Learned Hands: The Official Podcast of the Westerosi Bar Association

In this seventh edition of Hands on HotD, Merry and Clint cover Season 1 Episode 7 of HBO's niche arthouse property HOUSE OF THE DRAGON - Driftmark

In this episode we:

• Celebrate the fact that LAENOR VELARYON LIVED which was the greatest thing that ever happened to Merry and/or Clint.
• Have a LAWYERFIGHT over whether or not Aemond Targaryen is guilty of stealing Vhagar.
• Clint sings the praises of Aegon II, that walking penis.
• Merry is super supportive of incest for some weird reason (it's not that weird idk [jk it kind of is].).
• Evaluate the aftermath of the War of the Five Kids and the big confrontation in the great hall between Team Green and Team Black which we are all very sure will work out just fine for everyone involved.
• Check in with the WBA's EXCLUSIVE Dragon correspondent Sanrixian about some frickin' dragons!
• Speculate wildly on the fate of Qarl Correy and Laenor Velaryon, who - and we cannot stress this enough - FUCKING LIVED exclamation mark exclamation mark!!!!
• Pose the unending question of Larys Strong... what is your deal bro????

Supplemental reading:

• Article on the legality of wild animal capture
• Lo the Lynx's thread on nontraditional poly relationships

Outro music courtesy Sid Luscious & The Pants. None of this should be construed as legal advice OBVIOUSLY.

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In this sixth edition of Hands on HotD, Merry and Clint and special guest Queer Alex cover Season 1 Episode 6 of HBO's niche arthouse property HOUSE OF THE DRAGON - The Princess and the Queen

In this episode we:

• Celebrate the Pink Dread as we crank out as many references to Aegon II's solo performance during the Hour of the Eel in his very own White Sword Tower
• Sing a song of thanks to the Realm's Best Dad Harwin Strong, you may be dead but at least you got to punch Criston Cole all those times so at least it evens out.
• Evaluate the political decisions of the major players, including Lyonel, Larys, Alicent, Daemon and Rhaenyra.
• Get the Hot Deets from Learned Hands' EXCLUSIVE Dragon Correspondent Sanrixian who introduces us to Vermax, Arrax, Dreamfyre, and most importantly That Hoary Old Bitch Vhagar.
• Discuss Daemon Targaryen's depressive midlife crisis where all he does is #girldad and watch History Channel documentaries on Rhoyne War II.
• Pour One Out for Lyonel Strong, our beloved Learned Hand, who did nothing wrong, ever.
• Do a frankly ridiculous number of jerk off references

Outro music courtesy Sid Luscious & The Pants. None of this should be construed as legal advice OBVIOUSLY.

In this fifth edition of Hands on HotD, Merry and Clint and special guest Jocelyn from More Wine Pod cover Season 1 Episode 5 of HBO's niche arthouse property HOUSE OF THE DRAGON - We Light The Way

In this episode we:

• Never, ever, ever stop telling Criston Cole that he can go fuck himself forever and ever amen.
• Evaluate Jocelyn's submission of evidence regarding Criston Cole's relationship to Drake and other notable fuckbois.
• Begrudgingly Daemon credit for being exactly the most extra all the time.
• Run down the Good, Bad, Mid, and Messy of the Big Wedding of the Season.
• Check in with our EXCLUSIVE Dragon Correspondent Sanrixian who gives us the rundown on Melys the Red Queen.
• Undertake a measured, scholarly discussion of Criston Cole's dick game, and reach the inescapable conclusion that it is TRASH.
• Give props to Team Strong, Lyonel the Learned Hand, Larys the Learned Whisperer, and Harwin the ... strong guy.
• Entertain a Lawyer Fight over who has the better costumes this season: the lords or the ladies.
• Mourn the Rhaenyra-Laenor-Joffrey polycule, they could have been great. RIP.
• Worship our parents and friends, Corlys and Rhaenys. We love them. Please adopt us.

Supplemental Reading

• Jocelyn's Podcast More Wine Pod
• Dr. Kavita's Recap of Episode 5

Outro music courtesy Sid Luscious & The Pants. None of this should be construed as legal advice OBVIOUSLY.

Dragon Sound effect by Daniel Simon.

In this fourth edition of Hands on HotD, Merry and Clint and special guest Akash cover Season 1 Episode 4 of HBO's niche arthouse property HOUSE OF THE DRAGON - King of the Narrow Sea

In this episode we:

• Discuss Viserys's HR practices vis-a-vis his former employee Otto Hightower, better hope you don't file for unemployment.
• Go in depth about the concept of sexual consent, in all of the various and sundry ways this episode explores it.
• Invite our guest Akash J. Saran to opine on Rhaenyra's struggle with the intersection of power and gender and how that permeates the storyline.
• Cheer hard for Yung Blackwood, the central hero of our times.
• Heap praise upon the way this episode weaves in Shakespearean and Machiavellian themes while luxuriating in the female gaze.
• Allow Clint to gamely take up a stirring defense of Rhaenyra Targaryen, Truth Teller.
• Experience Merry's deconstruction of Viserys's successes as a ruler while noting his complete failures as a husband and human being.

Outro music courtesy Sid Luscious & The Pants. None of this should be construed as legal advice OBVIOUSLY.

Dragon Sound effect by Daniel Simon.

In this third edition of Hands on HotD, Merry and Clint cover Season 1 Episode 3 of HBO's niche arthouse property HOUSE OF THE DRAGON - Second Of His Hame

In this episode we:

• Ask how well Viserys “Dark Brandon” Targaryen supported Rhaenyra’s claim to the Iron Throne.
• Talk some more shit about primogeniture,
• Argue that the real prince was promised was the hot goss we learned along the way.
• Get educated about Seasmoke by Learned Hands EXCLUSIVE Dragon Correspondent Sanrixian.
• Ponder whether it’s okay to commit war crimes to spite your brother.
• Give Lyonel Strong the WBA lawyer of the year award and send Harwin strong to Horny Jail.

Outro music courtesy Sid Luscious & The Pants. None of this should be construed as legal advice OBVIOUSLY.

Dragon Sound effect by Daniel Simon.

In this sophomore edition of Hands on HotD, Merry and Clint cover Season 1 Episode 2 of HBO's niche arthouse property HOUSE OF THE DRAGON - The Rogue Prince

This episode includes:

• It's wedding season, y'all! Matchmaker, matchmaker, make Viserys a match, find him a find, and catch him a catch that - and we cannot stress this enough - is age appropriate. For the love of god.
• Leave Leana Velaryon alone (and bring her her dragon!)
• Criston Cole gets a promotion and remains tragically unpunchable.
• Viserys remains the most mid king of all time.
• Clint analyzes Rhaenyra's NFL draft prospects, incredible fashion sense, and outrageous BDE.
• Merry has... complicated feelings about Rhaenyra's relationship with her shitbag uncle.
• Everyone is struggling with the patriarchy, even when they are working to vindicate it.
• We break down the realpolitik and Machiavellian strengths and weaknesses of Corlys Velayron and Otto Hightower, the realm's most powerful "second sons".
• Spoilery speculation about births, deaths, weddings, and dragonriders.
• Important reminder that Prince has no gender in high valyrian.

Supplemental Reading:

• Thread on the Grand Maesters Conspiracy
• Dr. Kavita Mudan Finn's review of Episode 2
• Diego's ESSENTIAL twitter thread on the opening credits

Outro music courtesy Sid Luscious & The Pants. None of this should be construed as legal advice OBVIOUSLY.

Dragon Sound effect by Daniel Simon.

In this VERY FIRST EPISODE of Hands on HotD, Merry and Clint cover Season 1 Episode 1 of HBO's niche arthouse property HOUSE OF THE DRAGON.

This episode includes:

• A breakdown of the show's discussion of Great Council of 101 AC and a breakdown of the succession, which seems sort of important.
• Daemon Targaryen's campaign for Mayor of New York City.
• We discuss this entirely imaginary society where people are forced to give birth against their will.
• Critical analysis of Targaryen suboptimal infosec protocols.
• An update from our EXCLUSIVE dragon correspondent, Sanrixian.
• Bumpers in High Valyrian!
• Merry says the word c*nt a lot, as requested.
• Spoilery speculation on the rest of the season, and beyond!

Supplemental Reading:

• Miguel Sapotchnik on Aemma's birthing bed scene.
• Buy Sanrixian's Art.
• Lo The Lynx on Punishment

Outro music courtesy Sid Luscious & The Pants. None of this should be construed as legal advice OBVIOUSLY.

In this thirty-first episode of Learned Hands, the Official Podcast of the Westerosi Bar Association, Merry & Clint ask: What did we learn here?

Our analysis this week includes:

• The Dance is done! You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
• We put a bow on the whole danged civil war, and discuss what on earth we can learn from this gigantic clusterfuck.
• Merry delivers an impassioned speech on gender and precedent and the patriarchy
• Clint discusses some people who died, died.
• Declarations of the winners, the losers, and the in-betweeners of the Dance.
• We talk about how hard can kick rocks while previewing House of the Dragon!
• The name of Learned Hands HotD coverage is revealed!
• Twenty-seven hours, fifty two minutes, and twenty-three seconds of Dances Party later, we are done.
• Like really really done.
• (Until we have to do HotD)

Supplemental reading:

• Lady Madeleine Winters' essays on Greens Apologia.
• Watch Burn After Reading, it's really good.
• Also the Jim Carroll Band rules.

Bumpers by Imrahil. Extensive audio engineering by LittleWolfBird. Intro & Outro music courtesy Sid Luscious & The Pants. None of this should be construed as legal advice OBVIOUSLY.

In this thirtieth episode of Learned Hands, the Official Podcast of the Westerosi Bar Association, Merry & Clint ask: How well did Larys Strong, Cregan Stark, and Other Dancers do Machiavelli?

Our analysis this week includes:

• Sexy Sexy Sexiness from Cregan Stark and Black Aly.
• Let's talk about Prince! Not the purple one. Or the little one. The one you read in freshman year Poli Sci.
• Clint gets all "you really have to look at the context before passing judgment" about Niccolò Machiavelli of all fucking people.
• Merry brings in the not-necessarily-Marxist reading, as per usual.
• We play the Realm's favorite game: Machiavelli or A Song of Ice And Fire? YOU CHOOSE.
• The Hands pass judgment on Larys Strong, Cregan Stark, Corlys Velaryon, and others.
• Everyone likes the counter-counter-coup against the Greens and Aegon II, who is kind of a dumbass and had to go.
• No one likes the democrats, who are also dumbasses.
• For some reason we make a bunch of pornhub jokes.
• We discuss how Nicky Macs feels about lying and killing (SPOILER: they're good!)
• It's the Hour of the Danged Wolf! There are trials! GET FUCKING HYPE.

Supplemental reading:

• How to find and donate to your local abortion funds
• A searchable copy of The Prince
• Gramsci's reading of Machiavelli

Bumpers by Lephrenic. Extensive audio engineering by LittleWolfBird. Intro & Outro music courtesy Sid Luscious & The Pants. None of this should be construed as legal advice OBVIOUSLY.

in this VERY SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE, your Hands and both of the Girls Gone Canon go in-depth about HBO's VEEP, the Best Ever Show About American Politics, Including The One You're Thinking About (and Also Game of Thrones).

Highlights from the episode include:

• Chloe peels back the comedy curtain and explains why Veep works so well
• Eliana explains how Veep is true to DC life while being attacked by Varys' little birds
• Clint gets really horny about JLD and argues that House of Cards and the West Wing are fantasy, actually.
• Merry talks about the nature of pain and also useless lawyers.
• A verdict is reached as to who the Most Littlefinger person in the show is (Dan).
• Show clips! Oh god the show clips.
• Predictions about which Veep character would win the Iron Throne.
• No one likes American government, and neither does Veep, which is why it's perfect.