Create Yourself - A Life You Love

Let’s face it when challenging things happen.  We all face tough times and life can throw us curve balls.  The problem is that when we are feeling stressed, anxious or low we are not always at our most resourceful. It's hard during these difficult times to think about what could help us the most.  

This is why it’s always good to prepare for these times in advance. 

It helps to prepare some reminders or some actions that we could do. 

In this episode we create a plan for tough times and consider the things that can really help us overcome them.

In today's episode we look at activities you can do to feel better about ourselves.  Often when we are feeling in a bad place we tend to focus in on all the things that are not working in our lives, whilst the good stuff gets totally overshadowed. We forget all about our strengths, skills and great qualities, all the wonderful things about us that make us unique and special.  

These exercises will help you reconnect and remind you of the positives in your life.    

In this episode I talk about setbacks.  

Setbacks are a normal part of life, things don't always go according to plan. So its important to recognise that setback are likely and they do not mean that you are useless, that its all pointless and that you are a failure. Watch out how you talk to yourself during these times because this has such a powerful impact on us. The way we talk to ourselves has the ability to lift our mood or bring us down. The way we talk to ourselves will effect our confidence and self-esteem, and can easily lead to us feeling bad about ourselves.

Can you change the conversation you have with yourself. Catch yourself when you are falling into unhelpful thinking , like I’m a failure, it pointless , its useless. And instead say to yourself. It’s okay, it’s just a setback.

And prepare for when setbacks are most likely to happen. There is always certain times when we might not be functioning as well as we could be. It’s normal to have times when motivation plummets and self-doubts creep in. What we don’t want….Consider when this might happen. Have you heard of the acronym HALT.  Hungry, angry lonely and tired.  If we are feeling any of those 4 or even all 4 at the same time. It’s likely that we are not going to be at our most resourceful.

So having some strategies up our sleeves for these moments can be really useful.

Think of setbacks like a bump in the road, simple a blip. Nothing more. And before you know it you be back on track. Don’t allow negative thinking to sabotage your progress, sometimes we forgot about how far we have really come and all the progress that we have actually made.

So when things get touch as they will try and remind yourself that it will pass. Things won’t be like this forever, and you have probably been through equally tough times and come out of it the other end.

You will also find me at kayholdsworth.com

Most of us want to fit in and feel like we belong. Its normal to want to feel that we feel connected with others.

But relationships with others is not always easy. It can be fraught sometimes with difficulties and even the best of relationships can have its ups and downs.

In this episode I offer some suggestions of ways we can build better relationships with people.

You can find out more about me over at my website kayholdsworth.com

Here's a reminder of the 5 steps to challenge unhelpful thinking.

1) Identify the thought

2) Write it down

3) Challenge it

Ask yourself, Is this true? 

Is this fair?

Is there another way of looking at the situation

What would you say to a friend who had a similar thought?

4) rewrite the thought. Create a more balanced and realistic thought.

We can also apply mindfulness which helps us to learn to interact with our thoughts differently.  We have a choice how we engage with them.  When we practice mindfulness we learn to become more present and in the moment and living less in our heads.

Now we all have an inner voice.  This is simply the inner dialogue that is going on inside our head. Everyone has this. Unfortuntley for many of this voice can be harsh, critical and rather unkind.

Here is todays task that I suggest.  

Think about a recent situation that has been a struggle for you or you have been finding difficult. Write specifically about what has bene challenging for you. Write about in as much detail as possible what has been challenging for you about this situation.

I want you to write about this for 5 or 10 minutes. You might set a timer on your mobile phone.

And really don’t overthink this exercise, you really can’t get it wrong. You don’t need to worry about punctuation, grammar or spelling. This is only for your eyes. You can use your mobile or computer . Do what works for you.

Now I want to ask yourself, how have I been talking to myself about this situation? How have you been speaking to yourself about this? The problem is that when we are feeling low , anxious or stressed this is often the times we talk the most harshly and unkind to ourselves. This is such as shame isn’t it, because this is the time we really need to talk to ourselves when we need to be supportive, understanding and offering ourselves reassurance.

I then ask you to reflect on how you talk to yourself and ask yourself what effect do you think the things you are saying to yourself are having on you? Is this way of talking to yourself helping or hindering you? Are you been encouraging and supportive or is the way you speak to yourself about this bringing you further down. Think about the effect you are having on yourself by

Are you been kind supportive?

Would you talk to a friend the same way you talk to yourself? 

Feel free to come and be part of the Create Yourself Facebook group where I share a variety to tools and practical activities for self-discovery and change.  You can also find me at kay.holdsworth.com

If you are experiencing stress & anxiety it can help hugely to understand why we experience it. In a nutshell it is our bodies natural response to any perceived threat. This is called the Fight/flight response that has evolved to protect us from danger & keep us safe. These days assorts of things can trigger our flight/fight response to switch on. It helps to remember that this is a totally normal human response & the feelings, if we allow, will soon pass.

This is such a simple, yet effective activity to do. All you have to do is make a list of 20 activities and pastimes that you enjoy. It really is that easy.  The activities may be things that you used to do as a child or in the past, or things that you currently enjoy doing.  It might even include things that you've hardly tried but are drawn to.  Activities that you have a sense that you will enjoy.  This is a great activity to do if you are feeling stuck in a bit of a rut or feeling lacking in energy and enthusiasm.  It can also help to do this if you are considering changing careers and are unsure what direction to take.  It can help you re-assess and remember the things that light you up.  It can reconnect you to your values, what is important and what matters to you.  What activities and pastimes make you feel alive.  Once you've completed it take some time to reflect on any themes that jump out at you.  What stands out? What do these activities say about you as a person? How long has it been since you enjoyed these activities.  It can be quite shocking to realise how long it has been since you last did some of your favourite pastimes.  Ask yourself, what gets in the way?  If you were to choose one activity to do this month which one would you choose? To take a look at my list of 20 activities and pastimes visit my blog over at Kayholdsworth.com

A short (6 minute) mediation practice. As we know the breath is a powerful tool. In this very simple short meditation I invite you to let go of whatever is stagnant & stuck. By letting go we create space for new possibilities & opportunities. What do you need to let go of the most right now? What is holding you back? When we start to let go we make way for new growth & learning. We make space for more of what we need in our lives to emerge. If you are interested in activities for self-discovery & change I have a new Facebook group called Create Yourself. Only for members I run a weekly group called Writing For Self-discovery. You can also check out my blog over at kayholdsworth.com.

Today I share some of the things that make me feel bad. This is part of last weeks simple exercise where we got pen & paper and brainstormed all the things that make us feel good. On the other half of the paper I want you to tap into the things that bring you down & make you feel bad about yourself. After you’ve done it see if you can notice an themes or patterns. What stands out for you? Is there anything useful you can take-away from this exercise? Any valuable learning?