Ask Mr. Biggs

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Admits he finds accordions lovely. Recommends using statistics to your advantage. Understands the heartbreak of premature greying. Says Toastmasters changed his life. Recently discovered that “HazMat” is not an acronym. Doesn’t watch Animal Planet all that much.

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Is starring in an upcoming feature film. Says folks on a tight budget enjoy the sensible value of variety meats. Wonders at which point a lot of carrots becomes too many. Turns to collaborative internet resources for researching his facts. Says Joaquin Phoenix breaks a common stereotype regarding actors. Won’t forget his firsthand run-in with Mark Wahlberg anytime soon.

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Discourages being overly boastful. Acknowledges the usefulness of lasers for a myriad of projects, as well as the inherit dangers. Is concerned about the new facility’s ability to process phone calls. Doesn’t intend to be on the wrong side of the State Gaming Board ever again. Warns about the deceptive thermal properties of modern exhaust systems. Encourages compliance with workplace Internet usage guidelines.

n this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Discourages the use of arcane acronyms. Considers all listener suggestions. Practices selective philanthropy. Shows kindness through giving, to heal emotional wounds. Would love to know what Roger’s holiday plans are. Creates spontaneous festivity with seasonal foliage.

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Enjoys seeing Ks stand in for Cs in commercial signage. Feels the restless should seek out relaxing hobbies. Thinks there should be an easier way for listeners to e-mail the show. Is not familiar with all contemporary colloquialisms for animal waste. Gently discourages the use of indefinite pronouns. Utilizes mnemonic devices to recall complicated processes and phrases.

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Is not familiar with standard Asian pronunciation rules. Argues that microwave meals are underrated. Discourages conflict resolution via physical confrontations. Tends to easily lose track of time when chatting with old friends. Can be fooled by genuine-looking certificates. Questions family alliance when money is involved.

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Steadfastly opposes the filing of fraudulent documents. Is no match for automated telephone dialing features. Appreciates brevity in electronic correspondence. Recommends repurposing everyday items to increase their usefulness. Feels it’s important to protect Dolly Parton’s good name. Expresses uncertainty about his ability to recognize less common nuts.

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Advocates the use of vinyl surfaces beneath office furniture. Is adamant about using the right measuring devices to measure ovoid objects. Encourages deliberate consumption of between-meal sweets. Is compelled to remind listeners of talk show caller etiquette. Interprets the subconscious messages inherent in footwear shoelace patterns. Frowns upon overpriced haircuts.

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Advises callers to gather their thoughts prior to going “on air.” Finds endomorphic ladies appealing. Feels that ownership of an item lies inherently in one’s ability to disassemble it. Suggests professional help when dealing with seasonal pests. Waives his strict “No Caps” policy for his part-time employees. Is intimidated by compact folding blades. *content advisory* – This episode contains salty language that you’d be embarrassed to use in front of your mother.

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . . Shuns common workplace terms in favor of more whimsical-sounding substitutes. Prefers age-appropriate ladyfriends. Suggests browsing one’s analog collection prior to the digital broadcast transition. Cautions against the feeding of feral animals. Believes in the secure storage of firearms and ammunition. Encourages the proper sealing of refrigerated goods.