Over It And On With It

Welcome to my annual two-part ritual to complete this year and step forward into the next with intention! In this episode, I guide you through a step-by-step process to complete 2023 with awareness and intention and let it go! And stay tuned for next week’s episode where I offer you a process to receive 2024. I record these fresh every year so be sure to tune in even if you are familiar with the process.

Dr. Julia DiGangi is a neuropsychologist. She has nearly two decades of experience studying the connection between our brains and our behavior. Dr. DiGangi has worked with leaders at The White House Press Office, global companies,international NGOs, and the US Special Forces. Her understanding of stress, trauma, and resilience is also informed by her work in international development and humanitarian aid, where she served some of the world's most vulnerable communities. The founder of NeuroHealth Partners, a neuropsychology-based consultancy, DiGangi shows people—at work and athome—how to harness the power of the brain to lead more satisfying and emotionally intelligent lives. Connect with Julia DiGangi at drjuliadigangi.com.

This coaching call is about learning to trust others. Today’s caller, Samantha, was bullied as a child and finds it difficult to trust others enough to make new friends. She asks for guidance on expanding her circle of friends and allowing herself to be truly seen by others.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode432].

We can get a thousand compliments, and a thousand great things can happen but we always seem to remember the one yucky thing someone said or did. And, often, it can be much stronger than yucky. It can be downright traumatic. Being bullied, not feeling like you fit in, and not feeling that you can trust people are very traumatic because they push against our need for belonging, which is a safety and survival need.

If you have a hard time trusting people, really the person you don’t trust is yourself.

If you are looking at something in your life that feels like a big problem or block, look to where the beliefs or behaviors have served you. Consider how you can reframe it. Choose wisely or pay attention to your intuition if something comes up. Or, if someone betrays you, stand up for yourself. Stand up to a bully. Get honest with yourself, and stop playing the victim.

The CIT coaching opportunity is to be coached by Elementum Coaching Institute’s coach-in-training program. Commit to six sessions and get a transformational experience for a low price. Apply at ElementumCoachingInstitute.com/CIT.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Would you like to have more people in your life but you just don’t trust people?

• Are you expecting people to hurt you and find it hard to trust others?

• Was there an early-life event that shaped the way you make friendships and let people in?

Samantha’s Question:

Samantha struggles to trust people and would like guidance on how to be more open to expanding her inner circle.

Samantha’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She was bullied as a young girl.

• She doesn’t trust people immediately.

• She wants to be open to additional friendships.

• People don’t seem safe to her.

• She feels people are out to get her.

• She feels blocked from making new friends.

• She wants to protect herself and be free.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Learn to trust herself.

• Reframe what she tells herself.

• Challenge her existing beliefs.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Manisha Thakorhas worked in financial services for more than thirty years, with an emphasis on women’s economic empowerment and financial wellbeing. A nationally recognized thought-leader in this space, Thakor has been featured in a wide range of publications includingthe Wall Street Journal,the New York Times,NPR, PBS, CNN, Real Simple, and Women’s Health. Prior to writingMoneyZen, Thakor co-authored two personal finance books for women in their twenties and thirties. Today her work focuses on helping people of all ages to balance financial health and emotional wealth. Thakor earned her MBA from Harvard Business School, her BA from Wellesley College and is both a Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). She splits her time between Portland, Oregon and rural Maine. Her website isMoneyZen.com.Manisha's Media Reel

This coaching call is about being curious about body parts and sexuality with other children as a child and then feeling shame and guilt about it as an adult. Today’s caller, Michelle, was a curious child who did not have a good representation of what sex was. She asks for guidance on how to forgive herself and release her guilt and shame.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode431].

How do we raise children not to be ashamed of their bodies, to feel comfortable with their sexuality, and to have boundaries? It comes down to present parenting and having an open dialogue about sexuality and boundaries. Oftentimes, when we are raised with the programming that sex is saved until marriage, there’s a curiosity that isn’t quenched.

When parents don’t have conversations about human sexuality, children do not get their questions answered. Children are naturally curious and will find out on their own if a parent does not make them aware that sexual curiosity is a very natural thing that children have.

If this conversation resonates with you it is time to forgive those places inside that hold guilt and shame. It doesn’t do us any good. Healing, learning, and re-parenting our inner child is what helps us grow.

Christine is accepting new private one-on-one coaching clients and small groups of 2‒4 people for coaching sessions. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/VIP.

An additional coaching opportunity is to be coached by Elementum Coaching Institute’s coach-in-training program. Commit to six sessions and get a transformational experience for a low price. Apply at ElementumCoachingInstitute.com/CIT.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you carrying around shame and guilt from your childhood or the past?

• Did you sexually explore with other children and have shame about it as an adult?

• As a parent, are you thinking about how to address or handle sexuality with your child?

• Are you willing to finally forgive yourself and stop punishing yourself to live the life you want?

Michelle’s Question:

Michelle asks for guidance on releasing the shame and guilt she has carried since childhood.

Michelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• As a child, she sexually explored with a family member.

• She believes it is limiting her sexual pleasure as an adult.

• The exploration happened 30 years ago.

• She has had a conversation about it with her husband.

• She was raised in a religious home.

• She has a curious nature.

• Her mother spoke about sex in a way that made her uncomfortable.

• She doesn’t feel she pressured anyone into sexual exploration.

• She was parentified too soon.

• She carries the shame deeply in her body.

• She punishes herself and makes herself a villain.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Understand she was not a predator.

• Forgive herself for a situation she cannot go back and change.

• Forgive herself for buying into the misunderstanding that she was responsible at eight to ten years old.

• Complete the Inner Child Workshop.

• Write down her beliefs and judgments about her situation and forgive herself for each one.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This coaching call is about feeling out of control when being in control is how we have compensated for not getting what we needed as children. Today’s caller, Cato, is pregnant and her lack of control is creating panic. She asks Christine for guidance on how to be okay with the changes in her life and her fear of feeling insignificant.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode430].

As children, we need to belong. We need love. And we need to feel safe. So, whatever we need to do and whoever we need to become to get those things, we do. The need for significance comes from not feeling enough as a child, not feeling significant just for who we are. So as an adult, we are constantly looking for people to see us, love us, and tell us how wonderful we are because that need was not fulfilled in childhood. Either we weren’t told we were good or we only were told we were good when we did something “good.”

Something important for people to talk about is that — Yes, having a baby is blissful and magical AND it can be really hard at times. There are times when the hard times are more than the amazing times and that’s okay. It is an identity death like no other and there’s no way around that.

The more we resist it and try to hang on to who we were or to keep that version of us, the more we are going to bump up against resistance. Because when we get pregnant and when we give birth, the old version of us dies and the maiden becomes the mother. We have to find our new identity at the same time that we are learning to care for another human being. It’s a lot.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you like control? Does it make you feel calm and safe?

• Do you consider yourself a capable, on-top-of-it person but something has completely thrown you off your game?

• Do you fear not being relevant or not being significant?

• Do you know how to receive, or do you believe that you must do to receive and be relevant?

Cato’s Question:

Cato fears that her pregnancy will make her irrelevant and insignificant. She is asking for guidance on how to be okay with herself and what is happening.

Cato’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is excited about her pregnancy.

• Her pregnancy is forcing her to slow down.

• She signed up for Elementum Coaching Institute.

• Her pregnancy is bringing up depression and feelings of a lack of control.

• She is experiencing intense emotions and is unsure of herself for the first time.

• She realizes she has been using control to create safety.

• She fears slowing down and not being relevant or significant.

• Her inner child carries sadness and anger toward her father.

• She is unsure if she is worthy of raising her child.

• She is embodying receptivity.

• She feels closer to her womb and her heart.

• She has always kept busy to distract herself from her feelings.

• When she slows down, she feels restless.

• She finds purpose and meaning in her work.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Welcome the new feelings she is having.

• Listen to this episode when it airs.

• Embody what it feels like to be in her feminine.

• Be curious about her restlessness.

• Savor her pregnancy.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit. Get a 20% discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Dr. Florence Comiteis a clinician-scientist and innovator in the field of precision medicine. She is world-renowned for her expertise in predicting, preventing, and reversing chronic disease and the disorders associated with aging.

She is a true disruptor of the status quo, a “doctorpreneur” with a bold mission--to eliminate chronic disease in the world. She has begun by helping her clients lengthen their healthspans to match their lifespans at the Center, which has not expanded to offices in Palo Alto and Miami Beach.

And now she is applying her research to a virtual medicine app calledGroq Health, which is bringing access to the transformative power of personal precision medicine and AI to everyone’s smartphone.

This coaching call is about breaking the cycle of being in unhealthy relationships, specifically with emotionally unavailable or narcissistic people. Today’s caller, Behnaz, feels guilty, exhausted, and angry when dealing with her family and longs for deeper connections. She asks Christine for guidance on how to break the cycle and release her anger.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode429].

We all have encountered someone with either narcissism or at least narcissistic tendencies, emotional unavailability, and gaslighting. It can be a frustrating and maddening place to be. It almost makes us feel crazy because we feel we are not being heard, we are not being seen, and it is frustrating.

Why empaths are so attracted to narcissists is because, on a subconscious level, we see that they don't have access to love. We can feel it. We think our love will somehow awaken the love in them but it just doesn’t work that way. We just end up giving away our power, and our heart, and we end up collapsing our boundaries.

It can be hard when we are a loving person, and we have a pattern of engaging with people who are not in touch with the love inside themselves. It’s exhausting.

If you know you have been gaslit before, be aware that you may either shut down completely and not talk at all or go into over-talking and over-explaining. It’s not bad or wrong. It’s just a natural reaction to being gaslit. Part of healing from being gaslit is finding our authentic self-expression, not coming from justification or defending, knowing exactly what we need to say and how much we need to say.

On some level, some of us do sign up to be generational pattern breakers. It’s the only way the consciousness of the planet evolves.

Spring 2024 will bring a new 10-week, Live, Inner Child Program from Christine and Stefanos. More information is coming soon.

Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email, you will be entered into a raffle to win a 30-minute coaching session with Christine.

Behnaz’s Question:

Behnaz’s self-esteem is not where she wants it to be and she struggles to find her voice around narcissists. She wants guidance on how to release her anger and break the pattern.

Behnaz’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Adults gaslit her when she was a child.

• She holds back her thoughts around narcissists.

• She feels she has boundaries.

• She has internalized anger she is unable to express.

• She is exhausted.

• She speaks up for herself but is resentful when nothing changes.

• She tries to connect with emotionally unavailable people.

• She wanted a deeper connection with her parents.

• She yearns to love and connect with people.

• Her soul signed up to be a generational pattern breaker.

• She feels guilty about cutting off a relationship with her aunt.

• She is a joyful person.

• She is creating a family of friends.

• She feels alone.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Grieve the relationship she didn’t have with her family.

• Accept that she chose her family to learn through contrast.

• Get in touch with her anger.

• Accept that she cannot change anyone.

• Know it is OK to step away from unhealthy relationships.

• Honor who she is and come into alignment with it.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit. Get a 20% discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This is the perfect episode to listen to as the holidaysare upon us - my guest, Talia Fox, and I talk about how to have healthier, more conscious relationshipswith ourselves and others.

Talia Fox is the CEO of KUSI Global, Inc. She holds an M.Ed. in counseling psychology from Howard University and she is a Harvard University Fellow. An inspirational leader in every sense of the word, Talia is often referred to as the Jedi of Inspiration by her clients. With over two decades of experience in transforming thousands of executives from all sectors, she has become a visionary for leadership and legacy building.

Her extensive background in psychology and education has given her the tools she needs to assist leaders in developing successful strategies for complex missions, ranging from defense systems to healthcare initiatives.

As CEO of KUSI Global, Inc., Talia helps organizations like theU.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, Harvard University, Transunion, the National Institutes of Health, Howard University, and the U.S. Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs maximize human potential by leveraging strategic intelligence and helps individuals and organizations foster connected cultures and promote conscious equity.

This coaching call is about getting out of the loop of needing reassurance. Today’s caller, Michele, does not feel safe in relationships and asks her partner for constant reassurance. If you have jealousy, worry, or anxiety in relationships or situations, you will find value in today’s episode.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode428].

There are times when we have insecurity or concerns in relationships. During those times, it is reasonable to go to our partner and ask for reassurance. That is within the range of a healthy relationship. But when we find ourselves in a perpetual loop of needing reassurance constantly in order to feel relief and love, it is because we don’t feel safe.

When we really feel love, it is beautiful and amazing and it is also terrifying. We have to acknowledge that it is risky and there will be things about it that will scare us. But when we recognize the risk and fear, if we greet the scared part of us with compassion and love, we can stop the fear from running the show. When we see the loop for what it is and take self-honoring actions, we take ourselves off the hamster wheel and stop abandoning ourselves.

Breaking the loop is a huge act of self-love and self-care. It’s never our partner’s job to heal us, but they can have an active role in understanding our wounding and being compassionate and patient with us as we heal.

Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email, you will be entered into a raffle to win a 30-minute coaching session with Christine.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a safe situation, relationship, or career but you’re afraid you’re going to lose it?

• As a child, were marriage and relationships not modeled to you in a great way?

• Do you need constant reassurance or otherwise, you feel unsettled?

• Do you judge that part of you that needs constant reassurance?

Michele’s Question:

Michele asks for guidance on how to stop needing reassurance in her new relationship.

Michele’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has a compulsive need for reassurance.

• She doesn’t feel safe in relationships.

• She fears abandonment.

• She was blindsided by her ex’s infidelity.

• She’s been jealous in her relationships.

• As a child, she didn’t have good models of relationship.

• Her brother left home at a young age.

• She feels a deep connection with her new partner.

• Her partner reassures her often.

• She gets frustrated with herself about her need for reassurance.

• She fears she will manifest the ending of a relationship.

• She believes she should have outgrown her fear by now.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Have compassion when the part of her that needs control comes up.

• Ask herself if her fear is substantiated.

• Recognizing when she is in a loop will help break the cycle.

• Draw a diagram of her cycle of fear with exit routes.

• Be gentle with the scared parts of herself.

• Enjoy her relationship.

Takeaway:

• Draw out a diagram of what perpetuates your cycle of fear and give yourself exit routes.

Sponsor:

Air Doctor — is an air filter and air purifier that creates the healthiest environment in your home. It filters out dangerous contaminants and allergens with an ultra HEPA filter that removes 99.99% of tested bacteria and viruses. To get peace of mind, order an Air Doctor today with a 30-day money-back guarantee, go to AirDoctorPro.com, and use promo code “Overit23” and get up to 20% off filters and $350 off on selected models. This Black Friday special also includes a free 3-year warranty on any unit.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.