How to stop complaining and find the path to positive change

Growth Factor: How to ask for (and receive) feedback

Dr. Bethy Campbell joins Monica to discuss the rewards and potential pitfalls of seeking feedback–in both your professional and personal relationships. Concrete strategies and real-world examples show you how to elicit the most constructive feedback and then how to process and act on it for maximum benefit.

Whether you're looking to improve your communication, enhance your work performance, or strengthen your personal relationships, this conversation is a must-listen for anyone committed to continuous improvement and personal growth.

Key Takeaways

1. If what you are really seeking is validation or reassurance, ask for that instead of asking for feedback.
2. Asking first for specific examples of what is going well can make it easier to benefit from any constructive criticism that follows.
3. Remember that giving feedback (especially to someone you care about) can be just as scary or challenging as being on the receiving end.
4. When receiving feedback, confirming that you heard what the other person said is more important than disputing details or offering explanations.
5. When feedback elicits a big emotional response, simply thank the person for their feedback and ask for time to process before responding.

Get in touch

Send us an email ([email protected])

Leave us a voicemail (changeacademypodcast.com/voicemail)

When motivation is a struggle, it's time to realign your why

In this episode, we’re exploring an aspect of change that can be really tricky: figuring out why making this change is important to you.

It doesn’t sound like it would be that hard. But often it takes a little digging to get at the true heart of our WHY, our compelling reason.

Whether your goals have to do with your health, finances, career, relationships, or anything else, uncovering your compelling reason is crucial. Because it not only increases your chances of success; it also bolsters your overall mental and emotional health.

Key Takeaways

• Knowing what you want to change (or how you’re going to go about it) often isn’t enough to overcome the counter-pressure of the status quo.
• A lack of alignment between our goals and our values causes internal conflict that reduces our resilience to everyday stresses.
• When we pursue changes or goals that are about other people’s expectations or approval, succeeding may not be as satisfying or rewarding as we think
• Wanting to avoid something bad is just as valid a reason as wanting to obtain something good. But it is a different sort of why.

Action Steps

1. Make a list of your reasons for wanting to accomplish a certain goal or create a specific change.
2. For each reason, ask yourself: But why do I want that? What would that bring into my life? Then what?
3. Keep asking that question until your answers feel connected to what you value most.

Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.

Here's why achieving your goals may not make your life better

We are a society of goal-setters. If you’re not setting and achieving goals, you’re not living your best life. Or so we’re told. And goals do have their place. The thing is that goals (alone) are not enough to really move us forward in the ways that matter most. In order to that, they have to be woven into a larger fabric that also includes our core values. In this episode, we talk about how to do that.

Takeaways:

1. A goal often involves achieving a certain result or crossing a certain finish line. But goals often lose their power to motivate us as soon as we achieve them.
2. An objective goes beyond “I want to achieve this” more into the territory of “this is who and how I want to be.”
3. Think about what objective or identity each of your goals contributes to. This ensures that even short-term achievements are connected to long-term objectives.
4. Listening to podcasts does not create change. You have to actually put these insights and tools to work in your own life.

Mentioned:
Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.

How to do the things that you don’t want to do

Why is it sometimes so darned hard to just do the things that we KNOW will make us healthier, happier and more effective in our jobs and lives?

Behavioral activation offers us a framework for understanding and responding to that familiar situation of not wanting to do the thing that we know will actually move us forward.

Joining me on the show today is Dr. Bethy Campbell, a clinical psychologist, teacher, and coach who regularly stops by the Change Academy to help us make sense of our own brains.

Four Ways We Get Stuck (and How to Get Unstuck)

1. Overcoping (aka doubling down):: Excessive or overly intense efforts to manage stress or negative emotions.
   What to do: Set realistic goals, prioritize, and establish boundaries
2. Avoidance (aka procrastination): Staying away from situations, activities, or thoughts that are distressing.
   What to do: Break the task or behavior into small steps
3. Withdrawal (aka isolating): Staying away from people and activities that you previously enjoyed; refusing to ask for help or support.
   What to do: Actively seek out social interactions and engaging activities
4. Unintentionality (aka numbing): Lack of awareness or conscious control over behaviors: engaging in mindless activity that may not be that rewarding.
   What to do: Set limits on mindless activities, create structured routines

Mentioned

- Change Academy #115: How to transform difficult emotions into powerful insights

- Change Academy #11: The Attention Intention Action cycle

Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.

How behavior change experts work on their own difficult habits

Kurt Nelson and Tim Houlihan are the co-hosts of the Behavioral Grooves podcast and heavy hitters in the behavioral sciences. In this episode, the three of us trade notes on what we've learned from years of podcasting and behavioral coaching and how it impacts our ability to work with our own behavior challenges. (Yup, we still have them!)

Key Takeaways

• Curiosity allows for both open-mindedness and critical thinking.
• Trusted sources are a valuable short-cut but can't completely replace our own judgement.
• Building a bigger toolkit is great but you still need to know which tool to pick up
• Life is a series of experiments with an awful lot of uncontrolled variables.
• The wonderful/awful thing about asking for feedback is that you might get it
• Who do you want on your behavior change team?

Mentioned
Behavioral Grooves podcast

They thought we were ridiculous: The unlikely story of behavioral economics

Brain/Shift Journal

Nutrition GPA app

Change Academy #134: Why behavioral economics shouldn't be the only tool in the toolbox

Change Academy #123: How to build the circle that supports your best work

Change Academy #50: Motivation and Accountability

Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.