Trauma-Informed Parenting

A couple of podcast listeners (during a TIP workshop) asked me to share about spirituality and kiddos with trauma histories/neurodiversities.

Honestly, this is a tough subject because of what we expect. We expect our kiddos to accept our religion of choice when they come home to us through foster care/adoption or have a Capital Letter Syndrome.

If we don’t understand our own foundation and place in the family of God, we aren’t going to be able to share our faith with our children. If you’re a regular listener/reader you’ve heard me say - we must make sense of and peace with our past and we must reframe our beliefs. Sometimes this means reframing our beliefs about our spiritual beliefs.

Grab a cup of coffee and join me for this deep dive into the subject of spirituality and kiddos!

Today I have a special guest -Amber Trueblood

Amber is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, entrepreneur, speaker, author, wife, and mother to four sons. Amber is all about helping real moms shift their mindset, improve communication skills, and implement simple practices to be the absolute best version of themselves.

She joins me to talk about her book The Unflustered Mom: How Understanding the Five Anxiety Styles Transforms the Way We Parent, Partner, Live, and Love.

She digs into the Five Anxiety Styles. You can take her anxiety-style quiz here.

Grab a cup of coffee and join us to learn about your anxiety style and how to navigate it (and your kiddos too).

In this episode, I first lay the foundation for why we need investment parenting. It all has to do with co-regulation.

Children with trauma histories/ Capital Letter Syndromes have altered brain development. The main outward sign of past trauma is what we often refer to as “bad behavior” or the inability to self-regulate (if you want it to sound more science-y and less critical). The truth is, when it comes to behavior, we must remember that every behavior expresses a need.

When it comes to kiddos with a trauma history/Capital Letter Syndrome, the ability to self-regulate is absent.It’s CAN’T not WON’T Regulate. In simple plain language that means, he cannot calm himself. He can’t help but be overwhelmed to the point that he is either hiding under the table (flight), not responding to what you are asking of him (freeze), or running away from the situation (flight). He CAN’T. Not physically able. Not emotionally able. In this scenario, the adult must take the reins and help the child by co-regulating. Co-regulation helps a child develop a new pattern for stress regulation.

Grab a cup of coffee and join me to learn how to practice investment parenting with co-regulation!

You don't want to miss this episode.

Daughter Audrey and I get super real on autism, neurodivergence, and how to parent kiddos on the spectrum. (These tips work with kiddos with trauma histories as well!)

We are both on the spectrum, so not only do we share what we've learned about parenting our kiddos, but we do it through the lens of neurodivergence.

As far as parenting goes, we share the "Instead Of" Tips -Tips You can use instead of traditional parenting.

Grab a cup of coffee and join us! If you aren't following Trauma-Informed Parenting, today is the day to sign up so you can get your own copy of the Infographic! *Linked in the show notes!

Alexithymiaiswhen a person has difficulty experiencing, identifying, and expressing emotions.

I’m beginning this episode/article with a definition for a reason. When we are parenting kiddos with trauma histories/Capital Letter Syndromes (or reparenting ourselves) we hear many terms. Alexithymia is one of those. Along with proprioception, interoception, and a slew of other words which leave us scratching our heads.

Often we parents don’t have time to create notes and look every new-fangled term up when therapists use them as frequently as we use the word “that. While I’m not a professional therapist, nor do I have lots of letters behind my name, I am a tTauma-Informed Parenting Coach. I like to take concepts and break them down into bite-sized pieces and share them with you so we can all be better parents, grandparents, caregivers, and professionals.

Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share about alexithymia!

I have a special guest, Duygu Balan. She is an author and psychotherapist specializing in intergenerational trauma. She has just co-written a workbook called, Re-Write: A Trauma Workbook of Creative Writing and Recovery in Our New Normal.

Duygu works with individuals and couples working through adverse childhood experiences (ACES), attachment injuries, and trauma. She also works with parents who are survivors of child abuse healing their inner child as they raise their children.

Grab a cup of coffee, join us, and be sure to grab your Re-Write Trauma Workbook!

Dr. Jerrod Brown joins me again today for a rather heavy important topic - FASD and Problematic Behaviors: A Neurobiopsychosocial Perspective.

Dr. Jerrod explains -"My goal today is maybe to tease apart what could be going on if someone does engage in problematic behavior, irrational behavior, violent/aggressive behavior, even full-blown criminal behavior. It’s complex. Kathleen, you mentioned in the title the neuro biopsychosocial perspective for analysis."

*"There are a multitude of factors we need to take into account. I don’t want people walking away today thinking if someone has FASD that equals criminal behavior. Absolutely not!"

Grab a cup of coffee, a pen, and a notebook! Get ready to learn!

Parenting is hard, we all know that. While I believe it is one of the most important jobs in life, that doesn’t mean it is easy. My early view of parenting (before I had kiddos) was a sun-filled kitchen with happy kiddos who wanted to help me with the dishes or set the table. In my pre-child view, I was showered, dressed in nice clothes, and had make-up on every day. Then I had kiddos. 

Six kids later, four through adoption, I’d grasped the importance of schedule, proactive parenting, and these tips I’m sharing with you today. My sunny view returned despite the cloudy and sometimes stormy days. The tips I’m sharing today are like a buffet. Pick and choose what works for you. The point of the practical tips is to bring the sunny view of parenthood back into your life, i.e., alleviate decision fatigue and bring more peace and power in your parenting. Let’s get started!

 Renee Mill, a clinical psychologist, and a neuro psychotherapist, is a returning guest. She joins me to talk about a super important topic for trauma-informed parents - parenting neurodiverse children. Parenting is hard. Add some neurodiversity to the mix and you've got a whole new level of difficulty. We also deal with shame and guilt.

Renee shares-

"We have to find a way of coming to terms with who they are and learning to value them. That can be quite a long journey. It’s a delicate balance between being a loving and committed parent but finding a space where you can actually allow yourself to work through those, what parents call, “ugly” feelings."

In this day and age, trauma is a word we hear so often, we may let it buzz right past our ears. Some of us assume trauma has nothing to do with our children, so we ignore the effects, the advice, the YouTube videos, Podcasts, and keep scrolling. All the while, our kids are dealing with the fallout of trauma and its effects every day.

Trauma-informed parenting is parenting with the effects of trauma in mind. When parents with trauma in mind, you are viewing your parenting through the lens of trauma. This means you understand how trauma affects a child (the five Bs – brain, body, biology, beliefs, and behavior. More importantly, you understand when a child CAN'T regulate, or behave instead of thinking he won’t. Trauma-informed parenting means providing felt-safety , arranging the environment to suit the child, and teaching the child how to navigate the world and develop coping mechanisms. Trauma-informed parenting isn’t laser-focused on outward behavior. Instead, the main goal of parenting is connection.

Join me as I share three reasons every parent needs a trauma-informed education in this day and age!