How to Die Alone

In Alaska, millennial bears eating ass are becoming a real problem. Beware the outhouse! Also, on this thrilling episode of "How to Die Alone" podcast: -Matty has been watching reruns of "The Amazing Race" -Stephen takes investment advice from his junk -David's dad roasts him over his lack of oral hygiene -Matt expects certain accents to have certain opinions and his former classmate becomes a psychologist -Arizona makes it a crime to lick ice cream and put it back on the shelf -We devise some amazing new Oreo flavors - Nabisco GET AT US! -Texas mayor declares "only the strong will survive" like an absolute psychopath -We detail how easy it isn't to leave Florida in the event of hurricanes -Stephen drops the historical knowledge about Florida's awesome highways -And old, rich people create jobs we didn't even know we needed

Apparently Cleavage Ohio Has Amazing Hills and How to Die Alone is here to free climb them by hand!

Also in this adventurous episode of "How to Die Alone":

- Amanda has a hard time eating bagels

- We discuss the appealing sides of different breads

- David wonders if ladies can order “Everything Semen” for In Vitro Fertilization

- Stephen explains how he engulfed David at the roast

- Apparently people are falling in love with their Pelaton instructors

- The gang debates about a White Male Professor that pretended to be a Female Immigrant of Color on Twitter

- Amanda gets free wings at Hooters for ripping up photo of ex-boyfriend

- David mansplains to Amanda (again as usual) about how Women don’t know what they want sexually. He needs to stop listening to Patrice O’Neal

- The crew discusses how Cleavage Ohio has the best hills!

One passionate group begets another as we go from Quran to Karen. And we're joined by MMA fighter turned stand-up comedian, Dylan Walker! Also in this week's thrilling installment of "How to Die Alone": -We talk about the TikTok hustle with Dylan -Geranium Smythe joins the podcast again -David and Matt don't respect sports teams with silly names -Matt doesn't know what a standard is -Dylan makes a fast friend with a leader of a motorcycle club -David and Stephen explain about how zany the Westboro Baptist Church is... was...? Are they still a thing? -Dylan's record in street fights is less than ideal and Dylan is a resident expert in Power Ranger history -Dylan and David bond over skirting controversy with BLM bits and jokes about the capitol rioters -Stephen watches "My Octopus Teacher" and learns so much about life and cephalopods -and Dylan explains the plot of the Tiger Woods documentary, "Tiger" on HBO

The mark of the beast is injected into the hand of the upper body.

Also on this week's thrilling installment of "How to Die Alone" -David doesn't wanna get killed by Steve Buscemi -Stephen confuses Steve Buscemi with Rob Schneider -Matt is a poor man's Fabio, despite not taking a goose to the face -Stephen gets the good word about the COVID vaccine on a card left on his car -David learns about DNA manipulation and the human genome -We reminisce about board games like "Monopoly" and the game of "Life" -We imagine a fight in a Kinkos between employees who are passionate about their work -Matt watches "Hamilton" and confuses Aaron Burr with Bill Burr -David explains the GameStop GameStonks situation, and then Stephen cleans it up. -Teacher appreciation day for Matt entails a twice baked potato -Stephen details the game tournament "Rock the Rock" as seen on "High Score" on Netflix -And Zoomers rebel against their millennial parents

When cars die, All Cars Go to Heaven!

Also on this week's thrilling installment of "How to Die Alone":

-We imagine Matt running up Machu Picchu

-David wishes he brought his ping pong paddle to a brewery

-Stephen and David do a show in the old "Back to the Future" courthouse

-Stephen hits an unknown object and seriously messes up his car (now accepting CashApp $StephenHangry)

-David was made in a Build-A-Bear Workshop

-Matt completes his 100th Peloton ride and all he got was a boring ass t-shirt

-Matt can't ride the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith at Disney anymore

-Amanda breaks down the bizarre history of pumpernickel bread and her love of eavesdropping on strangers

-A man in Ukraine runs around naked, covered in guts, and holding his father's severed head

-and Amanda wants a Brownstone Brunch Box for an exciting mukbang adventure.

Celebrate 8 nights of Hanu-Cuck with Amanda and the boys! Also on this week's How to Die Alone: -Stephen reviews the best part of "The King of Staten Island" -Matt drops medical knowledge about recovering from traumatic injury -Amanda learns everything about Scientology from a documentary -Matt drinks a rose flavored Monster energy -Amanda and Matt watch "90 Day Fiance" -Amanda and her boyfriend attempt to negotiate birthday threesomes (good and bad kinds) -A cat's birthday party in Chile is a COVID super spreader event -Women on Bumble turn over the insurrectionists who invaded the US Capitol on January 6th -Amanda stumbles across a possessed doll on Facebook marketplace -and Matt discovers a new toy that any dog would be happy to play with.

Get you a bowl of Tos-Feet-Os Toe-Tilla Chips for this week's episode of How to Die Alone. On this week's episode: -David goes to get his feet done up at a salon -David would not use his car to stop crime -Stephen introduces us to nightmare bagels you can order online -Denmark launches a new kids show about a man with a magical.... well... just watch/listen -A human rights lawyer gets caught going full Rachel Dolezal -The world's oldest sperm is discovered, and its source was not the creep who won't stop staring at you at a Denny's -Biden's rescue dog gets ready for a puppy inauguration (d'awww) -David runs for office in 2024 (despite his desire not to) -and Amanda stumbles upon a sizeable Cheez-It cache.

We're serving up 2 Fingers of Cold Brew in this week's episode! Also on "How to Die Alone" this week: -We shudder to think about what British people eat -We're joined by a mystery guest -The Guardian is yet another rag that attempts to take us down -David explains the plot of "Snowden" -Florida law enforcement agents raid a data scientist's house to suppress COVID statistics -The Nashville bombing on Christmas gets little to no coverage and one womyn knows why -Squirrels in New York City are violently attacking people -Matt plays "Cyberpunk 2077" and brags about it because he thinks he's something -A woman plans to name her baby something controversial in order to keep it from having an easy life -David hates Sherlock Holmes's stupid little hat -and we watch a man fire the world's largest handgun.

They say it stood for Baines, but they SAW it stood for BIG! Lyndon B Johnson was the 36th President on paper, but number 1 on a ruler. Lyndon B Johnson named his big member "Jumbo" and wasn't shy about showing it off. - Amanda unboxes her KeyPort

- We invent a new product called The Bear Bag

- Pelican's have a different meaning in Pensacola

- Amanda learns Davey and Matty about how to tell Asians apart

- We learn of a father getting tatted for his son

- The gang is taught about the ancient Chinese tradition of "Iron Crotch"

- Lyndon B Johnson would show his 10+ inch pet to White House Staff, whether they wanted to see it or not

We''re cooking up a bacon grease Air Wick with Johnny B, from "FTS with Johnny B" and "The Johnny B Show" from 102.5 the Bone in Tampa Bay.

-Amanda is getting a free KeyPort Pivot as her Christmas bonus -Johnny B refuses to use a Fleshlight he got as a gift -Johnny B reinvents the Karen meme -We recount our failed merch idea for hats and shirts -Matt and Johnny B bond over their COVID exposure experiences and how to identify fellow Covies -Johnny B, a member of the media, explains why you shouldn't trust the media -Johnny B and David bond over the artistry of barbecue and how Johnny upset a barbecue chef with his critique -We talk about how everyone is vacating New York to come do standup in Florida, the obvious heart of comedy -Matt wears a shirt that offends everyone except the people it should -We dig into the nitty gritty of bills and how those bums in Washington just can't do it -Johnny B is a fan of Tampa sports and even introduces us to the USFL Bandits, named after Burt Reynolds -David gets confused with Mike Calta on a regular basis -Johnny B talks about being recognized by strangers in public (we can barely relate) -and we talk about the COVID mask hall pass of drinks and snacks in public.