Mind Revolution

Part of your brain’s job is to keep you safe. One way your brain attempts to keep you safe is by alerting you to threats and dangers through a strong emotion — fear.

It’s important to remember that fear and danger are two different things. 

Just because we feel fear doesn’t mean there is an inherent threat or we’re in imminent danger. Many times — a threat is perceived but not at all real.

And sometimes, what feels like fear is really just the discomfort we feel from pushing against our comfort zone’s boundaries. Anything new, anything we’re unaccustomed to doing, will feel uncomfortable and scary at first.

Don’t get me wrong. Fear isn’t the bad guy here. 

Fear serves an essential purpose of alerting us to dangers and threats. It also alerts us to where there’s a difference taking place. Doing something different — even if it feels amazing and is a step in the direction of a big goal — can send signals of danger to the body. “Be careful! This is different and unfamiliar!”

Bottom line: We need to manage fear. 

When you feel fear…

• Backtrack, if necessary, to identify the source of the fear.
• Determine whether the fear is real or just a perception. 
• Remind yourself that your growth is inevitable and that you can choose how you grow and comfortably manage the growth process.
• Commit to the growth you’re seeking.
• Do as much as you can to move forward — and then do just a little bit more.
• Focus on the long-term benefits of what you want.

This episode is about carrying on in the face of fear. We cover perceived fears and significant emotional events. You’ll also hear me share a story about my dog, Gunner, and how a scary experience I had with him bled over into other areas of my life. Of course, you’ll also learn how I processed and moved past it. 

Yes, I still have fears. It’s part of being human. The important thing is that we don’t make decisions from a place of fear. It takes awareness and processing. You can do it, and I’ll show you how!

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

• Leave a note in the comment section below
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Links from today’s episode:

• Mind Revolution Episode 17 — The Ripple Effect of Significant Emotional Events
• Mind Revolution Episode 103 — How you Know IT is Happening

To help out the show:

• Leave a positive review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews help, and I read each and every one.
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If you’re like most listeners, you’re on a self-development journey. Perhaps you have a big, juicy goal or dream you want to realize. And you’re doing the work to achieve it.

A student asked me recently, “Does ‘doing the work’ mean a lot of paperwork?”

No. 

‘Doing the work’ focuses on what you want, saying it the way you want it, taking action that aligns with your goals, staying consistent, walking that narrow path to your excellence, and doing it consistently. 

That is ‘doing the work.’

Until the unconscious mind gets on board, it takes a lot of conscious effort to make changes. 

And it’s not unusual for my clients and students to do the work for a while and then begin to wonder, “Where’s my big, juicy goal? When will it happen?”

I’ve seen many transformation journeys, and I’ve observed patterns that serve as indicators that transformation is indeed happening and that you’re getting closer to your big goal. Here’s what you can expect on your way to realizing your big dream.

• You’re going to feel better. You will feel calmer. What used to upset you won’t bother you so much.
• You’ll find that you’re more patient with yourself and with others.
• You’ll take responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, language, and behavior.
• You’ll be able to communicate with others in healthier ways.
• People will want to be around you more. Since you recognize what you can and can’t control, you’ll be less stressed out and more enjoyable to be around.
• You will be kinder and more gentle with yourself.
• You will begin to value yourself.
• Random good things will happen to you — like unexpected money, job opportunities, getting a great deal, stumbling upon something new that makes you happy.
• Life gets easier in general. Ideas and resources come into your life in seemingly effortless ways.
• You will get more yeses than no’s.

This is the pattern I’ve seen over and over again. Once the above have transpired, your big goal or dream is right around the corner. The challenge will be to allow your vision to unfold in the highest way possible. 

My advice to you: Keep doing the work because IT is happening! 

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

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Links from today’s episode:

• Mind Revolution Episode 1, Your Magnificent Mind — learn about the 50-60 bits of information
• Mind Revolution Episode 3, The Power of Perception
• Mind Revolution Episode, 4 Things You Can Control

To help out the show:

• Leave a positive review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews help, and I read each and every one.
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A while back, I wanted to get a Ph.D. in psychology. I didn’t have a bachelor’s degree, so it was going to take a while. So Ron asked, “Why don’t you learn how to do something else where you can help people?”

Then I remembered that my Ph.D. therapist had decided to become a life coach; I trained as a life coach in 2006 to better serve my real estate clients (weird, I know, but it worked!). At that time, I discovered a thing called “NLP.” As I read more, I felt intrigued and a little apprehensive, so I let the thought of learning more about it fade into the background in my mind. 

Later in 2009, I took a teaser course on NLP and loved it, but still, let it fade into the background… It wasn’t until I met an actual NLP coach that I got curious enough to give serious consideration to the NLP side of things, and I decided to get trained in NLP… and the rest is history. Here I am today as a master coach and trainer.

This podcast is like an open book of someone (me) who has taken their successful one-on-one, belly-to-belly coaching business and moved it into an online group setting. I’m sharing what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. You can learn right along with me what works and what doesn’t. Welcome to my what-you-see-is-what-you-get world where you see the real me in action.

As my students hear me say regularly, I’m right here doing the work with you.

Today, we’re talking about three superpowers you have right now that can be harnessed for your success. The beauty of these three is that the first superpower naturally unfolds into the second, which leads to the third. It’s like a cascade. But it all starts with this first superpower:

1. Your mindset. This includes your thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and attitudes. Working on my mindset is the most important thing in my life. Of course, I love my kids, Ron, and my work. But my mindset affects every single aspect of my life. It can make everything else wonderfully wonderful or wonderfully dreadful. Your mindset is the genie in the bottle that you’ve been wishing for. It just needs to be tended and managed.
2. Trust. Trust is a superpower that will naturally flow from a positive mindset. When you know that you’ll get what you focus on, that will naturally lead to trust. When you have cultivated a positive, at-cause mindset, you can trust that things will work out for you. 
3. Being authentically you. Being your true self will naturally follow once you have the mindset and trust. When you have the mindset and you can trust, it’s no longer scary to be vulnerable. You can own your imperfections and share what you’re learning. Being authentic is not a license to vent. It’s an act of service, and it empowers others to be themselves as well.

I don’t have the words to explain how big these superpowers can be. Cultivate your mindset and see where it leads. Your mindset spills into trust and then moves you to be your beautiful, authentic self — and then that will have a trickle-down effect on others. 

Embrace your superpowers. They’re already within you! 

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

• Leave a note in the comment section below
• Use the “I have a question” button
• Share this show on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn 
• Find Brenda on Facebook and Instagram and YouTube

Links from today’s episode:

• Episode 40, the Imposter Syndrome episode

To help out the show:

• Leave a positive review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews help, and I read each and every one.
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When I set my mind on something, I go out and make it happen. I feel quite successful, and then I do it again. I did this with my real estate business and my one-on-one NLP breakthrough coaching. 

Then, something happened. 

I found myself feeling this undeniable urge to make a greater impact and reach a larger number of people. So I decided to take my in-person business online.

Only I didn’t know the online space. As far as the nuts of bolts of making this online business thing work, I was starting from scratch. 

It looked easy enough, though. If I got a website up, people would start flocking to it and I’d book clients right there on my website, right?  

Well, that wasn’t my experience — at all. Hardly anyone noticed my website at first.  

The high-rollers, and online business big-names, those who have been hugely successful online, make it look easy because they’ve already put in the time to figure out the nuts and bolts. 

But when you’re just starting, not only do you not know the nuts and bolts, you don’t have the neurological container for this new phase. No “blueprint” or “strategy” is going to build the neurological container for you.

This is why when you hear about overnight success — it’s seldom truly that. The difficult ground-breaking work happens when no one else is looking. 

So, what do you do when you’re craving more soul-filling work that requires a new container? 

Here are three mindset shifts to get started:

1. Recognize that success takes time.
2. Build your neurological container by working on your mindset — a mindset that you’re able to learn what you need to know, that you can be consistent, successful, and you have something of value to share. 
3. Be prepared to deal with the neurological boundary of your comfort zone. When you’re about to break out of where you’ve been, it’s going to feel difficult and uncomfortable (this is a good thing!)

When my students talk about how challenging and long the road to success can be, I reply, “And so what?”. This is a good time to acknowledge that Yes, it’s hard, and ask yourself, how much you want this thing you want.

I don’t mean to sound unkind, I just want to shake them up a bit. I want my students to look at all that happens along the way to their success. You get to work at something you love and believe in. You become a better version of yourself. And you and your dreams are worth it.  

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

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This marks my 100th podcast episode, and I’m having all the feels -- of satisfaction, accomplishment, joy, fulfillment...and I’m grateful that you are here, and I’m thankful for each of you who have been part of this fabulous journey with me.

I had been putting off recording this episode for a while, and it was beginning to feel like I was stalling. I knew that I wanted it to be about lessons I had learned from recording 100 episodes, but I wasn’t sure of the direction I wanted to take.

That became clear when I was talking to one of my clients. She was anticipating her third breakthrough with me. Her first breakthrough was around her business, the second around her health, and we were discussing where her third would take her. 

As we were looking back at how far she’s come and all the lessons learned... the outline for this episode became clear.

I’ve got seven life lessons I’ve learned from recording 100 podcast episodes. They’re my lessons, and I share them with you so that you can benefit from them too. Here we go.

1. Accomplishing your big goals won’t be as easy as it seems. When you see something outside of yourself, you’re seeing the end result of a lot of previously done work. 

1. Accomplishing your big goals is going to take more effort than you think. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if you’re not aware of this, when the going gets tough, it can send you into disappointment, feelings of unworthiness, and avoidance strategies. The truth is that all great things usually require more effort than you think. And it’s worth it. Because all the effort you put in will leave you with a deeper belief in yourself. 

1. Speak your mind and your heart. When you’re producing a weekly podcast, what’s inside is going to come out. This isn’t about speaking your truth just to vent. No, it’s about your authenticity shining through. It’s giving the world the gift of you without expecting anything in return.

1. You embody the work. When you’re teaching your philosophy over and over again, it gets ingrained in your very being in a new way. I am embodying and living the work like I never have before. And it feels great.

1. Your effort reaps big, beautiful rewards. Among other things, I have been rewarded with a deeper commitment, more meaning and purpose, consistency (my new best friend), and embracing visibility.

1. You’re always making an impact. Even when you don’t realize it, if you’re showing up, you’re making an impact. Sometimes people give you feedback, and it’s wonderful to hear the positive ways you’re helping others. But they don’t always tell you. Don’t let that deter you. You’re having an impact even when you can’t see it.

1. It’s all worth it. Commit to getting to your version of “there” and keep going until you get there.. The journey and the transformation along the way are worth it. 

I hope these life lessons speak to you and inspire you to take on your journey and to keep showing up. You’re worth it. Your future self will thank you. And your impact will be greater than you can know.

 Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

• Leave a note in the comment section below
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Links from today’s episode:

• Episode 16: What you do is not who you are

To help out the show:

• Leave a positive review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews help, and I read each and every one.
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Libsyn

My mom is here visiting me this week. We were sitting out back together enjoying a glass of wine, and she said to me, “I think you finally found it. I think you finally found your calling.”

She, of all people, knows how long I spent trying to figure out my path. And she’s right — I’ve found it!

Actually, I knew this was my calling since I was in my 30’s, but I wasn’t ready to go for because I hadn’t yet done the internal work. The last 5 years, however, have been the most fulfilling. And it’s all because I’ve been doing the work.

You see, my identity, who I am, hasn’t changed. It’s just that what I do and how I live my life has become more congruent with who I am and how I want to show up in the world. Notice I said “more congruent,” not perfectly congruent. I’m human too. And this path I’m on is a journey. There will always be more to learn.

When our experience doesn’t reflect what we want, our negativity bias can take over and skew our perception of reality and feed illusions we have about ourselves, making us feel deficient and wanting to hide.

But the truth is that you have everything you need to become who you really are — the you at your core — which is nothing but pure, positive beauty, love, prosperity, and abundance.

And yet, even though we have everything inside, sometimes we feel tentative about stepping out there and showing up. 

Here’s a simple 4-step process to support you in embracing your identity, increasing your visibility, and showing up for your audience. 

1. Embrace visibility and show up for the world. As you do, you’ll gradually (or quickly) get out of your head and step into your true, congruent self.    
   • What do I have to learn?
   • What limiting beliefs do I need to eliminate?
   • What can I embrace instead?
2. Do the work of dealing with questions like…
3. Align your energy with the results you want. This process is about embodying the future you. How does your ideal self act in the world? 
4. Stick with the process. There’s no such thing as perfection here. The only perfect thing in the process is who you are at your core. You’re on a journey, forever evolving and growing into who you truly are.

Along the way, treat yourself the way you want to your clients or your students or your children to treat themselves — with kindness. Be a model for them. Do the work and be kind to yourself at the same time. 

And no matter where you are on the visibility spectrum, whether you have a huge following or you’re “just” living your life in front of your family and close friends, people are already watching. And you’re making a difference. So show up with your purpose in hand, holding it in your heart.

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

• Leave a note in the comment section below
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To help out the show:

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NLP is all about learning how to control your state intentionally. The tricky thing about negative emotions is that they’re more automatic and more powerful than positive ones, so we have to work more to get into and maintain positive states. 

Just like a puppy, the unconscious mind requires training. 

One of my clients had a breakthrough recently. She’d been “doing the work,” which involves focusing on what she wants, listening to hypnosis to stay relaxed, paying close attention to her current state, and intentionally making shifts when she wasn’t feeling so great. 

She had a couple of weeks where she was just on fire — lots of energy, positivity, and fresh ideas. She felt great! Then, suddenly, she hit a slump. 

She was feeling overwhelmed (a negative state) and wasn’t making the time for hypnosis. And then she had an in-your-face manifestation of her state — and it wasn’t pretty. She was convinced it came out of nowhere.

But it didn’t. 

By the time you notice yourself feeling “off,” you’ve been off for a while. 

And unless you can nip that negative state in the bud, your unconscious mind, because it loves to generalize and “cross-pollinate” from one sector of your life to the other, that negative state is will only multiply. 

The unconscious mind’s cross-contextual nature explains why we shouldn’t view our lives’ different compartments in a vacuum. 

Your relationships can and do impact your health. And your health can and does impact your business. And your business can and does impact your relationships. 

Good news — when you gain ground in a seemingly isolated area, it will spill over into other areas as well. This is why when you work to improve your health, your business has a better chance to thrive, and when you intentionally focus on improving your relationships, your body can feel better and more energized.

And what does all of this have to do with managing your state? Because if you can manage your state, you're going to be able to manage your outcomes.

Here’s how to manage your state, even when you’re feeling short on time:

• Be aware of your state. How do you feel in your body? Does it feel good? Stay on high alert so that you catch negative states in their early stages.
• When you’re in a negative state, do some reverse engineering to determine where things took a negative turn. It will usually be something subtle.
• Begin to reframe and focus on the next best thing that you could feel. For instance, if you’re in disappointment, shifting to joy might be too big a leap. The next best thing might be feeling a sense of ease or relief. Once you’re there, feeling at ease, investigate what would be the next-best thing you could feel. And go from there.

The golden nugget in all of this is to manage your state preemptively. Be in tune with yourself and be aware so that you can make those small yet significant shifts along the way. 

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

• Leave a note in the comment section below
• Use the “I have a question” button
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Links from today’s episode:

• Mind Revolution Episode “5 Daily Practices for Making it a Great Day”

To help out the show:

• Leave a positive review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews help, and I read each and every one.
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Libsyn

Today’s episode is about that voice in your head. The one that second guesses your actions, that says you’re not good enough, that says, “Why do you think that people care about what you have to say?” “Why would anyone want to buy your program?” and even, “Who do you think you are?”

That voice is your inner critic. 

If you have one — you’re not alone. I recently had a run-in with mine. I launched a program...and it felt like a flop because it didn’t reach my expectations. Now, it wasn’t completely unsuccessful because I did have some wonderful people join our community. But the result was nowhere near what I was hoping for.

And my inner critic started laying it on thick. For a couple of days, I was pulling out all my NLP tools to help me break out of those feelings of disappointment and rejection. 

What’s interesting is that — as is so often the case — other people in my space were hearing from their inner critics too.

What is the inner critic anyway? 

NLP teaches us that we sometimes have unintegrated parts. These are parts of your unconscious mind that don’t realize they’re parts of the larger whole of your consciousness. These parts have their own values, their own sets of beliefs, and their own personalities. And when they get triggered, it feels like something awful’s got a hold of you and you can’t get away for its grip.

I believe inner critics are just that — a part. 

From my own experiences and my clients’ experiences, I’ve learned that it’s helpful to view the inner critic like a child. It’s like a child who’s grown up in a sheltered environment and is sorely lacking in information and experience.

Your job is to educate your inner critic, to educate this “child” who doesn’t know any better.

I prefer to educate with the “feedback sandwich” method. It looks like this: a hug, followed by a punch, and finished with a hug.

• Acknowledge the inner critic’s good intention. Inner critics show up to keep us in line (according to their perceptions) and are only trying to protect you. Thank them for that good intention.
• Then explain that you’ve learned some things your inner critic doesn’t know yet. For instance, you’re deserving of all good things, and you have the resources you need to achieve your goals.
• Invite the part, the inner critic, to learn these new truths and to come play with the whole of you in this bigger playground, bringing with it that positive intention while expanding its knowledge base.

When you can become aware of when the inner critic rears its head and begin to re-educate it, beautiful things can happen. 

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

• Leave a note in the comment section below
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Links from today’s episode:

• Check out the 10 Step Problem-Solving Method in our Freebies section

To help out the show:

• Leave a positive review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews help, and I read each and every one.
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Libsyn

Any transition can feel hard. You’re out of your regular routine, and you sometimes feel off-kilter as you’re juggling change and having to make decisions that you wouldn’t usually be affected by.

I recently went through such a time. We put our house on the market in the fall of 2020. We had potential buyers in the home, were in and out of escrow three separate times (with the same buyer), thought we might move to Washington state, then decided on a house in Tennessee (and we bought it site unseen). Thank goodness for Zoom! Our realtor helped us find the right home.

We moved on a Friday, and on Saturday, we had a contractor in the house because — well, the house needed some work. Better now than later, right? So things got torn up before they got put back together. 

Here we were in a time of instability for months — MONTHS! 

Oh, and did I mention that I was in the middle of launching my signature program, restructuring my business, and keeping up with clients? It felt like a crazy time — like I wasn’t on my A-game. We didn’t have a working kitchen for a while, and my eating routine got out of whack, my sleep was off, I found myself at effect in multiple ways.

Spoiler alert: We’re getting back to normal. We love our new house! And Ron and I still love each other, still enjoy spending time together. And the dog — well, he’ll adjust.

But that time of transition taught me some things.   

When you’re going through a hard time, okay is more than good enough. In those times, OK is the best that you can do. Really. A principle of NLP is that we’re all doing the best that we can with the resources we have. And if some of your usual resources aren’t there, don’t beat yourself up if your game is off. 

Sometimes saying, “I don’t know,” is the best you can do. And that’s good enough.

In times of transition, hold on to the truth that you are wonderful, period. You’re doing the best you can. And that is — it has to be — good enough. Be patient and kind with yourself.

Then, when you feel a positive shift in the amount and quality of resources you have, get back to it.

You’ve got this. 

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

• Leave a note in the comment section below
• Use the “I have a question” button
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Links from today’s episode:

• Check out our freebies section
• The Benefits of Taking a Purposeful Pause

 To help out the show:

• Leave a positive review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews help, and I read each and every one.
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Libsyn

Emotions are in the unconscious mind’s domain — and how you’re feeling is one of the ways your unconscious mind communicates with you. 

This is great because we get such good information.

And emotions are powerful. Not only do they tell you how you’re doing, but they can also motivate, propel, and energize, adding fuel behind a particular direction or goal. This is why state management is so important and is such a key component of NLP.

By accepting that all emotions are valid — hey, they’re just your unconscious mind communicating with you — you can learn from them and then move on with more ease. You don’t have to stay in those negative emotions. In fact, you can learn to preemptively manage your state, decreasing your emotional fluctuations. You’ll be more emotionally steady, thus setting the tone for what will most serve you — being calm, steady, and clear-headed.

So, how does this work? Practice the following:

• When you notice a charged emotion, stop and become aware. Try to do this before an emotional state drives you to take any action.
• Employ “reject-delete” or another pattern interrupt
• Ask, “What do I want to feel instead?” and recall a time when you felt the way you want to feel.  
• Having a hard time getting there? Play the ABC game (learn more about this in our Freebies section).
• Change your physiology by physically moving around.
• Calm your nervous system and allow that calmness to build.
• Change the quality of your internal representations so that they feel better. I know this is difficult, but keep practicing. It’s worth the effort!

A beautiful thing about these practices is that you can always know if they’re working simply by noticing how you’re feeling, and the things that show up for you. 

Once you’re able to control your state, what then? 

• Cultivate a sense of fun and curiosity around your dreams and goals.
• Embrace a sense of patience.
• Get into a state of trusting yourself. If you don’t know what that feels like, imagine what it would feel like.
• Cultivate a sense of trusting the people in your world.
• Explore what it would feel like to have compassion.
• Explore what it would feel like to be in a state of certainty.
• Explore what it would feel like to finish what you start and to feel fulfilled and satisfied.

When you practice intentional state management, you’re going to be in charge of your emotions. This is so powerful. Instead of your emotions controlling you, you're going to be able to achieve the things that you want in a big, powerful way. 

Let’s cultivate and then harness those feelings to help us get where we want to go.

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

• Leave a note in the comment section below
• Use the “I have a question” button
• Share this show on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn 
• Find Brenda on Facebook and Instagram and YouTube

Links from today’s episode:

• Check out our freebies section to access the ABC game — and more!

 To help out the show:

• Leave a positive review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews help, and I read each and every one.
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Libsyn