Over It And On With It

Alexandra Roxois an artist, bestselling author, spiritual teacher, and transformational coach. She has been featured as a guest speaker on many renowned podcasts and at numerous festivals and events worldwide, and she has been featured in multiple TV appearances, including two seasons of Netflix’s hit showToo Hot to Handle. Her work has also been featured in theNew York Times,Harper’s Bazaar,Vogue, theGuardian, Nylon, andPlayboy. For more, visitalexandraroxo.com.

This coaching call is about attraction in healthy relationships. Today’s caller, Stephanie, feels she is in a wonderful relationship but it lacks the spark of chemistry. She would like to know whether or not it will ever exist. She doesn’t realize how much her little girl is impacting her relationship, specifically the sexual attraction and intimacy aspect.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode442].

One of the reasons sex and attraction are easier in relationships that aren’t super conscious and healthy is because we feel it is the only way we can connect to the other person. When we connect on conscious, intimate levels or we aren’t coming from our wounded self, it can be overwhelming. To add sexuality into that, can often feel like too much. On some level, we withhold part of ourselves.

Projecting our unmet childhood needs on a partner is one of the ways we kill polarity. The safety we need from another person from an adult perspective is different from the safety our inner child needs. The agreements we have from parent to child are different from partner-to-partner agreements.

In healthy long-term relationships, it does take effort and intention because we don’t have the initial chemistry and we don’t have the dysfunction of the drama of unmet need attachment. If we are in a dynamic where our partners give us the things we didn’t get from our parents, it can kill the spark. Just being in a relationship for a while can also lessen the spark.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Have you been in a relationship where there is a lot of love but not a lot of lust?

• Is there a part of you that believes you can’t have chemistry, safety, consciousness, and love?

• How was intimacy modeled for you as a child? Was a healthy, affectionate, romantically intimate relationship modeled for you?

Stephanie’s Question:

Stephanie feels she is in a great relationship but the spark of sexual attraction is missing. She would like to know why.

Stephanie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is in a relationship with someone who shares similar goals and interests.

• They are both en route to be coaches.

• There hasn’t been a lot of sexual attraction in their relationship.

• Her previous sexual attraction to others may have been her inner child attachment.

• She is unsure if she wants an “out” from the relationship.

• She feels that being vulnerable and intimate is not 100% safe.

• She wasn’t able to be herself when she was young.

• She fears her partner will leave if she reveals herself fully.

• Her mother was ill during most of her childhood.

• She has not yet learned to be intimate with someone safe and to whom she can be connected.

• She wants to feel safe.

• Inconsistency and uncertainty scare her.

• Her inner child is working to get her attention.

• She has been in a survival pattern.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Lean into having sex and intimacy from a mature perspective.

• Join the Reconnect Inner Child Course.

• Get clear about the needs of her inner child.

• Be clear about what her needs in partnership are.

• Get the free download for couples from ChristineHassler.com/sacredunion.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To upgrade your kitchenware in style and design, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit for 10% off and use the promo code OVERIT at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you have a tendency to people please and struggle with perfectionism, don't miss this episode. Homaira Kabir is an expert in ending trying to be "perfect." Sheholds Master’s degrees in Coaching Psychology and in Positive Psychology—the science of human flourishing and wellbeing—andhas over a decade of experience as a life coach. She is the founder and CEO of theGoodbye Perfect Project, which she launched with the mission to bring science-backed, soulful support to help people break free of unhelpful patterns and own their purpose, voice, and impact. She is the author of Goodbye Perfect: How To Stop Pleasing, Proving and Pushing For Others… and Live For Yourself (Sourcebooks; April 11, 2023).

This coaching call is a beautiful example of when we are so in our heads that we cannot hear the truth of our intuition. Today’s caller, Kara, feels she is compatible with her partner but that no chemistry exists between them. She asks Christine for guidance in making the decision to stay or go.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode441].

If you are thinking about leaving a relationship, have you shifted and shown up in the best way possible? There is a difference between talking about what is wrong with your partner and the things you want them to change, and actually being the change that could encourage their transformation. When we become the change and our partner still doesn’t meet us, then it makes our decision-making much clearer.

If we keep going back and forth about something, we don’t have clarity or we fear dropping into clarity. When making a decision, does deciding one way or another provide you with relief? If you don’t experience relief, what is going through your mind, or what story are you telling yourself that keeps you from making a decision? When we don’t have clarity, part of us knows that our triggers and patterns are at play. When we take responsibility for our side and we clean up our side of the street, then we can make the decision with clarity.

And, ladies remember that feminine energy is more than being affectionate and being a vixen. That is surface-level feminine. True feminine energy is about leaning into being a queen, making self-honoring choices, and trusting our discernment.

Are you ready to heal your inner child, set intentions, and reclaim your peace, purpose, and joy? If so, begin your 10-week journey on February 29th. Go to ChristineHassler.com/reconnect or [email protected]. Participants also get access to a year of live, monthly group coaching calls. Get $500 off when you use the promo code “child”.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you trying to make a decision and you can do pro/con lists and talk yourself in or out of it?

• Do you feel like you are over-masculine are over-feminine and you want to be more balanced?

• When there’s tension or conflict in a relationship do you use “I” language or do you blame and project onto your partner, expecting them to change?

• Is your changing, reacting, and responding bringing out change and transformation in your partner, or are you reinforcing the behavior that you don’t like and want to change?

Kara’s Question:

Kara doesn’t know if she should leave her relationship and is having difficulty hearing her intuition.

Kara’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her partner wants to work things out.

• She has broken the relationship off several times.

• She and her partner do shadow work.

• They are compatible but have no chemistry.

• She wants to trust her intuition but goes back and forth about it.

• They spend a lot of time together.

• She compares other relationships to hers.

• She tries to justify her choice.

• She creates emotional distance when there is a disagreement.

• She is not relaxed in her relationship.

• Her masculine energy comes through in relationship.

• She wants a man with healthy masculine energy.

• She is comfortable in control.

• She feels her relationship is a personal development course.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Stop the back-and-forth.

• Consider the way she shows up in relationship.

• Lean into her feminine and her discernment and make decisions from there.

Sponsor:

Organifi— is the product of choice for those who want to feel healthy without much effort. Their green juice helps reduce stress, resets your morning with a clinical dose of ashwagandha, and supports healthy cortisol levels. It only takes 30 seconds to prep. Visit organifi.com/Overit for 20% off or use the promo code OVERIT at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Jessica Baum, LMHC, is the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach, providing couples therapy, family counseling, and addiction therapy in South Florida for over 10 years.Her book Anxiously Attached helps people understand their attachment style and build an inner strength that will lead them to more secure and satisfying relationships. It is an empowering road map for those who struggle with anxiety in their romantic connections She has helped thousands of clients with her unique approach to healing, the Self-full® Method. Through her sister company, Be Self-full®, Jessica offers transformational courses and online coaching services that support individuals and couples to form healthy, long-term relationships. Born and raised in Manhattan, she now lives in West Palm Beach, Florida.

This coaching call is about why we play out childish patterns even though we are adults. Today’s caller, Caitlyn, lost her father as a teenager and still shames herself for the decisions she made shortly after. Christine walks her through the empty chair process so she can talk with her father about her feelings and actions.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode440].

Many of us can relate to doing things in our adult lives without understanding why we are doing them. We are often aware of what we are doing and we know better, but we can’t seem to change our behavior. That is our inner child repeating a pattern from when a trauma was formed. Plus, when we feel shame about something, it can make us want to isolate and not ask for help.

When we have a big trauma like losing our primary parent, or someone we are extremely close to, a part of our psyche gets frozen at that age. And, oftentimes, when we go through any type of loss we go into survival and we don’t give ourselves the time to grieve. If there is a loss you haven’t fully processed, you are encouraged to create a ceremony or set up an environment to help you fully grieve.

Are you ready to heal your inner child, set intentions, and reclaim your peace, purpose, and joy? If so, begin your 10-week journey on February 29th. Go to ChristineHassler.com/reconnect.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you find yourself doing things that are immature and you are not proud of yet you can't seem to stop?

• Did you have a trauma in your teenage years that is still impacting you on some level?

• Do you have regret, judgment, and shame about how you acted or reacted to things?

• Have you lost someone you love and would like to reconnect with them?

Caitlyn’s Question:

Caitlyn struggles with telling untruths to the people who love and care about her. She asks for guidance on how to change her behavior.

Caitlyn’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She stretches the truth and is embarrassed by it.

• She is 6-years clean from alcohol and drugs.

• She recently joined a fellowship.

• She feels shame and avoids people.

• She thinks people won’t like her if she is her true self.

• Her father passed away when she was in high school.

• She believes her father would be ashamed of her actions.

• She is scared that she has ruined her life.

• She may be frozen in time emotionally.

• She hasn’t fully grieved her father.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Do the empty chair process and have a conversation with her father.

• Realize she did the best she could given the circumstances.

• Grieve the loss of her father.

• Forgive herself for the decisions she made when she was 15.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

In this quickie episodeChristine talks about the distinction betweenbeing strong and enduring. Often we are praised (and even praise ourselves) for being strong when in actualitywe've just endured really hard stuff but suppressingand pushing through. True strength comes from allowing ourselves to completelyfall apart. Listen in for more!

This coaching call is about why we stay in relationships that are not for our highest good and how to have the courage to get out of them. Today’s caller, Em, has been married for four years. Both she and her partner have faltered in their commitments during that time. She asks Christine for guidance on whether or not to stay in the relationship.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode439].

As adults, we are attracted to different versions of our parents because the inner child is always seeking out resolution from our childhood wounding. Until we work on understanding where our subconscious programming comes from and why we choose what we choose, we continue the patterning until we can heal our inner child and give ourselves what we didn’t get in childhood.

When we eventually get to forgiveness, we are able to stop harboring guilt and shame. So when we do make mistakes, we can make clear agreements with ourselves to move forward in making better decisions for ourselves from a healed place.

And, when it comes to leaving any relationship, there is going to be a mixture of grief and relief. It’s totally natural. Grief passes when we are making decisions based on our highest good.

Are you ready to heal your inner child, set intentions, and reclaim your peace, purpose, and joy? If so, take advantage of early bird pricing and join Christine for a bonus call to begin your 10-week journey. Go to ChristineHassler.com/reconnect.

Em’s Question:

Em is having issues in her relationship and would like to regain the stability to feel love again.

Em’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has been married for four years.

• Her relationship has lost its spark and intimacy.

• She is lonely.

• There is infidelity on both sides of the relationship.

• She is self-sabotaging.

• She is out of alignment with her values.

• She wants stability in her relationship.

• Her father cheated on her mother.

• She is attracted to partners that remind her of her father.

• Her mother was controlling and critical during her childhood.

• Her partner is not willing to make changes.

• Making clear decisions can be difficult for her.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Decide how much longer she is going to fight for her father’s love.

• Trust herself and choose herself.

• Be clear with her wife about where she is and what she needs to see if she is willing to show up for her.

Sponsor:

Organifi— is the product of choice for those who want to feel healthy without much effort. Their gold blend helps the nervous system and the green and red juices are daily treats for people on the go. Visit organifi.com/Overit for 20% off or use the promo code OVERIT at checkout.

Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To upgrade your kitchenware in style and design, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit for 10% off and use the promo code OVERIT at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

I have a specialtreat for you this week...a guided visualization to connect or reconnect to your inner child. I also share about the 3 life changing results that happen when you do inner child work. You can access the replays from the workshop here:https://christinehassler.com/joy/#signup

This coaching call is about believing you can have what you want. Today’s caller, Rebecca, grew up wondering if her mother’s love was conditional. She asks for guidance on how to believe she can get what she wants without her life always being one way or the other. This episode will resonate with you if you fear being disappointed and believe you are limited in what you can have in your life.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode438].

It is important that we challenge our thinking and realize when we are in either/or, then eliminate it. There are often many more options than we think there are. A lot of it comes from growing up in fear-based environments. When we grow up when there is dysregulation, very little reassurance, or when adults are not leading the family, and inconsistent messaging, there is a desire for certainty and we have a limited view of our possibilities. It also happens when we grow up in a strict household, or highly intellectual household where there isn’t a lot of room for creativity and imagination.

Do you engage in either/or thinking? Do you settle for something because you don’t believe you can have what you want?

When we believe we can have what we want and we settle into those places, we don’t have the fears that come with the limiting belief that we don’t deserve it or are not capable of it in some way.

We don’t need to be afraid of disappointment. Regret is way worse than risk. When we play it safe and we settle, we end up with regret.

Journey to Joy is a free three-day inner child workshop with Christine and Stefanos on February 6th ‒ 8th, 2024. Send an email to [email protected] to get more information or go to ChristineHassler.com/joy to sign up.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Were you parentified as a child?

• Were there mixed messages in your home? Maybe, you felt loved but if you made a mistake, you doubted the love.

• Do you believe you can have what you want?

• Do you fear disappointment that you end up settling for things?

Rebecca’s Question:

Rebecca is bouncing between states of being when making life decisions.

Rebecca’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is in survival mode when trying to make decisions.

• She feels low when she finally makes a decision.

• She is an emotionally sensitive person.

• She had to make sure her mother was doing well.

• Her mother was inconsistent about giving her love.

• She is in a relationship with someone who isn’t clear about how he feels about her.

• She doesn’t believe she can get what she wants.

• She dreads sharing her joy with her family.

• She has unprocessed anger and guilt.

• She wants to punish her family.

• She doesn’t fully apply herself to any one thing.

• She puts herself last.

• She tries to avoid disappointment.

• She believes she is unlovable.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Take action while believing she can have everything she wants.

• Check in with herself several times a day to see what she wants.

• Being disappointed is okay.

• Challenge her either/or thinking.

• Join the Inner Child Journey to Joy workshop.

Sponsor:

Organifi— is the product of choice for those who want to feel healthy without much effort. Their gold blend helps the nervous system and the green and red juices are daily treats for people on the go. Visit organifi.com/Overit for 20% off and use the promo code OVERIT at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.