Good People Podcast

Today we dive into the topic of masculinity. And let me just start by saying there’s no possible way to cover all-things-masculinity in one episode… but we tried… and we thank you for bearing with us as we cover just the tip of the iceberg! And p.s. if you didn't believe me before that these are raw and unedited conversations, this episode will prove to you that they really are.

Dr. Vierra, an expert in masculinity, and I chat about the old model of masculinity, how men have been trained to avoid their emotional world, gender roles, having empathy, being vulnerable, and so much more. Hanalei shares how important redirecting men from their head to their hearts is, but how difficult it can be too. He explains how the need to be superior and the lack of compassion feeds into oppression and the issues of racism, homophobia, and misogyny. I then have a conversation with Brandon who shares what masculinity means to him and how his life experiences have shaped his masculinity. We explore what it means to “be a man” and how society has labelled certain activities, professions, and character traits - AND how it all changes over time. As people are becoming more individualistic, maybe so are our gender roles.

Some favorite quotes from the show:

“Without vulnerability there is no compassion… there is no empathy. Collaboration and connection come from vulnerability.”

“Judgments push people away, but feelings are vulnerable and encourage connection.”

“Healthy masculinity is having the courage to understand your emotional world more so you can mature into this healthy adult version of yourself. You still feel all of your feelings, but not at anyone else’s expense.”

“You have to lean into your darkness so that you can move forward and so that it won’t have a shadow over your life.”

“Being needy ain’t sexy at all. But having a need and being needy are completely different.”

“I noticed as I got older that I had a lot of untrained masculine traits.”

“I think it’s so easy to tie masculinity and femininity to our sex and our gender, but they’re really just two different energies.”

“The more I understood myself, the more confident I became.”

“When we work on ourselves, we lift others higher.”

If you want to purchase Dr. Hanalei Vierra’s book, The True Heart of A Man, you can do so here: http://hanaleivierra.com/.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

On this episode, Spencer discusses being put on a pedestal at a young age and then facing obstacle after obstacle and his life not looking quite like he had always planned. He sheds light on the in’s and out’s of living with OCD, safe numbers, rituals, and the obsessive behaviors that made him feel safer with all the unknowns of life. Join us as we chat about riding the highs and lows of life, big transitions, OCD, burnout, identity crises, getting caught up on social media, new chapters of life, and finding purpose in your pain.

Some favorite quotes from the show:

“I felt like I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to be more than what I was.”

“When you start thinking you’re invincible, and everything is perfect around you, that’s when you get humbled.”

“It got to the point where it was getting exhausting mentally… it was a time in my life I had to be vulnerable about it.”

“I had to admit to myself that this was one battle that I couldn’t get through myself.”

“The power of the mind is unbelievable right?! You can literally achieve anything.”

“You’re a strong dude, but you need some help to be able to get through this.”

“Doing the things that I’m afraid to do, and knowing that I can conquer them, knowing that I can overcome those fears, that’s been my biggest accomplishment.”

“I didn’t know I could have that type of impact. To see that and feel that really saved me.”

“Not showing up how people expect you to can feel like a lot of pressure.”

“I got tired of making sure that everything had to be perfect for everyone else.”

“There’s a lot of life left.”

If you’re struggling with OCD, and looking for help, the therapy that Spencer refers to in this episode is ERP Therapy (Exposure Response Prevention). You can reach out and connect with Spencer on Instagram @spencersundahl

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Many Good People live with a chronic illness, condition, or disease. In this episode I talk with two Good people about their experience. We explore living with Hypothyroidism, Endometriosis, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Although we use “chronic disease”, “chronic illness”, and “chronic conditions” interchangeably in this episode, chronic diseases are defined as conditions that last 1 year or more and require ongoing medical attention and/or limit activities of daily living. Chronic illness is the personal experience of living with the affliction that often accompanies chronic disease. Six in ten adults in the U.S. have a chronic disease and four in ten adults have two or more. Listen in as we fumble through and explore the emotions associated with this topic… from everything to self-judgement, to feeling angry, to giving ourselves grace during challenging times.

Some favorite quotes from the show:

“I didn't know that all these things going wrong with my body, personality, and brain were all tied back to this.”

“I felt this rush of relief come over my body… I had a solution... it was a really joyous day for me.”

“I can move on with my life and know that it's something I can manage. It’s been one of the greatest teachers in my life.”

“I was so desperate for answers, I didn't allow myself to understand the impact this would have going forward. That was something I had to unpack.”

“I expect a lot of myself and I was angry at my body for underperforming.”

“But let’s be real, when something is hard and shitty, you can feel the way you feel about it.”

“When you negate the negative emotions of life, you are negating a large part of the human experience.”

“I took the medication and I ran and I didn’t deal with it.”

“If it doesn’t sit right in your gut, ask again. Check again. Take your life into your own hands. Advocate for yourself.”

“You’re not presented any options when you’re young and you don’t know what questions to ask.”

“There came a point where it just wasn't worth it anymore.”

“Okay this is your body telling you, you need to slow down.”

“We can’t always outsmart our body. We need to get quiet and listen and respect it.”

Some takeaways:

• Listen to your body.
  
• Advocate for yourself and your health.
  
• Allow yourself to just feel how you feel.
  
• Take care of yourself mentally just as much as physically.
  
• Get over the guilt.
  

The FODMAP that Kiley mentioned: https://www.medicinenet.com/low_fodmap_diet_list_of_foods_to_eat_and_avoid/article.htm

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Good people go to therapy… are thinking about starting therapy… support their loved ones in therapy… and TALK about therapy! Therapy can feel daunting but the impact is powerful and can be enlightening and empowering. Tune in as we dive in to a conversation with Maeva and Katrina about their experience in therapy, choosing a therapist, some of their initial fears, and aha moments from the process. Then I switch to the other side of things and chat with Dr. Hanalei Vierra, MFT about being vulnerable, asking for help, giving yourself permission, and how healing ourselves will transform the world.

Some favorite quotes from the show:

“How can you tell someone ‘Oh I’m going to therapy, but hey you don’t need to worry about me’ because I remember that being such a fear of mine.”

“This is a journey I want to embark on to better myself.”

“I can see my progress and that’s been the coolest thing.”

“That shit’s not going to work for anyone involved.”

“You have to be able to show up for yourself before you show up for anyone else.”

“You’re going to benefit from this in a way you never thought of before because there's so many ways that you probably avoid your true self. We’re going to separate your true self and your ego.”

“Beyond the crisis, the work becomes understanding how this crisis got created in the first place.”

“We’re socialized to not respect ourselves. It’s very sad.”

“Just be positive… which means avoid, avoid, avoid your pain, sadness, shame, fear, anger. And that to me is sad and empowers our dark side and it crawls into our lives sideways and holds power.”

“Good people are also sometimes broken people. And that’s okay.”

“Deal with it and understand it so it doesn't run you, but you run it.”

“Rewire yourself so the world can start to benefit.”

“We heal ourselves but we also heal the world around us and that has such a cascading effect.”

You can buy Dr. Vierra’s book, The True Heart of a Man, here: https://www.amazon.com/True-Heart-Man-Masculinity-Relationships/dp/1504346513/

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Welcome to the Good People Podcast. We are committed to having vulnerable, honest conversations, and constantly being curious about the challenges that life brings - especially the ones that make us doubt that we’re good people. Together we dive deep, ask questions, and laugh at our humanness. We hope this podcast helps you find peace, reminds you that you're not alone, and becomes a part of your self-discovery process. Ready to explore, expand, and evolve? You're in the right place!

Connect with us on Instagram at @goodpeople.podcast

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app