AnnodRight: The Blog

Chello!

Yet another #TalktomeTuesday has passed. This time the QOTD was: Anal Sex: It's cool to do, right? Can you have an orgasm from anal sex? Are those beads cool? Is it ok to do it and use a toy at the same time?

Also in this episode: 

1. Insecure: revenge sex and does cheating negate all other relationship shit?
2. Consent!!-- Rape aint never been cute
3. Other Questions:Should you wear a bra around dudes? Is is disrespectful to be bra-less around someone else's man?
4. #QOTD: BOOTY LOVE!!

 

9.5.17 Live Talk to me Tuesday

How about some extra resources?

More Anal Talk: https://youtu.be/lKsBYu4zgE4

No Need to fear when it comes to the rear!  http://www.goddesscecilia.com/blog/bootybasics

Everything you need to know about anal sex (from Teen Vogue): http://www.teenvogue.com/.../anal-sex-what-you-need.../amp

If you want/need more information, but privately, consultation meetings are available! Click Here to get started!

So, I see you missed it again. Remember #TalktomeTuesday is EVERY Tuesday 7pm on Instagram. Follow me here

So this is what's covered in this week's video: 

1. Sex tricks for dudes with "little dicks" -- this is exactly what is sounds like. I give a few ways to have sex with a guy that has a smaller penis than what you may be used to. Most of it involves putting those legs together to create that friction. 

2.When a life coach needs a life coach-- So...yeah. Even helping professionals need helping professionals. So we discuss it only breifly.

THE Main Squeeze of the week: when someone you talking to requests entry to your wallet--why are they really there?Is this person a gold digger?

Finally, we talk about the latest episode of #Insecure! Was head etiquette broken or was Issa in her feelings when she got ejaculated on?

Video Below--let me know what you think in the comments. Ask more questions, too :)

Here was the question for 8.22.17 #TalktomeTuesday   

Question: My dude told me recently that he is "poly." Sound like he basically wants to cheat. I don't get this poly sh*t. Can a man love two women?

VID-Yo answer below. Tell me whatcha think on instagram, twitter, or fb

So...it's been awhile since I have deemed it necessary to write in a blog I am not sure anyone read. But today, in my EXHAUSTION over the foolishness, I thought it was time I say SOMETHING. So this post covers a few different topics. In order of how they shall be addressed: Whoopie and Foolishness that Lifts Itself from her Lips, PEPSI: The great fuckery, and UNITED in the BS. 

WARNING: For Lent I gave up sugar...coating. I will be honest and not hold much back regarding my thoughts and the right direction for these three subjects. I will also relate mental health back to each one, so no one can say I have stepped out of my lane. :)

**Warning pt 2: this is LONG. I'd Pick a story/section and come back to the rest. 

***None of this is exhaustive, just FYI and For Your Edification 

WHOOPIE & The Foolishness that Lifts Itself From Her Lips: A commentary

 

In case you have not heard, Whoopie said, on TV, in front of millions of folks, that Black Women culturally appropriate from White folk because they use weaves and have blonde hair. Now, for those who are astute and aware, there was an immediate negative reaction, because she is so obviously WRONG. But, I understand that not all are versed in the hair universe as I am (since I wrote my dissertation on it). For those that don't know why this statement is wrong, allow me to divulge SOME of the reasons (this is by no means an exhaustive list).:

1. Whoopie is going under the false assumption that Black folk can't grow blonde hair naturally. There are a group of folk dark and beautiful as the night that do. 

2. Whoope is going under another FALSE assumption that there is only ONE group of people who wear weaves. Black folk on the continent have been doing it for a LONG time. Using a weave is  more of a people thing than any level of a White thing.

3. Researching even a LITTLE of history will tell you that Black folk sometimes conform to Eurocentric beauty standards for many reasons including personal safety and ensuring they are able to get and maintain a job. Natural hair that is wonderful and wild is not readily accepted and continues to be discriminated against. Check the stats, Black women with coiler/curlier/kinkier hair are less likely to get the job and more likely to experience discrimination on the job. I could school you further, but while I write this blog for free, I don't teach full lessons for free. Hit up my contact page to have me come and do a workshop/training, etc.  

NOW, for the final reason her ass is just wrong:

4. WHITE'S PEOPLES'S WHITENESS IS NOT BASED IN THEIR ABILITY TO HAVE BLONDE LONG HAIR ALONE!! Having blonde hair or have long tresses is not cultural to white people! Where  did she even get that stupid idea?

Watch this video for a  good overview

Mental Health Relation: Hair impacts Black mental and sexual health quite a lot. Feeling unattractive, or like you are less than the visual images viewed is a constant struggle. Black girls as young as 4 years are known to prefer lighter skin and straighter hair. Little girls have their hair pulled in all kinds of ways and even get chemical relaxers just so they can be considered acceptable in public. Downplaying the importance of hair in beauty image, and ultimately self image is a mistake. 

 

PEPSI: The Great Fuckery

On to the next one. I don't know what more to say other than they seriously got me and a bunch of people messed up! Like seriously? The cold refreshing chemical taste of Pepsi is supposed to lift spirits so much as to take away years of racism and civil unrest? Does it work on classism, sexism, heterosexism, and all general bigotry? They really tried it. 

If you don't now what I'm talking about, Pepsi made a commercial featuring Kendall Kardashian that had her as an uninformed model watching folk march for a protest. We don't know what they were protesting or why, but they wanted people to "join the conversation." Anyway, she takes off her blonde wig (which could be subtle hair politic way of saying her "dumb blonde" moment), and joins the protest. She gets a can of Pepsi, walks up to a cop, and gives it to him. He opens, take a sip, and all is right in the world as evidenced by the  celebration. 

I won't be wasting anymore time on this since number 1, I don't really drink soda, and #2 I prefer CocaCola. Obvs they are biting from a Black Lives Matter protest with no acknowledgement of the violence often encountered. 

Mental Health Relation: Being discriminated against takes an untold toll on your mind AND body. Mental health is often trivialized in media, but with the waking of a people, this was dumb. The struggle people experience shouldn't be used to sell a can of death. Furthermore, that Pepsi apologized to Kendall (an ADULT) and not to the others they offended with their tasteless commercial is astounding and insulting. 

UNITED in BS

For this one, there is even less to say than for the one above it.

For those in the dark: A man was dragged off a United flight, after being forcibly volunteered to give up his seat because they overbooked the flight. 

What's the problem, you ask? There are several! But here are my top 3

1. Volunteering is well...voluntary. He PAID for his ticket, his ass was in the seat HE PAID FOR, and he was removed AGAINST HIS WILL. Somewhere in there the word "voluntary" doesn't seem to fit. 

2. They overbooked a flight and needed ppl to get up so their more important crew could get to their next location. So, does that mean that dude was riding the plane for sh*ts and giggles? I am not sure. BUT even if he was, HE PAID FOR HIS TICKET AND AND HIS ASS WAS IN HIS SEAT! Don't let people board a plane when you know "volunteers" are needed. SMH

3. Overbooking a plane, though great for an airline, amounts to no more than acceptable fraud in my eyes. If I have one computer to sell, but I sell it to you and someone else in the HOPES that the other person doesn't come to claim it, but y'all both show up, one of y'all is fittin to be mad. You wouldn't accept that I "got you on the next one" No one should be allowed to sell more than they have. United should have planned better for their folks to be on that plane, if it was needed. Failure to plan is a plan to fail. 

Mental Health Relation: Imagine that you were that man being hit and dragged off. Filmed. Public fodder. How would you feel?  I imagine there would be physical pain, yes. But what about suddenly being a public sensation? Knowing everyone saw this embarrassingly painful display. Being the butt of some people's jokes. Maybe you'd be scared to fly ever again. Or scared/anxious around "authority." Maybe you'd also wonder "What if something else were ever to happen, would people be more interested in filming me than helping me." 

Now imagine yourself a passenger on that plane. Witnessing first hand a travesty. What would it feel like to feel helpless. To wonder if you were to intervene what could happen to you. Would that scenario replay itself in your mind long after it was over? The sound of his head being hit, his crying out, the way they DRAGGED his body off the plane. Might you be a little scared/anxious you would be volunteered to get off a future flight? Would you be scared/anxious around authority? Would you be worried someone might film your incident but not lend a helping hand?

 

Wanna know more about how these stories relate to mental health? Then ask you question. Comment or send your emails to [email protected] Subject line: "Foolishness: A long time coming" and I will answer you either privately or publicly in a couple of days. 

Peace!

 

Permalink

The New Year is no longer upon us, we are now more than 10 days in. And on the 10th day, we got the Farewell Address from President Barak Obama. I personally, could not watch that address live, as I have been dealing with my own farewell speeches, addresses, emails, and such at my soon to be place of former employment. The emotional turmoil I have been feeling the past few...months, if I'm honest, has been raw. From the election of Trump, for which I am not necessarily surprised as much as I am dismayed, the whirlwind of the holiday season, to the leaving of staff including self from my place of employment, to now, the farewell address from the first president I ever got to vote for..it has all culminated into this moment. 

I don't know what ya'll remember of what he said, but I heard the great calling out of foolishness that are some of the major -isms, sexism, racism, heterosexism, etc. The time is truly now. People are mad because of the person coming into office, without a view of what they did or didn't do to support this. So many ppl didn't vote but wanna be mad. I say eat that. I don't want to hear it. You cannot be complacent and then be mad. You, friend, make no sense. Some folk are mad because they feel they got duped. My question is: did you do your research boo boo? No? Then eat that. Some folk did their part and are mad...again...EAT THAT! We have work to do. Being mad should be the fuel. Eat it. Use it. Grow from it. 

BUT! The new question is after we have eaten, what do we all do now? How do we protect our bodies, our mental health, our rights, and our futures? What will you do today that will set you on the path you claim you want, but for which you do absolutely no work? I personally, as a therapist and educator, hope that your first step is true self reflection. Look at what you are doing and not doing. Look at who you are and think about what you would like to become. Get to work! The time is now. I know it's scary. We worry about failure, but know there are failsafes, at times. But what we are really scared of it so succeed. How will you step out of your own way and step into your glory? If therapy (individual or group) is it, go for it! If you think a retreat will do...GO FOR IT! Figure for yourself what you will do. This year could be the first step into your own greatness. 

Don't let not one person tell you differently. In the words of Obama..YES WE CAN!

It is important to call what you want into your life. Lots of folk are disgruntled and angry at 2016, like the year itself can do something TO you. Take back some of that power. You are in control of what you want to accomplish and only YOUR righteous mind can do the work you promise to yourself. But how do you move forward?

...we may silently (not so silently) roast family members and friends who show up to our tables, you have to admit one thing, while you are eating that stuffing, it would be best to leave out the taste of politics. Doesn't matter if you agree or disagree on the subject, to include politics on the table, is to make the meal go sour.

So, the election is over. The ballots have ben cast, and the votes tallied. Spoiler Alert: Trump Won. He is now the President-Elect, and there is anxiety all around. The market is in a free fall. People are scared to talk to the children about what happened, and People of Color (POC) are scared, especially immigrants, Muslims, Blacks, and Mexicans.

I am not here to talk to you about what to do with regard to the election. My purpose is also not to tell yell and berate people who didn't vote or who didn't vote the way I would have personally liked them to. This post is about YOU. What you can do to take care of yourself. To be honest, I didn't think I would be writing this post, not as my first one since officially having this website up and LIVE, but it is what it is. So, without further adieu, here we go:

Kubler Ross, a psychiatrist, said there are 5 stages to grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Here is a video that demonstrates it, just in case you are a visual as I am. Some of you may recognize that you are in one of these areas, but moving into others. My nod: be there! Don't try to force yourself into one stage or the other. Be mindful of where you are, accept it as your state of mind, and try to move forward with whatever you have to do. Why should you accept it? I'll Tell You :)  When we try to deny what we feel, we actually either repress it temporarily so we don't feel it...or anything else. We can numb ourselves but still end up acting out in ways that are contrary to who we are. It can also be like a river with a dam. Emotions just keep building and building behind the barrier until it all breaks loose-- probably at an inconvenient time. When we accept what we feel as true, and useful, and without judgement (telling yourself you are sh*tty, horrible, or that you should be fine--making ourselves then feel shameful), we actually can move on in the stages, and feel a bit better!

This is also a time to practice radical self care. I have said it before and I will say it again. If you need to, CUT OFF SOCIAL MEDIA!! Stop watching the commentary. Don't watch or read anything that would be destructive to your mental health. At work, take short breaks to just breathe, take a small walk. Give yourself a treat for making it through the day! Be nice to you as you would be to others. Nicer, if you are usually not so nice ;)

For my Trump Supporters: 

I know that some of you are beyond bliss that you have won. I won't wish you congratulations, because I wouldn't mean it. However, you, too, should take care of yourself and try to keep others in mind. Try to support someone who is sad and hurt by the election results. Note that the stage of happiness you are in (though the stages are attributed to age,  I feel it works here), may not mesh with the stage of grief someone else may be in. Here are the stages of happiness, the stages for grief are above. Note where you stand within the stages, and try to be mindful of others. 

For the ones who still feel some type of way, but didn't vote:

You must take care of yourself. Go over the stages of grief and/or joy. Recognize where you are, and try your best to practice mindful self care. 

I know this post is (somewhat) biased, but I can't be much if I won't be honest. Please comment below with your self care tips and tricks. Feel free to use the comments to rant or vent, but keep it respectful. 

 

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Welcome to the annoDRight blog!! This blog to hopes to give you A (n)Nod in the Right Direction! But, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!!??!? Well, What it means is that at least once a month, I spend time just answering questions.