S2 E3 Children- The Forgotten Grievers with Laura LaBelle
1h 22m
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Birth Ease Loss Support
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Laura LaBelle and Michelle discuss how children are often overlooked as grievers when death and loss occur. They remind us when death and loss occur children are learning how to manage their grief and that they must adjust to a new identity that this loss brings. Laura stresses the importance of conversation and creating an empathetic space where pain can be absorbed. Laura provides tips for communication and helping kids to process their grief such as memory jars, breath and grounding exercises, models of grief, observing how animals grieve, discussions about grief and playing out scenarios, and involving the deceased by creating traditions that remind the bereaved it is ok to still talk about that person. They explain why it is vital for adults to become more comfortable with death and grief. Laura also shares signs to look for regarding if a child is having difficulty coping with the loss.
"It's a heightened, heightened, heightened anxious time. And so, oftentimes we don't say anything to kids right away. But they know something is up. They feel it. They can feel it. We think we are hiding it and it's like NO. No one's hiding anything other than the fact that we all see that everyone's kinda freaked out right now. Like nobody knows what to do."—Laura LaBelle
Resources:
The Invisible String
Tenth Good Thing About Barney
Why is Mommy Crying? -explaining early pregnancy loss to young children
Bambi II
Bereavement Reactions of Children and Young People By Age Group:
https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/bereavement-reactions-children-young-people-age-group
Sesame Street:
https://sesamestreetincommunities.org/topics/grief/
Dougy Center:
https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources/kids
New Hope for Kids:
https://newhopeforkids.org/
Children's Grief Center:
https://childrensgrief.org/
National Alliance for Children's Grief:
https://childrengrieve.org/
About Laura:
Laura LaBelle holds a Doctorate degree from the University of San Francisco in Education, Organizational Leadership, and has worked extensively with relocated people groups in varying parts of the world who have been displaced by their governments, war, and history of colonization. Over the last 20 years, Laura has been a credentialed teacher working in K12 education as an educator, mentor, and consultant including working with students, parents, teachers, and administrators. Laura frequently consults with groups to create curriculum, experiences, and gatherings on a variety of topics they need help organizing and implementing.
Laura is the owner of Life Shifts Companion working as a full spectrum doula, 1:1 companion, support group leader, speaker, and workshop/retreat facilitator. Much of their time is focused in the realm of working in a trauma-informed manner with the birthing, the dying, and those who find themselves in the midst of life changes. High interests are exploring healthy ways of mourning and grieving, and helping those experiencing perinatal loss. Laura’s background with kids and loss began in middle school as a hospital volunteer filling in on the children’s floor in the playroom. Eventually, as a teacher in a high needs, short personnel funded area, Laura gained much experience in the moment often during science when children who’d experienced intense loss would boldly ask questions about how those life cycle lessons connected to the loss of their family members. Learning to navigate those conversations and not leave the students fearful or questioning their familial beliefs, proved to be some of the most important lessons Laura learned. While teaching, Laura began to volunteer with the sick and dying and returned in part to the children’s floor at the hospital they first experienced grief and children. Laura has since worked throughout Thailand and Lao PDR with relocated people groups, often finding themselves listening to the stories told by the traumatized women and children regarding unbearable pain and loss. These relationships that still exist are part of the foundational belief that what people want, including children, is someone to listen, create and hold space, to just be with—a companion. Today, Laura runs a sibling grief group for kiddos who have lost a sibling, and conducts workshops on similar topics.
A long term goal of Laura’s is to help communities create public mourning spaces to help normalize our relationships to grief and death. Laura feels deeply that this is one way to help us contextualize and manage our collective grief as a nation, while helping to address our fearful attitudes toward death and grief so that we may truly begin to heal and live.
Laura is committed to working with people who have experienced discrimination, trauma and/or loss due to some aspect of identity such as gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, and religion. They have created numerous educational products, and have trained professionals for close to two decades.
Connect with Laura:
Website: www.lifeshiftscompanion.com
TikTok: @Let’sTokAboutDeath
Instagram: @spaceforgrief,
Connect with Rev. Michelle:
Website: BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support
Facebook: Birth Ease Baby Loss Support
Instagram: @birtheaselossssupport
LinkedIn: Birth Ease Michelle Smith
Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief.
The episode S2 E3 Children- The Forgotten Grievers with Laura LaBelle from the podcast Birth Ease Loss Support has a duration of
1:22:29. It was first published
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As a gentle reminder: this guided relaxation recording audio is for just that, relaxation purposes only. It does not constitute medical or mental health advice or treatment, nor does it imply a specific outcome during pregnancy, birth, postpartum, or beyond. Please avoid listening to this guided relaxation while engaging in an activity that requires your full attention. Please stop the podcast and return to it when you can be safely seated or reclining in a supported position. Unless you are the passenger listening to this guided relaxation with headphones on, for everyone’s safety never listen to it while driving or riding in a vehicle.
Connect with Michelle:
Website: BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support
Facebook: Birth Ease Baby Loss Support
Instagram: @birtheaselossssupport
LinkedIn: Birth Ease Michelle Smith
Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief.
S3 E3 Different Types of Grief
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Resource: www.grief.com
Connect with Rev. Michelle:
Website: BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support
Facebook: Birth Ease Baby Loss Support
Instagram: @birtheaselossssupport
LinkedIn: Birth Ease Michelle Smith
Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief.
S3 E2 Understanding the Six Stages of Grief
As a Certified Grief Educator with David Kessler and Grief.com, Michelle explains the Five Stages of Grief™️- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance as well as the sixth stage- meaning through the lens of pregnancy and infant loss. She shares that unfortunately over the years the 5 Stages of Grief™️ have been misinterpreted by many, including mental health professionals. These six stages reflect where we are in our journey of grief at any given moment. They are about change we do not want. The stages are unconscious and natural responses to loss. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross explicitly stated that the stages “are not stops on some linear timeline in grief." Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Everyone's grief is unique. These stages can provide a roadmap for grief's rocky terrain and help us to be better equipped to cope with life and loss. Michelle invites you to also listen to Season 1 Episode 3 for an overview of the Four Phases of Bereavement for Baby Loss.
Resource: https://grief.com/
Connect with Rev. Michelle:
Website: BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support
Facebook: Birth Ease Baby Loss Support
Instagram: @birtheaselossssupport
LinkedIn: Birth Ease Michelle Smith
Holding Space for Pregnancy Loss Training: birtheseservices.com/training-for-professionals
Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief.
S3 E1 Good Grief Parenting with Michele Benyo
Michele Benyo, founder of Good Grief Parenting shares with Michelle the 4 keys for parents with young children navigating perinatal loss. These 4 keys are self-care, accurate words describing death, inviting conversation, and honoring child-sized grief. She also explains why we need to avoid telling children euphemisms such as “He went to sleep.” or vague words such as ‘gone’ or ‘passed’ when explaining that someone has died. Dead and died have a very specific meaning and those are the only words that accurately tell children what happened. Young children won't understand death, but they still have the accurate word and they are going to grow into that understanding. She also explains why it is important to tell children in an age-appropriate way about the death in an honest and accurate way without too many details. Parents can follow the child's lead if they ask to know more. Michele also shares that children can internalize 4 messages when they lose a sibling: I don't understand, I hurt inside, I don't belong, and I am not enough. She provides tips to help parents grief with their child in healthy ways.
"I just think that when we are a bereaved parent and we have other young children to raise, we are being asked to do two of the hardest things we'll ever have to do in our lives at the same time. And that is to grief a loved one which is such hard work and parent a young child in those formative early childhood years."—Michele Benyo
About Michele:
Michele Benyo is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, parent mentor, and founder of Good Grief Parenting, whose purpose is to support parents who are raising young bereaved siblings after child loss. Her mission is to be a voice for the youngest of grievers and to help parents nurture and understand the unique needs of children who have lost a sibling in early childhood.
When Michele’s six-year-old son died of cancer, her daughter said, "Mommy, half of me is gone." She was just 3 1/2 years old. Even though Michele was teaching early childhood parenting classes and had a Masters in early childhood education, she didn’t know how best to help her daughter. This inspired her to become the support she had needed most during that time so that parents like her wouldn’t have to go it alone. She’s spent more than 20 years learning all she can about early childhood sibling loss, its lifelong impact on the surviving sibling, and how parents can help their bereaved child grow up whole and happy.
Michele equips parents with tools to help their family heal after child loss, to foster hope, and to build resilience. Parents who work with Michele tap into their own wisdom and gain the insights, skills, and confidence to live forward toward a future bright with possibilities and joy.
Connect with Michele Benyo:
Website: https://goodgriefparenting.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/goodgriefparenting
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelebenyo/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goodgriefparenting/
Connect with Rev. Michelle:
Website: BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support
Facebook: Birth Ease Baby Loss Support
Instagram: @birtheaselossssupport
LinkedIn: Birth Ease Michelle Smith
Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief.
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“I believe that there is a subtle, but profound, effect when we do direct our attention and our intention toward healing ourselves and others.” -Anna Humphreys
For those of us at Calm Birth meditation that have been working on this Calm Abortion project, it is our hope that these meditations help to invite healing for whoever chooses to listen, no matter how long ago they experienced an abortion for any reason or circumstance.
Learn more about the Calm Abortion meditations at Instagram @calmabortion and Facebook @calmabortion
Learn more about the practice of Tonglen:
Pema Chödrön : Tonglen Meditation
Resources:
ACOG (The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) Statement on Abortion Bans
World Health Organization's statement on abortion
Evidence Based Birth: Abortion Research Resource Guide
Grief After Abortion: healing from unspoken loss