ReThinking Caregiving

Overwhelm is a cue that you are holding on to unquestioned thought(s). 

Overwhelm is caused by our negative thoughts about a given circumstance(s). 

This leads you to question what you are doing as a caregiver, which inturn leads you to stop what you are doing. 

In today's episode, I talk about how our thoughts cause overwhelm, and what we can do to relieve it.

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As a caregiver, sometimes you find Caregiving challenging, and you don’t want to do it, other times you may not want to do it.

But you also think that well… someone has got to do it, it is my responsibility to do, this is what loyal spouses do.  Nobody else is going to do it anyway.  Then you feel guilty or resentful.

Take a moment to part yourself on your back, you are just a human being with a human brain. You are doing a tremendous job;

however, allow for your humanness maybe you are operating on less sleep, don’t we all become agitated when we don’t get adequate sleep? How are you physically and mentally? Are you nourishing your body properly?

The thing is that when you judge yourself harshly, chances are that you judge harshly the other people in your life. 

Resources:

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Part of our brain’s job is to protect us from harm. It is always watching out for danger.  When something is deemed dangerous - 

Cancer is associated with pain, nausea, cancer treatments can take a toll on the body etc … and sometimes death.   A fight or flight response is triggered.  You feel fear, become angry, in an attempt to drive the thing away.

Fear is a strong emotion that is most often triggered in the present moment in a response to a known, definite and immediate threat.  When you experience intense fear and anxiety, and you feel frozen, know that it is your primitive brain trying to protect you.

In today's episode, I talk about a few techniques you can use to stand back and let fear pass through you, instead of reacting instinctively.

Resources:

Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your emotional wellbeing first, so you are in a better position to care for your loved one. 

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When our lives are turned upside down, we want to identify as victims or the person responsible for whatever happened. We move towards guilt and shame. 

And we can still identify ourselves in those roles, we just have to do it with awareness.

But this is the hand of cards we just got dealt,

Does blaming yourself make the diagnosis go away?

We have ideas of how should be…

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Your loved one abandoned medical treatments for alternative healing options. 

You are frantic, you think that he is being reckless, you pressure them to recommit to medical treatments. 

How would you be showing up if you let go of the idea that your spouse should commit to the treatments that you think are right for him?

In this episode, I talk about how to navigate a situation like the above.

Resource
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Many caregivers experience overwhelm as a result of the responsibility of caregiving.  In this week's episode, I talk about a simple way to manage overwhelm, by learning to discern between fact, opinion and stories that we add to circumstances.

Tune in and listen.

Resources:

Download our FREE GUIDE on how to get care for your well-being so you can help care for your spouse. 

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 When you are lying in bed, your body is healing, destroying cancer cells. Even though it doesn’t look like you are working. What is more important than fighting cancer in your body? Your body is the no.1 priority. 
Accepting - This going to be emotionally terrible.  
It is not true that we should be happy all the time. Half of the time it will be terrible. I am going to get through this, even though, in spite of, even if….. We want to be happy, but when things don’t go like that, we feel disappointed. 
What if you didn't require this of yourself? 
Be able to embrace not feeling good. It is okay. Of course, you are feeling this way… this is the way. Use your energy to heal your body.
Being mad that reality is the way it is………….doesn’t help

 Resources:
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 The doctor said that given the stage of the cancer, chances are slim that the treatment will help her. 

 When you feel devastated because you have a thought that you don’t want your loved one to be miserable for the time they have left, what are you not doing?

You are not being present with your loved one, - which is actually what you want. Looking for information, overthinking, wondering how to make it easier for him, trying to come up with ways to make him happy, all these things take you further away from your loved one. 

You are not supporting yourself through grace and kindness. 

Resources:

Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your own well-being in order to be able to help care for your spouse. 

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 Your spouse’s lashing out has nothing to do with you personally. Let us take a peek in to their brain. The doctor said that the treatments aren’t working. Your spouse is scared and fearful of dying, living you and the children. Maybe you had goals as a family, he is now realizing that he will miss out on achieving those goals. That is why they are angry. 

The thoughts that you have about his anger are causing you pain. Not his behavior. You are making this behavior mean something about you. You think that he should behave a certain way, and not say certain things, it is your expectations that are causing you frustration.  

Think about it, what do you do when you think he shouldn’t be lashing out? You probably don’t want to be around them, which takes you away from what you actually want - making an intimate connection with your spouse, especially now that things seem to be deeming. 

Could you feel compassion for him and say, of course he is scared and fearful? Anytime we come from a fearful space, we come across as angry. When some people are facing their mortality, they get angry. 

 Resources:

Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your well-being, so you can be in a better position to care for your loved one. 

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Worry itself is harmless; but when we resist and fight worry, we get stuck. Think about this for a moment;  how do you show up when you are worried?  Does the way you show up serve you in your role as a caregiver and interaction with your spouse? 

Where does worry come from? It comes from our thoughts, that we believe and attach ourselves to.

 How can you politely acknowledge worry without attaching to the story (thoughts)?

When you feel worried, can you look at it with curiosity?  Can you  let yourself feel worried?  What if worry can be there, and you can keep doing what you have planned.

When your brain is focusing on worrying, how would you like to direct your thinking instead of worrying?

Resources:

Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for yourself, so you are in a better position to care for your loved one. 

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