Good Grief

Who says it’s too late to be talking about horror?

In this month’s episode, Pete and Amber explore how death, dying, and funerals are depicted in the media. Amber, with her penchant for horror movies, offers a unique perspective, revealing the dual aspects of death in cinematic and television narratives—between the gruesome and the serene. As the conversation unfolds, the duo delves deeper into the accuracy of these portrayals. Amber underscores the profound impact these depictions can have on people's perceptions of death, particularly when so few have first-hand exposure to its unadorned reality.

They dissect how classic shows like CSI and Grey's Anatomy amplify the drama, from gripping emergency room scenes to intriguing portrayals of funeral directors in forensic television. The discussion then seamlessly transitions to the big screen, with the mention of iconic titles such as "My Girl," "The Shining," and "Harold and Maude." They also explore the depth of research in modern TV productions, unveiling how these programs meticulously detail the workings of real-life processes.

This episode offers a thought-provoking analysis of the evolving media landscape's portrayal of death, and an eye-opening exploration for those curious about how shows and films shape our understanding of mortality.

Takeaways:

1. From the dualities of gruesome and serene portrayals to the dramatization in TV shows, it's evident that media plays a pivotal role in shaping our understanding of these subjects. Understanding this influence is crucial for individuals seeking a more nuanced and realistic perspective on death.

In this episode:

[1:55] Pete kicks off the episode by introducing the month’s topic–how death, dying, and funerals are portrayed in the media. Horror movie junkie, Amber, talks about the dual perspectives of death in shows and movies: the gruesome and the serene.

[4:40] Pete and Amber delve into the accuracy of the violent and horror portrayals of death. Amber reiterates how these depictions can be impactful in shaping people’s perception of death, especially with how very few are exposed to its realities.

[6:49] The duo talk about all-time favorite TV shows such as CSI and Grey’s Anatomy. They explore the dramatized portrayal of most scenes in these shows, from the intense emergency room moments to how funeral directors are depicted in forensic TV.

[10:28] From My Girl, to The Shining, Harold and Maude, and more–Pete and Amber transition to movies and compare their impact versus TV shows that are built for weekly episodes and cliffhangers.

[15:53] Amber and Pete talk about modern day TV productions and the depth of their research on how the processes actually work. They also address the impact of hyper transparency in these shows on how families perceive critical issues such as terminal diagnosis and surgeries.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Amber Miller
3. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. “The realities of deaths are behind closed doors…So, if our only experience with death is what we see on the media, then we assume that’s what it is in natural life. And when we actually have a natural experience with death in our real life, we have this disconnect–we expect one thing, we see another thing and it turns into something altogether different.” - Amber Miller

In this episode, Amber and Pete shed light on the topic of hospice care, sharing their insights and debunking common misconceptions. Amber starts by explaining how she chose this topic for the episode, drawing from her experiences with families who often express regret for not admitting their loved ones to hospice sooner. Pete raises an important question about whether patients in hospice have a say in their own care. They both address the misconception that hospice is exclusively for cancer patients and delve into other myths, including strange perceptions about hospice workers and the belief that a physician's referral is necessary for admission. Amber emphasizes the importance of being proactive when it comes to the care of a loved one with a terminal illness.

This episode is a valuable resource for listeners seeking to gain a deeper understanding of hospice care and to challenge common misconceptions surrounding it.

Takeaways:

1. Hospice isn't necessarily a last resort or limited to end-of-life cancer care. It's a comprehensive and compassionate approach that empowers patients to have a say in their care.

In this episode:

[1:30] Amber shares how she comes up with the topic of hospice for the podcast episode. She recounts how many of the families she meets with wish they’ve admitted their loved ones in the hospice sooner.

[3:39] Pete and Amber debunk the misconception tagged with hospices that they are only for people diagnosed with cancer. Pete raises the question on whether the patients in hospices have a say for their care.

[6:45] Pete and Amber further delve into the myths and misconceptions surrounding hospices such as the strange perceptions on the workers and that a physician’s referral is required to be admitted. Amber highlights the importance of being proactive for a loved one suffering from a terminal illness.

[9:01] Pete asks Amber how expensive hospices are. They also discuss the possibility of going back to regular treatment if a patient outlives their prognosis.

[11:45] Amber shares how funeral directors work closely with hospice nurses and how they help point families to hospices that can provide care to their loved ones in the area.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Amber Miller
3. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

“99.9% of all families that I meet with, one of the first things they say is, 'wish we would’ve gotten our loved ones in hospice sooner.'” - Amber Miller

“Oftentimes, the additional care that a loved one gets on hospice allows them to actually do better.” - Amber Miller

In this episode, Amber and Pete dive into the topic of body and organ donation, debunking myths and addressing common concerns. They begin by highlighting the importance of discussing donation throughout the year. Pete raises the misconception about open caskets for organ donors, questioning whether they are allowed.

They also tackle the myth surrounding autopsies and how funerals look like when the deceased has chosen to donate their body to science. Amber explains the typical funeral process in such cases and emphasizes the value of body donations to professionals in various fields, especially medicine. Lastly, they discuss how tissue and organ donation can impact the appearance of the deceased, addressing concerns often expressed by families.

By dispelling myths and sharing insights, Amber and Pete provide a comprehensive understanding of the donation process and its implications for funeral arrangements.

Takeaways:

1. Body and organ donation is an important topic that should be talked about.
2. Body donations make significant contributions not just to the field of medicine but also to different professions such as those involved in the embalming process.

In this episode:

[2:07] Amber talks about April as the National Donate Life Month and explains the importance of talking about body and organ donation year-round. Pete starts the discussion on myths by asking if organ donors are not allowed to have open caskets in their funeral.

[06:53] The duo talk about the myth on autopsies and whether they are conducted for free when requested by the family of a deceased who donated their body.

[10:56] Pete asks Amber what funerals look like when the deceased had decided to donate their body to science. Amber explains how the funeral process usually goes and how valuable these body donations are to the professionals in their field and in medicine.

[14:09] Pete and Amber discuss tissue and organ donation and how it may alter the appearance which is often a major concern for the family of the deceased.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Amber Miller
3. Holiday PDF
4. Read Show Transcript

In this episode, Amber and Pete delve into the world of embalming and cremation myths. They discuss the fate of jewelry, metallic teeth fillings, and implants during these processes, debunking misconceptions along the way. From how embalming doesn't grant permanence or produce odors to debunking the myth that remains are directly set on flames during cremation, the duo provides insightful information on these often misunderstood topics. They also shed light on the alternative techniques used by embalmers to create a natural appearance without sewing lips and eyes shut.

This engaging episode provides an enlightening and fun exploration of these intriguing topics, promoting a better understanding of embalming and cremation practices.

Takeaways:

1. This enlightening and engaging discussion promotes a better understanding of these practices and encourages listeners to approach embalming and cremation with more accurate knowledge.

In this episode:

[1:25] Pete brings up the YouTube video sent by Amber a few months ago which prompted the idea for the episode’s topic–embalming and cremation myths.

[2:50] Amber and Pete talk about what happens to the jewelry, metallic and gold teeth fillings, and implants of the deceased when they are being embalmed or cremated.

[7:04] The duo tackle the myths about how embalmed bodies last forever and that embalming makes the remains smell. Amber debunks both myths and explains how the process just delays the decomposition of the remains.

[10:48] Pete and Amber talk about a popular myth that embalmers sew the lips and eyes shut when necessary. Amber shares how embalmers actually employ alternative techniques to create a natural and peaceful appearance during the embalming process.

[13:17] The two talk about the myth that embalmers remove all the organs during the process.

Resources:

1. FREE Informational Seminar
2. O'Connell Funeral Homes
3. Amber Miller
4. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. “We use flames to heat up the crematory itself. But I think a lot of people feel that the misconception is 'Oh, my loved one’s body is going to be lit on fire,' that is not how the cremation process works.” - Amber Miller

In this month's episode, Amber and Pete explore the often-misunderstood topic of funeral costs and the crucial role of funeral directors in managing the intricacies of the funeral process. They discuss the perception of families regarding the costs and how funeral directors handle this sensitive issue.

Amber provides insights into the professional needs that contribute to the costs, such as their time, education, and overall expertise. They also highlight the significance of a funeral director's presence in alleviating stress and maintaining respect throughout the process. 

Additionally, Amber shares about the post-funeral aftercare services they offer, ensuring families have the necessary resources to navigate their grief.

Join them for an enlightening conversation on the mission of funeral directors and the complexities of funeral costs. Takeaways:

1. There are a lot of factors that contribute to funeral costs, including the time, education, and expertise required by funeral directors. 
2. The presence of a compassionate funeral director can greatly reduce stress for grieving families and ensure a respectful and meaningful funeral process.

In this episode:

[1:30] Amber and Pete talk about the main mission of funeral directors in handling all the details of the funeral process and how they deal with the perceptions of the families regarding the costs.

[3:09] Amber provides an insight into the costs they have to deal with, highlighting the professional needs. She expounds on the time, education, and expertise their profession entails which contribute to the costs involved in providing comprehensive funeral services.

[7:30] Pete asks Amber how many people usually work on the whole funeral process. Amber explains how everyone in their team of six directors, pre planning specialists, and office administrators get highly involved in the intricacies of the process.

[11:10] Pete talks about how the presence of a funeral director can take away the stress from the grieving families and make the process more respectful. Amber adds that there are cremation services that do not proceed with the process without the guidance and involvement of a funeral director.

[12:59] Amber shares about the post funeral aftercare services they offer such as sending out cards, text messages, inviting the families to grief support groups, and making sure they have all the resources they need to process their grief peacefully.

Resources:

• O'Connell Family Funeral Homes
• Amber Miller
• Dos and Don'ts Guide
• Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. “We’re diligent about trying to take everything off your plate so you can focus on your own grief and healing.” - Amber Miller

In this episode, Pete and Amber are joined by Mike Miller of the Willow River Cemetery in Hudson, WI. Mike shares his personal journey, recalling how his fascination with the cemetery began when he worked there as a 15-year-old summer job worker. As the discussion unfolds, Mike opens up about the challenges and rewards of meeting with grieving families, emphasizing the fulfilling responsibility of assisting them through the burial arrangements process. The trio dives into the intricacies of the sale process and the careful consideration given to selecting burial spaces in collaboration with the families. They also explore the significance of maintaining the cemetery grounds and the growing trend of families seeking a designated place, like a cemetery, for solace and remembrance.

Throughout the episode, the hosts and Mike emphasize the profound role cemeteries play in initiating the grief work process and providing individuals with a means to find solace and commemorate their loved ones.

Takeaways:

1. Cemeteries should not be seen merely as burial places, but rather as significant spaces for grief work and commemoration.
2. The role of a cemetery caretaker goes beyond administrative tasks, as they provide crucial support to grieving families during the burial arrangements process.

In this episode:

1. O'Connell Family Funeral Homes
2. Amber Miller
3. Willow River Cemetery
4. Daily Affirmations
5. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. “It’s a big responsibility, but there’s also some reward that goes with that if I feel like I (kinda) got them through the process of burial arrangements…little as painful as they thought it might have been.” - Mike Miller
2. “Time is the best healer.” -Mike Miller on grief

In this episode, host Pete Waggoner and Amber Miller of O’Connell Family Funeral Homes discuss the role of pallbearers in funeral services. They explain the origin of the term “pallbearer” and its evolution to refer to individuals carrying the casket during a funeral procession. The hosts explore the process of choosing casket bearers, including age and gender requirements, and the benefits of involving loved ones in the selection process during pre-planning. The conversation also covers how the tradition of urn-bearers applies to cremated individuals and how it can be personalized to honor the wishes of the deceased and their loved ones. This episode also looks into the importance of personalizing the funeral service to reflect the wishes of the deceased and their loved ones.

Takeaways:

1. Pallbearers play an essential role in the funeral service by carrying the casket and honoring the deceased. Choosing pallbearers can be a thoughtful way to involve loved ones in the funeral planning process and ensure that the deceased's final wishes are carried out with care and respect.

In this episode:

[1:27] Host Pete Waggoner jumps right into the interesting topic of pallbearers. Amber discusses the origin of the word and its practice. They talk about how in the middle ages, pallbearers used to carry the pall instead of the actual casket.

[3:23] Pete and Amber explore what it means to be a casket bearer and how they are chosen. Amber shares how some clients would request to assign their grandchildren as the pallbearers during the preplanning process.

[6:37] The two discuss how the tradition works for cremated individuals. Amber explains how certain loved ones may carry the urn, although having pallbearers in such cases is optional.

[9:01] Pete and Amber discuss the age and gender requirements for pallbearers. Amber shares how they would discuss the specifics with the deceased's family.

[11:44] Pete and Amber talk about the interchangeability of the terms ‘pallbearer’ and ‘casket bearer.’ They also emphasize how identifying one’s casket bearers during preplanning can greatly show appreciation for the loved one.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Amber Miller
3. 10 Things You Need To Think About Your Funeral - Worksheet
4. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. “I think this is a great exercise where you can reach out to people and say you’re really important to me in my life. I like you to be part of this, and this is what I want you to do. What a great way to cement that in.” - Pete Waggoner on identifying one’s casket bearers during the funeral pre-planning process

In this episode, host Pete Waggoner and O’Connell Family Funeral Homes’ Amber Miller discuss the importance of remembering and honoring moms on Mother's Day. They highlight the various ways people can pay tribute to their mothers–from setting up an altar in their homes to participating in charity works or doing acts of kindness. They also explore the role of grief and loss in Mother's Day celebrations and how these can be a good way to build on the legacy and traditions created by the deceased. Ultimately, the episode emphasizes the significance of showing love and appreciation to our mothers who left us with cherished memories and a lasting legacy this Mother’s Day.
Takeaways:

1. Remembering and honoring our moms on Mother’s Day can be a healing experience, especially for those who have just recently lost their mothers or who are struggling with the grief of their absence.

2. Building on the legacy left by our deceased loved ones can be a meaningful way to continue their memory and honor their impact on our lives.

In this episode:

[1:42] Pete and Amber open the discussion by talking about the things one should be aware of when honoring their moms on Mother’s Day. They discuss how being proactive and prepared and seeking companionship can help make grief triggers more manageable. 

[3:54] Amber and Pete explore the different ways people can remember and celebrate their moms, such as writing a letter, buying flowers, and preparing their mother’s favorite meals for the family to enjoy together.

[10:13] Pete shares how his mother enjoyed doing volunteer work and supporting different causes. Amber talks about how doing acts of kindness or participating in charitable activities in honor of our mothers can be a meaningful way to continue their legacy and honor their values.

[13:24] Amber mentions how they get many questions about Mother’s Day celebrations during the month and how O’Connell Funeral Homes strive to become a good resource for everyone in the community.
Resources:

• ⁠O'Connell Funeral Homes⁠

• ⁠Amber Miller⁠

• Read Show Transcript

Quotes

• “The greatest tip of the cap to one’s legacy is to continue on the things that they started–but it’s also to build on it too.” - Pete Waggoner 

• “Making new traditions too is important if creating the outstanding traditions is stressful.” - Amber Miller

• “We want to be a good resource to everyone in the community…a safe haven for them to come to for their questions.” - Amber Miller

In this episode, host Pete Waggoner and O’Connell Family Funeral Homes’ Amber Miller welcome Stress Awareness Month by discussing the different aspects of stress. From its usual symptoms to how it relates to grief and burnout, the two share their personal insights and experiences on the topic. They also delve into compassion fatigue and how one can cope with the stress brought by providing care and solace to a grieving person. In the end, Pete and Amber share several Dos and Don’ts when dealing with stress.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone experiencing monumental changes or going through burnout, whether because of grief or exhaustion from the stressors of life.

Takeaways:

1. Stress can be isolating, but you don’t have to deal with it alone.
2. People who provide care and solace to those who are grieving can experience stress, too–this is called compassion fatigue.

In this episode:

[2:18] Pete and Amber start the discussion by defining what stress really is. Amber explains how it can have physical manifestations, which are the body’s way of reacting to monumental changes and disruptions to our routines.

[10:12] The two explore the topics of burnout and compassion fatigue. They discuss how stress can also be experienced by those who provide support and comfort to those who are grieving after a loved one’s death.

[13:49] Amber and Pete talk about the different ways one can deal with stress and compassion fatigue, whether as an individual or with friends and family. Amber shares how there’s no one-strategy-fits-all approach, but small efforts such as taking short walks and setting little goals for the day can make significant impacts.

[20:11] Amber delves into the community component of dealing with compassion fatigue. She talks about how some organizations, such as care centers, are starting to implement initiatives such as prayer and debriefing sessions for the nurses who support the patients and their families.

[24:29] Pete and Amber discuss the negative impacts of social media and excessive use of mobile devices on one’s overall health and sleeping habits. They wrap up the episode by summarizing the Dos and Don’ts of dealing with stress and highlighting the importance of counseling.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes

2. Daily Affirmations Emails - Sign up now! 

3. Amber Miller

4. Read Show Transcript

   
   

Quotes

1. "...It’s universal, so it impacts all of us." - Amber Miller on stress

2. “Stress is so isolating.” - Amber Miller

3. “We need to put ourselves as a priority. We need to know how to say no when our bucket is filled, when our limit is had. And we just need to practice self-care daily.” - Amber Miller

In this episode of Good Grief, Amber Miller and Pete Waggoner discuss local resources that can help those going through a difficult period of grief. Amber shares her knowledge and expertise on various types of resources such as counseling, support groups, and online platforms that can provide comfort and understanding during a time of loss.

Pete puts emphasis on the importance of breathing exercises and caring for one's mind as a tool for coping with grief. The two talk about different ways to approach the healing process, such as doing volunteer work and getting involved in the community. They also encourage listeners to reach out for help if needed and provide resources that they may find in their local area.

Whether you are looking for guidance, comfort, or just someone to talk to, this episode of Good Grief will offer helpful and reliable advice.

Takeaways:

1. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to grief, and everyone may need different types of support.
2. Helping others can be a powerful way to cope with grief.

In this episode:

[0:45] Amber provides an overview of the resources available for grieving families and those whose friends are going through the process. She also enumerates the four things every grieving person must take into consideration: the mind, the body, the spirit, and the community.

[6:19] Pete highlights the importance of breathing exercises which can be a great source of inner calm and peace. The two talk about the different ways one can care for their mind other than therapy such as journaling.

[12:45] Amber discusses how doing volunteer work and forming bonds within the community can help with the healing process. Pete adds how the simple act of laughing with friends and fellow community members can be therapeutic.

[14:41] Pete and Amber share different resources and tips for those who have friends who are going through grief. From sending small tokens such as a plant, framed pictures, meals, and gift cards to simply showing up—they outline the many ways one can provide support.

Resources:

1. O'Connell Funeral Homes
2. Grief Resources
3. Amber Miller
4. Read Show Transcript

Quotes

1. "People form a sense of bond with someone else and then that gives them (maybe) the courage to do something different that they normally wouldn't have done in the past." -Amber Miller on doing volunteer work in the community as a way of coping with grief