we taught them to volunteer and step-in as parents to help out the organizations that they wanted to be involved in.

• I think that comes from seeing what my parents did when I was growing up. The type of people that they were, and how they were there for me.

Stay tuned for episode 3....

Part 1 [The Type of Father I Want to Be]

GDDB 010 - PART 1 - The Type of Father I Want To Be

When I found out my wife was pregnant, everything started to sink in. I sat there in excitement and thought to myself: I am going to be a dad! Something I knew I would have to decide was the type of father I was going to be. How I would act, teach, discipline and even love all play a role in who my kids grow up to be and our relationship between parent and kid.

• This is not an easy decision, and it is a decision I know will ever be changing as a father, dad, role model and teacher throughout my life and my kids’ lives.
• I think every father wants to be their kid’s role model and hero - as a father of two girls, I want nothing more than for my girls to be close to their mom, each other and to look up to me as a father, protector, provider and hero.
• If you're a dad listening, you know this is a huge weight on our shoulders no matter if you are a girl dad like me, a dad of both or a boy dad.

• A big influence on the kind of dad I want to be is the type of father that my dad was to me. I truly feel that it impacts all of us dads.

• So the question is...how do we become the father that we want to be?
• I know the father I DON'T want to be…
• I don’t want to be a yeller
• I don't want to be a screamer
• I don’t want to be non-existent
• I don’t want to be “the bad guy” all the time
• I DON’T WANT TO BE A BAD DAD…
• ...Now you can’t NOT be all these things ALL the time. Sometimes I yell, sometimes i’m not there (ex. Traveling for work), sometimes I am the “bad guy” because I put one or both of them in time out to think about their actions after having a conversation about it with them….even though I don’t WANT to be these things, I know that sometimes I will be.

• So...what kid of dad do I WANT to be…
• I want to be a dad that my daughters run to in excitement of seeing me
• I want to be a dad that my daughters want to ask every question they have to
• I want to be a dad that has tea parties and paints his nails with my daughters
• I want to be a dad that makes my kids laugh and smile
• I want to be a dad that takes my family on experiences that they’ll remember their entire lives
• At the same time:
• I want to be a dad that teaches my daughters about life, right from wrong and love
• I want to be a dad that always has a shoulder for my girls to cry on (that’s why I can’t have another kid, I only have two shoulders!)
• I want to be a dad that comforts
• I want to be a dad that makes my kids feel safe & protected
• And on top of all of those wants, and want-to-not-be’s, on the outside I want to be the cool and tough dad to all of their friends

• There are many ways to determine what kind of dad you want to be.
• There are endless articles on the internet.
• There are books.
• There are other dads out there (like me I guess) who are willing to share their views.
• At the end of the day, I think that it is a feeling and an instinct on how you determine what kind of dad / father you want to be.

• Being a parent is challenging, overwhelming and just plain hard at times. Always adjusting my attitude and evaluating how I act around my daughters is a norm
• At the end of the day, I know that I'm trying my best, and know that you’re trying your best too.
• I also know that I have a lot to adjust and learn throughout the path of being a dad and...

Tryin' To Have A Baby

GDDB 009 - Getting pregnant - not as easy for everyone

Some families are able to conceive no problem...other couples have a harder time, and a few need even more help than we did (IVF / Adoption) which we started to contemplate at one time.

• We were careful. We took the usual precautions to not have a kid until we were ready (well, nobody is 100% ready...but until we wanted to start trying).
• Thats when we found out that it wouldnt be so easy to conceive as we thought.
• In the beginning it is exciting to try to conceive...i mean heck, you’re in the sack more often than you were before and you’re trying to create a life to bring into this world!
• After trying for months, my wife’s excitement started to diminish and I didn’t know what to say to change the dynamic in her head.
• It was off to her OBGYN to discuss next steps, figure out if there were reasons and what could be done/tried for a greater success rate (not excluding me, but my wife wanted to get herself checked out first due to existing ovarian cysts.
• After figuring out what was going on (not going to go into details), some steroids and a couple ‘trigger’ shots later - My wife was pregnant!
• If you don’t know, the trigger shot causes ovulation = opportunity to conceive.
• Upside: we know pretty much exactly when our daughter was conceived. Downside: it becomes more of a science instead of a natural thing.
• You do what ya gotta do when you want kid(s)!
• So...first one was dialed in by the Dr. and my wife, so we figured the second one we were going to do the same process...welp thats not what the universe or my wife’s body had in mind. We knew what needed to happen, but the meds were slightly different and we had to go through additional rounds of trigger shots (4 or 5 rounds total).
• Upside: i got to give my wife two of the trigger shots myself (bonus of being a diabetic and knowing how to stick needles into a body). Downside: because it wasnt working the way the first time went, it became even more frustrating for my wife which made me feel bad.
• Additionally, after the last trigger shot...if it didnt work, my wife was ready to take a few months break from trying to conceive. The meds and the stress was getting to be too much for her, for me and on our relationship. Don’t forget - we were also already taking care of a 1.5 yr old.
• Well, that last trigger shot worked (thankfully!) and that was baby no. 2 on her way!
• See...it’s not always easy. Some people can essentially just look at their significant other and almost get pregnant but for others it is a challenge and it is a rough process. It puts your wife’s body under a lot of stress; it stresses your relationship, it impacts your attitude towards your kid and friends...it’s a LOT.
• Something I learned was to be a little more sympathetic and understanding when couples are trying to have a kid and it hasnt happened. I mean shitt...we had discussed IVF and even adoption before we “finally” conceived our first daughter (it was a 9ish maybe 12 month process…?).
• Now...something else we realized was WOW...if we knew what was needed in order to conceive years ago what we know now...we wouldn’t have been trying so hard NOT to have a kid yet before we were ready to start trying! Haha
• Only now can I joke about it, after we have been through all that we have.

NEXT EPISODE: Going to be the start of a 3 part series...going deep on this one, something that has been bothering me for a few years now (about SEVEN)...stay tuned!