#23: Why Is It So Hard To Set Boundaries?
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Stop People Pleasing
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HEADS UP! https://www.theshiftinside.com/freed/
17th May sees the start of Boundary Setting 101 Week. The link has more information about this series of 3 free masterclasses that will make this challenge…well, less challenging.
Why Is It So Hard To Set Boundaries? In today’s episode, I dive deep into some fundamental truths about the challenges of standing up for yourself…truths that I only discovered in getting over my own blocks to boundary setting.
Interview of The Week
…is Riz Ahmed, appearing on Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p09clnkr
Main section: What To Do If Boundary Setting Is Tough
I tear down the 3 reasons you may believe that you cannot say no and stand your ground more often.
REASON #1 - I’M TOO WEAK
I challenge the very notion of you having a fixed personality. Are you the same person you were 20, 10 or even 5 years ago? What I think is really going on when you say “I can’t do boundaries because I am not strong enough” is that it carries a perceived risk that is far more significant than the situation warrants.
REASON #2 - CAVEBRAIN INTERPRETS IT AS A SURVIVAL THREAT
Listen to episode 17 for more about Cavebrain
http://stoppeoplepleasingshow.com/17-what-is-cavebrain-and-why-it-matters-in-stopping-people-pleasing
People pleasing is about seeking external acceptance because you don’t feel you can offer that to yourself – and creating healthy boundaries threatens that. What people don’t realise is that to the primitive part of your brain, that threat is very real and a basic survival issue. Find out why in this section.
I also introduce you to the solution
REASON #3 – I HAVE TRIED IT IN THE PAST AND IT HAS GONE BADLY
Maybe you have only set boundaries when you were so furious that it was eating you up. The solution is to understand the difference between proactive and reactive boundary setting and give you a real life example.
RESOURCES
More on Boundary setting 101 Week here
https://www.theshiftinside.com/freed/
Listen to episode 17 for more about Cavebrain
http://stoppeoplepleasingshow.com/17-what-is-cavebrain-and-why-it-matters-in-stopping-people-pleasing
For more about 1 to 1 coaching with Harriet
https://www.theshiftinside.com/stop/
Email; info {at} theshiftinside dot com
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