Feeling Lost as a Leader? Finding Strength When Life Gets Chaotic.

From 9/11 to Boardroom Battles: Lessons in Leadership and Resilience

Welcome to the Self Aware Leader Podcast with Jason Rigby. In this episode, we have the pleasure of hosting Scott Freidheim, author of "Code of Conduct," a memoir and guide to crafting your own principles in an increasingly complex world.

Scott takes us on a journey through the extraordinary highs and challenging lows of his life, from the boardrooms of Wall Street to the personal brink of bankruptcy. Through tales of adversity and triumph, close encounters with global leaders, and life-changing moments of clarity, Scott distills 32 chapters of noble tenets and moral insights.

In this episode, we explore several key themes from Scott's book:

1. Bravery: Scott shares his harrowing experience during the 9/11 attacks and the critical decision-making moment that likely saved many lives.

2. Gratitude: We discuss the profound impact of first responders and the importance of recognizing their selfless service.

3. Compassion: Scott reflects on a haunting encounter with mental illness and the need for a compassionate approach to mental health.

4. Humility: We explore Scott's journey from aggressive collegiate soccer player to a leader who understands the value of humility in personal growth and success.

5. Ethics and Accountability: Scott shares stories that highlight the importance of ethical leadership and personal responsibility in the face of challenges and setbacks.

6. Strategy and Relentlessness: We dive into Scott's experiences at Kenmore and ettain group, discussing the role of strategic thinking, leveraging partnerships, and persevering through adversity.

Throughout the episode, we reflect on the essence of living deliberately, inspired by the resilience and insights of Scott Freidheim's remarkable journey. This conversation isn't merely about listening to a captivating story; it's an invitation to reflect on your own values, consider what drives you, and deliberate on how you navigate the freedoms and trials of life.

Join us as we explore the wisdom and perspective needed to forge your own path, guided by the principles and experiences shared in "Code of Conduct."

Are You a Victim Leader? This Quick Test Will Reveal the Truth

We've all been there. Those moments as leaders when a project stalls, a key team member leaves, or that big initiative feels like it's crashing and burning. It's so easy to slip into a spiral: frustration, blame (at others or ourselves), and a sinking feeling of helplessness. That's the victim mentality, and as comfortable as it seems in the moment, it's incredibly destructive to our leadership.

The Trap: How We Give Up Our Power

Here's the thing about playing the victim: we surrender. We convince ourselves that our fate is out of our hands – bad luck, unfair bosses, you name it – anything but ourselves. Thoughts become a chorus of "I can't...", "This always happens to me...", or "Why bother, it's pointless...". It feels easier than taking a hard look in the mirror, but make no mistake, this is us putting ourselves at the mercy of every setback.

We all want to feel in control as leaders. The victim mentality is the illusion of control, where it's somehow safer to wallow than to confront the hard choices ahead. Yet, the very act of choosing this mindset robs us of the true power we hold to shape our path.

My Own Victim Trap (and Yours Too, Let's Be Honest)

Let me get real for a minute. Early in my career, I had a boss who micromanaged everything, undermining my confidence at every turn. It was the perfect breeding ground for a victim mentality. I could blame her for my lack of progress, for feeling stifled and unseen. It WAS unfair...and it was also a dead-end. The day I decided enough was enough, wasn't about her changing. It was about me.

Steps to Break the Cycle

True leadership – the kind that changes teams, organizations, and even ourselves – demands we break free from this trap. Here's what's worked for me, and countless other leaders I've coached:

1. Awareness is the Antidote: Catch yourself playing the victim. What are those inner monologues, the excuses? Journaling can be powerful here. Get brutally honest about the stories you tell yourself. This isn't about self-judgment, it's about seeing the pattern.

2. Reframe to Empower: Those negative thoughts? Don't try to silence them, retrain them. "I can't present to this group" becomes "I need more prep to feel confident with this crowd". Instead of "why me?", ask "What might this experience teach me to become a more resilient leader?"

3. You Do Have a Choice: We can't control everything, but response is always OURS. Taking responsibility doesn't mean being at fault. It means owning the fact that YOU can chart the course ahead, even if that's course-correcting from a mess.

4. Your Tribe Matters: Mentors, a peer group, even a therapist – we weren't meant to tackle this alone. Find people who get real about leadership struggles and genuinely believe in you, even when you don't.

5. Spirituality as a Strength (If It's Your Thing): For me, meditation and affirmations help quiet those self-critical voices. Others find strength in a sense of larger purpose. If spirituality plays a role in your life, let it be an anchor when the seas of leadership get stormy.

6. Resilience: The Muscle We Build: Every time you fall flat, get back up, and dust yourself off, you're growing this muscle. Failing is how we learn. Embracing that is how we become unstoppable.

This Isn't Easy, But It's ESSENTIAL

There will be days the victim mentality whispers sweet nothings of surrender. That's when these steps become a lifeline. True power as a leader is not the absence of challenges, but our ability to meet them, learn, and rise stronger on the other side. The world needs more of that kind of leadership, don't you think?

Let me know in the comments – what's been YOUR biggest victim mentality trap?

Dear Exhausted Leader: It's Time to Put YOUR Oxygen Mask On First

Dear Self Aware Leaders

Just this week, I stepped onto a plane headed for a much-needed work trip. As the familiar safety briefing began, the flight attendant's voice caught my attention. "Remember," she said, "in case of an emergency, please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others." Her next words hit me with newfound resonance: "...even though this trip is to Miami, I don't want to see any of you underwater."

It was a playful reminder, but it struck a deeper chord. In the heart of leadership, amongst its demands and the noble drive to serve, lies a paradox: we must sometimes withdraw to truly give. We all know the flight attendant's instructions—secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others. But as leaders, do we truly live this principle?

I believe nurturing our own spirit is the most generous act we can perform for our teams and the world we seek to impact. When we deplete ourselves, it's not just our personal energy that suffers. Our clarity dims, our empathy wanes, and our ability to inspire becomes strained. Without meaning to, we may offer a diminished version of our leadership potential.

Yet, when we prioritize our own wellness—not as a luxury but as a sacred responsibility – something profound happens. We refill our inner reserves. Just as a wellspring nourishes the land, we become sources of resilience, wisdom, and unwavering compassion for those we lead.

So, how do we nurture ourselves, especially in demanding roles?

Title: Dear Exhausted Leader: It's Time to Put YOUR Oxygen Mask On First

Dear Self Aware Leaders

Just this week, I stepped onto a plane headed for a much-needed work trip. As the familiar safety briefing began, the flight attendant's voice caught my attention. "Remember," she said, "in case of an emergency, please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others." Her next words hit me with newfound resonance: "...even though this trip is to Miami, I don't want to see any of you underwater."

It was a playful reminder, but it struck a deeper chord. In the heart of leadership, amongst its demands and the noble drive to serve, lies a paradox: we must sometimes withdraw to truly give. We all know the flight attendant's instructions—secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others. But as leaders, do we truly live this principle?

I believe nurturing our own spirit is the most generous act we can perform for our teams and the world we seek to impact. When we deplete ourselves, it's not just our personal energy that suffers. Our clarity dims, our empathy wanes, and our ability to inspire becomes strained. Without meaning to, we may offer a diminished version of our leadership potential.

Yet, when we prioritize our own wellness—not as a luxury but as a sacred responsibility – something profound happens. We refill our inner reserves. Just as a wellspring nourishes the land, we become sources of resilience, wisdom, and unwavering compassion for those we lead.

So, how do we nurture ourselves, especially in demanding roles?

1. Embrace Sacred Pauses: Carve out dedicated moments in your day for stillness—even a few minutes of mindful breathing or a walk in nature. These aren't indulgences, but the very act of replenishing the well from which you give.

2. Discover Joy's Power: Actively fill your life with what brings you true joy. This isn't about frivolous escapes, but honoring the unique things that light up your soul. A joyful leader radiates inspiration.

3. Boundaries as Love: Saying 'no' with grace can be the most loving act. It protects your energy for the tasks that truly need your unique leadership. Train yourself, and your team, to respect your boundaries.

4. Seek Growth with Humility: There's always more to learn, more ways to see. Embrace a beginner's mindset, seek out mentors, engage in personal development. This isn't about striving, but expanding your capacity to serve.

5. Honor the Body Temple: Your body is integral to your leadership. Mindfully nourish it with healthy foods, movement, and rest. A vibrant body steadies your spirit against the storms of the work world.

6. Community as Sustenance: We are never meant to lead alone. Nurture a circle of trusted friends, colleagues, or a mentor where you can be vulnerable, receive honest feedback and be buoyed by authentic support.

Remember, this is a journey, not a destination. Some days will be harder than others. Embrace self-compassion—the most crucial skill for any leader. Be gentle when you fall short, then resolve to refocus. Just as a flight attendant reminds passengers of the safety priority, bring gentle reminders to your own mind.

The world needs leaders who operate from wholeness, presence, and a heart overflowing with love. Let's choose to model that, starting with how we love ourselves. Each time you put your own 'oxygen mask' on, you grant permission for your team and those you serve to do the same. We rise together.

With warmth and encouragement,

Carve out dedicated moments in your day for stillness—even a few minutes of mindful breathing or a walk in nature. These aren't indulgences, but the very act of replenishing the well from which you give.

2. Discover Joy's Power: Actively fill your life with what brings you true joy. This isn't about frivolous escapes, but honoring the unique things that light up your soul. A joyful leader radiates inspiration.

3. Boundaries as Love: Saying 'no' with grace can be the most loving act. It protects your energy for the tasks that truly need your unique leadership. Train yourself, and your team, to respect your boundaries.

4. Seek Growth with Humility: There's always more to learn, more ways to see. Embrace a beginner's mindset, seek out mentors, engage in personal development. This isn't about striving, but expanding your capacity to serve.

5. Honor the Body Temple: Your body is integral to your leadership. Mindfully nourish it with healthy foods, movement, and rest. A vibrant body steadies your spirit against the storms of the work world.

6. Community as Sustenance: We are never meant to lead alone. Nurture a circle of trusted friends, colleagues, or a mentor where you can be vulnerable, receive honest feedback and be buoyed by authentic support.

Remember, this is a journey, not a destination. Some days will be harder than others. Embrace self-compassion—the most crucial skill for any leader. Be gentle when you fall short, then resolve to refocus. Just as a flight attendant reminds passengers of the safety priority, bring gentle reminders to your own mind.

The world needs leaders who operate from wholeness, presence, and a heart overflowing with love. Let's choose to model that, starting with how we love ourselves. Each time you put your own 'oxygen mask' on, you grant permission for your team and those you serve to do the same. We rise together.

With warmth and encouragement,

Jason

Who Are You Underneath the Pressure? A Leader's Guide to Stop Striving & Start Being

This morning, I woke up like I often do – caught in a whirlwind of thoughts and anxieties. We all face this, especially as leaders. The pressure to have answers, to define ourselves by accomplishments... it's easy to lose our footing. But in these moments, I'm learning something profound (inspired by the spiritual teacher Luuk Moelker's From Confusion to Clarity) – the very essence of our leadership lies in recognizing what confusion truly is.

Moelker teaches that our mental chaos is just that – mental. It's a storm in the mind. For me, the revelation came when I finally paused and asked myself, "Who am I, truly, beneath all this?" Suddenly, the noise fell away. A core of undeniable selfhood was there all along, needing no external justification.

This is a truth every leader needs to know – confusion happens, but it is not you. Underneath the responsibilities and expectations, there's that same causeless, vibrant 'I am' within each of us.

Finding that clarity isn't about guru retreats or complex psych-techniques. It's accessible here, now. Trust in your own direct experience. Sidestep the endless self-improvement, the pressure to 'become'. You already are. Causeless. Needing no justification. That is what enables true leadership.

How do we put this into practice? Let the anxieties and fears do their thing. Notice them, but stay rooted in the peace of your inner being. It's like watching storm clouds pass while knowing the blue sky remains untouched.

Remember, clarity is your baseline, not something earned. No need to protect or 'prove' your simple existence. This frees you from the exhausting cycle of self-definition, the subtle pressure to always be 'on'.

When you crave a sense of completion or a more 'authentic' leadership style, stop. Say to yourself, with conviction, "I already am.". Let this anchor you. Then face the day's challenges not as battles against yourself, but as a chance to act from that causeless, clear place.

Much like Moelker's work, my experience is simply a guidepost. It's about inviting you to know this truth for yourself. Leaders, it's time to cut through the chaos and embrace who we were meant to be. The ripple effects aren't just personal - they extend to how we lead and show up for others.

Maybe create your own short mantra, inspired by Moelker. Mine is: "I return to the causeless Self." It's my compass when life gets turbulent.

This isn't about ignoring problems, but understanding how we relate to them. True clarity means seeing we are not our thoughts or accomplishments. That shift has revolutionary potential for how we lead. Shouldn't we be modeling wholeness, not constant striving?

Thank you, Luuk Moelker, for the reminder contained within From Confusion to Clarity.

My Leadership Breakdown: 5 Core Principles I'm Working On

Hello fellow leaders, this is Jason. In today’s episode of The Self-Aware Leader, I’m taking a moment to share a more personal perspective on leadership. These aren't just abstract concepts; they're five core areas I am actively exploring in my own life. As we delve into these principles, I hope my journey resonates with you, offering both guidance and inspiration as you navigate your own path to becoming a more effective and self-aware leader.

1. Clarity: Seeking Light in the Shadows

Clarity is paramount. Recently, I've been reflecting on times when I've felt stuck, questioning what steps I need to take to regain a clear vision. It’s about asking the tough questions, like, "What am I not seeing? What have I been avoiding?" For me, gaining clarity often means disconnecting from the noise—stepping back, going for long walks, or just sitting in quiet meditation to listen to what my higher self is trying to tell me.

2. Momentum: Moving Forward When It’s Hardest

Momentum is something I've struggled with, especially when facing setbacks. It’s easy to feel like you're slogging through mud. I've learned that the energy it takes to get stuck is the same energy that can propel me forward. The key for me has been to redirect this energy positively—setting small, manageable goals, and using visualization techniques that create a series of wins, no matter how minor, to rebuild my momentum and get myself out of the rut.

3. Respect: Building Self-Respect and Mutual Respect

I’ve been pondering what respect means in my personal and professional life. How do I respect myself? This includes setting boundaries, acknowledging my achievements, and forgiving my mistakes. Extending this respect to others is equally vital. It’s about listening actively, valuing others' contributions, and understanding their perspectives. This dual respect fosters a healthier, more supportive environment for those I lead and myself.

4. Understanding: Embracing Continuous Growth

As a leader, I’ve always believed in the importance of evolution—of striving to learn and grow from every situation. This means being open to feedback, willing to confront uncomfortable truths, and eager to apply new insights. Understanding doesn't just apply to external knowledge; it's also about introspection and recognizing our own patterns and behaviors that need evolution.

5. Embodiment: Living My Values Every Day

The concept of embodiment has been transformative for me. It’s about more than just understanding or agreeing with certain ideas; it's about living them out loud, every day. Whether it’s in how I conduct a meeting, manage my time, or interact with team members, I aim to reflect my values in every action I take. This alignment is what I strive for—to not only believe in integrity, honesty, and compassion but to embody these qualities in all aspects of life.

Conclusion:

These five principles are not just leadership strategies; they are markers on a map, guiding me through the complex terrain of leading both myself and others. Sharing this path with you is a way of honoring my commitment to not just talk the talk but walk the walk of a self-aware leader.

Call to Action:

I encourage you to reflect on these areas in your own leadership practice.

• How can you bring more clarity and momentum into your daily challenges?

• In what ways can you cultivate deeper respect for yourself and others?

• How might you commit to understanding and embodying your values more fully?

Share your stories and challenges with me—let's grow and learn together in this journey of self-aware leadership. Let's make our leadership not just effective, but deeply personal and profoundly impactful.