Co-Parenting; Your Thrive Guide

1) Be polite & civil

It's important to remove the emotion when communicating with your co-parent, especially in the beginning when your raw emotions are so new. Set new boundaries and communicate in the same way you want to be communicated with.

2) Keep Communication short & sweet

This relationship between you is in the past. Communication should always be about your children and their needs.  Simple responses are the best especially in the beginning.

3) No fighting with the kids present

Focus on making your kids happy.  Ongoing conflict between co-parents is very stressful to the children. 

4) Don't put your children in the middle

Don't use your child as a messenger. Always communicate directly with your co-parent, even when.... 

5) Communicate regularly

During this difficult time, kids really need to know that you are both actively involved in their lives. Setup weekly or bi-weekly meetings (dinner, or meet at the park etc)

6) Stay on topic

Clear communication between you and your co-parent partner means it's that it is much less likely that information gets lost in translation. It helps to stay on topic and keep the communication brief and to-the-point. Commit to communicating a few times a week.

7) Concentrate on now and the future

All the problems that led to your separation are not relevant to your co-parenting relationship. You need to leave them in the past where they belong. Your only concern from now on should be in relation to your children. And how you are going to raise them and support them together as they grow up.

8) Listen to hear, not to respond

Often we hear what we want to hear or what we expect to hear.  Take the time to try and understand their point of view. Listening is key to successful communication.

9) Look for compromise and always be flexible

There will be undoubtly situations when you will disagree with your co-parent, find a way to communicate that allows you both to work together to find a resolution. Try to be as flexible as possible without comprising your boudaries. If your co-parent's birthday is during your parenting time and they want to celebrate with the children, be kind and say yes. Don't make your kids miss out on a special occasion or having fun with the other parent out of spite. Children end up being the biggest losers in this scenario. Also, when you make a request next time, your co-parent is much more likely to say yes.

There will be many challenges with co-parenting partner throughout the years.  Work to put your children first and always act in their best interests. If you use these communication tools you can build a strong co-parenting relationship and your children will be much happier without having to choose sides.

1) Be polite & civil

It's important to remove the emotion when communicating with your co-parent, especially in the beginning when your raw emotions are so new. Set new boundaries and communicate in the same way you want to be communicated with.

2) Keep Communication short & sweet

This relationship between you is in the past. Communication should always be about your children and their needs.  Simple responses are the best especially in the beginning.

3) No fighting with the kids present

Focus on making your kids happy.  Ongoing conflict between co-parents is very stressful to the children. 

4) Don't put your children in the middle

Don't use your child as a messenger. Always communicate directly with your co-parent, even when.... 

5) Communicate regularly

During this difficult time, kids really need to know that you are both actively involved in their lives. Setup weekly or bi-weekly meetings (dinner, or meet at the park etc)

6) Stay on topic

Clear communication between you and your co-parent partner means it's that it is much less likely that information gets lost in translation. It helps to stay on topic and keep the communication brief and to-the-point. Commit to communicating a few times a week.

7) Concentrate on now and the future

All the problems that led to your separation are not relevant to your co-parenting relationship. You need to leave them in the past where they belong. Your only concern from now on should be in relation to your children. And how you are going to raise them and support them together as they grow up.

8) Listen to hear, not to respond

Often we hear what we want to hear or what we expect to hear.  Take the time to try and understand their point of view. Listening is key to successful communication.

9) Look for compromise and always be flexible

There will be undoubtly situations when you will disagree with your co-parent, find a way to communicate that allows you both to work together to find a resolution. Try to be as flexible as possible without comprising your boudaries. If your co-parent's birthday is during your parenting time and they want to celebrate with the children, be kind and say yes. Don't make your kids miss out on a special occasion or having fun with the other parent out of spite. Children end up being the biggest losers in this scenario. Also, when you make a request next time, your co-parent is much more likely to say yes.

There will be many challenges with co-parenting partner throughout the years.  Work to put your children first and always act in their best interests. If you use these communication tools you can build a strong co-parenting relationship and your children will be much happier without having to choose sides.

Strategies to Discipline with your children while Co-Parenting:

Talk about the consequences prior to carrying out the discipline:
If a discipline issue comes up on a transition day or should be carried out during the other parent's time, you can both agree to talk to one another before the consequence is given.  You can make the decision together.
Let the consequence wait:
You can agree not to give an immedicate consequence.  Sometimes the not knowing part is the worse than the actual punishment.
Form a united front:
In order to present this united front, a decision needs to be made early regarding whether you can work together and form a united front with respect to shared boundaries and disciplinary guidelines for your child.  If you are at the beginning of your co-parenting journey, mediation or a session with a family therapist with your ex-partner can be helpful to discuss topics such as how to manage differences in disciplinary approaches, even when you disagree with the disciplinary actions or decisions you are backing up!

The aim is to come out of this session with some ground rules for you and your ex-partner when it comes to discipline.  These may include agreed upon acceptable consequences, how you want to communicate about your child’s behavior  and the expectations that you can both honor when your children are with you. This shows your children that when it comes to parenting, you are working together and nothing has changed.

Golden Rules to Discipline:
Never criticize the other co-parent
Set aside your own emotions about your ex and do what is in the best interest of the child
Respectful co-parenting
Successful co-parenting where discipline is concerned requires respect for your co-parent, no matter what has happened prior.  If nothing else, it is about remembering that the other co-parent is important to your child. When we have someone that we dislike, it is easy to reject or criticize the way in which they deal with things. The danger is that when your the other parent makes a decision around discipline, you reject it without a thought.  

Understanding that not everyone has an easy co-parent partner and if the other parent won’t continue the discipline you have laid out, you can either wait to exercise the discipline or have a discussion with the other parent about what discipline they think would be effective.

Trust your instincts and do the best you can. Ultimately, the more consistent you can be in your home and your ex can be in theirs, the more secure your children will feel.  If you and the other parent can work together to teach good values to your children  and they learn right from wrong, there are no better co – parents than that.

Strategies to Discipline with your children while Co-Parenting:

Talk about the consequences prior to carrying out the discipline:
If a discipline issue comes up on a transition day or should be carried out during the other parent's time, you can both agree to talk to one another before the consequence is given.  You can make the decision together.
Let the consequence wait:
You can agree not to give an immedicate consequence.  Sometimes the not knowing part is the worse than the actual punishment.
Form a united front:
In order to present this united front, a decision needs to be made early regarding whether you can work together and form a united front with respect to shared boundaries and disciplinary guidelines for your child.  If you are at the beginning of your co-parenting journey, mediation or a session with a family therapist with your ex-partner can be helpful to discuss topics such as how to manage differences in disciplinary approaches, even when you disagree with the disciplinary actions or decisions you are backing up!

The aim is to come out of this session with some ground rules for you and your ex-partner when it comes to discipline.  These may include agreed upon acceptable consequences, how you want to communicate about your child’s behavior  and the expectations that you can both honor when your children are with you. This shows your children that when it comes to parenting, you are working together and nothing has changed.

Golden Rules to Discipline:
Never criticize the other co-parent
Set aside your own emotions about your ex and do what is in the best interest of the child
Respectful co-parenting
Successful co-parenting where discipline is concerned requires respect for your co-parent, no matter what has happened prior.  If nothing else, it is about remembering that the other co-parent is important to your child. When we have someone that we dislike, it is easy to reject or criticize the way in which they deal with things. The danger is that when your the other parent makes a decision around discipline, you reject it without a thought.  

Understanding that not everyone has an easy co-parent partner and if the other parent won’t continue the discipline you have laid out, you can either wait to exercise the discipline or have a discussion with the other parent about what discipline they think would be effective.

Trust your instincts and do the best you can. Ultimately, the more consistent you can be in your home and your ex can be in theirs, the more secure your children will feel.  If you and the other parent can work together to teach good values to your children  and they learn right from wrong, there are no better co – parents than that.

In this weeks’ episode, I interview Fiona Kong, creator of Home Sweet Homes; A Journal and Planner for co-parents & child.

Fiona Kong is a single mom of a 4-year-old boy. She is a former analyst, turned entrepreneur after finding a lack of resources and tools available to support children after a separation or divorce. During the pandemic, she created Home Sweet Homes: A journal & planner for co-parents & child.  She is passionate about mental health advocacy, sustainable living and is a serial meditator. Originally from Rockville, MD she currently lives in Los Angeles, CA.

 What is so amazing about her newly created journal is that it is child-led and it is something that the co-parents can do individually and with their child. 

 Fiona is warm, thoughtful and very intuitive.  I loved my interview with you and I hope that you find her as engaging as I do and I hope you will join me in buying her journal.  You can find her on Instagram @homesweethomes.coparenting

In this weeks’ episode, I interview Fiona Kong, creator of Home Sweet Homes; A Journal and Planner for co-parents & child.

Fiona Kong is a single mom of a 4-year-old boy. She is a former analyst, turned entrepreneur after finding a lack of resources and tools available to support children after a separation or divorce. During the pandemic, she created Home Sweet Homes: A journal & planner for co-parents & child.  She is passionate about mental health advocacy, sustainable living and is a serial meditator. Originally from Rockville, MD she currently lives in Los Angeles, CA.

 What is so amazing about her newly created journal is that it is child-led and it is something that the co-parents can do individually and with their child. 

 Fiona is warm, thoughtful and very intuitive.  I loved my interview with you and I hope that you find her as engaging as I do and I hope you will join me in buying her journal.  You can find her on Instagram @homesweethomes.coparenting

Check out my interview with Grace Beason @iamgracebeason .

In our interview she shares her story of growing in a “co-parent household” before we all knew about co-parenting.  Grace gives us great advice about how communication with our “children” is so important.   She is inspiring, funny and very relatable.  

Grace is a mindset and empowerment coach.  She provides women with empowerment tools and supports them to feel a greater sense of calm.  You can check our her website at www.gracebeasoncoaching.com

In addition, she is the host of her podcast “Because Why Not?”.  Her podcast is funny and applicable and provides spiritual tools that we all can use (available wherever you download your podcast).  I hope you will take the time to listen.

Grace and her husband have created @thelushandlady where they “serve up Alcohol Free beverage options for drinkers and non drinkers alike”.  Their videos are awesome!  It is informative, funny and very entertaining.   

Check out my interview with Grace Beason @iamgracebeason .

In our interview she shares her story of growing in a “co-parent household” before we all knew about co-parenting.  Grace gives us great advice about how communication with our “children” is so important.   She is inspiring, funny and very relatable.  

Grace is a mindset and empowerment coach.  She provides women with empowerment tools and supports them to feel a greater sense of calm.  You can check our her website at www.gracebeasoncoaching.com

In addition, she is the host of her podcast “Because Why Not?”.  Her podcast is funny and applicable and provides spiritual tools that we all can use (available wherever you download your podcast).  I hope you will take the time to listen.

Grace and her husband have created @thelushandlady where they “serve up Alcohol Free beverage options for drinkers and non drinkers alike”.  Their videos are awesome!  It is informative, funny and very entertaining.   

Brene Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living are as follows:

1.   Cultivating Authenticity and Letting Go of What Other People Think

2.   Cultivating Self-Compassion and Letting Go of Perfectionism

3.   Cultivating Your Resilient Spirit, Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness

4.   Cultivating Gratitude and Joy, Letting go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark

5.   Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith, Letting Go of the Need for Certainty

6.   Cultivating Creativity and Letting Go of Comparison

7.   Cultivating Play and Rest, Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth

8.   Cultivating Calm and Stillness and Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle

9.   Cultivating Meaningful Work, Letting Go of Self-Doubt and Supposed-To

10.    Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance. And Letting Go of Cool and Always in Control

Brene Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living are as follows:

1.   Cultivating Authenticity and Letting Go of What Other People Think

2.   Cultivating Self-Compassion and Letting Go of Perfectionism

3.   Cultivating Your Resilient Spirit, Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness

4.   Cultivating Gratitude and Joy, Letting go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark

5.   Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith, Letting Go of the Need for Certainty

6.   Cultivating Creativity and Letting Go of Comparison

7.   Cultivating Play and Rest, Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth

8.   Cultivating Calm and Stillness and Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle

9.   Cultivating Meaningful Work, Letting Go of Self-Doubt and Supposed-To

10.    Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance. And Letting Go of Cool and Always in Control