Heart Healing from Loss

"If we try to go with the Nike slogan of 'just do it,' and just, you know, keep pushing through and thinking we're being warriors, we are damaging our mental health, damaging our physical health."

Sound familiar? Do you just keep "doing it," pushing forward, moving ahead no matter what it's doing to you?

We know that learning a skill takes practice, and we're willing to recognize the need to learn in some places in our lives, and in other people. But when it comes to some Pretty Big Stuff in our lives and work, suddenly perfection is the only option and the first draft better also be the final or we've "failed."

In this episode, Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker talks with Business Process and Mindset Coach Gretchen Hernandez about how to navigate resentment, grief — and life — in a healthy way.

Learn more about Gretchen Hernandez at her website, https://www.myfreedomgrove.com/.

And if you're ready for help navigating strong emotions around loss, grief, and change, be sure to set up a confidential, complimentary call with Wendy at https://www.wendysloneker.com/.

Wendy is a little under the weather, so she’s helping us remember how important it is to take care of ourselves. Some days are your “low” days and it is OKAY to have these days. Take care of yourself and give yourself some comfort on a low day. Don’t pressure yourself to be “on” or make big decisions. Take the cue from your brain and body to take the rest you need and give yourself a break. The tough moments are temporary, so try to find a way to be kind to yourself in a hard moment.

If you're ready for some tools to navigate your own rough days related to grief and loss, contact Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker for a complimentary consultation. You'll find her at her website, wendysloneker.com.

Wendy’s guest is Forest Dimaggio and the two of them go WAY back — all the way to kindergarten! Forest shares her journey of five years, 21 doctors, innumerable misdiagnoses and zero relief before she was finally diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2010. 

While the news was far from ideal, the moment of diagnosis was actually a huge relief — Forest finally had an answer that made sense.

And while there was genuine relief in having the answer, there was also grief and feelings of loss with her diagnosis. Forest dealt with extreme feelings of loneliness and a bunch of life changes that happened quite quickly, one atop another. There was treatment, the physical and neurological side effects of that treatment, changes in her living situation and in her relationships.

Ultimately, she embraced this new identity, even changing her name to suit. 

In this conversation with Wendy, Forest shares words of wisdom for others who might be struggling with a life-changing diagnosis. If you or someone you love could benefit, please find Forest’s podcast, Life, with a Splash of Lyme, and share it far and wide.

If you're ready for some tools to navigate your own feelings of grief and loss, contact Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker for a complimentary consultation. You'll find her at her website, wendysloneker.com.

What is the difference between feeling a feeling and BEING a feeling? If you’re experiencing a lack of progress through your journey with grief and loss, it could be because of being your feeling instead of feeling your feelings.

In episode 57, Grief Coach Wendy talks about walking through the feelings instead of telling yourself you ARE the feeling. Once you understand how it actually works to FEEL your feelings, you can start to break habits with BEING a feeling. It all starts with self-awareness, beginning to notice when you are thinking “I am ____ (insert feeling word)” and then interrupting that thought with the new habit of identifying it as a feeling instead of a statement of what you are.

And Wendy is inviting you to the first ever FREEBIE Week for her Going Inside Program! If you’ve been thinking about starting a writing ritual or amping up a current writing ritual, this is a great boost that you won’t want to miss.

Join Wendy for an open house for Going Inside, happening February 6-12. Listen up for more information, then sign up! Sign Up for FREEBIE Week

Did you know that when your dog shakes, they are regaining control of their emotions? Unless it's a rainy day, in which case, it's probably just shaking off the wet.

Speaking of shaking off emotions, humans can do it too, though maybe not quite as literally. 

In this episode, Wendy shares a personal story when she had to shake off the shame of investing in herself. What felt like "too much" — too much time, too much money, just ... too much — wasn't. It was what she needed at just the right time. Fortunately, she was able to shake off the shame and get it done.

In times of grief and loss (and in the rest of life, honestly), we can lose the line between self-care and self-indulgence. Wendy's here to help us recognize when we might be missing a genuine opportunity for growth.

If you are feeling shame around taking care of yourself, do some real self-care and sign up for a complimentary one-on-one with Wendy. You can find more information at wendysloneker. com.

Episode 55: Nope. Being Strong is Not Required

Nope. You do not have to be strong when going through grief and loss. Sometimes, doing the best you can today is all you have the capacity for. And that’s enough.

Grief and navigating loss have nothing to do with strength. Sometimes “being strong” can actually prolong your pain because the defenses go up. The ability to feel your feelings also has nothing to do with strength.

So, instead of thinking of it as being strong for yourself or others, reframe it instead, to “finding your power again.” Seeking help and support and doing the work is where your power can come from. 

TL:DR? Don’t resist it — don’t try to be strong. Let yourself feel your feelings. Find support to find your power.

This is the first step — and congratulations, because you are here doing the work already! The journey to finding your power has already begun.

If you're ready for next steps, to build toward what you're really wanting in life, listen to the episode, then contact host Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker for a complimentary consultation. You'll find her at her website, wendysloneker.com.

Capacity: When we're in times of change and loss, whatever forms those take in your life, our emotions may feel like they're just too much.

You have more capacity than you think. Yes, it's uncomfortable. But learning to jettison what doesn't help you, make space for the things that do (though they may be painful), and learn from the pain you feel — this is healthy and (sorry) possibly pretty uncomfortable.

Stuck can feel, oddly, "safe." It is familiar. We know how to handle this space we've been stuck in. And there's nothing wrong with hanging out here for a while.

But there are tools and skills that can help you radically change the results you're getting.

If you're ready for next steps, to build toward what you're really wanting in life, listen to the episode, then contact host Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker for a complimentary consultation. You'll find her at her website, wendysloneker.com.

Fertility challenges can come with a whole range of griefs — not just the loss of a pregnancy or the hopes of genetically related children, though those losses can be devastating. 

There can also be grief around losing trust in one's body, around decisions made in the past that may or may not have impacts now, around identity and sense of self, or even around just not having things happen the way they seem to happen "for everyone else."

In this episode with hosts of the incredible fertility podcast The Whole Pineapple, Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker and guests Ruby Booras and Anne Judge talk about not just the grief — they also talk about the many many reasons for hope.

We hope you'll share this very special episode with anyone in your life who may be struggling to build their family. 

You can find Ruby and Anne and their catalog of episodes all around fertility and wellness at https://thewholepineapple.com/. And if you're looking for support for grief of any kind, make an appointment now for a complimentary consult with Wendy at https://www.wendysloneker.com/.

About our guests:

Ruby Booras, DNP, ARNP, FNP-BC, DipACLM/DipIBLM (She/her, They/them), is a Doctor of Nursing Practice, Board Certified Family Nurse Practitioner and a self-proclaimed nutrition nerd. She specializes in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility and has been in clinical practice at Seattle Reproductive Medicine since 2012. Over the course of her career, Ruby has experienced personal and professional growth, unexpected challenges, mental health struggles, pregnancy loss, and the various ups and downs of her own journey toward wellness. Ruby has a certificate in Plant-Based Nutrition from the T. Colin Campbell School of Nutrition Studies at Cornell University and is an American College of Lifestyle Medicine Diplomat, holding Certification as a Lifestyle Medicine Professional. She has been integral to the launch of the Wellness Program at SRM. As creator and co-host of The Whole Pineapple podcast, Ruby’s goal is to provide a reliable, supportive and science-based resource to guide people to their fertility and wellness goals and to power their WHOLE lives.

Anne Judge, DNP, ARNP, WHNP-BC (She/her), is a Doctor of Nursing Practice, board-certified Women’s Health Practitioner, who has been working in the fertility field since 2007. She first graduated from Stanford University with a degree in Human Biology. She completed nursing school at the University of Washington and was working as a labor and delivery nurse when her own experiences with infertility led her to change paths into reproductive medicine. After almost 15 years working in the fertility field, she is excited to share her knowledge and compassion with our listeners. While finishing her graduate training she struggled with whether to complete her original dream and Nurse Midwife program, but ultimately felt called to stay in the fertility field as a Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner. While she is still always happy to talk about all things birth, she finds the process of creating families most valuable. She is reminded of the wise words from one of her midwife instructors, “Let someone else catch the babies, you will catch the mothers.”

A fresh new year can feel like an opportunity for a fresh start, with all the excitement (and anxiety) that comes with it.

That fresh start may require Big Changes. Letting go of toxic emotions, choosing some different paths, shifting a mindset that isn't helping you move forward — all these can help, but they are so much easier said than done for most of us.

New tools can help you do that inner work, says Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker. 

If you've been waiting to do that work, not sure how to take those first steps, "comfortable" in the familiarity of where you've been stuck, nervous about what that change may bring, well, that's normal and natural. But if you're ready to move on, there's help.

Learn more about the tools Wendy can equip you with, including the power of writing and sharing. Find more information in this episode and at https://www.wendysloneker.com/.

Loss means change. And in times of change, there's a feeling of, "It's not what it was" or "It's not what it used to be."

We long for the way it used to be. But what is it — specifically — that we're missing or wishing were back to the way it was before? Being specific about the loss or the change can help us manage our way through the grief. 

On the other hand, there's the phrase "It is what it is." Can we just say...ugh. "It is what it is" cuts the conversation short and can seem dismissive of our pain and sadness. 

Again, understanding our response to "it is what it is" can help us manage the emotions around whatever "it" is now.

What phrases or cliches create emotions in you? And do you sometimes feel like you could use help to handle those emotions? If so, be sure to contact Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker for a complimentary consultation. You can find her at her website, https://www.wendysloneker.com/.