Grief
56m
·
Open hearts. Honest conversations.
·
Show Notes: Bereavement is the term used to describe the holistic experience of loss, including the emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and social experiences. Grief is the word used to describe the emotional component of bereavement. Loss is the experience of being separated from something or someone that we love and care for. In other words, loss is the separation, and grief is the emotional reaction to the loss. Loss is a normal part of the human experience. Even though loss is a normal and expected part of life we continue to have difficulties with it because it is a painful experience, and humans are wired to avoid pain. We work very hard at avoiding pain, and the death of loved ones is not something that we can avoid. These losses bring up a lot of stuff for us, maybe the unfinished business of a conversation we didn’t finish, or actions we regret, so death brings a lot of discomfort to our lives. When someone we love has died, or when we have experienced another major loss, the way we can make it less painful is to know that the pain of the loss is not going to kill us. We can talk about it to people who will just listen and witness our pain. We can think about how the pain teaches us about who we are. It’s important for us to not feel alone with the pain of a loss. The Covid-19 pandemic has brought out a lot of feelings of grief and loss. We can help ourselves and others live with these feelings by increasing the kindness we offer to others and to ourselves. It is important not to compare our grief with others’ feelings of grief. The important part is your own experience of the loss, rather than comparing it to others’ loss. It is important to take the lessons of the loss, learn from them, and figure out how to move forward; not forget where we’ve been but to take those lessons and apply them to the next part of life. When we are supporting someone who has experienced a loss, we can best do this by offering our kind, gentle, and non-judgmental presence. We don’t have to know the right things to say, we can simply listen without interrupting. In 1969 Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed her Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A colleague later developed a sixth stage: making meaning. These stages are meant to describe the commonality of the human experience vis a vis grief and loss, but noting that this is not a linear process. Grief moves us around. We have to learn who we are after a significant loss. We are changed by the experience. Some common reactions to a major loss are: an initial shock period where the body and brain are not able to process the information, there’s also a change in breathing – people have a feeling of tightness in the lungs, there are changes in eating, sleeping, and exercising patterns. There is a period of evaluation where people think about their last conversations and list their regrets with that person, along with asking themselves if they played a part in the loved one’s death (could I have done something more? I should have done more…). People also find themselves needing to be more in contact with nature or want to be home by themselves to process the experience. Others want to talk to God, and others aren’t interested in that at all. Some people return to church if they weren’t attending for a while. There is a period of personal reflection. The most important part of the process of bereavement is not to judge our reactions to the loss. Everyone is unique in this. There are three Burdens of Grief: (1) The loss of the person through death, (2) We are forever changed when somebody we love dies, and (3) Navigating a world that is not as sensitive or kind to people who are experiencing grief. After someone has died, we develop a new type of relationship with them. The relationship exists, and it continues but it is not the same. It exists inside your heart and in your head rather than in a physical manifestation.
The episode Grief from the podcast Open hearts. Honest conversations. has a duration of
56:08. It was first published
More episodes from Open hearts. Honest conversations.
How Validation Builds Self-Compassion for People with Eating Disorders
Show Notes: Introduction to Dr. Geller’s recent research studies, including the approach and key findings Definition of validation, and what exactly validation means to people living with eating disorders Relationship between validation and self-compassion Introduction of self-compassion, and association with positive outcomes in recovery Introduction of barriers to self-compassion, and how people have overcome them Types of support, and how to provide support Importance of enduring support throughout the recovery journey Resources: To learn more about Jessie’s Legacy – the story behind the program and the range of resources available to you,click hereto visit our website Refer to Josie Geller and Avarna Fernandes's article, Learning from Individuals with Lived Experience: The building blocks of self-compassion click here In this episode we refer to theEating Attitudes Screening Tool,click hereto access the anonymous online screener. We also refer to theBody Image Screening Tool,click hereto use. This is also an anonymous online screener. Research article on validation,The power of feeling seen: Perspectives on validation from individuals with eating disorders. Journal of Eating Disorders, 9, 149, click here Research article: Self-compassion and its barriers: Predicting outcomes from inpatient and residential eating disorders treatment. Journal of Eating Disorders, 10(1), 1–10, click here
Transition
Show Notes Recognition and appreciation for LGBTQ2S+ folks that have gone before us, who have worked so hard to bring transgender and queer issues to the forefront and out into public discourse, particularly acknowledging trans women of colour. This journey for Beckham and Sheila began when Beckham was 16, in high school, and came out as gay or bisexual, telling their parents they were dating a woman. At that time Beckham went by the name Rebecca and identified as female. Beckham found support in their community through a high school counsellor, and a queer youth group. Joining this group provided opportunities for supportive friendships and connections to events, as well as positive examples of older adults in the queer communities. After high school, Beckham went away to university, which provided a ‘blank canvas’ and allowed for evolution and transformation. Being away and independent provided space to explore gender and identity and to fully embark on their journey of self discovery without the worry of other people’s expectations. During this time, Beckham expanded their understanding of gender and expression, transitioning their name to Beck and ultimately Beckham, changing their appearance and pronouns. As a parent, navigating parenting a child who was working through figuring out their gender identity and expression, Sheila focused on learning and educating herself, building knowledge, and ultimately becoming an advocate. She is also a supporter for parents at different stages of this journey. Sheila emphasizes the importance of reaching out and locating communities that may be different than the ones you are in. Parent's support groups for Sheila included Family Services of the North Shore PROUD2BE parents group, and PFLAG, where she built meaningful and important connections with other parents who she would not have met within her own existing communities. A turning point for Sheila was finding people to connect with and forming friendships based on common experience and perspective. These friendships, coupled with finding a relevant counsellor, helped to alleviate feelings of isolation and aloneness. As a parent working through this, Sheila recognized the importance of taking care of herself through exercise and the outdoors. Through counselling, she also knew that she had to process her own feelings rather than supress them. Creating and maintaining open lines of communication is so important, and not always easy. Space and time, between (difficult) conversations can be extremely helpful. Also, being sure to continue to do every-day simple things together and continue to have regular conversations. A parent can be their child’s greatest advocate. Meet your child where they are. Focus on unconditional love. Validate…I see you, I hear you, I love you. Validation is not approval; it is looking for the emotion behind what the person is saying. Figure out how to show up for your child, it makes a big difference. Become an ally. Beckham offers an acronym for folks to consider: LEVEL UP which stands for; Listen and hold space, Educate yourself, Validate, Empathy- extend empathy, Love, Understand- seek to understand, Pronouns. Know that kids change their minds. Follow your child’s lead while keeping in mind kids don’t always know what they want, and/or they may not have the words/vocabulary for it, yet. Today, Sheila lives close by Beckham and their family, which includes their partner and two children (+furry friends). The interests Sheila and Beckham have always shared are alive and well, and they now know one another as adults. Relationship is central, and these two may now be the closest they have ever been. There will be challenges and celebrations along the way; love your kid. Reach out; resources are listed below. Resources Beckham Ronaghan holds a Masters of Social Work, is a registered Social Worker in BC,
Youth Mental Health
Show Notes: These days we hear a lot about youth mental health, and there is a lot of worry about the mental health of youth. Things that are affecting the mental health of youth, from the perspective of two members of Family Services of the North Shore’s YouthLAB 2021/22 cohort. Types of mental health challenges they notice in themselves and their friends and peers. Ways they manage stress and anxiety. Ways youth might be able to feel more ease and less distress in their lives. How adults can be most helpful to the youth they care about. Advice for parents about supporting their teens, and comfort and support tools and activities. Social media, and their opinions about the positive of connection as well the negative impacts. Global and social issues and how they influence and impact young people. Opinions on therapy. Resources: To check out the new YouthLAB website click here. To learn more about YouthLAB and support for Youth through the Agency, click here. To access counselling for children, youth, and adults, email our intake counsellor [email protected]. If you are interested in getting involved as a volunteer, click here to learn more. If enjoyed the podcast and would like to support our work, click here to learn about becoming a donor.
Living with an Eating Disorder
Show Notes: Three common themes are explored as common characteristic of living with an eating disorder: disconnection, isolation, and stigma. Through Vicky’s journey, elements of secrecy, loss, and shame are discussed, and how each can show up, intensify, and the role each plays progressively and overall. We explore the difference between disordered eating and eating disorders. Vicky talks about early signs in her journey, and how her eating disorder may have evolved. Points of potential intervention are considered, and types of support are identified. Advice for parents is offered by both Vicky and Joanna, and the importance of being curious about changes. Often, we hear that one of the things that keep eating disorders in place is that people get praised for their weight loss. Vicky discusses the reality of this notion, and it’s impact. On the outside Vicky appeared to be functioning at a very high level, she looked like a superstar. She discusses what was really going on inside for her during this stage. It is often noted that eating disorders ‘work’ really well for people in the beginning. Vicky and Val discuss how Vicky realized it was no longer ‘working’ for her, and at what point she realized it was time to get help, and what that looked and felt like. Vicky describes her experience with treatment, what was most helpful, and provides some insights and advice for people who may be contemplating treatment for themselves or a friend or loved one. Recovery is discussed from the perspective of the characteristics and how you know you are there. Vicky shares how the eating disorder has changed her, and notion of (ever) being cured. The ways in which eating disorders are different from other mental health issues and disorders is explained, and comorbidities are identified. The understanding that eating disorders are about so much more than just food is discussed. The team recognizes eating disorders have historically focused on the experiences of women and girls, but in reality, people of all genders experience eating disorders, and the importance of understanding and addressing this limited perspective. Resources: To learn more about Jessie’s Legacy – the story behind the program and the range of resources available to you, click here to visit our website. To access counselling for children, youth, and adults, email our intake counsellor [email protected]. If you are interested in getting involved as a volunteer, click here to learn more. If enjoyed the podcast and would like to support our work, click here to learn about becoming a donor. In this episode we refer to the Eating Attitudes Screening Tool, click here to access the anonymous online screener. We also refer to the Body Image Screening Tool, click here to use. This is also an anonymous online screener. For more lived experience information, check out the Q&A Series the Jessie’s Legacy website, click here. Anxiety Canada and Jessie’s Legacy Infographic on Anxiety and Eating Disorders is also a helpful tool click here to view.
Grief
Show Notes: Bereavement is the term used to describe the holistic experience of loss, including the emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and social experiences. Grief is the word used to describe the emotional component of bereavement. Loss is the experience of being separated from something or someone that we love and care for. In other words, loss is the separation, and grief is the emotional reaction to the loss. Loss is a normal part of the human experience. Even though loss is a normal and expected part of life we continue to have difficulties with it because it is a painful experience, and humans are wired to avoid pain. We work very hard at avoiding pain, and the death of loved ones is not something that we can avoid. These losses bring up a lot of stuff for us, maybe the unfinished business of a conversation we didn’t finish, or actions we regret, so death brings a lot of discomfort to our lives. When someone we love has died, or when we have experienced another major loss, the way we can make it less painful is to know that the pain of the loss is not going to kill us. We can talk about it to people who will just listen and witness our pain. We can think about how the pain teaches us about who we are. It’s important for us to not feel alone with the pain of a loss. The Covid-19 pandemic has brought out a lot of feelings of grief and loss. We can help ourselves and others live with these feelings by increasing the kindness we offer to others and to ourselves. It is important not to compare our grief with others’ feelings of grief. The important part is your own experience of the loss, rather than comparing it to others’ loss. It is important to take the lessons of the loss, learn from them, and figure out how to move forward; not forget where we’ve been but to take those lessons and apply them to the next part of life. When we are supporting someone who has experienced a loss, we can best do this by offering our kind, gentle, and non-judgmental presence. We don’t have to know the right things to say, we can simply listen without interrupting. In 1969 Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed her Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A colleague later developed a sixth stage: making meaning. These stages are meant to describe the commonality of the human experience vis a vis grief and loss, but noting that this is not a linear process. Grief moves us around. We have to learn who we are after a significant loss. We are changed by the experience. Some common reactions to a major loss are: an initial shock period where the body and brain are not able to process the information, there’s also a change in breathing – people have a feeling of tightness in the lungs, there are changes in eating, sleeping, and exercising patterns. There is a period of evaluation where people think about their last conversations and list their regrets with that person, along with asking themselves if they played a part in the loved one’s death (could I have done something more? I should have done more…). People also find themselves needing to be more in contact with nature or want to be home by themselves to process the experience. Others want to talk to God, and others aren’t interested in that at all. Some people return to church if they weren’t attending for a while. There is a period of personal reflection. The most important part of the process of bereavement is not to judge our reactions to the loss. Everyone is unique in this. There are three Burdens of Grief: (1) The loss of the person through death, (2) We are forever changed when somebody we love dies, and (3) Navigating a world that is not as sensitive or kind to people who are experiencing grief. After someone has died, we develop a new type of relationship with them. The relationship exists, and it continues but it is not the same. It exists inside your heart and in your head rather than in a physical manifestation.