Toby Sucks At Podcasts - Audio

STEVEN'S NOTES: Toby took a break to cure his rage because I corrupted another video, but now we’re back and I can still firmly state: TOBY SUCKS AT PODCASTS. You know what Toby Turner also sucks at? Driving. So I guess he thought he’d combine the two because he probably thinks if you multiply a suck by another suck, it makes a win. I keep telling Toby that’s not how math works and that’s why his taxes are such a mess and he just laughs and laughs until it kinda sounds like screaming. Good times. Of course, Toby can’t drive a car alone (legally… he’s still got a restricted license), so he brings along his childhood friend Nathan. Nathan is a charming fellow who could care less that Toby was asking Siri “how to drive a car” while actually driving a car, because that’s just the kind of guy he is. Or maybe he just has a death wish. RIP in peace, Nathan. Also, because Gryphon told Toby people only watch the podcast on mute, he had to make sure to get a hot chick in the show, so he also interviews Shira Lazar, of “What’s Trending?” fame. Shira claims to be a Canadian but has a lot of trouble proving it when Toby quizzes her on simple facts a real Canadian would know. Check it out if you want to see him expose her secrets. Oh, did I mention that the car is Tim’s DAD’s car?!? To be fair, Tim did tell Toby he really needed to learn to be careful when driving a car, so when he finds out Toby took Mr. Tim’s-Dad’s convertible, I’m sure he’ll be fine with it. Right? Shout out to What’s Trending, Shira Lazar’s awesome channel: http://youtube.com/whatstrending

This is the eleventh episode of the Tobuscus podcast: TOBY SUCKS AT PODCASTS, starring Toby Turner (the man of the hour, the wham! bam! thank-you-ma’am! The crem de la crem, the Gryphon poop collector who is 100% making me write this and please help). This week Toby pulled a Harry Potter by holing up in a closet with his friend and former business associate, Rory Haines. If you've ever heard a British voice in a Tobuscus/TobyGames/TobyTurner video, then that voice is usually Rory's. After working with Toby for over a year, Rory became the CEO of NewMediaRockstars.com Rory is an Englishman, a gentleman and apparently a scholar on English matters. Toby turns the tables on his old chum Rory, and quizzes him on just how English he really is. I took a quiz once, it was called “What Spice Girl Are You?” The results were inconclusive but I have an appointment next week with my doctor to get it all sorted out, or as Rory would say, "sorted". We get to hear about the time Gryphon was attacked by a mean, big, scary dog and what to do if your dog is in a similar situation. Because I know that's exactly what you came to this podcast to hear: pet advice. SEE HOW BRITISH (I mean ENGLISH) YOU ARE WITH THIS BRITISH (I mean ENGLISH) QUIZ... which sounds a lot more boring that a British Quiz. So yeah, British Quiz. Shout out to Rory’s new company: http://newmediarockstars.com/ !!

STEVEN'S NOTES: This is the tenth episode of the Tobuscus podcast: TOBY SUCKS AT PODCASTS, starring Toby Turner (who started sucking at podcast way back when he was still in Mombuscus’ womb, where he also recorded and released 2 rap albums). This week, Private Investigator, Gandhy Nava, joins Gabuscus and Tim on the big red couch! In honor of our tenth episode we placed 10 Fun Facts throughout the episode. Watch close, or you’ll miss them! Just like I miss my baby teeth. WHY DID THEY LEAVE MEEEEE??? Toby, Gabe and Tim sing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song. That’s a fact, Jack. Get a grip, okay? I wish I could get a grip, Toby won’t let me. He says he knows what’s best. ALSO TOBY LAYS DOWN SOME NEW SWEET TRACKS FOR YOU TO REMIX INTO A CLUB SONG AND SUBMIT TO THE SHOW! Send your remixes to [email protected]

Toby pulls an April Fools prank on Tim. Let's just say that it involves twins, Tinder, and Tim getting SUPER embarrassed. I almost feel sorry for Tim. Nah. Chester See and Toby improvise an amazing song based off an audience suggestion from Twitter. Btw, can we all just agree Frozen is the best anything? Chester, Toby and Gabe read Fan Sketches about gaming even though Gabe has found a kindred spirit in non-gamer Chester. ALSO TOBY, CHESTER, and GABUSCUS LAY DOWN SOME NEW SWEET TRACKS FOR YOU TO REMIX AND SUBMIT TO THE SHOW!!

This is the eighth episode of the still kind of new Tobuscus podcast: TOBY SUCKS AT PODCASTS, starring Toby Turner (who makes sucking at podcasts so cool that they are already banning it in some states, countries and other places who have laws against that for some reason). This week, Katers17, or as she's best known on the internet, "Katers17" joins Gabuscus and Tim on the big red couch! We find out what an English Summer is, which isn't very different than a Siberian Winter, apparently. Toby gets a massage, and then Gabe gets a professional massage by a man twice his strength, which turns him into a wee little baby for a while. They get a traditional Thai massage with a happy ending and everything. I think I know what that means, like it's probably that thing where you're a lot happier at the end of the massage because of how relaxed your muscles are, right? Anyway, Gabe and Toby get happy endings with their on-screen massages. Toby and the gang play America's favorite computerized catchphrase game...CATCHPHRASE. ALSO TOBY, KATERS, and GABUSCUS LAY DOWN SOME TRACKS FOR YOU TO REMIX AND SUBMIT TO THE SHOW!!

This is the seventh episode of the new Tobuscus podcast: TOBY SUCKS AT PODCASTS, starring Toby Turner (who makes sucking at podcasts look really fun, awesome and difficult, like it takes a lot of effort). This week, Rhett and Link join Gabuscus and Tim on the couch! We learn that Rhett and Link's first kiss was with the same girl, which is the weirdest thing to share with a friend of 30 years. We learn who Toby's first kiss was too! The answer may (not) surprise you... ALSO AN IRISH SONG ABOUT DATING AFRICAN AMERICAN LADIES! Everyone drinks green beer too! Rhett and Link play the YouTube dating game against no one! Toby learns the difference between a desk and a table. Rhett and Link play the YouTube dating game while being shot, sorry I almost forgot to say that everyone gets to shoot Gabe with nerf darts if they got questions wrong. And then Tim gets shot once.

This is the sixth episode of the new Tobuscus podcast: TOBY SUCKS AT PODCASTS, starring Toby Turner (who makes sucking at podcasts look easy), where we meet JESSE COX: YouTube extraordinaire (check out his YouTube channel)! Real-life psychic Elizabeth Mihelich drops by and gives us some crazy psychic predictions for 2014: including where the Tobuscus Adventures Wizards game will go, whether Tim will ever finish his Legend of Zelda cosplay and Gabe has an amazing reaction to the concept being read. Clairvoyant Elizabeth also tells Toby something about how he's awesome at everything and now we will never hear the end of it. As far as real psychics go, Elizabeth Mihelich is awesome. Watch to find out what a fortune teller predicts for the gang's 2014 future. Gabuscus and Tim join Toby on screen, as always. We learn that Toby's mom watches every single podcast every single week about four times. That's 4 hours of the Tobuscus podcast! In this week's WEIRD NEWS we hear the story about the woman who pulled a gun on a McDonald's drive-through, the guy who pulled a gun on a girl scout over cookies, and the doctor who saved a woman's live by having watched an episode of HOUSE M.D. A Florida man decided to overcome his fear of spiders by tattooing a giant spider on his face, which leads to the improvised FACE TATTOO SONG. The guys play YELP LIBS! It's like Mad Libs only with Yelp reviews. Jesse Cox plays SESAME STREET FIGHTER. There's a LootCrate unboxing, live (pre-recorded) on the show! Toby talks about Comcast buying Time Warner. And there's a segment of ASK GRYPHON! To be a part of ASK GRYPHON, send your questions to [email protected]. Feel free to Photoshop tattoos onto Toby Turner and Gabuscus and tweet your pictures to http://twitter.com/tobyturner with the hashtag #tobysucksatpodcasts.

This is the fifth episode of the new Tobuscus podcast: TOBY SUCKS AT PODCASTS, starring Toby Turner (who's the most talented person to ever suck at making podcasts), where we meet the HOTTEST GIRL IN THE WORLD: Jessica Cook. You might know her from the Axe commercial that is literally all about how hot she is, starring Kiefer Sutherland describing the girl he never got the courage to talk to. MINI MINOTAUR LIVE! The fastest, most death metal Tobuscus song starring the Mini Minotaur himself gets the acoustic treatment at the end of the show. And it is awesome. Buy your own talking Mini Minotaur plush doll here http://bit.ly/18HrFeg Gabuscus is there as always, as is Tim with his Gaming News segment where they talk about BioShock's studio going under and the Titanfall beta being amazing. HOT CHICK NEWS is discussed, this time without Toby's mother present: a calendar of naked women rock climbing comes out along with a girl whose pants were set on fire after her iPhone exploded, Speaking of fire... Tim is an Eagle Scout! And sometime in the next few weeks, Tim will wear his uniform! Or he's FIRED! The audience suggests OCEAN SONG and we SEA exactly what Toby does with it. Eric is awesome at guitar again. Gabe and Tobuscus read some FAN SKETCHES! Verbatim! If you want your sketch read on the show, write to [email protected]. FAN STUFF TIME: We get a gander at the soft, amazing Minecraft-themed TOBUSCUS fleece blanket, hand-made by a fan. As well as a crown that Toby put on his head because his ego isn't big enough yet. The MINECRAFT MOD is announced. Jessica Cook promotes her new movie STUNG. They discuss her Blurred Lines parody where it's all hot chicks, the hottest girls ever, with a bunch of naked guys doing a reversal on the Blurred Lines video. We learn that some dinosaurs no longer exist. Toby tells us about his textbook scheme. The gang gets super '90s and calls the Rejection Hotline, talks about party lines, phone calls and POPCORN (a phone number you would call for the time before everyone had cell phones). © 2014 Tobuscus

This is the fourth episode of the new Tobuscus podcast: TOBY SUCKS AT PODCASTS, starring Toby Turner (who will always suck at podcasts), where you finally get to meet the woman herself: Mrs. Buscus, Mommybuscus, Overlord of Awesomeness, the original executive producer of Tobuscus... MOMBUSCUS! Toby PRANK CALLS JENNA MARBLES about her Depressing Song footage by saying that there's now an accidentally leaked Jenna Marbles nude video floating around the internet. He blames it on his "editor"... I wonder who that could be. And no, there wasn't really any nude Jenna Marbles footage so stop asking in the comments. Gabuscus and Tim join Toby to introduce his mother and then promptly start talking about boobs, breasts, bras and hot girls in this week’s HOT CHICK NEWS! Toby Turner and Gabe re-enact a police phone call made by a man trying to get a woman from a one-night-stand out of his bed. Another big black MEGACRATE makes an appearance. YOU CAN WIN a console in a box by tweeting song ideas for next week with the hashtag #tobysucksatpodcasts Mombuscus comes on and sings the MOM SONG! We see her being adorable while listening to Depressing Song for the first time and we get to watch Tobuscus interact with everyone while on his best behavior. After the LootCrate toys, we get to see some of Toby's childhood toys, a tiny little rain jacket he used to wear, and some adorable vintage pictures of Toby when he was a little boy. We get more ALAN RITCHSON, who plays Raphael in the new Michael Bay Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie AND we see an old Donatello Ninja Turtles plush toy of Toby’s! MAD LIBS happens! And of course MORE FAN STUFF! Watch and find out whose stuff made it onto the show. © 2014 Tobuscus

In the third episode of the new Tobuscus podcast: TOBY SUCKS AT PODCASTS, starring Toby Turner (who sucks eternally at podcasts) April Efff joins Tobuscus for a performance of Depressing Song LIVE! This week's guests include JacksFilms himself, Jack Douglass. April Efff for the song. And a MEGACRATE courtesy of LootCrate. Gabuscus breaks the sad news to the crew about the Patrick Swayze's death. Toby ignores the elephant in the room when the MEGACRATE contains a Head Crab (Half Life series) that looks a liiiittle bit like something else. Toby and Gabe play MAD LIBS with JacksFilms. Toby tells the story about how he got mugged in an In-N-Out Burger parking lot. Romantic Valentine's Day plans are briefly discussed and as always, the Tim's Gaming News and Fan Stuff Time segments blow people away. Tune in every week for a new episode of Toby Sucks at Podcasts.