Birth Ease Loss Support

This time of year can bring a sense of magic and joy and at the same time, the holidays can also bring feelings of overwhelm and stress.  Michelle shares this special holiday guided meditation which is designed to help release the stress and strain you may be feeling and gain a sense of clarity regarding what you value in your life as you prepare to enter the New Year.  

As a gentle reminder: this guided relaxation recording audio is for just that, relaxation purposes only. It does not constitute medical or mental health advice or treatment, nor does it imply a specific outcome during pregnancy, birth, postpartum, or beyond. Please avoid listening to this guided relaxation while engaging in an activity that requires your full attention. Please stop the podcast and return to it when you can be safely seated or reclining in a supported position. Unless you are the passenger listening to this guided relaxation with headphones on, for everyone’s safety never listen to it while driving or riding in a vehicle.

Connect with Michelle:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support

Facebook:   Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:   @birtheaselossssupport

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief. 

Pregnancy and infant loss can often be the first experience of grief that parents face. Because we live in grief illiterate culture, we often lack the experience and knowledge of what is normal and expected as someone grieves and mourns. Education helps to provide a roadmap through the rocky terrain of grief. Michelle shares the different types of grief bereaved parents can experience such as disenfranchised, traumatic, ambiguous, cumulative, and delayed grief. 

Resource: www.grief.com

Connect with Rev. Michelle:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support

Facebook:   Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:   @birtheaselossssupport

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief. 

As a Certified Grief Educator with David Kessler and Grief.com, Michelle explains the Five Stages of Grief™️- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance as well as the sixth stage- meaning through the lens of pregnancy and infant loss. She shares that unfortunately over the years the 5 Stages of Grief™️ have been misinterpreted by many, including mental health professionals. These six stages reflect where we are in our journey of grief at any given moment. They are about change we do not want. The stages are unconscious and natural responses to loss. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross explicitly stated that the stages “are not stops on some linear timeline in grief."  Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Everyone's grief is unique.  These stages can provide a roadmap for grief's rocky terrain and help us to be better equipped to cope with life and loss. Michelle invites you to also listen to Season 1 Episode 3 for an overview of the Four Phases of Bereavement for Baby Loss.

Resource: https://grief.com/

Connect with Rev. Michelle:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support

Facebook:   Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:   @birtheaselossssupport

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Holding Space for Pregnancy Loss Training:  birtheseservices.com/training-for-professionals

Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief. 

Michele Benyo, founder of Good Grief Parenting shares with Michelle the 4 keys for parents with young children navigating perinatal loss. These 4 keys are self-care, accurate words describing death, inviting conversation, and honoring child-sized grief. She also explains why we need to avoid telling children euphemisms such as “He went to sleep.” or vague words such as ‘gone’ or ‘passed’ when explaining that someone has died. Dead and died have a very specific meaning and those are the only words that accurately tell children what happened. Young children won't understand death, but they still have the accurate word and they are going to grow into that understanding. She also explains why it is important to tell children in an age-appropriate way about the death in an honest and accurate way without too many details. Parents can follow the child's lead if they ask to know more. Michele also shares that children can internalize 4 messages when they lose a sibling: I don't understand, I hurt inside,  I don't belong, and I am not enough. She provides tips to help parents grief with their child in healthy ways. 

"I just think that when we are a bereaved parent and we have other young children to raise, we are being asked to do two of the hardest things we'll ever have to do in our lives at the same time. And that is to grief a loved one which is such hard work and parent a young child in those formative early childhood years."—Michele Benyo 

About Michele: 

Michele Benyo is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, parent mentor, and founder of Good Grief Parenting, whose purpose is to support parents who are raising young bereaved siblings after child loss. Her mission is to be a voice for the youngest of grievers and to help parents nurture and understand the unique needs of children who have lost a sibling in early childhood.

When Michele’s six-year-old son died of cancer, her daughter said, "Mommy, half of me is gone." She was just 3 1/2 years old. Even though Michele was teaching early childhood parenting classes and had a Masters in early childhood education, she didn’t know how best to help her daughter. This inspired her to become the support she had needed most during that time so that parents like her wouldn’t have to go it alone. She’s spent more than 20 years learning all she can about early childhood sibling loss, its lifelong impact on the surviving sibling, and how parents can help their bereaved child grow up whole and happy.

Michele equips parents with tools to help their family heal after child loss, to foster hope, and to build resilience. Parents who work with Michele tap into their own wisdom and gain the insights, skills, and confidence to live forward toward a future bright with possibilities and joy.

Connect with Michele Benyo: 

Website: https://goodgriefparenting.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/goodgriefparenting

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelebenyo/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goodgriefparenting/

Connect with Rev. Michelle:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support

Facebook:   Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:   @birtheaselossssupport

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief. 

Anna Humphreys, co-director of Calm Birth, and Michelle explain the last practice in this series of 3 meditations for healing during or after an abortion. This meditation, Renew, is based on the practice of Giving and Receiving, a practice from ancient wisdom. It is tong len, compassionate breathing, applied to the ending of a pregnancy. It’s a practice of breathing healing for self and others.  Please note, when practicing compassionate breathing, we are breathing in the awareness of challenges or suffering (our own or others) without taking in the suffering and exhaling an intention for peace, healing, or compassion, etc. towards ourselves or others.  

“I believe that there is a subtle, but profound, effect when we do direct our attention and our intention toward healing ourselves and others.” -Anna Humphreys

For those of us at Calm Birth meditation that have been working on this Calm Abortion project, it is our hope that these meditations help to invite healing for whoever chooses to listen, no matter how long ago they experienced an abortion for any reason or circumstance.

Learn more about the Calm Abortion meditations at Instagram @calmabortion   and  Facebook @calmabortion

Learn more about the practice of Tonglen:

Pema Chödrön : Tonglen Meditation

Resources: 

ACOG (The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) Statement on Abortion Bans

World Health Organization's statement on abortion

Evidence Based Birth: Abortion Research Resource Guide

Grief After Abortion: healing from unspoken loss 

Anna Humphreys, the co-director of Calm Birth, shares why this project of healing meditations for abortion is essential.  Restore, the second meditation in the series is based on the practice of opening, a healing progressive relaxation meditation. The method is based on Progressive Relaxation techniques developed by Edmund Jacobson, M.D., at the Harvard Medical School and the University of Chicago Medical School in the 1920s and 1930s. A wide range of medical problems were successfully treated by healing corresponding problems in the nervous system. The method was then further developed in the University of Massachusetts Medical Center's medicine/meditation program beginning in 1979. The body responds to stress with muscle tension, which can cause pain or discomfort. In turn, tense muscles relay to the body that it's stressed. That keeps the cycle of stress and muscle tension going. Progressive muscle relaxation helps break this cycle by reducing muscle tension and general mental anxiety.  This practice is useful for sleep and rest.

"I’ve seen abortions be incredibly difficult decisions for people whether it’s something they know they want or their life circumstances didn’t allow for a child at the time. Either way, it is a challenging physical experience to release a pregnancy and the healing is rarely honored. That’s why I am so glad that we had this practice of progressive relaxation to draw from that I’m intimately familiar with from the Calm Birth program but that applies so well to recovering from an abortion, especially at a time when the female body is being increasingly commodified and criminalized. ...Abortion meditations won't fix the systemic problems that allow these laws to pass, but I think it's an important drop in the bucket. I also love that they're gender-inclusive, because we know abortion is non-binary. These meditations are for everyone, and I hope they reach anyone who could use some extra support."—Anna Humphreys 

For those of us at Calm Birth meditation that have been working on this Calm Abortion project, it is our hope that these meditations help to invite healing for whoever chooses to listen, no matter how long ago they experienced an abortion for any reason or circumstance.

Learn more about the Calm Abortion meditations at Instagram @calmabortion   and  Facebook @calmabortion

Resources:

ACOG (The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) Statement on Abortion Bans

World Health Organization's statement on abortion

Evidence Based Birth: Abortion Research Resource Guide

Grief After Abortion: healing from unspoken loss 

Michelle shares the first of 3 meditations intended for healing during or after an abortion. This first meditation, Connect, is based on the Tibetan Buddhist practice of Vase Breathing or Complete  Breathing.  It's an invitation to tune into the body, recognize the tendencies of the mind, and release unwanted or intrusive thoughts. It teaches the listener to return to their breath when their thoughts are not serving them. The benefits of this meditation extend beyond healing after an abortion.  This type of breathing helps with anxiety, depression, managing stress, improving focus, better sleep, and faster recovery from exercise or exertion. Slow breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, also called the “rest and digest” system. It activates the vagus nerve which oversees things like mood, digestion, and heart rate. It will also send more oxygen to the brain and other organs.  This practice is meant to be used throughout life.

For those of us at Calm Birth meditation that have been working on this Calm Abortion project, it is our hope that these meditations help to invite healing for whoever chooses to listen, no matter how long ago they experienced an abortion for any reason or circumstance.

"Abortion is the medical term for the ending of a pregnancy, whether that is a spontaneous miscarriage or medically induced. This term encompasses the termination of all pregnancies. I realize and want to acknowledge that even the term abortion can be quite triggering, especially for someone that has experienced pregnancy and infant loss. 

And, in my experience of working in the perinatal field for over 20 years and holding a space for grief and trauma with my clients, the ending of a pregnancy has never been taken lightly. I carry their stories with me. Stories of relief, ectopic pregnancy, forced abortion, intense grief and pain when their baby in the womb will not live once they are born and/or will be living in extreme pain for their short life, twin to twin transfer, a mixture of sadness and relief when ending a pregnancy they were unprepared or happened at a difficult time in their life, guilt and shame, feelings of not deserving the baby they are now pregnant with, the belief that they had a miscarriage because they terminated a pregnancy, the decision to end a wanted pregnancy because their partner is abusive and she needs to leave the relationship before she and her other child are killed. Abortion is a part of perinatal loss and bereavement.  And as Sunni has shared in our episodes, adoption is not an easy answer or quick fix. There are so many vulnerable and intimate stories that I have been entrusted with and honor fully. "—Michelle

Learn more about the Calm Abortion meditations at Instagram @calmabortion  and  Facebook @calmabortion

Resources:

ACOG (The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) Statement on Abortion Bans

World Health Organization's statement on abortion

Evidence Based Birth: Abortion Research Resource Guide

Grief After Abortion: healing from unspoken loss 

Ann Pearson  and author Margaret Scofield  share with Michelle  the story behind the much-needed book  I Love You Still: A Memorial Baby Book which was inspired by the loss of Ann's daughter, Riley, due to miscarriage. I Love You Still is a first-of-its-kind baby memory book made for moms experiencing a miscarriage, stillbirth, or newborn loss- no matter how long ago that loss took place. It is a treasured keepsake to create a tangible way to document  and honor the baby's life, no matter how brief. 

Margaret explains the obstacles that were holding her book—and other books on perinatal bereavement—back from mainstream publication. Shockingly, there is not a literary categorization code (both medical and popular) on the topic of perinatal loss.  These codes are the system through which all print and digital materials are categorized. The BISAC codes list is the preeminent literary categorization tool that is used to organize everything from online search results to bookstore layouts.

About Margaret & Ann:

Author Margaret Scofield created I Love You Still: A Memorial Baby Book—a first-of-its-kind baby memory book made for moms experiencing pregnancy and infant loss—after her friend Ann Pearson lost her daughter, Riley, due to miscarriage. In 2019, a local news story about the book quickly spread across mainstream outlets such as NBC, CBS, FOX, TODAY, MSN, People Magazine, and HuffPost. Yet, Margaret struggled to find a publisher because her book didn’t “fit an existing genre.” After selling out in 3 days at the #2 spot on the Amazon Best Seller List, landing on the shelves of all major US retailers, and shipping to over 30 countries, Margaret decided to find out exactly what was holding her book—and other books on perinatal bereavement—back from mainstream publication. Now, Margaret is on a mission to change the literary landscape for loss moms by 2023—but she needs our help. 

Margaret is joined today by her friend and inspiration for the book, Ann Pearson. Ann discusses the events and emotions connected to her pregnancy with Riley, and the role Margaret's book has played in her grief journey. The two friends now come together to raise awareness for the missing literary categorization for all books (both medical and popular) on the topic of perinatal loss. The system through which all print and digital materials are categorized is called the BISAC codes list: as the preeminent literary categorization tool, this list is used to organize everything from online search results to bookstore layouts. However, in 2022, there is still no categorization for books about miscarriage or perinatal bereavement. That means there is no central spot wherein these resources are compiled—it also means that those looking to provide them are turned away at a much higher rate. Margaret now asks for our help to change that by reaching out directly to BISG, the organization responsible for voting on changes to the BISAC literary codes list each year.

Help Add a BISAC code for Perinatal Bereavement

The link to the BISG's full Subject Headings list (with a link to the Contact Form) can be found here: https://bisg.org/page/BISACEdition

The direct link to the Contact Form can be found here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/K9CH9MD

Connect with Margaret:

 Instagram: @iloveyoustillbook 

Website: https://www.iloveyoustillbook.com/

Email: [email protected]

Connect with  Michelle:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support

Facebook:   Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:   @birtheaselossssupport

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief. 

Drawing upon her experience as an OB/GYN and as a mother that has felt the sorrow of pregnancy loss, Dr. I. Cori Baill shares with Michelle the journey of writing her beautiful and much-needed book, Why is Mommy Crying-explaining early pregnancy loss to young children.  Dr. Baill provides suggestions and guidelines when experiencing a miscarriage. She reminds grieving parents of the importance of not blaming themselves and or feeling shame regarding their miscarriage, doing their best to overlook the well-meaning but often hurtful things that people can say, and remembering they are not alone in this experience. So many others have experienced baby loss, as well. As a professor, Dr. Baill is working to instill the skills of humanity, empathy, and compassionate care in the next generation of physicians. 

"There is just too much silence about miscarriage. Women have grieved way too long in silence and have been told, 'You'll get over it, just move on.’ And, I don't think that's the appropriate message. We should have the time, and the permission and the support to grieve the loss of a pregnancy." —Dr.  Cori Baill 

About the Book:

This beautifully illustrated story helps recipients as young as three years of age. Written by an experienced physician, Why is Mommy Crying -explaining early pregnancy loss to young children comforts in the context of family and the larger universe.  The young protagonist, Max, using his imagination, and accompanied by his stuffed animal, Mink, begins to understand what has made his mother sad. His imagery and ideas offer a gentle springboard to discuss broader concepts surrounding grief and recovery, including religion. Why is Mommy Crying -explaining early pregnancy loss to young children helps to end the all too pervasive silence surrounding miscarriage. This inclusive book offers age-appropriate comfort, consolation, and reassurance. Its themes are universal and non-denominational.   

Connect with Dr. Baill:

Twitter:  @wimcbook

Instagram @wimcbook

Facebook: @whyismommycrying

About Dr. Baill:

I. Cori Baill, MD is a board-certified OB/GYN. She completed her OB/GYN residency at The Johns Hopkins Medical Institute, then practiced for many years. She is now a Professor at the University of Central Florida, College of Medicine. In addition to many years of caring for women and their families, she is an award-winning short story author and the mother of two.  She hopes that Why is Mommy Crying? comforts those who have known the grief of miscarriage, especially the family's youngest members. 

About the Illustrator:

Heather Bell, SCWBI illustrator, https://heatherbellbooks.com, added immeasurably to this project.  She holds BFA in Painting from the Kansas City Art Institute, is a member of SCBWI, a participant in the 12 x 12 Picture Book Challenge, and a Children’s Book Academy graduate. When not illustrating and writing, she searches out story ideas as an undercover school bus driver. Heather Bell is an author/illustrator represented by Kaitlyn Sanchez at Olswanger Literary Agency.

Connect with Michelle:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support

Facebook:   Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:   @birtheaselossssupport

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief. 

Laura LaBelle and Michelle discuss how children are often overlooked as grievers when death and loss occur. They remind us when death and loss occur children are learning how to manage their grief and that they must adjust to a new identity that this loss brings. Laura stresses the importance of conversation and creating an empathetic space where pain can be absorbed. Laura provides tips for communication and helping kids to process their grief such as memory jars, breath and grounding exercises, models of grief, observing how animals grieve, discussions about grief and playing out scenarios, and involving the deceased by creating traditions that remind the bereaved it is ok to still talk about that person. They explain why it is vital for adults to become more comfortable with death and grief. Laura also shares signs to look for regarding if a child is having difficulty coping with the loss.  

"It's a heightened, heightened, heightened anxious time.  And so, oftentimes we don't say anything to kids right away. But they know something is up. They feel it. They can feel it. We think we are hiding it and it's like NO. No one's hiding anything other than the fact that we all see that everyone's kinda freaked out right now. Like nobody knows what to do."—Laura LaBelle 

Resources:

The Invisible String

Tenth Good Thing About Barney 

Why is Mommy Crying? -explaining early pregnancy loss to young children

Bambi II

Bereavement Reactions of Children and Young People By Age Group:

https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/bereavement-reactions-children-young-people-age-group

Sesame Street:

https://sesamestreetincommunities.org/topics/grief/

Dougy Center:

https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources/kids

New Hope for Kids:

https://newhopeforkids.org/

Children's Grief  Center:

https://childrensgrief.org/

 National Alliance for Children's Grief:

https://childrengrieve.org/

About Laura:

Laura LaBelle holds a Doctorate degree from the University of San Francisco in Education, Organizational Leadership, and has worked extensively with relocated people groups in varying parts of the world who have been displaced by their governments, war, and history of colonization. Over the last 20 years, Laura has been a credentialed teacher working in K12 education as an educator, mentor, and consultant including working with students, parents, teachers, and administrators. Laura frequently consults with groups to create curriculum, experiences, and gatherings on a variety of topics they need help organizing and implementing. 

Laura is the owner of Life Shifts Companion working as a full spectrum doula, 1:1 companion, support group leader, speaker, and workshop/retreat facilitator. Much of their time is focused in the realm of working in a trauma-informed manner with the birthing, the dying, and those who find themselves in the midst of life changes. High interests are exploring healthy ways of mourning and grieving, and helping those experiencing perinatal loss. Laura’s background with kids and loss began in middle school as a hospital volunteer filling in on the children’s floor in the playroom. Eventually, as a teacher in a high needs, short personnel funded area, Laura gained much experience in the moment often during science when children who’d experienced intense loss would boldly ask questions about how those life cycle lessons connected to the loss of their family members. Learning to navigate those conversations and not leave the students fearful or questioning their familial beliefs, proved to be some of the most important lessons Laura learned. While teaching, Laura began to volunteer with the sick and dying and returned in part to the children’s floor at the hospital they first experienced grief and children. Laura has since worked throughout Thailand and Lao PDR with relocated people groups, often finding themselves listening to the stories told by the traumatized women and children regarding unbearable pain and loss. These relationships that still exist are part of the foundational belief that what people want, including children, is someone to listen, create and hold space, to just be with—a companion. Today, Laura runs a sibling grief group for kiddos who have lost a sibling, and conducts workshops on similar topics. 

A long term goal of Laura’s is to help communities create public mourning spaces to help normalize our relationships to grief and death. Laura feels deeply that this is one way to help us contextualize and manage our collective grief as a nation, while helping to address our fearful attitudes toward death and grief so that we may truly begin to heal and live. 

Laura is committed to working with people who have experienced discrimination, trauma and/or loss due to some aspect of identity such as  gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, and religion. They have created numerous educational products, and have trained professionals for close to two decades. 

Connect with Laura:

Website:  www.lifeshiftscompanion.com

TikTok: @Let’sTokAboutDeath 

Instagram:  @spaceforgrief, 

Connect with Rev. Michelle:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com /loss-support

Facebook:   Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:   @birtheaselossssupport

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Thank you for listening! Remember, you are not alone in your grief.