Gathering Gold

Today, we're announcing an exciting new offering from Sheryl: a beautiful audiobook entitled Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, which will be available next month!

In today's episode, we share sneak peeks and talk about the seeds of inspiration for this compendium of dreams, poems, stories, and reflections. We discuss myths about midlife, a major decision that Sheryl faced about the direction of her work, and themes of visibility, vitality, self-trust, and leaning into a more feminine way.

References:

• The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant
• Circle of Stones, by Judith Duerk

Rupture and repair. Rupture and repair. Rupture and repair.

This is the rhythm of all close relationships—even the relationship between Sheryl and Victoria, as we discuss (gingerly, with care) in today’s episode.

In any relationship, if we get close enough, we will eventually experience a rupture. We make mistakes, we let each other down, we hurt, and then, with courage, self-awareness, and a foundation of love, we can heal.

Yet it is no small task to skillfully traverse ruptures and repairs. As Sheryl explains in today’s episode, “we become de-sensitized to the experience of a guarded heart, and we skirt away from doing whatever is required to bring us back to full trust and full closeness.”

Through deeply personal stories of her own experiences in this realm, Sheryl shares some of the guiding principles that can help us to navigate our differences with honesty and love, and find our way back to each other.

References:

• Being Well podcast episode with Sue Johnson
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy
• Mindfulness

The wild has been banished, pushed to the edges of civilization, pushed to the edges of psyche. Wolves and coyotes, bears and bobcats, rage and sexuality and messiness and imperfection have all been relegated to the outskirts.

We long for wildness. We long for freedom and aliveness, creativity and authenticity.

And yet, we might also fear wildness—the way it can control us. The way we can burn others and be burned by it.

How do we get in touch with our wild parts, and integrate them with the rest of us? How do we find healthy containers in which to explore our creativity, our dreams, our true voice, our boundaries?

This is what we are exploring in today’s episode.

References:

Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Tell All the Truth but Tell It Slant, Emily Dickinson

Doubt (2008)

Everything Belongs podcast episode: "The First Half of Life"

Silvy Khoucasian (Relationship Coach): Instagram handle

Join our Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

In today’s episode, we hear a very special guest’s story of managing fertility anxiety while trying to conceive for many months. Sarah shares her experience of desperately wanting to get pregnant and deeply fearing it would never happen.

Along the way, we discuss finding supportive healthcare providers, learning to navigate sex when trying to conceive, meeting our own or our partner’s ambivalence about parenthood, and more.

Sarah Koestner is a transformational life coach who was a beloved moderator on Sheryl’s online forum for many years. You can learn mare about her and her coaching work at www.sarahkoestner.com/

References:

• Pachamama
• Perennials Episode: True Love with Sarah Koestner

In today's episode, Sheryl reflects on the liminal time between winter and spring, and the way that this season emphasizes a certain truth about life: that joy and grief are intimately, irrevocably connected. That we experience not grief, then joy, not life, then death, but all of it, together, always.

"We think linearly--but maybe, that's not how time, and grief, and memory co-exist. And it's spring that reveals these cross-sections."

References:

• Sheryl's blog post "Fear Distorts Perception"

The spring equinox is a moment of symmetry and balance; the sun sits exactly above the equator, and we experience an equal amount of daylight and darkness.

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares her thoughts on the spiritual experience of symmetry, and how fractals in nature convince her that this world is one of not only chaos, but also order—and why that matters so much to highly sensitive people.

We also discuss the yin and yang nature of seasons, the beauty in asymmetry, and how a healthy relationship with rituals and repetition can help us find and make meaning.

References:

Quote from Madeleine L’Engle's A Swiftly Tilting Planet.

Nature journal article “Why Symmetry Matters,” by Mario Livio

The Age of Adeline(2015)

Groundhog Day(1993)

How Stuff Works article "Why Do We Get So Much Pleasure from Symmetry?" by Dave Roos

The Accidental Universe: The World You Thought You Knew, by Alan Lightman

Today’s episode was inspired by a recent post that Sheryl shared on Instagram about trauma collisions in longterm relationships.

In this conversation, we explore what trauma collisions are (and are not), how they differ from arguments, and how we can become more mindful and skillful in responding to them.

Sheryl underscores the role of self-awareness in uncovering the understory of a trauma collision, finding compassion for ourselves and our partners, and creating new, healthier patterns.

We discuss demon dances, childhood wounds, and the core human longing for both separateness and intimacy.

References:

• Sheryl’s IG post about trauma collisions
• Love and Awakening, John Welwood
• Essay “Intimate Relationship as Transformative Path” by John Welwood
• A Little Book on the Human Shadow, Robert Bly
• Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT)
• Attachment theory
• Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson
• Sue Johnson’s workbooks and video series
• Rilke quote about those in marriage being "the guardian of the other's solitude.”

You just sat down with a cup of tea and a good book. You’re deeply invested in the plot and sinking into glorious alone time, when suddenly, you hear footsteps. Your partner appears in the room.

“What’s for dinner?” they ask.

Your entire body is instantly flooded with one feeling: irritation.

It’s a feeling that we all have from time to time, including with the people we love most in the world: our partners, family members, and friends. And yet, we can easily feel jolted by irritation or annoyance. “Oh no,” we might say to our selves. “What’s wrong with me/them/our relationship that I feel this way? Aren’t I supposed to always feeling loving, patient, and kindly towards them?”

In today’s episode, we’re exploring irritation in relationships, and what it might be pointing to when our skin crawls in response to the way our partner loads the dishwasher—or, God forbid, when a parent asks, “How was your day?”

And of course, we look for the gold shimmering just underneath this seemingly ungracious emotion.

References:

Sheryl's blog post: "When You Feel Irritated with Your Partner"

The month of January is named after the Roman god Janus: the god of the doorway. Janus was said to have two faces: one looking ahead, and one looking behind.

We are now in the liminal month of January, moving between two years and looking forward and backward just like Janus. In today's episode, Sheryl encourages us to meet this liminality with curiosity and compassion. Though we may feel off-kilter and groundless, though we may be full of questions, there is gold to gather in this month of doorways.

What doorways might you meet this month? What gold might you gather?

References:

• Sheryl's blog post "January: the Liminal Month"
• The Nature of Reading book shop
• Looking for the Hidden Folk, by Nancy Marie Brown
• The Re-enchantment of Everyday Life, by Thomas Moore

In today’s episode, we return gently to sacred ground: the ground of our sexuality.

Last January, we explored what it means to own our sexual sovereignty through reclaiming our right and ability to say no. Today, we begin uncovering our inherent yes, which was likely shamed early in our lives.

Sheryl encourages us to gently orient ourselves back towards our innate curiosity, belief in our own goodness, and appreciation for our bodies and beauty. We embrace the power of sharing stories of early sexual exploration, as participants of Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course do throughout the program. And we reflect on the importance of making room for fear, seeking out helpful educational materials, and finding our own unique relationship to sexuality, not trying to fit into an externally-prescribed template.

Learn more about Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course, which starts January 13th, on her website.

References:

• Last year’s Gathering Gold "Sexual Sovereignty" episode
• Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course
• Sheryl’s blog post, “We Have Forgotten Who We are” https://conscious-transitions.com/we-have-forgotten-who-we-are/
• The Chalice and the Blade, by Riane Eisler
• Barbie film (2023)
• Beautiful Dreamers film (1990)
• Walt Whitman
• Gathering Gold "Fairy Tales by the Fireside" episode
• Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski
• Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, by Vanessa Marin
• Emily Dickinson poem, “Tell All the Truth But Tell It Slant”