Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

My guest this week is Kathryn Elliott who has been interviewed for a previous podcast focussing on Binge Drinking

Kathryn and I were both heavy drinkers…. and we’ve both had breast cancer

These days we are both sober… and passionate about empowering other women with the knowledge they need about the link between alcohol and breast cancer.

Knowledge which will make them think twice next time they think about having a drink.

In this episode:-

• We talked about binge drinking which many of us get into when we are teenagers… and then keep the habit going until we are much older
• For example Kathryn was a binge drinker from the age of 15 to 46!
• Through her work as an alcohol mindset coach she has discovered that binge drinkers share similar traits:-
• A) Started binge drinking at an early age
• B) Celebrated by their peers and society for this behaviour
• C) Their binge drinking not perceived as a problem… more a rite of passage
• We agreed that many people are unaware of the definition of binge drinking – they tend to think it’s about the kids knocking back 15 tequila shots in a nightclub but in reality it’s more likely to be an older woman sitting at home alone drinking a bottle of wine.
• So to be clear the definition of a binge is 4 standard drinks on one occasion for a woman and 5 for a man
• If we are binge drinking on a regular basis our liver will not get adequate time to recover – which is why low risk guidelines suggest going alcohol free for several days a week
• Kathryn explained the psychological profile of a binge drinker - a fast drinker, without an off switch, often blacking out and unable to get control of it over many years in spite of setting rules.
• We also agreed that willpower was ineffective when trying to control binge drinking – so many of us have tried "the rules" – I’m only having 2 glasses of wine tonight etc but once the first glass is drunk all the bets are off!
• The only thing that will work is a mindshift, working on our limiting beliefs so we can see alcohol for the poison that it is
• Kathryn and I are both breast cancer thrivers and we were equally shocked with our diagnosis - neither of us had any idea that there was a link between alcohol and breast cancer
• Kathryn began to do her own research into the link and was shocked by what she found… also shocked as she realised that this was never a topic of conversation with her friends nor had she ever seen a health campaign highlighting this
• She was also shocked to discover that even low to moderate amounts of alcohol will increase our risk of breast cancer
• Just 3 standard glasses of wine a week can increase the breast cancer risk by 15%
• Each additional drink will add another 10% to that risk
• During her research Kathryn came across an American campaign called "Drink Less for your Breasts" which was impressive and had so much information
• The research was showing patterns… links between early binge drinking habits that could show up as breast cancer later i
• Both Kathryn and I had estrogen driven breast cancer – and alcohol does increase the amount of estrogen in the system
• We agreed that the lifestyle choice to be alcohol free that we have both taken feels empowering…
• We can’t guarantee that we’ll never get a recurrence of our cancers but we can be confident that we are doing everything we can to avoid it
• So Kathryn and I chatted about our binge drinking and our breast cancers and then moved onto our third topic which is educating corporates about the health risks of alcohol
• Kathryn is running seminars for leaders and employees in workplaces to help them understand how alcohol impacts their emotional, mental and physical health.
• I think this kind of initiative is well overdue and certainly would have welcomed it during my corporate career which involved a work hard/play hard culture!
• A lot of Kathryn’s clients are executives who’ve had alcohol issues which had either been enabled through the workplace or had been completely ignored.
• That prompted Kathryn to go into workplaces and approach the topic of alcohol, bringing it into a conversation about, wellness, mental health and productivity.
• Such a brilliant way to start an ongoing dialogue about the subject
• She gives practical tips about taking a break from alcohol and mindful drinking as well
• Kathryn also shares her personal story which a lot of people can relate to
• She currently promoting a "Sip Smart" campaign for the festive season so do contact her if you think your workplace would benefit from more awareness around this topic
• Workplaces are also getting more diverse which means a lot of employees don’t drink so events need to be inclusive and offer a wide range of non alcoholic drinks as well
• I asked Kathryn whether it had been a hard sell to convince companies to let their staff watch her talks and webinars
• She explained that so long as she’s not telling people they drink too much and/or they must quit the management are quite comfortable with her just sharing information
• A lot of the people she talks to have no idea how harmful alcohol is…. that’s something I find when we do our Masterclasses as well..
• Something which is reflected in the statistic I mentioned in the intro…. only 34% of women know there is a link between drinking alcohol and breast cancer
• We talked about the influence of leaders to role model sensible drinking to their employees
• I shared the story of a leader from Tribe Sober – Nick was a big drinker himself but when he quit drinking the culture of the company changed – you can hear Nick’s story here
• We ended the conversation with Kathryn’s top 3 benefits of being alcohol free
• better connection with herself,
• more energy now she’s free from worrying about alcohol
• living a purposeful career as she helps others to change their relationship with alcohol.
• To contact Kathryn about her corporate work of individual coaching – website is: alcoholmindsetcoach.com
• DM via IG @alcoholmindsetcoach
  • More Info

• Tribe Sober membership – you can join up HERE.

  • To access our website, clickHERE.
  • If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please [email protected].
  • If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just [email protected].

• Episode Sponsor

  This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol thensign up today Read more about our program and subscribeHERE

  Help us to Spread the Word!

  We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.

  If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.

  Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!

  We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.

  You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.

  You can join our private Facebook groupHERE.

  PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)

  1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
  2. Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
  3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
  4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
  5. Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

My guest today is an extraordinary young man – his parents were both heroin addicts and he became an addict himself. His rock bottom included jailtime, homelessness and self mutilation.

In the episode

• Both of Jared’s parents were drug addicts but although life was chaotic they did manage to parent Jared until they got arrested when he was 12 years old
• Then he went to live with his aunt who “rescued” him as he put it
• Sadly his mother died of her heroin addiction when he was 14 years old which led to him using alcohol to cope with the pain of losing her
• Jared describes himself as a “functioning alcoholic” from the age of 15 years old
• At the age of 18 he started using Oxycontin as he was very against heroin due to his parents' experience
• He didn’t know what Oxycontin was but it was a pill made by a pharmaceutical company so he assumed it was safe
• He quickly became addicted and discovered that its very similar to heroin and in fact he switched to heroin
• Whereas alcohol had helped him feel more confident and enable him to socialise heroin completely numbed his feelings
• As he says cocaine or acid can amplify emotions whereas with heroin he felt he was purchasing 12 hours of oblivion
• Jared continued to use heroin but as he puts it “ the effects diminished as the consequences increased”
• These consequences included selling his possessions to get heroin and by the age of 22 he was homeless and living on skid row
• Heroin was still effective in completely numbing him from reality – the reality that he was homeless, penniless and without a family member to turn to…
• However by the age of 25 reality was getting through so he began taking multiple drugs to block it out
• The consequences got more serious and he ended up spending time in jail and suffering serious health problems
• He would black out and wake up with injuries – once he lost a toe, another time he woke up with a serious facial injury
• That was when he finally decided to consider the idea of getting clean
• He managed to get sober via a state funded rehab where he lived for four months
• There are only four state funded rehabs in California and many more for profit rehabs
• On the subject of rehabs Jared gave us some shocking information about corruption in the rehab industry,
• Quote from one of Jareds article “the rehab industry has become nothing more than a glorified insurance scam with a terrible success rate… ..despite making billions upon billions of dollars
• Can you imagine paying $30,000 for something that doesn’t work 90% of the time?
• Yet new rehabs are popping up almost daily with no sign of slowing”
• When Jared got clean he longed for tangible things, he wanted a job and somewhere to live… he had no idea of the intangible benefits that would come his way – a sense of self worth, the ability to love himself and the joy that comes from helping others
• Apart from helping others to get clean Jared is influencing policy decisions and feels there is currently a political will to change the current situation
• People and companies are leaving California which is reducing tax income, forcing politicians to come up with solutions
• That’s why he feels that politicians are open to dialogue with someone like him… someone who understands addiction and homelessness from the inside
• Jared has plenty of ideas to bring about social change which he writes about in his book the Crooked Smile which will be published in 2024
• His articles can be read via Substack, he is on TW @jaredklickstein and his email is…[email protected]
• • More Info

  Tribe Sober membership – you can join up HERE.

  • To access our website, clickHERE.
  • If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please [email protected].
  • If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just [email protected].

• Episode Sponsor

  This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol thensign up today Read more about our program and subscribeHERE

  Help us to Spread the Word!

  We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.

  If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.

  Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!

  We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.

  You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.

  You can join our private Facebook groupHERE.

  PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)

  1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
  2. Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
  3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
  4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
  5. Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

On this weeks solo episode I talk about our Breaking Free program which we run four times a year.

Registration for the current program is open until 13th October - more info here.

We limit each Breaking Free group to 20 so you’ll always get personal attention

In this episode:-

• I talk about the warning signs of alcohol dependence as well as the benefits of an alcohol free lifestyle
• The Breaking Free program has four components…
• Four pieces of a puzzle that come together to create a transformation…
• The first piece of the puzzle is Community Support so we connect you with the other people on the Breaking Free program
• We put you in a chatgroup with where you’ll also find some TS team members to answer any questions you may have
• The second piece is our 4 hour Masterclass – a group session which we hold via Zoom. Another opportunity to get to know the other people on the program as everyone will share their story at the beginning of the session. By the end of the Masterclass you’ll understand:-
• The importance of a mindset change and the damage alcohol does to our health
• We’ll be sharing our tried and tested sobriety toolkit and you’ll end the session feeling motivated and excited about the changes ahead.
• While the Masterclass will give you an overview of the Tribe Sober approach to thriving in sobriety the online course will enable you to dive deeper at your own pace. You’ll get all the theory and training you need to overturn your limiting beliefs around alcohol which is the key….
• Just as we’ve been programmed into thinking that alcohol is an essential part of our daily lives our online program will de-program you and enable you to understand that you will be happier and healthier without it!
• The third piece is our online course which includes videos, podcasts, articles and book recommendations so you’ll be able to throw the book at your sobriety – you’ll be able to treat it as a 3-month project that will change the trajectory of your future.
• The fourth part of the puzzle is the personal support.
• You’ll have a 1.2.1 Zoom call with me so that I can hear your story and give you some personal guidance
• My colleague Sue will catch up with you midway through the course to get a progress report and
• Last but not least you can book a session with our Coach Lynette who will discuss how you are applying the theory of the Breaking Free program to your daily life
• So that’s the four pieces of our Breaking Free puzzle, four pieces that will come together to create an alcohol free lifestyle that you love..
• Apart from creating a program that will get results we’ve created a program that is flexible and will fit in with your busy lives….
• All of the 1.2.1’s can be scheduled to suit your convenience, the online course can be worked through at your own pace so the only timeslot you need to fit in is the four hour Masterclass.
• While we’re on the subject of time that’s one of the unexpected benefits of sobriety….. when we no longer spend time drinking and recovering from the drinking we find ourselves with extra time on our hands….
• As well as the energy to do something constructive with that time!
• Registration for the current Breaking Free program is open until 13th October - more info here.

• • More Info

  Tribe Sober membership – you can join up HERE.

  • To access our website, clickHERE.
  • If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please [email protected].
  • If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just [email protected].

• Episode Sponsor

  This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol thensign up today Read more about our program and subscribeHERE

  Help us to Spread the Word!

  We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.

  If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.

  Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!

  We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.

  You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.

  You can join our private Facebook groupHERE.

  PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)

  1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
  2. Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
  3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
  4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
  5. Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

My guest today is Recovering Attorney Lily

Lily was my guest on the episode which came out on May 6th – its already had 2,000 downloads and we had some great feedback from that one – if you missed it then have a listen to Lily sharing her story here

Lily is a coach these days and one of the things that she helps people with is Relationship Coaching so today we’re going to focus on Sober Dating

If your romantic relationships have always been lubricated with alcohol then this could be a skill you’ll need in your toolkit as you build your alcohol free life

In this episode:-

• Lily’s full drinking story can be found on our previous episode which came out in May but she gave us a summary
• She began her drinking career as a teenager and it continued during her legal career.
• She became a daily drinker, frequently drinking alone and experiencing blackouts
• At 37 she reached rock bottom – in fact as she says in her previous interview she had a series of rock bottoms, one of which involved drinking alone in her apartment all weekend
• She felt hopeless, useless and miserable and finally reached out for some help
• Reaching out for help is actually the hardest step of all - so if you’re worried about your drinking then reach out to tribe sober today – just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe and we’ll show you how to quit drinking and build an alcohol free life you love
• So Lily got sober in 2018 and she’s been sober ever since – if you want to hear how she did it catch the previous episode
• As we switched to talking about relationships Lily explained that she’d been shy as a child so as a teenager alcohol helped her to fit in – to feel part of things
• It helped her to feel prettier, funnier and more vivacious, especially around men
• As she got older alcohol would always be a major player in her relationships
• She would drink before the date… which often took place in a bar
• If her dates didn’t drink like she did then that could be a problem
• Lily believed that alcohol made everything a bit brighter, a bit easier and less awkward – she just couldn’t imagine her life without it
• She certainly couldn’t imagine dating without it!
• During her first year of sobriety she didn’t date at all
• She believed the advice she had heard about focusing on sobriety and avoiding any major life changes during that first year.
• Major life changes like changing jobs, moving house and of course starting a new relationship
• Lily had to focus on learning to love and look after herself before she would be in an emotional state to look after someone else
• She had the insight that she had been using men a bit like she’s been using alcohol – the highs of a new relationship giving her a dopamine hit and making her feel good just like alcohol did
• As Lily moved into her second year of sobriety she went on her first sober date
• She knew the guy, they both liked and respected each other and they had things in common
• Although that relationship didn’t develop into anything serious Lily felt proud of herself – proud that she had shown up as a very different person
• By this point she felt so much clearer about who she was, what she wanted and what kind of person she was looking for
• We talked about the risk of relationships between people in recovery and how they can crash and burn
• The common struggle may create a bond which means you feel that you’ve found your soulmate but it makes sense for you both to get that year of sobriety first to avoid any risk of relapse
• We talked about the dangers of cross addiction and how we can transfer our love affair with alcohol to food or shopping or sex
• I asked Lily how a sober person should start looking for a new relationship once they had completed their first alcohol free year
• Apparently there are sober dating apps/websites – in fact a quick google search came up with a list of 8 sober dating apps which I’ll add to the shownotes
• https://resurgencebehavioralhealth.com/blog/8-best-sober-apps-for-people-in-recovery/
• Although Lily met some good people via dating apps when she was drinking these days she feels more comfortable getting to know people first via a shared interest or through friends
• We talked about the best way for sober people to use the regular dating apps and agreed that it’s far better to disclose that you don’t drink alcohol in your profile – even if you get fewer matches it’s far better to know in advance that your sobriety may be a problem for some people!
• The people who don’t match with you because of your sobriety are very likely to have a drinking problem themselves so they would not be right for you anyway!
• First dates very often involve sitting across from each other eating and drinking but as Lily says an experiential date will take a lot of the pressure off – taking a walk, going to a dog park, going out for breakfast
• One of her best first dates was a trip to a museum
• I asked Lily what she had learned from her experience of sober dating
• She’s learned to listen to her intuition – that gut feeling that tells her that this is someone she feels comfortable with…
• She’s also experienced the opposite feeling when she hasn’t felt comfortable with someone – had she been drinking she would often ignore that intuition and any red flags which could lead to problems later on in the evening
• If someone is feeling isolated and lonely in their sobriety the focus should be on connecting with a community rather than focusing on finding a romantic partner – so even if you have been sober for a while if you are feeling lonely then take a look at some online sobriety groups – go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe if you’d like to try out our international community
• Sobriety has enabled Lily to turn up for all her relationships more authentically
• Once we are able to love ourselves we are so much better placed to build a relationship
• So here are Lilys top 3 tips for sober daters:- Have a solid foundation to your sobriety by experiencing restaurants and bars with friends who are drinking first

Have clarity about what you are looking for and how you are going to show up and be prepared to leave the date if you feel your sobriety is at risk

Have fun! - keep it light, meet lots of people and remember if a relationship doesn’t work out it means the universe has something better in store

You can find Lily on her website which is myinternalweather.com – where you can find articles and tips on sober dating

• • More Info

  Tribe Sober membership – you can join up HERE.

  • To access our website, clickHERE.
  • If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please [email protected].
  • If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just [email protected].

• Episode Sponsor

  This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol thensign up today Read more about our program and subscribeHERE

  Help us to Spread the Word!

  We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.

  If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.

  Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!

  We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.

  You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.

  You can join our private Facebook groupHERE.

  PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)

  1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
  2. Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
  3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
  4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
  5. Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Belle got sober back in 2012 and was one of the first people in the Sober Space, one of the first to share her own story and to try and help others to make a change…

In this episode:-

• Belle was not interested in alcohol as a teenager, she’d actually noticed what it did to people and didn’t like what she saw
• As she got into her twenties she started to drink the odd beer
• Interestingly she would never buy a six pack – somehow she knew it was a better idea to buy a single beer at a time
• Way before she had developed any level of dependence she recognized that alcohol “spoke to her” as she put it…
• A decade later her consumption stepped up until she was drinking four or five times a week, three or four drinks at a time
• As she hit 30 she was finding it harder to moderate
• She started taking AF beers to social events and alternating between her alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks
• A decade later she decided that she needed to take a break from alcohol to prove that she wasn’t an alcoholic
• In her late 30’s Belle got married and felt she had a “partner in crime” as she put it
• Drinking wine with dinner at home and ordering a bottle when they were out didn’t seem at all excessive
• They would order wine by the case and it felt very “grown up” and sophisticated
• Belle’s husband drank the same amounts that she did but in fact he didn’t think about alcohol in the same way that she did
• This realization actually didn’t surface until she quit when she realized that he could take it or leave it – he was a “normie” as she puts it
• Belle was used to taking a few days off the booze now and then when her workload got heavy or she had to get up early but when she decided to quit for a month she only got to 7 days
• That was when it hit her that she might have a problem
• Her second attempt at taking a month off alcohol also failed so she decided she had to approach this differently
• A friend of hers sent her an anonymous blog from someone who was trying to quit
• Belle loved the idea of blogging… and getting responses from people who were on the same path
• She created a blog on wordpress and posted her first entry
• She got an encouraging response the next day and found it “surprisingly helpful”
• People were giving her advice and confirming that yes those first couple of weeks were hard and suddenly she realized she wasn’t alone
• There was actually a roadmap to this sobriety journey!
• Back in 2012 there were no real alternatives to AA or rehab
• She had never felt “bad enough” for those options so imagined she would just have to struggle along as a grey area drinker
• Her blog was such a revelation that she wasn’t alone in this and that there were other people out there who she could connect with
• She blogged for a year and then started to offer online support via daily emails
• I asked Belle for her personal benefits of sobriety and she listed sleep, being able to count on herself and feeling proud of herself – for making such a big change with a ripple effect.
• Her anxiety and irritability reduced and overall she was surprised at the positive impact this change had made to her life
• She remains unconcerned about questions about her alcohol free lifestyle as she feels that people are actually not that interested
• If asked she just says “I’m not drinking these days as it was affecting my sleep” and finds that nobody ever takes it further…
• In 2016 she wrote a book called Tired of Thinking about Drinking which was the name of her blog
• If you’re familiar with Belle’s work then you will know all about Wolfie – that was the name she gave the voice in her head urging her to drink
• I loved Belle’s analogy about the toddler in the supermarket yelling for a donut…. If you give him a donut he will just repeat that behaviour next time…
• The trick of course is to deny the donut that first time and even though it might get noisy and embarrassing in the supermarket the child is unlikely to repeat the behaviour as it didn’t work
• So we have learn to say no to Wolfie – say no to that voice in our head telling us we can have a drink!

So what can we learn from Belles inspiring story…?

• Just like Belle so many of us try to take a short break to prove we are not alcoholic!
• I think that accounts for the popularity of Dry January… most people can grit their teeth and white knuckle it through 30 days using willpower alone but of course making a permanent change is about changing our mindset
• So many of us realise that we do have a problem with alcohol when we try to take a break and find it really hard – that’s why it’s so important to take regular breaks
• Belle uses the analogy of underwater swimming, as she says we can hold our breath but we'll only get so far…without tools, strategies and support it's going to be hard for many people to clock up more than 7-9 alcohol free days
• We agreed that a 30 day break is just not long enough to learn anything or to experience any real benefits – that’s why we offer our 66 day Challenge which you can start anyday in September – just go the tribesober.com where you’ll see the info on the homepage
• As Belle said it makes sense to take a challenge and quit for a certain number of days… and then extend it – that approach has worked really well for many of our members
• At Tribe Sober we avoid the "F" word – the Forever word - it’s just too overwhelming – the thought of never drinking again – the answer is to do it in stages
• As Belle said our head tells us sorts of things when we try to quit… and that’s probably because for most of us the dependence is psychological rather than physical
• Only 10% of drinkers are physically dependent and those are the people who will experience serious withdrawal symptoms and need to go to rehab for a medical detox
• If you want to learn more about this then go to Tribe Sober podcast episode called “Are you physically or psychologically addicted to alcohol?” which was released on June 19th 2021
• Even if you are only psychologically dependent you do need to prepare yourself for a period of feeling unwell when you first quit
• However as Belle explained that it’s important to remember that its only parts of each day that will be difficult
• You’re bound to wake up feeling good, and pleased with yourself just as its very likely you’ll get to 5pm and wonder why on earth you are doing this.. as that will be when Wolfie will be whispering in your ear!
• Being aware of this ebb and flow will help you to get through
• Another great tip from Belle was that if whatever we’ve done in the past to quit didn’t work then rather than drop that method and try something else - we can “layer” another method on top
• Think about Layering…If we’re cold we don’t take off a blanket and put another one on…. We add more blankets!
• At the back of her book (Tired of Thinking about Drinking) Belle has 60 sober tools… people tend to pick the easiest ones….and if they don’t work they try others
• So the secret is to keep those easier ones going and layer more on top
• Belle used her blog to track her sober journey and would write everyday…. she felt it was more powerful than journaling as she felt more accountable
• That’s why she asks people to email her and let her know how they are doing… and that’s why we have our various chatgroups where our members can post their ups and downs and get responses
• Tips from Belle to someone who wants to make the change but not sure where to start… read a couple of books, listen to some podcasts and then find a sobriety group that resonates with you
• As she said you don’t want a room full of people on day one… you need people at all stages of the journey.. people you can learn from and give you advice, people who will inspire you to keep going
• We can offer you that at Tribe Sober so if you’re ready dive in, get learning, connecting and get started on the roadmap then join Tribe Sober
• Your can order Belle's book and learn more about her Challenge on tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com
• • More Info

  Subscription membership – you can join upHERE.

  • To access our website, clickHERE.
  • If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please [email protected].
  • If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just [email protected].

• Episode Sponsor

  This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol thensign up today Read more about our program and subscribeHERE

  Help us to Spread the Word!

  We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.

  If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.

  Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!

  We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.

  You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.

  You can join our private Facebook groupHERE.

  PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)

  1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
  2. Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
  3. Select the show under Shows (not und

My guest today is Kirsty Mulcahy from Soberbuzz Scotland

Her work is focussed on supporting people to go alcohol free – she also coaches people who are sober and are asking themselves what comes next…

In this episode:-

• Kirsty started drinking at the age of 14
• The first night she drank she ended up in hospital having her stomach pumped
• That one weekend changed the trajectory of Kirsty's schooling
• Previously she’s loved school and was doing well but after the stomach pumping incident she hung out with the people she’d been drinking with – she needed to “fit in”
• We agreed that even when we get older we still have the need to fit in and one of the fears of quitting is around out identity – who will we be if we don’t drink!
• Who will my people be?
• We agreed that we are both blessed to be working in the recovery community where we have found our people and get purpose from helping people to change their lives
• Kirsty left school early and went to leave abroad at the age of 17
• She drank heavily and took recreational drugs until she was 21
• Returning to the UK she had the intention of returning to live overseas but she fell in love and had a child
• At the age of 27 she separated from her partner and became a single mom
• That’s when she realized that she had a problem with alcohol…although she didn’t stop until she was 41
• 14 years of knowing but not changing..
• 14 years of thinking this isn’t right but feeling trapped because she had no idea HOW to make a change
• I so identify with this and in fact the average time that someone takes from the realization that they have a problem and doing something about it is 11 years
• So if you are in that place of knowing that you have a problem but feeling trapped please reach out today… there is help available, go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe!
• Apart from not knowing how to quit drinking Kirsty's whole identify was wrapped up in being the party girl
• There was also a dark side to the partying which was when she drank alone
• When Kirstys mom died suddenly she was 33 and her drinking became heavier
• She had no sober people in her life, no role models showing her that an alcohol free life was possible
• She had been to an AA meeting in her 20’s but was unable to relate to the people she found there
• Apart from the shock of losing her mom Kirsty had to cope with a lot of extra responsibility and she no longer had childcare for when she went to work
• She had no coping mechanisms so turned to alcohol
• Kirsty tried putting various rules in place around her drinking but ended up breaking them
• She had lots of “rock bottoms” but found herself moving the goalposts
• For example she thought that if she ever woke up in a strangers house the morning after she would quit
• But she did…and she didn’t quit
• One of the things that prevented her from getting help was the shame… she just didn’t want to tell anyone how bad it had got
• Another factor that kept her trapped was the thought that people would realise that she had a problem if we stopped
• When we give up smoking we get congratulated but when we give up drinking we just get lots of awkward questions!
• Like many of us Kirsty was high functioning and managed to hold down a job and maintain her parenting role..
• She also poured huge energy into keeping everybody happy so that no-one questioned what was going on in her life
• Without her mom to look out for her Kirsty felt very alone… there was nobody close to her to see just how bad her drinking had got…nobody to advise her
• Her final rock bottom came in December 2017 when she woke up surrounded by empty bottles and drug paraphernalia…
• She got on her knees and asked for help…
• She couldn’t do this anymore…
• If YOU ever wake up feeling exhausted and hungover… and decide you can’t do this anymore please embrace that moment, it’s your turning point so don’t ignore it, reach out for some help
• Kirsty reached out for some help that day.. she signed herself into a crisis centre
• When she returned home she went cold turkey
• This was a big risk – when she saw a doctor she told her she could have died… after drinking 2-3 bottles of wine plus spirits a day she actually needed a medical detox
• Thankfully Kirsty did survive although she describes her detox as “hell”
• As she clocked up some alcohol free time she began to realise that it was not drugs or alcohol that she craved… it was love…
• When we ditch the booze and go alcohol free we learn how to love ourselves again
• It starts with the pride we feel as we achieve some sober time and stay on track
• Kirsty had to figure out how to care for herself
• She went to bed straight after dinner to avoid thinking about drinking, she drank lots of water, she ate well, she began to be truthful with her friends and she began a journaling and gratitude practice
• She took it hour by hour in those early days and it began to stick
• The more time that passed since her last drink the more space she got in her mind
• She got space to reflect on what she really needed
• A beautiful space as she calls it
• For the first 6 months her focus was on staying alive and not drinking
• When she got to 6 months she realized that she was “doing sobriety”
• She kept her head down and focused on getting to her first Soberversary
• As she said sobriety is a journey… not a destination
• Drinking is about self destruction whereas recovery is about recovering our true selves
• When she hit a year of sobriety Kirsty knew she would never drink again
• Her life is so different – she describes it as “night and day”
• We talked about the fear of losing friends that many of us have when we quit drinking and agreed that we’ve lost some drinking buddies but our true friends have stuck by us
• As Kirsty said our friendship circle evolves throughout our lifetime anyway… as she said some friends are for a season, some are for a reason and some are for life..
• Some of her friends expressed interest in taking a break from alcohol so she created an online community called Soberbuzz
• They were holding sober events but then the pandemic hit
• So they shifted to zoom meetings to support each other and share their experiences
• We talked about the benefits of sobriety…
• For Kirsty the fact that she now has an open line of communication with her daughter is a big one – alcohol used to be the elephant in the room but now they can talk honestly to each other
• She has learnt to love herself again and can look back on her life with compassion for that younger woman
• She’s escaped the shame cycle which was keeping her stuck
• She loves the people that she meets and gets to support
• We often say that at Tribe Sober .. we get to create a family with a deep connection, people from all over the world coming together to change their lives
• I loved Kirstys description of sobriety as being the best life hack…ever
• Kirsty is a life coach working with people in sobriety who often say ..I think I would like to have a couple of glasses of wine… but eventually they say “why would I even want to do that..?”
• As we clock up sober time we realise that we are gaining SO much more than we are losing and we don’t want to give up all those benefits
• You can find Kirsty on IG at soberbuzzscotland and at skyrosecoaching.co.uk

• • More Info

  Subscription membership – you can join upHERE.

  • To access our website, clickHERE.
  • If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please [email protected].
  • If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just [email protected].

• Episode Sponsor

  This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol thensign up today Read more about our program and subscribeHERE

  Help us to Spread the Word!

  We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.

  If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.

  Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!

  We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.

  You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.

  You can join our private Facebook groupHERE.

  PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)

  1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
  2. Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
  3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
  4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
  5. Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

In this episode I interview an important member of our Tribe Sober team - Jane Rivera. She came along to a workshop in 2016, ditched the drink and remains a valued Tribe member, inspiring others to change their relationship with alcohol.

In this Episode

• Jane tells her how her mindset has gone from "wanting to die" to "can't get enough of life"
• She was introduced to alcohol at an early age as her parents bought a pub in the UK
• She moved to Joburg as a teenager but struggled to settle and went off the rails
• A happy marriage and two beautiful children still didn't stop her from hitting the wine
• Jane finally realised that she would have to make a change when she felt her husband and kids pulling away from her
• She heard Janet on the radio and booked a workshop
• She left the workshop thinking she would stay alcohol free for a while and then start drinking moderately
• These workshops are now called Kickstart Masterclass and are available via Zoom - more info here
• After a few months of AF living Jane was feeling great and accepted that she would never be able to have "just one glass"
• She now loves her AF life, is close to her family again - and loves helping people in our community
• She has recently relocated to Norway - an adventure she could never have coped with back in her drinking days!
  • More Info

  Subscription membership – you can join upHERE.

  • To access our website, clickHERE.
  • If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please [email protected].
  • If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just [email protected].

• Episode Sponsor

  This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol thensign up today Read more about our program and subscribeHERE

  Help us to Spread the Word!

  We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.

  If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.

  Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!

  We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.

  You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.

  You can join our private Facebook groupHERE.

  PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)

  1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
  2. Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
  3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
  4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
  5. Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

So my guests today are Dave & Susan Kenney - they believe that understanding the brain is the key to recovery and are the pioneers of Actualised Recovery – an approach which combines neuroscience, psychology and lifestyle medicine. After running their own residential recovery program for a decade they have now pivoted to training recovery coaches.

In this episode:-

• At school Dave had excelled at sport but had struggled academically leading to him being called “lazy”
• Now that he understands so much more about the brain he sees that as a sign of his brain not working properly as he really wanted to do well.. and in fact believes that all children and adults want to do well
• He got into university on a sports scholarship and became an educator
• In 2008 as educators Dave & Susan noticed many kids struggling socially, academically and with addiction
• Although back then they knew nothing about the brain and hadn’t even heard of neuroplasticity they started to wonder whether it was possible to change a brain
• They came across the work of a neuro psychologist called Daniel Amen – He had published a book called “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life”
• The book is about neuroplasticity which is our ability to rewire our brains
• Dave explained the concept that the brain drives behaviour – a concept which has been fundamental to their work and which they decided to apply to the world of recovery and
• The brain drives our patterns, our cravings and our choices so if we change our brains we can change our behaviour
• Dave explained that he sees the brain as the hardware of a computer and it’s no good addressing the software if the hardware is faulty
• So meditation, CBT or any other kind of therapy is not going to work if the brain is not working properly
• Dave came up with the analogy that trauma can be likened to a virus on a computer … causing our brains to dysfunction
• He also made the point that not everybody becomes addicted to alcohol – the people who do get addicted have a brain which is chemically predisposed to getting relief from alcohol
• If we impact and change the brain we can enable the person to create better habits and change their behaviours
• The catalyst for applying their knowledge to the recovery world was hearing about a friend who had lost her son to suicide which galvanized them into setting up their own recovery centre
• for 12 years they ran a private residential recovery program based on this Brain First approach – helping thousands of people and living on campus themselves
• Dave would interview patients on arrival and ask them what they would choose if he could give them anything – nine out of ten said happiness
• We discussed the futility of chasing short term goals to be happy – whether that’s a shot of tequila or a new car
• Dave shared his favourite word with us with is:-
• Eudomonia: which is living a life of long term values – the premise being that happiness and wellbeing come from how we live our lives rather than the pursuit of material wealth or power
• For Susan the definition of happiness is a life led with purpose
• Their approach fits with Maslows hierarchy which has purpose and self actualization at the top but physiological needs at the foundations – Susan explained that most patients would be dehydrated on arrival so no amount of therapy was going to work until that was put right
• They would work on basic health and then the therapies and treatments could come in
• There was an essential family component to their recovery program which often involved coaching the family how to agree boundaries rather than making threats
• We talked of the importance of changing patterns in early recovery..- you can’t just take away the alcohol and carry on with the same behaviour…
• So many of our patterns involve coupling various activities with alcohol – for example cooking dinner while sipping a glass of wine – we have to work on replacing this habit until we can cook happily without the wine
• “The more a neuron fires the stronger it wires” in other words our new habits will get stronger over time
• Dave & Susan closed their clinic when Covid hit and have now pivoted into training recovery coaches – using all the knowledge they built up working in their clinic over the years
• Dave's definition of recovery coaching is simply to enable people to live their limitless lives
• They have an internationally certified Recovery Coaching program – an 8 week online program
• Unlike many programs they don’t believe that a recovery coach needs to have gone through their own struggles to be a good coach
• The rationale being that coaching is about asking the right questions and listening deeply to the answers rather than sharing our own stories
• One of their students made the interesting point that people should be trained in recovery coaching before life coaching as understanding the brain and why people do what they do should be the foundation for the kind of goal setting that a life coach would do…
• Susan & David are both graduates of the Amen University Brain Education program – so they are brain coaches
• Susan is qualified in positive psychology and Dave is doing his PhD in neuroscience and psychology
• In spite of their academic qualifications they manage to deliver the knowledge and tools required by their coaches in an easily understood format
• A mix of psychology, neuroscience and addiction is on the curriculum
• They are able to distil complex issues down to a practical format which can be applied straight away
• Their approach is very different to 12 steps and in fact their book is called "Recovery is not about 12 steps – it’s a brain thing"
• He disagrees with Step 1 of AA - "I am Powerless"
• A more constructive approach would be Viktor Frankl and Logotherapy… he identifies the stimulus, the gap and the response – we always get a chance to choose during the gap –
• That gap is not powerlessness – that’s where our power lies
• We only lose our power when we have that first drink
• Labelling people "powerless and an alcoholic" is keeping them in a victim role
• I explained that Tribe Sober's approach is to enable our members to quit drinking and then to build an alcohol free life they love
• The focus is not on living a life of sobriety, rather on enabling people to thrive and discover what they really want out of their lives
• Susan agrees that if we focus on building healthy habits and wellbeing the recovery will take care of itself
• A nice tip from Susan to calm the brain before sleeping is to have a notebook and write in 3 good things that happened during the day…and to add why at the end … same with gratitude.. that will attach an emotion and make it more meaningful to the brain – it’s the "why" that engages the brain
• We talked about the tragic statistic that only 10% of Americans struggling with addiction actually reach out and how we could change that
• We also agreed that addiction is a "white collar" problem - people who won't go to AA
• They believe the key is to reduce the stigma by education and their current mission is to create a Tribe of Actualized Recovery Coach Warriors to impact more than 1 million people by 2026.
• They have a new book coming out ACTUALIZED RECOVERY® —It’s Not About 12-Steps. Recovery is a Brain Thing
• You can contact Dave & Susan via their website which is Emergoacademy.com

• More Info

Subscription membership – you can join upHERE.

• To access our website, clickHERE.
• If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please [email protected].
• If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just [email protected].

Episode Sponsor

This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol thensign up today Read more about our program and subscribeHERE

Help us to Spread the Word!

We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.

If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.

Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!

We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.

You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.

You can join our private Facebook groupHERE.

PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)

1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Even though we offer our members a lot of support already we’re always on the look out for new benefits.

So these days apart from yoga, meditation, coaching, hypnotherapy, art therapy and accountability groups we can offer our members a functional medicine coach.

A Functional Medicine Coach can help us with the transition between drinking a building a healthy lifestyle. We all know vaguely what we need to do to be healthy but a Health Coach will personalise that plan for you and then ensure that you put it into action!

So Tribe Sober’s new Functional Health Coach is called Laura Gujadhur

• We began by clarifying the difference between functional medicine and conventional medicine.
• Laura explained that conventional medicine is disease management and treatment of symptoms whereas Functional medicine looks at the root cause of disease
• An example would be going to a conventional doctor with a rash – that doctor would be unlikely to ask you about your diet, your stress levels and whether you’ve had allergy tests -he would probably give you a cream to calm down the rash but he wouldn’t have got to the root cause of whats going on
• So functional medicine looks at the root cause of disease and illness and starts from there
• Conventional medicine is something we resort to when we are already sick
• Whereas functional medicine encourages you to work on your health so that you don’t develop chronic diseases…
• You become the architect of your own health
• Laura’s interest in health and wellness began about 5 years ago when she quit drinking
• A member of her family was diagnosed with depression and immediately put on anti-depressants which didn’t sit well with Laura
• About that time she had stumbled across a book called The Ultra Mind Solution by Dr Mark Hyman
• In this book he explains that when he heals someone’s gut and sorts out the imflammation the cognitive function improves and depression and anxiety go away
• As an ex nurse married to a doctor this came as a revelation to Laura – they never learned anything like this in medical school
• Laura decided to approach functional medicine in the same way that she had approached sobriety – she would read everything she could get her hands on
• After all Annie Grace’s book “The Naked Mind” had been such an eye opener for her and made her realise that Big Alcohol are inundating us with false messaging
• Her research into Functional Medicine made her realise that conventional medicine was simply driven by Big Pharma and that she had been naïve not to question it during her medical training and career.
• Laura’s decision to quit drinking for a month came after a party when she woke up with a hangover and thought…enough
• She white knuckled her way through the month and used the time that she saved (by not drinking) to read everything she could.
• Her belief systems around drinking had already been overturned by The Naked Mind and she realized that she couldn’t go back to drinking
• Laura threw the book at her sobriety and like so many others who have succeeded she treated it like a job.
• She told her husband she wouldn't be entertaining or going anywhere for three months as she wanted to concentrate on her reading.
• We all learn differently so it can be helpful to reflect on our personal learning style as we approach the difficult task of giving up alcohol and learning to navigate society without it.
• There are 4 distinct learning styles identified by Honey & Mumford in 1986.

1. Activist
2. Theorist
3. Pragmatist
4. Reflector

So we all learn how to navigate our alcohol free journey in our own way and shouldn’t be comparing our progress with others… just keep trying and it will come together.

Back to Laura. What I found interesting was the fact that once she’d done all her research and reading she was absolutely ready to make a firm decision and her mantra was:-

"Never Question the Decision"

I think that’s such a helpful strategy which will stand her in good stead if she has a craving or is under pressure from others to drinking…

She approached her sobriety with the same gusto and enthusiasm that she used to approach her drinking- focusing on what she was gaining rather than losing by leading an alcohol free lifestyle.

However Laura did go into full blown sugar addiction when she quit drinking and wishes that she’d had a functional health coach teach her how to transition which would have resulted in her feeling a lot better sooner.

These days Laura is qualified as Functional Health Coach.

She talked about the 4 pillars of health

Diet/Exercise/Stress Reduction and Sleep and emphasized that a Health Coach could ease the transition into the alcohol free lifestyle and help to avoid a cross addiction.

As she said we all know broadly what we should be doing to stay healthy but the value of a health coach is that she will ensure that you implement and stick to the right eating plan and exercise regime.

We agreed that coaching is super valuable to keep people on track - especially for women. Laura feels that many women tend to focus on what they haven’t done rather than focusing on their achievements

She said that anyone who has joined Tribe Sober should be proud of themselves, just admitting that they may be a problem is a huge first step.

Laura offers a free 20 minute call to Tribe Sober members as well as discounted sessions.

You can reach out to her on what’s app +230 58675482 or via email [email protected]

• More Info

Subscription membership – you can join upHERE.

• To access our website, clickHERE.
• If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please [email protected].
• If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just [email protected].

Episode Sponsor

This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol thensign up today Read more about our program and subscribeHERE

Help us to Spread the Word!

We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.

If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.

Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!

We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.

You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.

You can join our private Facebook groupHERE.

PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)

1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

My guest this week is Tribe member Suzanna Poroski - a dance, a choreographer, a singer and a piano player!

She's recently celebrated her first Soberversary so I began our conversation by her to introduce herself

In this episode:-

• Suzanna’s first experience of alcohol was at the age of 14 when she got into her father’s brandy
• Rather than being repulsed by the taste of it she actually drank it until she blacked out
• As Suzanna said enthusiasm for alcohol after the very first drink is a warning sign of possible problems in the future
• She also remembers leaving school at lunchtime to drink beers at a friend’s house
• Her father was a drinker and her parents divorced when she was 13 - Suzanna left home at an early age
• Fiercely independent with an obsessive need to be liked she would go drinking with her friends in bars at the age of 16 – then bring people back to her place for drinks
• Drinking and driving was normalized in her friendship group
• Suzanna worked as a choreographer at Club Med in Bermuda and created a rule around her drinking
• She would only drink every second night – just like the teenage drinking, making rules around our drinking are a sign of dependence
• Suzanna describes Club Med as a breeding ground for alcoholics - when she left at the age of 30 she assumed that her drinking patterns would go back to "normal"
• As a child of an alcoholic Suzanna was familiar with the 12 steps from her Alateen meetings so when her own drinking started to escalate she went to AA
• As a dancer she was under huge pressure to stay slim so also struggled with her eating patterns so she went to Overeaters Anonymous as well!
• She did achieve period of sobriety via AA but also had some bad drinking episodes
• Like the time she was driving a rented car and woke up after a blackout with no memory of where she’d parked the car
• Or the time when she was so shaken by a drunk driving episode that she had to sleep with the lights and tv on for fear of lying in the dark and going into her own head as she puts it – the “bad neighbourhood” I think she called it!
• She was in New York on 9/11 so although she wasn’t directly affected just like the rest of the world she was shocked and horrified
• Suzanna lost her job as a result of 9/11 which meant she could stay in her apartment – eating drinking and watching Netflix – trying to numb her feelings
• She got to a point where the drinking just wasn’t working anymore so she managed quite lengthy spells of sobriety but always went back to drinking
• In 2014 she lost her business so once more turned to Netflix, drinking and food to cope
• She did manage to quit drinking but replaced it with an obsessive running routine – 5 miles a day and only missing a few days in 17 months
• She managed almost 3 years in sobriety with AA and then had a slip up…
• At Tribe Sober we often talk about “uncoupling positive experiences from alcohol” – the classic one here in South Africa is “I can’t enjoy the sunset without a glass of wine” – of course we have to replace those patterns with more healthy habits like “watching the sunset with an alcohol free drink”!
• So back to Suzanna’s slip up – she’d cleaned the house, done her hair and make up and was waiting for some guests to arrive – everything was good and she felt an irrational urge to celebrate with a drink that had been left over from a previous party…
• That’s when she started to wonder if AA was no longer working for her
• She dived into the quitlit and started to explore different approaches
• At the same time she felt her body was no longer tolerating alcohol like it used to… and giving her physical feedback that life would be better sober
• She still had a mental struggle going on, the cognitive dissonance that so many of us are familiar with – our conscious mind telling us to quit and being challenged by our subconscious beliefs that we need alcohol to enjoy our lives
• At Tribe Sober we talk about our “Not This” moment
• Suzanna had her "Not This" moment when she was walking along a beautiful beach but rather than basking in the beauty of her surroundings her mind was occupied with finding a little bar where she could drink her wine
• This made her so angry she decided she was done
• As she said “alcohol is insidious – the way it slowly becomes your everything”
• Suzanna talked about the Tipping Point that we get to when we’ve been trying to quit drinking for years and then one day something shifts and everything falls into place
• All the Sober Stretches you’ve done, all the quitlit you’ve read, all the conversations come together and bring about a shift..
• We hear this a lot at Tribe Sober and as Suzanna said it’s the reason why we must never stop trying – it will work in the end
• I love what she said about her personal Tipping Point
• “it came in quietly, I didn’t tell anybody, I just knew…and I felt a quiet strength”
• Suzanna discovered Tribe Sober via this podcast
• As a result of the podcast she emailed me for the pdf of our Annual Tracker – if you’d like an Annual Tracker just email [email protected] and Sue will send you one
• Over the last year Suzanna’s been throwing the book at her sobriety – she’s been to our Zoom Cafes and participated in the chatrooms – she’s still reading the Quitlit and like me she's a great fan of Kristi Coulter
• I’m going to put a link to Kristi Coulters brilliant essay called Enjoli in the shownotes – it’s a must read for anyone on this journey
• She also wrote her Goodbye to Alcohol letter which is on our website 
• After a year of sobriety Suzanna is experiencing many benefits but she highlighted self respect, the joy of mornings and the connection with her children.
• Her advice to anyone considering this journey is to reach out to someone you trust and be accountable
• So many of us tried to achieve sobriety alone but as she said the trouble with that is that it's so easy to cave when its only you who knows you are trying to quit
• So if you’re ready to be accountable then just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe
• Suzanna has now trained as a coach so if you’d like more info about that go to her Facebook page and send her a whatsapp or you can email her at [email protected] 

• More Info

Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.

• To access our website, click HERE.
• If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email [email protected].
• If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email [email protected].

Episode Sponsor

This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today Read more about our program and subscribe HERE

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