Midtopia

Jen Mann is the New York Times bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat, a humorous look at the things most of us are thinking but rarely have the courage to say out loud. She’s written a number of books in the PIWTPITT series, including a work version, a holidays version, and others. When she's not working on her own material, Jen is publishing the I Just Want to Pee Alone series of anthologies where she has so far featured over 140 female writers focused on finding the hilarity—and the truth—about parenthood, relationships, and the cult of female perfection.

Jen’s latest work, the sixth book in the I Just Want to Pee Alone Series, is called You Do You. Her contributors for You Do You range in age from 12 to 64 and the stories they share and the way they share them are nothing short of amazing. You Do You is a celebration of the females in all of our lives, and it’s for anyone—from middle school to middle age.

In our Midtopia interview, we take a dive into Jen’s background and what she was doing before she started writing books as a serious personal pursuit. Jen shared with me the advice she gives to any woman wanting to pursue a career in writing (Hint: It’s about a whole lot more than just being able to write). We also talk about what it was like working with a younger generation of writers in the You Do You series, and some things she learned along the way.

This is a must-watch/must-listen episode of Midtopia for the aspiring writers out there. It’s also important information for new writers making their way in the complex world of writing today, which also requires more than a little knowledge about marketing and how to build a community around whatever it is you’re passionate about and writing about.

Infidelity is a topic that raises eyebrows, strikes fear in our hearts, and generates a buzz of moral superiority. One author spent a year investigating women’s experiences with affairs. The result is a glimpse into the dynamics of our most intimate relationships, and the ways women negotiate marriages that fall short of their expectations. Which is how we get to our question: For women, is cheating the new black? The answer to that might surprise you, and that’s exactly why we explored this topic in depth in our Midtopia: Real Women, Real Life webcast series.

The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife

Alicia Walker is an author, a researcher, and an assistant professor of sociology. Her work focuses on intimate sexual relationships and gender generally, and much of her work looks at infidelity specifically. She is the author of The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women's Infidelity. I met Alicia as the result of a chance encounter on Instagram, and my curiosity on this fascinating topic was instantly piqued. I mean how can it not be?

Alicia’s interest in infidelity and women’s thinking on and approach to infidelity started innocently enough. Our conversation touches on that, the serendipity involved that helped Alicia actually get the involvement and participation from women to help conduct this research, and some surprising things she learned from the study participants along the way.

Some of the things we touch on in this interview include:

1. How did the fact that these women were finding affair partners online change their experience? In what ways was that different than, say a woman who meets her lover at work?

1. In the book, women talked about how their affairs helped preserve their marriage. How exactly can having an affair keep a marriage together?

1. The surprising and/or unexpected things that Alicia learned about women's infidelity along the way.

1. While she’s certainly not an “affair counselor” by immersing herself in this topic, Alicia has definitely gained some insight and expertise about extramarital relationships from, well, a cadre of experts who are having them. As a result, she’s got some advice that might be helpful if you see yourself and your situation as a result of this conversation.

As you might imagine, my interview with Alicia Walker was fascinating, and one I can’t wait for you to watch or listen to. Regardless of how you might personally feel about affairs and infidelity, in my own life journey, I’ve realized there’s always something to be learned by listening to what others have to share about their thinking, their personal experiences, and their motivation when it comes to extremely personal topics like this. And this conversation definitely opened my eyes in ways that I’d not previously considered.

So watch or listen, and chances are good you’ll hear some things you’ve not yet considered on the topic of women and infidelity, and maybe even learn something along the way. The one thing I know to be true, at least in my own life, is that I’ve learned that the paths we choose to walk are all different. I try very hard not to compare another’s path or their life choices to my own because the longer you live, the more you realize that life is complicated, relationships are complicated, and people are complicated. And the only people who know the nuances of what goes on within a relationship are the two people in it. When it comes to infidelity, maybe there’s a way to think about it that’s different than what you might otherwise have imagined. Maybe not. But either way, it’s a fascinating topic and I’m so grateful to Alicia for sharing her research and her experiences with me and with our audience.