Good Grief

In this episode of the Good Grief podcast, Amber Miller sits with host Pete Waggoner to discuss the topic of funeral personalization and how it can help people grieve. They explore why personalizing a funeral—from the flowers and decorations to the food after church service—can help the bereaved be reminded of their connection to their loved one, and how it can memorialize the legacies of those who have passed away. They discuss the different personalization options for funerals, and how to determine which elements are most meaningful. The episode also shares some tips on how to plan a personalized service that can provide a sense of comfort and closure.

Takeaways:

1. It's in the meanings behind the elements of a funeral where personalization comes into play.
2. Grieving can be a creative and meaningful process.

In this episode:

[0:40] Pete brings up the question of using "are" versus "were" when referring to the deceased. Amber explains how using the present or past tense depends on what the loved ones are comfortable with but that the passing of someone does not take away who they have always been as a person.

[2:33] Amber and Pete go into the topic of funeral personalization and how it can help provide comfort to the bereaved. Amber shares how the unique parts of a funeral can bring healing and hope to the grieving family.

[7:44] The two talk about how flowers and decorations can be a major part of the personalization process and set the scene for the visitors during the service.

[13:51] Pete and Amber discuss how food can also be incorporated into the funeral and how it can be used to create a meaningful experience for the community. From having food trucks at the service to having a traditional dinner afterward, they explore how the food can be used to honor the life of their loved ones.

[19:01] Pete shares a story about how his sister's friends and family contributed to the personalization of her funeral. The two talk about how creativity and resources can be used to make a special service that reflects the personality of the deceased and engages the grieving loved ones.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Amber Miller
3. Patriot Guard
4. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. "That's how they are. They'll always be that way for us." - Amber Miller on referring to a deceased loved one
2. "Oftentimes, if a funeral doesn't feel meaningful or personalized, it sometimes doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel like it's something that I can move forward from." - Amber Miller

O'Connell Funeral Homes' Amber Miller and host Pete Waggoner welcome the new year by discussing preplanning expectations in this episode of Good Grief. Amber shares her first-hand funeral experience with families whose deceased loved ones made it easier to prepare by taking the time to plan ahead of time. The two go into detail about the different aspects of prearranging—from the frequency and length of the sessions to the prepayment process and the specifics being discussed during the meetings. They also talk about how funeral pre-arrangement can be done in the comfort of home and how families can benefit greatly from this process.

This episode is a must-listen for those considering preplanning their funeral, as well as those who are already in the process of doing so. Because “A goal without a plan is just a wish,” as said by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.

Takeaways:

1. Funeral pre-arranging lightens the load and grief of the mourning family.
2. Talking about death and funerals does not have to be uncomfortable.

In this episode:

[1:20] Pete Waggoner opens the discussion by asking Amber Miller what makes prearranging so important. Amber shares how she has encountered family members at funerals who are grateful that their deceased loved one or a relative has taken the time to plan ahead of time.

[4:29] Amber and Pete talk about where pre-arranging meetings usually take place. Amber also gives insight on how the conversation begins with the help of a deck of cards they have prepared for the purpose of guiding families throughout their discussion.

[8:23] Amber discusses the length of prearranging sessions and how frequent they should be. She mentions how it differs from family to family and that some clients finish their funeral preplanning in one meeting while others might require more.

[11:55] The two talk about the prepayment process and installment plans available. Amber reiterates that the prearranging process itself is 100% free and that it’s completely up to the family if they choose to pay for their funeral services in advance.

[14:06] Amber shares about O'Connell Funeral Homes' advance preplanning guide which may serve as a workbook that will walk families and individuals through the process of pre-arranging their funeral.

Resources

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Amber Miller
3. Advance Planning Guide
4. Pre-planning Tools
5. Read Transcript Here

Quotes

1. "I think they can expect a comfortable environment...because we follow your lead." - Amber Miller, on what people can expect when they come to the funeral home
2. "When you go back and look at this, it can be a very empowering thing for all." - Pete Waggoner on funeral prearranging

In this episode, Mike O'Connell and Amber Miller sit down with Pete Waggoner to discuss how one can be of assistance to those who are grieving. They explore the different ways a grieving person may behave and how we as outsiders can help support them through their journey. They also talk about the things one should avoid saying or doing when interacting with a person who just lost a loved one, particularly if the death was sudden or traumatic.

From the words of wisdom that can be shared, to the simple act of just being present, this podcast episode provides valuable tips for those who want to show they care.

Takeaways:

1. Sometimes, giving unsolicited advice and trying to fix the problem is not helpful for those who grieve. It is more important to be present, listen, and offer support in whatever way the grieving person needs it.
2. People move through their grief at different speeds and in different ways. It is important to be patient and understanding.

In this episode:

[2:25] Host Pete Waggoner starts the discussion by asking Mike and Amber about the important things a supporter or friend should know when helping someone through grief. Amber emphasizes how grief lasts longer beyond the funeral and how important it is for people to realize that the grieving process is different for everyone.

[6:07] The three talk about the importance of mentioning the name of the deceased to the grieving person. They share how important it is to keep the memory of the deceased alive and how saying their name can bring comfort.

[8:31] Pete asks Mike and Amber how they have gotten the wealth of knowledge they have in helping others through grief. The two mention how working closely with the families they serve has helped them gain a deep understanding of the grieving process.

[10:25] Amber talks about honoring the grieving person's wishes and being honest about what one can offer in terms of support.

[14:13] Amber answers Pete's question on how one can help a loved one facing imminent death. Mike shares some tips and insights on how one can help a person who is grieving a sudden or traumatic death.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Mike O'Connell
3. Amber Miller
4. Read Show Transcript
5. Grief & the Holidays
6. OCFH Resources

Quotes:

1. "Remember that grief lasts for a lot longer than the duration of the funeral." - Amber Miller
2. "Sometimes the best medicine for people is just the silent presence. That's more meaningful (to people) than filling (you know) those painful moments with words." - Amber Miller

In this episode, Dr. Kirsten Severson along with Mike O'Connell and host Pete Waggoner explores the concept of advance directives and how they work. Dr. Severson provides a thorough explanation of the whole process and how these documents allow a person to make the tough decisions about their healthcare beforehand in case they are ever unable to do so. Mike O'Connell also gets candid about his own experiences and shares some insights on how advance directives can lift the burden off of families during difficult times.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone who wants to learn more about advance directives and how they can protect you and your loved ones.

Takeaways:

1. Planning your health care in advance can not only allow you to make your own decisions but also ease the burden on your loved ones during tough times.
2. Facing the reality of our own mortality can be scary, but having these conversations with our loved ones and healthcare providers is important.

In this episode:

[1:34] Pete Waggoner opens the discussion by asking Dr. Severson to define what an advance directive is. The doctor explains the two types of advance directives: the living will and the power of attorney for healthcare.

[10:02] Dr. Severson talks about how and where a person can get an advance directive. She also shares some specific websites and online platforms which a patient can download and print the necessary documents from.

[21:37] The three talk about how a person's advance directives will be used in the event that an unfortunate incident should happen outside of a hospital setting and where the first responders are not aware of the patient's written wishes.

[24:49] Pete asks Dr. Severson how the conversation typically begins when a person wants to start thinking about their advance directives.

[35:34] Mike and Dr. Severson share some final thoughts and advice for those who are thinking about making their own advance directives. They put emphasis on how these documents can help people lift the burden off of their loved ones in the event that they are unable to make their own decisions.

Resources

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Mike O'Connell
3. Dr. Kirsten Severson
4. The Conversation Project
5. Wisconsin DPOA Healthcare Forms - Advance Directives
6. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. "It's my body, it's my life. And I want to direct what happens when things look not so very (maybe) good." - Dr. Kirsten Severson
2. "We've got a long way to go yet, but it should be just a part of your general healthcare." - Dr. Kirsten Severson on starting the conversation about advance directives
3. "Don't put that burden on your loved ones." - Mike O'Connell

In this episode hosted by Pete Waggoner, Mike O'Connell and Amber Miller discuss the process of preplanning one's funeral and its multiple benefits. They go in-depth about the different aspects of funeral preplanning, from the finances to how the actual meetings are done with family members. They also talk about how death and grief can significantly impact those left behind, and how this process can help alleviate some of the burden. This episode provides listeners with a comprehensive look at funeral prearranging, and is an excellent resource for anyone considering this option.

Takeaways:

1. Preplanning is a great way to lighten the load for your loved ones after you're gone.
2. Grief and death can bring significant changes and challenges to families.
3. While having conversations about death can be difficult, talking about your wishes ahead of time can make things much easier for everyone involved.

In this episode:

[2:23] Pete opens the discussion by asking why people prearrange their funerals. Mike provides different reasons such as being forced to do so due to a terminal illness, wanting to have more control over their own funeral, or simply having the desire to relieve the burden from their loved ones.

[6:25] The three talk about the significant changes death can bring to a family and the challenges that usually arise. They also begin to discuss the financial aspects of prearranging and how it can lessen the burden on those left behind.

[11:35] Amber shares how funeral trust can be a great gift, both for oneself and their loved ones. They also talk about the two different ways to set up an irrevocable funeral policy.

[14:11] Pete asks about how families receive the information when it comes to funeral prearranging and how much detail is usually given. Mike and Amber talk about how the process and benefits are explained to the family, as well as how the meeting is set up and conducted.

[22:37] Amber and Mike discuss the different meeting setups they do with people who are willing to prearrange their funerals. They share how they sometimes visit homes and care facilities to make the process as convenient as possible for those who need their services.

Resources

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Mike O'Connell
3. Amber Miller
4. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. "When grief starts getting put into the equation, that can change things in an instant." - Amber Miller on how family dynamics can change after someone's death
2. "Huge. You're taking away the subjectivity of kids going against each other...you're just setting them up to heal." - Mike O'Connell on the benefits of prearranging and prefunding to families.

In this episode, host Pete Waggoner goes in-depth with Kathleen Helgeson and Amber Miller about the topic of secondary loss and caregiver grief. They discuss the smaller subsequent losses that happen after the death of a loved one, and how a loss can impact one's roles and routines. They also delve into how to cope with the challenges that come with being a caregiver, as well as the grief it can bring before and after the death of the patient.

This episode is full of helpful tips and resources for those struggling with loss, as well as for those supporting someone through their grief journey.

Takeaways:

1. As a caregiver, having compassion for yourself is as important as having compassion for the person you are caring for.
2. Loss can come in many forms, and each one can have a significant impact on our lives.
3. It's important to allow yourself to grieve in whatever way feels right for you.
4. If you are struggling to cope with loss or grief, reach out for help from a friend, a professional, or a support group.

In this episode

[3:23] Amber begins the discussion by defining what secondary loss is and explaining how death encompasses more than just the physical loss of a loved one. Kathleen further elaborates on this concept by sharing how she has seen different forms of secondary loss play out in her work as a funeral celebrant.

[7:40] Pete Waggoner transitions the conversation to the topic of how loss can impact one's roles and routines. They all share their insights on how the death of a loved one can cause ripple effects that touch every aspect of our lives.

[13:02] Pete Waggoner asks about how a person can build a new support system after experiencing loss. Kathleen and Amber share their thoughts on the importance of seeking out help and being open to receiving support from others.

[23:50] The three talk about how caregivers can often experience their own grief journey while caring for someone else. They discuss the challenges that come with being a caregiver and how to find compassion for oneself to rediscover a sense of balance.

[34:48] Pete Waggoner wraps up the conversation by asking Kathleen and Amber to share some final tips to caregivers who might be struggling with their own grief. They both emphasize the importance of being patient and compassionate with oneself, as well as taking the time to feed one's own soul.

Resources

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Kathleen Helgeson
3. Amber Miller
4. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. "Healthy relationships lean on each other's strengths and allow for one another's weaknesses without thought." - Kathleen Helgeson
2. "It takes courage to face our losses and our changes." - Kathleen Helgeson
3. "We can't give if our gas tank is empty." - Amber Miller

In this ‘scintillating’ episode of the Good Grief podcast, Mike O'Connell and Amber Miller of O'Connell Funeral Homes join Pete Waggoner to discuss funeral etiquette. They get into the nitty-gritty of the do's and don'ts of attending a funeral--from the proper attire, to the conversation topics that may be off-limits or offending to the grieving family. The two also share about the real-life scenarios they have encountered in their years of experience and how to best handle each situation.

The podcast offers an insightful and retrospective look into the essence of funerals and the proper way to honor the deceased while also providing comfort to the bereaved loved ones.

Takeaways:

1. Being respectful and considerate goes a long way when attending a funeral.
2. There is no one right way to grieve.
3. We can't assume what another person is going through, so it's important to be sensitive and compassionate.

In this episode:

[2:14] Host Pete Waggoner opens the discussion by asking if wearing black is a must at funerals. Mike O'Connell responds by sharing how the color has become a sign of showing reverence to the deceased and to those who are grieving. The guests also get into detail about the kinds of clothes that are and are not appropriate to wear to a funeral.

[9:15] Mike talks about the conversational topics that may not be appropriate to discuss at a funeral and how using the deceased’s name can be a way to show that they are being remembered. Pete further dwells into the topic by asking whether referring to the deceased in the past tense may be a sign of disrespect.

[13:33] Amber Miller discusses the different things to follow when attending a funeral such as being on time, where and when to enter when arriving late, and what to do when leaving early. Mike shares some ridiculous funeral stories he has encountered in his line of work to drive the point home.

[24:10] Pete starts the conversation on what one should say to the grieving family. Mike puts emphasis on the importance of being mindful of the questions one asks and how they should be phrased.

[35:56] The trio moves on to the topic of nonverbal communication and how body language can be interpreted by the grieving family. They also discuss what a memorial exactly is and the specifics of 'Thank You' cards.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. O’Connell Funeral Homes
3. Mike O'Connell
4. Amber Miller
5. Read Show Transcript

Quotes:

1. "Grief is unique to every single person." - Amber Miller
2. "Grief and love are essentially cut from the same cloth...The more we love someone, the more we grieve them. And it's okay to be sad, it's okay to grieve, it's okay to feel any emotion you feel with grief." - Amber Miller
3. "Follow your heart, follow your gut." - Mike O'Connell

In this episode of The Good Grief podcast, Mike O'Connell and Amber Miller get into cemeteries' important role in providing a final resting place for people's loved ones. They discuss the process of creating these final resting places, from deciding on the type of burial to personalizing the space to create a meaningful and lasting tribute. They also dive into the details of securing a cemetery plot and what one can expect when visiting a loved one's final resting place. This episode provides listeners with an informative and compassionate look at the role of cemeteries in the grieving process.

Takeaways:

1. One's final resting place can be beneficial for the loved ones they have left behind, providing a space for grief and healing.
2. Cemeteries aren't just about providing a space for the deceased, but also about memorializing and honoring them.

In this episode

[2:29] Host Pete Waggoner asks about the importance of cemeteries given the rise of other forms of memorialization, such as keeping the cremated remains at home. Mike O'Connell shares about his personal experience of finding peace and an opportunity to memorialize his loved ones at cemeteries and talks about the role that these spaces play in the grieving and healing journey.

[5:49] Amber Miller talks about how finding peace in the daily hustle and bustle of life can be a challenge. She shares how the peace and solace that cemeteries offer is something that can be beneficial for people who are grieving or simply looking for a moment of respite.

[10:33] Pete asks Mike O'Connell about the differences between columbarium, crypts, and other types of burial options available these days.

[15:30] Amber talks about the different ways people can personalize their loved ones' markers and monuments, and how churches and cemeteries have different rules about what kind of items are allowed.

[22:48] Mike and Amber get into the details of what people can leave on their loved one's resting place such as wind chimes, trinkets, and plant stands. Mike also mentions how there are cemetery flower companies nowadays that even help with the upkeep of fresh flowers on the site.

Resources

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. O’Connell Funeral Services 
3. Mike O'Connell
4. Amber Miller

Quotes

1. "It's a place we go to memorialize." -Mike O'Connell on cemeteries
2. "Once you do something it's permanent. So give it thought, make sure it's meaningful." -Mike O'Connell

In this episode of The Good Grief podcast, host Pete Waggoner sits with Mike O'Connell and guest, Lori Christopherson to discuss how tattoos can be used as a form of memorializing and honoring a loved one. Mike shares how he discovered Everence, a company that creates personalized tattoo ink additives with a loved one's DNA. Lori talks about her own healing process after the loss of her son and how Mike's suggestion of a tattoo was instrumental in her finding peace and closure. The episode offers listeners vulnerable and honest insight into how tattoos can be therapeutic for those working through grief and how the process of memorializing a loved one can be different for everyone.

Takeaways:

1. Every person grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way to do it.
2. Tattoos can be a helpful part of the grieving and healing process as they offer a physical, tangible, and lasting way to keep a loved one's memory alive.
3. The act of memorializing a loved one can be healing for both the person getting the tattoo as well as for those who see it and are reminded of the individual being honored.

In this episode

[1:25] Host, Pete Waggoner delves into the history of tattoos and how they were used as a form of protection from bad spirits and diseases, especially for pregnant women, thousands of years ago.

[3:31] Mike talks about how the loss of a loved one can make people feel powerless and how getting a tattoo can be a way of regaining a sense of control.

[8:46] Lori shares her experience in finding the perfect way to memorialize her son and how Mike has helped her in the process. She talks about the different options she's tried and considered such as a necklace pendant but ultimately decided that a tattoo would be the most meaningful for her.

[18:16] Lori further talks about her healing process after the loss of her son and how getting the tattoo has been an integral part of that.

[23:06] Pete Waggoner wraps up the show by asking Lori how grateful she is for the opportunity and what getting the tattoo has meant for her.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Mike O'Connell
3. Lori Christopherson
4. Everence Jewelry & Tattoos

There is no other job like a funeral director. In celebration of National Funeral Director and Morticians Recognition Day on March 11th, we would like to honor what funeral directors do for us. You don’t want just anyone to care for your loved one when they have passed on, you want someone empathetic, reverent, kind, and reliable to be there for you and your family.

Today's podcast highlights the team of funeral directors at O’Connell Family Funeral Homes. 

You'll hear answers to the following questions from Abbie Pickerign, Amber Miller, Mike O'Connell, and Austin Mahanke. 

• What inspired you to become a funeral director? 
• Have you ever felt like you wanted to change careers? 
• What are the misconceptions in this industry? 
• Are there any ghost stories you've encountered? 
• What are your hours? 
• Would you advise your bf to go into the business? 
• Tell us how you feel after a service is over. 
• How does pre-planning help a family? 

Listen now to learn more about the real lives of the funeral directors at O'Connell Family Funeral Homes and take a look at what a day in the life is like. 

Blog

Abbie Pickerign

Amber Miller

Mike O’Connell 

Austin Mahanke

Pre-planning 10 questions you need to think about before your funeral 

#HugYourFuneralDirector