Think Act Be Podcast

My guest this week isDr. Regine Galanti, a licensed psychologist and author of the amazing new book,Parenting Anxious Kids: Understanding Anxiety in Children by Age and Stage(affiliate link). It was Regine’s second time on the podcast and we had another great conversation.

Topics we discussed included:

• Regine’s fantastic new book
• Less-frequently recognized signs of anxiety in young kids
• Why anxious parents often have anxious kids
• The online information for parents that often makes kids’ anxiety worse
• The issues my guest takes with “gentle parenting”
• The negative effects on kids of missing school due to anxiety
• Parents’ concerns about how the way they respond to their child’s anxiety will hurt their relationship
• Building the relationship with a child outside of the “anxiety zone”
• The shortcomings of so-called “tough love” when it comes from anger or fear
• The challenges when a parent of an anxious child isn’t ready to face their own fears
• All-or-nothing approaches to responding to a child’s anxiety
• The opportunities that kids offer in terms of parents’ growth
• Ways that a parent-child relationship can grow by working through hard things together

Regine Galanti, PhD, is a licensed psychologist who focuses on helping kids and teens with anxiety. She specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and has expertise in treating OCD, anxiety, parenting, and behavioral problems.

She’s the founder of Long Island Behavioral Psychology, where she brings warmth, sensitivity, and a problem solving approach to her practice.  Regine specializes in effective short-term treatments that work for anxiety and related disorders, including exposure therapy.

She lives in Long Island, New York with her husband and three daughters.  She’s quick to acknowledge that they all get anxious sometimes, and that’s okay.

In addition to this new book, she’s also the author of Anxiety Relief for TeensandWhen Harley Has Anxiety.

Find Regine online at herwebsiteand onTwitterandInstagram.

My guest this week is Dr. David Tolin, a clinical psychologist, researcher, author, and expert on effective treatments for many psychological conditions.

In this conversation we focused on hoarding disorder, and then segued into a more general discussion about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and other treatment approaches.

Topics we discussed included:

• The continuum of hoarding
• The diagnostic criteria for when hoarding is considered a disorder
• Instances of needing to buy a second home due to hoarding
• The prevalence of hoarding disorder
• The causes of hoarding
• How those who are at risk for hoarding disorder can minimize the risk of developing it
• The limits of reason and logic in treating hoarding
• Effective hoarding treatment
• The possibility that the medications atomoxetine and venlafaxine might be effective
• The role of distress tolerance in treatment
• Prioritizing living better over feeling better
• The value of strategies from motivational interviewing
• Effectiveness of the best treatments
• The effects on hoarding of general talk therapy
• Whether cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the best treatment for every condition
• How to harness the placebo effect in therapy
• Finding mutual respect across therapy traditions
• The need for more effective psychological treatment
• Doing higher quality research studies
• What to do when the best-tested treatments aren’t helpful
• Historical advancements in CBT for panic disorder
• The textbook that David wrote calling Doing CBT

David Tolin, PhD, ABPP, is the Founder and Director of the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Institute of Living, and an Adjunct Professor of Psychiatry at Yale University School of Medicine.

He is the Past-President of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies, the Past-President of the Clinical Psychology Division of the American Psychological Association, and a principal investigator for the National Institutes of Health.

He received the Awards for Distinguished Contribution to the Science of Psychology, Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology, and Lifetime Contribution to Psychology from the Connecticut Psychological Association.

David is the author of over 200 scientific journal articles, as well as several books, including (affiliate links):

• Doing CBT: A Comprehensive Guide to Working with Behaviors, Thoughts, and Emotions
• Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding
• Face Your Fears: A Proven Plan to Beat Anxiety, Panic, Phobias, and Obsessions.

He has been featured on the reality TV series HoardersandThe OCD Project, and has been a recurring guest onThe Oprah Winfrey Show.

Find David online at his website and at the Institute of Living.

My guest this week is Nir Eyal, author of the excellent bookIndistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life(affiliate link).

Topics we discussed included:

• The connection between Nir’s first and second books
• Nir’s own history of distraction and needing the techniques ofIndistractable
• Using psychological principles to create positive habits the same way social media and advertising companies exploit the principles for their own profit
• Differentiating between helpful and harmful uses of technology
• The cost of pervasive distraction
• Missing out on the important things in life
• The distractibility that is part of our basic nature
• The inherent cost of every new technology
• The internal factors that often drive distraction, e.g., anxiety
• The 10-Minute Rule from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• The psychological reactance that arises as a rebellion to abstinence
• “Surfing the urge” of challenging emotions to resist unproductive urges
• A fascinating study about cigarette smoking and nicotine cravings
• Usingtime boxingto prevent distraction
• Turning values into time
• Being stingy with time and generous with money
• Prioritizing easy and urgent work over hard and important work
• The tyranny of the to-do list
• The joy of doing exactly what you said you were going to
• Planning time for spontaneity

Nir Eyalwrites, consults, and teaches about the intersection ofpsychology, technology, and business.Nir previously taught as aLecturer in Marketingat the Stanford Graduate School of Business and the Hasso Plattner Institute of Design at Stanford.

Nir co-founded and sold two tech companies since 2003 and was dubbed byTheM.I.T. Technology Reviewas, “The Prophet ofHabit-Forming Technology.”

He is the author of two bestselling books,Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming ProductsandIndistractable(affiliate links). His books have resonated with readers worldwide, selling over 1 million copies in over 30 languages.

Indistractablehas received a lot of critical acclaim, winning theOutstanding Works of Literature Awardas well as being named one of theBest Business and Leadership Books of the Year by Amazonand one of theBest Personal Development Books of the Year by Audible.The Globe and MailcalledIndistractable, “the best business book of 2019.”

In addition to blogging atNirAndFar.com, Nir’s writing has been featured inThe New York Times,The Harvard Business Review,Time Magazine, andPsychology Today.

Nir attended The Stanford Graduate School of Business and Emory University.

Find Nir online at hiswebsiteand connect with him onLinkedIn,YouTube,Twitter,Instagram, andFacebook.

My guest this week is Oren Jay Sofer.

Topics we discussed included:

• Oren’s new book,Your Heart Was Made for This
• The ways that our minds and hearts are shaped by the world
  • Scarcity
  • Separation
  • Depletion
• Understanding the roots of suffering and how to relieve suffering
• Our mistaken belief and wish that consumption will finally provide ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction
• Oren’s realization at a young age that all of life is in flux
• Common effects of social media use, and what drives it
• How becoming a dad while writing his most recent book affected Oren and how he sees the world
• Finding unconditional love and acceptance
• My guest’s experience of persistent Lyme Disease
• Finding a kind of joy that doesn’t depend on our conditions
• The inseparable nature of joy and sorrow
• The joy that comes from living in alignment with the truth
• Embracing the mess of our lives, just as they are

Oren Jay Soferteaches Buddhist meditation, mindfulness, and communication internationally.

He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University and is a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication and a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner for the healing of trauma.

Born and raised in New Jersey, Oren is the author of several books, including the best-selling titleSay What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communicationalong with his latest,Your Heart Was Made for This.

His teaching has reached people worldwide through online communication courses and guided meditations. Oren lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife and son, where he enjoys cooking, spending time in nature, and home woodworking projects.

Find Oren online at hiswebsiteand connect with him onTwitter,Facebook, andInstagram.

My guest this week is Dr. Paul Kesselman, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Devon, Pennsylvania.

Topics we discussed included:

• The difference between healing and curing
• My own experience of illness and curing vs. healing
• A therapy scene from the Oscar-winning movie “Good Will Hunting”
• Validating pain and then pivoting to what is productive
• Show about a wrestler born with no arms (HBO?)
• Reacting to difficulties in life such as a poor night’s sleep
• How we react to our mistakes
• When therapy is over (or paused)
• Preventing therapist burnout
• Shifting as a therapist from curing to collaborating
• Asking what we can learn when we feel stuck
• Growth vs. fixed mindsets
• The value in being emptied out
• Being authentic as a therapist
• The intense feelings that are often present in the therapy room
• Non-romantic love as part of the therapy process
• The therapy-based TV show “In Treatment”

Paul Kesselman, PsyD, completed his doctoral degree in psychology at Yeshiva University. He has taught college level courses in child psychology. He has been working in private practice seeing individuals, families, and running groups since 2003.

Paul works with children as young as four years of age and sees children, pre- teens, adolescents, families, young adults, and adults. He has also conducted research studies on social anxiety at New York State Psychiatric Institute.

Paul grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia. He and his wife have five children; he enjoys spending time with his family, listening to music, and playing baseball when he is not helping patients and families.

He has a passion for his work and enjoys the opportunity to work with issues such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, learning issues, OCD, anger issues, impulse control disorders, school avoidance and refusal, and adjustments issues.

Paul has spoken at both public and private area schools on a variety of topics including ADHD, anxiety, special needs children, and school anxiety.

Learn more about Paul and his therapy practice at hiswebsite.

My guest this week is Rob Bell. I was so happy that I got to speak with Rob. I’ve been a fan of his work for quite a while now—I listen to his podcast all the time and have read a few of his books, and I’ve just found his work so helpful. I  actually had an opportunity to spend a couple of days at the Rodale Institute where Rob was hosting one of his events where about 30 people come and bring an issue, a question, or a stuck point, and one by one we each sit and talk with Rob as the rest of the group observes. It’s hard to describe exactly what happens, but something kind of shifts and opens up. That was definitely my experience.

So it was great to speak with Rob here. We focused mostly on his really cool new book calledWhere’d You Park Your Spaceship? An Interplanetary Tale of Love, Loss, and Bread(affiliate link). If you haven’t read it already, I strongly suggest you get a copy! It’s fantastic.

Topics Rob and I got into included:

• The ways that Rob shows up in his new novel
• The outside-of-earth perspective thatWhere’d You Park Your Spaceshipoffers
• The crucial importance of surrendering to the narrative when telling a story, vs. trying to make a point
• The sense that there is a creative entity within us that to seems to have a mind of its own
• Following interest and curiosity vs. debt, duty, and obligation
• The main character’s existential sense of loneliness
• The importance of moving past denial
• The Enneagram and knowing the pain of your number
• Setting aside the pattern and energy of explaining things
• Reference in the book to Rob’s play,What’s a Knucka?
• Themes of anger, defiance, and liberation
• Recognizing one’s part in creating a system one is opposed to
• The forthcoming second installment of the series

Rob Bellis theNew York Timesbestselling author of 14 books and plays which have been translated into 25 languages.

His visual art can be seen onInstagram, his band isHUMANS ON THE FLOOR, and his podcast is calledThe RobCast.

Rob lives with his family in Ojai, California.

My guest this week is Yemado. He’s the director of the Boston School of Boabom, and he’s been teaching Boabom for over 20 years. As you’ll hear, Boabom is a Tibetan system of meditation, relaxation, and self-defense, and this was such an interesting discussion. The topics Yemado and I explored were really familiar ones, and they were also in a whole new context. One of the most valuable parts of this conversation for me was his description of “crashing into yourself” when you pursue consistent practice with something like yoga or meditation or Boabom. Eventually you’ll discover inconvenient truths about yourself, and with persistence you can learn better ways to work with yourself. Toward the end you can follow along as Yemado leads us through a brief guided meditation.

Topics we got into included:

• How Yemado discovered Boabom
• A book Yemado translated calledRecycling with the Mind(affiliate link)
• What it means to meditate
• Habitual pathways in the mind, and creating new, more intentional pathways
• Meditation as rerouting the pathways in the mind
• Connections among the different benefits of meditation, such as relaxation and mental focus
• Meditation through movement
• Finding a “just-right challenge” in meditation
• Seeing through unhelpful assumptions
• The risk in skipping from one form of practice to another, and the value in practicing one approach over time
• “Crashing into yourself” through consistent focused practice
• Discovering truths about yourself that you’re not happy with through meditation
• Psychological self-defense as not taking on unnecessary additional stress
• A brief guided meditation from the Boabom approach

Yemadois the foremost teacher in North America of Boabom, an ancient Tibetan system of meditation, relaxation, and self defense.

He has brought this practice to thousands of students around the world over more than two decades of teaching, and he has trained Boabom teachers around the world.

Yemado is the creator of Boabom Journey, a new 5 star app and video course that allows anyone to learn Boabom on their own schedule.

He is the director of the Boston School of Boabom, the principal school dedicated to Boabom in North America. Yemado is also the co-translator and editor of a number of books about Boabom.

You can download the highly-rated Boabom apphere. Check out afree Boabom class, and learn more aboutBoston Boabom where Yemado is the Director and senior teacher.

My guest this week is Brent Franson, an entrepreneur and founder and CEO of a company called Most Days. I met Brent a while back when he had me on his podcast. I really wanted to talk with him after I listened to an episode of his podcast where he described the things that led him to the work he does now, which is focused on helping people make positive changes in their lives. Brent talked about his history of addiction and what helped him overcome it. We talked about self-compassion, which is built into the Most Days approach, and the limits of self-improvement.

Topics we got into included:

• The events that led to Brent’s interest in and motivation for positive behavior change
• Brent’s history of addiction
• The destructive dynamics of addiction
• My guest’s experience in rehab
• Honest with oneself as an essential starting place for change
• The importance of self-compassion
• Balancing self-compassion with structure and discipline
• The important difference between self-criticism and self-critique
• The limits of self-improvement
• Allowing yourself to have some off-days
• The influence of meditation and mindfulness on my guest’s life and work
• Learning about one’s “inner talk track”
• Focusing on consistency before intensity when building new habits

Check out the Most Days Show and the Most Days app, and contact Brent here.

You can hear Brent tell his story on his podcast: Part 1: The Story of Most Days and Part 2: The Importance of Big Decisions.

Brent Franson is the founder and CEO of Most Days. A serial entrepreneur, Brent’s interest in entrepreneurial endeavors began in high school when he founded a full-service search technology marketing agency.

After moving to Palo Alto in 2005, Brent was on the founding team of Reputation.com, the worldwide leader in online reputation management. Reputation.com was named a Technology Pioneer by the World Economic Forum and was backed by Kleiner Perkins, Bessemer Venture Partners, and August Capital.

Most recently, Brent was the CEO of Euclid Analytics, a leader in retail data and analytics backed by Benchmark Capital, NEA, Harrison Metal, and Groupe Arnault. Under his leadership, Euclid was acquired by WeWork in 2019. Brent has been named a LinkedIn Top Voice, and has regularly contributed to Forbes, LinkedIn, Inc, Entrepreneur, and other publications.

Brent is a father, and an athlete who enjoys his routine, reading, running, skiing, skydiving, and anything that involves pushing his own boundaries.

My guest this week is Dr. Mitch Abblett. Mitch and I talked about how we can move through anxiety and stress by what he calls “owning the moment.” We explored what that means, how to do it, and maybe most important of all, how to remember to do it. The process itself is really simple—we just bring our attention to the present and let things be as they are. But as I’m sure you know, that’s much easier said than done. Mitch has some really helpful ways to practice more of this style of being in the moment. It involves something he calls “momentology,” which you’ll hear him explain. I really enjoyed this conversation, and toward the end Mitch led me through a short guided exercise that you can follow along with, too. I’m guessing you’ll like it as much as I did.

Topics we got into included:

• What it means to be “mindful”
• Owning the moment
• Letting go of a fixation on stories and beliefs
• The value of coming into the moment when feeling stressed or anxious
• Using the breath to slow down and create space
• Engaged acceptance of not having control or possession of our kids
• How to help ourselves remember to come back to the present and release control
• The limitations of “hacks” to practice mindful presence
• The toxic anticipation of “nexting”
• Finding a resonance between ourselves and our experience, akin to jazz music
• How to commit to a consistent embrace of the moment
• Whether formal mindfulness practices are essential for developing a present focus
• A meditative practice based on the acronym “OWN”
• The present backlash against mindfulness and meditation

Mitch Abblett, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, author, consultant and national/international speaker.

His latest book is for parents, educators and helping professionals –Prizeworthy: How to Meaningfully Connect, Build Character, and Unlock the Potential of Every Child.

His other publications include:

• The Five Hurdles to Happiness and the Mindful Path to Overcoming Them
• The Self-Compassion Deck,Growing Mindful, and other mindfulness-related card decks
• Helping Your Angry Teen
• From Anger to Action
• Train Your Mind Like a Ninja
• The Unwinding Anxiety Deck(with Dr. Judson Brewer)

Mitch’s work has appeared in numerous online and print media such as Psychology Today, Mindful Magazine, The New York Times, Newsweek, Tricycle Magazine, and USA Today. His frequent blog posts regarding mindfulness applications in family and relationships can be found in Mindful Magazine’s companion website Mindful.org as well as on Psychology Today.

A clinician in the Boston area for over 20 years, he brings a wealth of clinical, administrative and leadership experience from various settings (hospitals, outpatient clinics, residential facilities and therapeutic schools) to his practice and consulting. For 11 years he served as the Clinical Director of the Manville School at Judge Baker Children’s Center in Boston – a Harvard Medical School-affiliated therapeutic school program for children and adolescents with emotional, behavioral and learning difficulties. He has also served as the Executive Director of the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy.

Mitch lives with his wife and two children in Newton, Massachusetts.