John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast

Why do New Year’s Resolutions fail? Mainly, because they are only a statement, or what we wish for in the coming year. There are usually no action plans, no deadlines, no backup plans. Sometimes they are unrealistic resolutions, with no other thought or plans besides the statement.

3 Reasons they fail:

First, we need to get our thinking right before we can experience enduring change.

Second, we fail to have a structure—a pathway with some built-in accountability—to keep us focused and intentional.

Third, we are fearful of making these changes because of how they might impact us.

4 Barriers:

Barrier #1 — The feeling that we are fundamentally flawed and either don’t deserve or don’t have it in us to make the changes we need to make. In other words, we are limited by our own thinking.

Barrier # 2 — This one is a little odd, but I validated it in my book, The No-Fear Entrepreneur. It’s the fear of feeling disloyal. “If I make these changes and experience success, I might leave others behind, which would be wrong.”

Barrier # 3 — A belief that positive life change and success bring a more immense burden.

Barrier # 4 — The fear of outshining others or, as some of our mothers used to say, “Acting too big for your britches.”

3 Questions or an outline of an After Action Report

Question # 1 – What did I do right in 2021? Think about this in the context of personal growth, business/professional development, relationships, and spiritual growth. NOTE: Make sure your positives outnumber your negatives!

Question # 2 – What did I do wrong in 2021? Be brutally honest with yourself, but don’t get involved in self-flagellation or excessive self-criticism. Remember, do your best to ensure that your positives outweigh your negatives.

Question # 3 – What can I do better in 2022? Be crystal clear here. The main reason most people fail to meet any of their New Year’s Resolutions is that they are too broad, too generalized, and have no measurable outcomes attached to them.

Jon Acuff's suggestions:

1. Ninety days from now I will have ______________________________________________.

2. This sounds impossible, but I want to _____________________________________ this year.

3. This is weird, but I want to _____________________________________ in 2022.

Here is a link to the article and Jon Acuff's links to his book and YouTube.

10 Ways to Cope with Holiday Grief

*Note: Because grief is intensely personal and unique, you may or may not experience any of these. If you feel that your grief is manifesting in a different way or that you need to talk to someone, then don’t delay.

1. Be prepared for some sad moments or memories. You don’t need to be looking for them, but when and if they show up, give them the time you need to process them.

2. If you are worried about having too much time to overthink your losses, fill some of your empty holiday holes with good things.

3. Honor and celebrate old traditions and memories.

4 Be intentional about creating new traditions and memories.

5. Identify and expand your best coping skills.

6. Avoid isolation by volunteering at your church or in your community. Serving others is a significant way to avoid life-sucking self-loathing isolation can bring.

7. Avoid isolation by volunteering at your church or in your community. Serving others is a significant way to avoid life-sucking self-loathing isolation can bring.

8. Have “reasonable expectations” of yourself. How do you think you are doing? How are you feeling? Based on what you know about grief, are you in an ok place? If you are in doubt, ask a friend.

9. Be sure to set boundaries on your time, expectations, and activities. Be busy but not distracted.

10. If you need help, get it. Reach out to friends, family, ministry leaders, therapists, online resources, and Crisis Lines if required.

Here is a link to the entire article.

Artwork by Holly Warren Muthard

Joy Stealing Trap #1 - Bitterness

Joy Stealing Trap #4 - Perfectionism

Joy Stealing Trap #4  - Shame

Joy Stealing Trap #4  - Anxiety

Here is a link to the article: How to Avoid the 4 Joy Stealers of the Holidays

Here are the 5 ways:

1.  Jot down your joys
2. Count blessing instead of sheep
3. Stop and Savor
4. Smile
5. Give

Here is a link to the article

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505-343-2011

Here are nine benefits of actively expressing gratitude.

1. Thankfulness will boost your immune system helping your body fight off infection.
2. Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.
3. A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.
4. A grateful heart develops your personal resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.
5. Gratefulness strengthens social bonds.
6. Extending grace to others makes you more likable.
7. Living a life of gratitude helps you sleep better.
8. Having an attitude of gratitude amplifies positive self-esteem.
9. Gratitude elevates your spiritual insights.

Next week, the week of Thanksgiving I will give you five-proven gratitude practices you can use to make this Thanksgiving extra special.

Here is a link to the entire post

While we cannot make all anxiety and stress go away, we can do some practical things to Reduce Stress, Resist anxiety, and Build Resilience.

With that in mind, here are 25 Practical Ways to Lower Your Stress Today!

Here is a link to the article.

A more recent survey by the U.S. Census Bureau, taken from May 26 through June 7, 2021, revealed that nearly three out of ten adults in the U.S. (28.8%) reported anxiety or depressive disorder symptoms in the past seven days. However, the percentage is almost 60% for those with a disability.

The survey shows that 20.6% of U.S. adults took prescription medication for mental health, and 9.5% received counseling or therapy in the last four weeks.

But there is hope. Later in this piece, I will give you some tools to lower the toxic impact of the accumulated stress of these past twenty months.
 
First, there are two types of stress.

Eustress is the positive stress response involving optimal levels of stimulation—a type of stress that results from challenging but surmountable and enjoyable or worthwhile tasks.[5] It has a beneficial effect by generating a sense of fulfillment or achievement and facilitating growth, development, mastery, and a high level of performance.

Distress is the negative stress response, often involving negative affect and physiological reactivity—a type of stress resulting from being overwhelmed by demands, losses, and real or perceived threats.[6] It has a detrimental effect by generating physical and psychological maladaptation and posing serious health risks for individuals.

The Two Ancient Practices to lower stress and anxiety are Mindfulness/meditation and relaxation breathing to review a peaceful mindset piece of Scripture.

For this exercise, we will be using a verse from John 14:27 in the Amplified Bible,

“Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge]” (John 14:27 AMP).

Here is a link to the blog 
Here is a link to my Free Mini-Seminar on November 10th from 9:00 - 9:30 am MT.

Humor and lightheartedness can dramatically improve both your mental and physical health, but did you know it can significantly enhance your marriage.

Here are six things that humor can do for your relationship.

1. Links you to others. 

2. Helps smooth over differences.

3. Develops resilience.

4. Increases energy and relaxes at the same time.

5. Renews perspective. 

6. Increases creativity.

Here is the link to Lighten Up! 6 Benefits of Humor in Your Marriage

For fun, here are a couple of links to other articles that used this as a part of their articles on relationships:

6 Things a Partner May Do That Can Prove They are the Right One  This is an excellent article from Working Woman.

16 Signs You Married the Right Person by John Rampton                      

Be sure to check out Dr. Charles Lowery’s video Lover or Loser, 

Action Plan:

I help couples enhance their communications and enrich their intimacy by sharing faith-friendly, resilience-based principles.

To learn more, just check out www.johnthurman.info. Please take advantage of a free consult by emailing me [email protected] or calling me and leaving a message @ 505-343-2011. I will get back to you usually within 24 hours. From there, we can set up a time to talk either on the phone or via Facetime or Duo.

Would you like a free copy of my ebook, 21 Ways to Improve Your Marriage? All you need to do is text the phrase 21ways to 33777.

Marital Conflict is Inevitable. But Marital Combat is Optional.

The key to any fight is to maintain control. No, not of the other person. Control of yourself. You do not have the right to be immature, childish, or abusive. On the other hand, if you have legitimate feelings and issues, you are absolutely entitled to give a reasonable voice to those feelings in a constructive way. (That includes not being self-righteous or taking yourself too seriously.)

Here are 10 things you can do to Reduce Stress and Conflict in Your Marriage.

1. Make it private and keep it private.

2. Deal with the issue at hand.

3. Stay in the room emotionally.      Never allow it to get physical!

4. Eliminate “You never” and “You always.”

5. Avoid character assassination like the plague.

6. Avoid “mind reading.”

7. Stay on task.    

8. Be proportional in your intensity.

9. Commit yourself to openness, honesty, and acceptance.

10. Allow yourself and your partner to retreat and/or regroup with dignity.

Need help? Call and leave a message 505-343-2011 or email me [email protected]

Download my free ebook 21 Ways to Improve your Marriage by texting 21ways to 33777.

Here is the link to the entire article