309: How do you know when it's time to get a divorce? (ft. Jason Lange)

When is it time to stay and work on things in your marriage, and when is it time to let things go? Perhaps you can relate to scenarios like these:

• You're worn out and exhausted because you're always the one reaching out to your wife and never getting anything back
• You're great co-parents but your sex life is DOA
• As a couple you rarely or never openly fight, but there's constant, underlying tension
• You feel like you can never get it right with her, and often feel hopeless about experiencing the intimacy you so deeply crave

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The truth is, sometimes it's clear that a relationship isn't working, but sometimes it isn't. If you're unsure and trying to figure it out on your own, you're not alone.

Many of our clients have been through the muck and confusion of trying to figure out their marriage, and here they share the depth of their hearts in that process.

Both marriage and divorce can be sources of great pain, shame, and longing. They can also be sources of transformation, spiritual growth, awakening, and freedom.

Here we delve into what to do when you don't yet have clarity around your marriage. We also touch on what it takes to improve your relationship, and how to make the determination with as much grace as possible.

And remember: "There can absolutely be miraculous turnarounds in relationships when both partners are committed and willing."

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "It’s very easy for men to fall into a place of isolation in life."
• "If one person is not willing to step into the growth, there’s not much you can do."
• "I keep inviting my partner into that and she’s unwilling."
• "Sometimes the greatest act of leadership is to stop tolerating mediocrity."
• "When there’s a vibrant, passionate sexual connection between the couple, it lights up the whole family system."

308: Are you staying together for the kids? There may be another way to go. (ft. Jason Lange)

If your marriage isn't working, you're suffering. Maybe you're fighting all the time (whether aloud or not). Maybe you're great co-parents, but you don't connect in an intimate way anymore. And when I say "intimate" I'm not just talking about sex; I'm talking about warmth, closeness, and connection.

Should you automatically stay in a relationship because there are children involved?

The fact is, kids are perceptive and intuitive. They're aware when there's distance or discord between parents, even if they don't talk about it. And whatever you're doing in your relationship, you're role-modeling what a romantic relationship is. Is yours one you'd want your kids to have?

Here, we go over "making it work" and relationship dynamics that do affect the kids -- and not in a good way. Sometimes it's possible to repair a marriage, and sometimes it's not. Put more frankly, sometimes the best thing to do is to separate for both you and the kids.

Growth always requires getting uncomfortable, and if you want your family to truly thrive, sometimes delving head-on into discomfort is the brave and loving thing to do.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old, often intergenerational trauma patterns, and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

307: What's the difference between feminine storm and feminine rage? (ft. Shana James)

Have you ever been scared of your wife / woman partner? Ever been harmed by her? If yes, it's likely you never felt like you could talk to anyone about it because you were afraid of what they would say, or whether they would shame you.

In polarity work, we often talk about feminine storm. But where's the line between feminine storm, feminine rage, and abuse? We want to break the silence and go into this.

According to the CDC, one in seven men in the U.S. has suffered severe physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner. But physical violence isn't the only thing that can happen; emotional abuse is also deeply harmful, and very common for some of our clients.

The truth is, there is a way to work with strong emotions without harming a partner. Here, we, as two women who are attracted to men, share our own personal stories of the difference between our feminine storm and our feminine rage. Healthy relationships are predicated on being able to handle conflict well, and that's a skill many of us still need help with.

We also help you know: As a man, how do you know whether your partner is within the realm of normal -- if what you're going through is normal?

Know that it's always possible to recover from a toxic relationship, and that more is possible.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Allowing women to be emotional and have emotions like anger, rather than shutting down and being intellectual."
• "Can we work this through together in our shared nervous system?"
• "Many of us shove our anger inside and then we’re tense and anxious and depressed."
• "It’s masterful to be able to feel an emotion, witness, and communicate about it."
• "We’re sharing feelings, not dumping feelings."
• "I want to blame you! I want to make you wrong!"

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Statistics on intimate partner abuse (aka domestic violence) against men
• Domestic violence hotline for men
• Borderline Personality Disorder

306: Boner shame! Let's talk about it. (ft. Jason Lange)

"I’m getting a boner — what’s she going to think??"

So begins the conflict for a lot of boys and men have around their cock. From a young age -- basically from the time boners start to be a thing, "It’s like a lot of men are constantly tracking, ‘Am I having an erection and if I do, how do I hide it?’"

The thing is, hiding and secrets go hand-in-hand, and they generally don't go anywhere good. The fact is, especially during teenage years, boners aren't even always about turn-on. As one man put it, "NRBs are a thing!" (No Reason Boners).

We're on a streak here talking about how to overcome sexual shame (see what I did there?). Here we delve into the complex relationship many men have with their sexuality, and in particular to their erections.

Related questions:

• How do you even know what healthy sexuality is if you've never seen it role-modeled?
• What is a boy supposed to do or say if he gets a boner at an unexpected time?
• How do you teach boys and young men that getting a boner, rather than a source of shame, can be a source of pride?

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. (We've worked with alotof men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that's you, we're here.)

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Our turn-on is visible from the outside."
• “It’s like what my body is doing is wrong.”
• "Men mocking men when they get hard creates a deep inner conflict."
• "The antidote to shame is connection."
• "Men having an erection is a sign of health."
• "What that shame is teaching is us to be in opposition to what we are."
• "‘If he gets a boner, he’s going to try to fu**.’"
• "I have a choice in what to do with my sexuality."

305: GuyTalk: Overcoming religious programming

Did you grow up with a religious background? Then congrats, you likely experienced sexual shame! Perhaps you still do to this day.

The truth is, it's deeply confusing to grow up having completely natural sexual urges, but be told you're bad or wrong for having them. In the words of the panelists:

• "For a long time I thought, 'What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get over this?'"
• "I was taught, 'Don’t touch, don’t look, don’t think, don’t act.'"
• "As a teenager I thought, 'I’m going to go to hell and there’s no way to get around it.'"

Here, a panel of four men, three of whom grew up in the Church of Latter-day Saints (LDS, aka the Mormon Church), and one who grew up Catholic/Christian, discuss their journey from religious programming to a more full, rich, and healthy sexual expression in the world.

But it doesn't stop with healthy sex. Because one of the effects of feeling blocked, ashamed, or perverted for having natural sexual desires is that you tend to have a lot of trouble relating with those with whom you want to have sex.

This begs the questions: What is healthy sex and sexuality? What is healthy connection? According to one married man, "It took us 32 years of our marriage to be able to unravel and untwist this trauma."

Religious deconstruction from LDS and other religions is real, and it's doable. You can overcome sexual shame, religious indoctrination, and more.

If you want to go from being afraid to connect with women to having the healthiest relationship of your life, listen on.

If you're looking for inspiration, hope, and dare I say an experience of transcendence, listen on.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. (We've worked with a lot of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that's you, we're here.)

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "As a child, we were taught that sex-related sins were worse than murder."
• "I grew up with a daily sense of guilt and shame, and, 'I’m so dirty or gross, why would they want me?'"
• “I felt like God set me up to fail.”
• "The sexual experiences I’ve had since my divorce have been unbelievably healing for me."
• “The more we talk about it, we expand ourselves and it does something in our own nervous system.”
• “Now I can find some freedom in it. It’s OK to have sexual needs.”
• "I’m horny as hell and excited to have a fun Friday night!"