Satisfied Self Podcast

As I mentioned a few episodes ago, I am preparing to spend 2018 in France - which has been a long standing goal that I am finally getting to achieve! As I prepare for this leap, which my husband and I are taking at the end of this month, I am going to be pressing pause on Satisfied Self podcast while I begin my adventure living abroad. I’m not sure when I will restart episodes, but I do know that I have really enjoyed sharing my experiences and I would love to hear from you all if you have found this podcast helpful, what you liked about it, what you want to hear more of. So I invite you to visit satisfiedself.com/pause and share with me if you want this podcast to continue once space opens up for me, and if so, what you like and want to hear more of! Thank you for following along with me each week!

Self worth is your sense of value as a person. While self worth is a sense of your own value, or worth, self esteem is often focused on how we measure up against others. Self-worth is about who you are, not about what you do. Explore the impact of measuring yourself against external measures and how you work towards developing a healthier, more instrinsic sense of self worth. Learn how to start combating your inner critic and other ways you can boost your self worth.

What I wonder about with all of my clients is how do they relate to others? What’s at the heart of this question is the idea of attachment styles. John Bowlby, who is the father of the attachment theory, calls it lasting psychological connectedness between human beings. We all exhibit attachment to our caregivers when we are babies and this style can either be a secure attachment or insecure attachment. This helps us form how we interact in relationships thereafter. The emotional bond that develops between adult romantic partners partly uses the same attachment system as we use when we are attaching to a caregiver when we are infants. Learn about what adult attachment styles look like, what attachment-related anxiety and attachment related-avoidance are, and how you can alter your attachment styles as an adult.

Many of the women I see are in the period of their lives where they may be ready to move up in their careers, they may start thinking about what “settling down” looks like for them, they may be wondering if their current relationship is leading in the direction they want it to, and many of them are definitely looking to their peers to gauge how they are doing in comparison with other young women in their circles. We have a biological drive to want to fit into groups and the Social Comparison Theory says that we determine our own social and personal worth based on how we stack up against others. Look at the research that shows whether social comparison can be helpful or not and think critically about how social media affects the pressure of young adulthood. Get some ideas on what to do when you are in this stage of life and trying to measure yourself against others to see how you’re doing.

Caitlin has some big changes happening in 2018 which brings her to reflect on how her clients approach big decisions and crossroad in their lives. Questions to ask yourself to get to know what is going to work best for you when presented with an opportunity. Try not to get bogged down in the idea of making the “right” decision, but instead think about the different paths that different decisions will take you down.

As a therapist I see a lot of transition and movement as the year ends and a new one begins. Many people look at the end of the year and beginning of the next as a fresh start. I love the idea of taking time to be reflective and gain insight into your choices and patterns, but personally, I’m not so sure about the resolution idea. Why you ask? Only about 8% of people who set New Years resolutions actually keep them. The New Year’s resolution ritual is based on a false idea that people can change overnight as long as they have the willpower. The truth is that nothing magical happens when you wake up on January first - it’s just an arbitrary date - and you can choose to reset at any time you want! Learn about tactics to use for successful goal setting and how to reframe a resolution.

For some, holidays can be a time of happiness, merriment, and fun traditions. For others, it’s not all excitement and happiness, but it’s also a little bit of anxiety, stress, and irritability. Over scheduling, over consuming, under sleeping, fantasies of our families, and lack of alone time can make holidays less than enjoyable, just to name a few. Tackle these buzz killers with a few helpful strategies like asking yourself why you do things each year that make you miserable, focusing on the things you can control, and letting go of the fantasies. Learn some helpful interpersonal skills to deal with that family member who knows how to get under your skin.

The ending of a significant relationship can bring up a lot of emotion - negative self talk like “I should have moved on by now” or “I will never find a partner who will stay” can come creeping in. It’s important to let ourselves feel these losses and understand that the loss of a relationship can often feel like the death of a loved one - we move through it in stages. Acknowledging the realities of the loss of a relationship can help us move through the pain.

Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, a professor of medicine emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, offers one of the most widely-used definitions of mindfulness: “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally.” The gold standard studies of mindfulness have found benefits such as better concentration, psychological flexibility and less reactivity, and stronger working memory. Several scientists have proposed that the health benefits of mindfulness are caused, in part, by four interrelated factors: attention regulation, body awareness, change in perspective on the self and emotion regulation. While it can have great benefits, mindfulness isn’t the answer for everyone or in every situation, and it’s important to recognize when it might not be right for you. Try mindfulness in a variety of ways.

Social anxiety is extremely common in the US, with more than 200,000 cases per year. What’s the difference between social anxiety and the disorder of social anxiety? Some social anxiety is normal. If it distresses us too much that it ends up interfering with our ability to do things, it becomes a disorder. Social anxiety can have multiple contributing factors including genetics, culture, and biology. Many people turn to substances, especially alcohol, to help quiet social anxiety, yet it often contributes to it even more. Explore ways to begin to manage social anxiety.