Real Life Resilience

Any bonafide writer calls themselves a writer because they write. There’s really no other way of describing a writer than that. All you need to do to call  yourself a writer is pick up the pen and begin to write.

Highlights from the interview:

• Luis’ mother died when he was five and he was homeless for three years after that before being adopted into the United States
• Luis found trouble: expelled from middle school, smoking pot, getting into trouble. However, he discovered poetry when a teacher saw his potential and gave him a book of poetry by Pablo Neruda titled “The Captain’s Verses”.
• He went on to help with and then winning many poetry slam competitions. Now Luis is a successful entrepreneur (thrivinglaunch.com)
• Luis’ idea of a writer is anyone that writes. There’s really no other way of describing a writer.
• He coaches writers to just pick up the pen and write. Just showing up is the first piece. The next piece is to show up and share what you’ve written with other people. After that, then you can read other great writers and get to know them, try to emulate to some degree or discover what you can pick up from them to add to your own writing technique.
• If you’re doing these things, without a doubt, even without anyone’s help, you will become an amazing writer.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. I loved Luis’s background in oral storytelling and poetry slams. Sharing your story out loud can not only be empowering, but it can really move other people who hear it. It’s a unique way of sharing your experiences because storytelling is among the oldest forms of entertainment. It even dates back to 10^th century Japan. Before you go all prickly at the thought of speaking in front of a group, consider going smaller at first, by joining a local story circle where everyone shares their stories. Or even simply reading aloud to a friend. The act of receiving someone’s story is a gift that people want to give you. By sharing your story aloud, you enable others to hear your story, acknowledge your struggles and your triumphs, and connect with you through your story. You can google writing circles or even live storytelling near your city.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Mike Veny shared his thoughts on struggling with suicide attempts and mental health – so if you need if you know of anyone who might resonate with that topic, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview Carol Graham who just might be the most tenacious person you’ll ever know.

I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and just about anywhere you can hold a great virtual conversation. Plus, I answer all my emails personally, so feel free to email me: stacy{at}stacybrookman{dot}com.

100 Most Important Memoirs of the Past 200 Years

This week’s memoir is: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

We’re having fun counting down the 100+ most important memoirs of the past 200 years. So our memoir of the day by Maya Angelou. It’s her famous I know

A mental health speaker just got real about his own mental health. Only 5% of people with chronic health conditions practice self-care says Mike Veny. “So statistically that’s zero. Basically, it’s a nonsense term that we throw around telling each other to do, but nobody’s doing it.”

Mental Health is a Journey

Highlights from the interview:

• Mike is America’s leading mental health speaker and a corporate drumming facilitator. Drumming helped him overcome his mental health challenges.
• Mike started his mental health journey when he was young. They manifested as behavior problems. He was the poster child for mental health issues: hospitalized three times, kicked out of three schools, attempted suicide at age 10, and was violent at home.
• He is still working on his mental health issues. It’s become more manageable. He doesn’t self-harm anymore, but he does have to manage his thinking. He still struggles with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. He had a breakdown and was hospitalized early in 2017.
• One of the most powerful skills one can learn is to just sit with your feelings, and to admit that you are powerless over your emotions. That has been incredibly humbling and insightful.
• Mental health is a process, not a destination. Mental health issues are confusing and frustrating for everyone. He just wanted a solution as a kid and as an adult.
• He has to make the decision to be mentally healthy every day. Part of that includes 30 minutes of journaling. Sometimes he doesn’t want to do that because he knows how painful his thoughts were that day and he’d rather get a drink at the bar. But he promises to show up for himself, so he journals.
• Mike’s Health Central article on How to Practice Self-Care Without Being Selfish.
• Mike’s TedX talk on Mental Illness is an Asset

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. One of the things that Mike recommended as a first step for anyone with tough issues is to talk about it. In fact, this interview has been one of my favorites because Mike himself was unafraid to talk about his suicide attempts and his struggles.

We often find ourselves in a culture of secrecy. Just think about how many women spoke up in 2017 about sexual harassment and who kept those secrets for sometimes decades. And think about the women who are still not speaking up because they are afraid. I get it, I’ve kept secrets I shouldn’t have too. In fact, most of my life I never spoke up for myself, until I was in my 40’s. Writing my stories helped me to get clear about them and to share them with others.

Listen, you should never suffer alone. Others may share your thoughts and opinions, or even have similar issues, but may be also unwilling to speak up. By speaking your truth and sharing your stories, you encourage them to voice their opinions as well. I can teach you how to share your story in my upcoming free webinar 4 Simple, Proven Methods to Writing the First Chapter of Your Life Story in Just 7 days. It’s for writers and non-writers and it’s a great way to get started, especially if you’ve been hesitant to tell your stories. Head over to stacybrookman.com/webinar for that.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode,

Do you have enough adversity in your life to have an adversity bio? Sharon Roth-Lichtenfeld does! This founder of Good Grief Coaching has survived hardship and heartache amazingly well. Listen to the episode to discover how she finds peace and joy in the midst of very tough circumstances.

Good Grief in Adversity

Highlights from the interview:

• A lot of research has proven that you are not born resilient. It’s a skillset that every individual has inside of them and can cultivate it at any given moment.
• Resilience: the skill to see things from a different point of view and recognize that inside of them they can create peace and joy no matter what happens in their life.
• Adversity will happen, you won’t get away from the pain, but you can go through it faster and come out the other side stronger, wiser, and meaning.
• We have to recognize the peace and joy that show up in the world, even in the midst of adversity and while we’re having pain.
• Often we see so many happy people around us, but we’re going through the pain. It’s hard for us. You may not get to happy, but you can get to peace. The goal is to get to moments of peace or seconds of peace with the goal of stretching those into longer moments.
• Sharon has an adversity bio on her website. She’s had a lot to recover from.
• The old Sharon would push feelings aside and ignore them. Over the years she’s learned to express her feelings and allow herself to feel the pain. Everything that happens you can make something meaningful and greater and better than it is.
• You’re OK to have your emotions. Record your emotions, speak them and listen to them back. It’s important to express how you’re thinking and feeling
• It’s also important to be grateful. And be very specific. There’s ALWAYS something to be grateful for. The practice of gratitude helps train your brain to see what you do have.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. Sharon explained that you can look for joy and peace even in the midst of adversity. So many times in our lives we have to actively LOOK for joy and recognize things to celebrate. It seems counterintuitive almost. Something sad, bad, or awful has happened, but in addition to feeling those feelings you also look for joy. I don’t want to discount having feelings of sadness because those are valid and important to acknowledge and feel. But holding that alongside the search for tiny bits of joy can help you get through a tough time. Part of finding joy is being present during our days. Presence is a gift. Thinking about the past leads to regret. Thoughts of the future lead to anxiety. Keep your mind in the present if you want to experience happiness on a regular basis. Find the tiniest amount of joy that’s around you.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Peter Shankman, whose brain runs faster than normal, shared his insight into why the ADHD brain is a gift, so if you have someone with ADHD in your life, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview Mike Veny, America’s leading mental health speaker, who talks about his own mental health struggles.

I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest,

Your brain on ADHD is a Lamborghini, you just need to know how to drive it! Peter Shankman has discovered how ADHD can be a gift and shares that wisdom in his book: Faster Than Normal.

The Gift of ADHD

Highlights from the interview:

• Peter came by his expertise with ADHD by growing up with it. But it was called sit-down-you’re-disrupting-the-class-disease. He didn’t realize his brain was just looking for that extra dopamine that it wasn’t getting.
• ADHD is a superpower that he uses to his advantage. He figures out ways to channel that energy to do what he needs to do.
• His book, Faster Than Normal, focuses on the ADHD brian and that it is a benefit and not a curse to have it. People without ADHD can follow these rules and get more productivity. He has a podcast called Faster Than Normal and interviews other people who are taking advantage of the ADHD mind
• One day, he decided that the people out there that would judge him were not paying his mortgage, so he just told his story.
• He was very socially awkward as a kid and young adult. Not until his 30’s was he able to control his faster brain. He has been working as an entrepreneur since his 20’s because that fits his personality and his brain.
• He wrestles with ADHD every day. But he makes sure he has very specific life rules to make sure he treats his brain the right way.
• For instance, he made an agreement with himself to get up and exercise before he does anything else because he knows his brain needs exercise for him to have a good day. It’s an absolute requirement. You have to understand and accept that.
• He wrote Faster Than Normal, usually a tedious process, on a flight he booked from New York to Tokyo. He brought his laptop, a power cord, headphones and a sweater. He wrote chapters one through five on the flight to Tokyo. He landed in Tokyo, went through immigration, turned around and wrote chapters 6 through 10 on the flight home – a total of 31 hours to write his book. It works for him. Writing on planes is his zone of focus.
• Many people label ADHD as negative. Peter has made ADHD a positive thing. Typically people label “different” as bad, but he celebrates the differences and uses them to his advantage. His goal is to teach people that it’s not a death sentence to be different. You want to be different.
• The key is to understand your own brain and how it works.
• Another thing Peter does is to eliminate choice as much as possible. For instance, his wardrobe is divided into two sections: 1) Office and Travel and it has t-shirts and jeans, 2) Speaking and TV and it has button down shirts, jackets and jeans. If he had to get up every morning and decide what to wear, he would never be able to decide.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

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Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. I loved Peter’s contracts with himself to make sure he does what’s right for his brain. I think we can all learn something from that. I know for me, I can’t take that first bite of bread or a cookie because...

Is it possible to foster resiliency in the direct aftermath of the pain and grief of infertility and miscarriage? Jeanette White has allowed her experiences to help her grow in areas she never imagined. She now reaches out to others to offer support. Listen to find out why she recommends the Memory Resolution Technique.

Fostering Resiliency in the Aftermath of Infertility and Miscarriage

Highlights from the interview:

• Resiliency is not just about the ability to recover quickly and move on from something, it is about what we do with the impact that a difficult circumstance has had on our life and the way it has changed us. We never fully spring back into the shape we were prior to trauma.
• Jeanette’s personal journey with resiliency which has been deeply linked to making it through traumatic grief and loss in the realm of infertility and miscarriage
• I have found to be two phases of resilience: The first stage is about how to foster resilience in the direct aftermath of loss and grief, the second stage is action as resilience. 
• Letting people in/avoiding isolation (share what you’re going through with trusted person/people). Make the choice to reach out and accept others help.
• Allowing the wave of emotions to come and go as they need to (don’t shut down). It’s OK to let this well up and impact me.
• Journaling/free writing; reference study by Pennebaker on the impact on emotional resiliency
• The Memory Resolution Technique (a quick description of this essential-oil based self-guided technique and how it’s been helpful to me)
• Action in relation to the difficulty as a movement toward resiliency
• What this has looked like for Jeanette in three ways:
  • Awareness/sensitivity to others
  • Being available to meet with others going through the same struggles
  • Stretching beyond her comfort zone and beginning to speak about her story and the impact of grief
  
  

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. Jeanette talked about letting people in as one of the steps to resilience. That is actually a huge step to being a more resilient person. Bigger than it sounds. Have you ever been in a situation where someone offered help and your very first answer is No Thank You. Even before you thought about it. Then later you struggle alone. That is so hard for many of us. Often, it’s for one of three reasons:

1. We want to be the person who “has it all together” and accepting help is seen (in our screwed up minds) as a sign of weakness. By accepting help we admit that we are vulnerable.
2. Part of being vulnerable is risking community. We have become such an individualistic...

We are storied people. Rachael Anne Clinton helps us understand why discovering the stories that have shaped our past benefits our present and future. Find out why she believes everyone has known some heartache, but why you can’t enter the trauma olympics. Listen to her fascinating story…

Your Storied Past Does Inform Your Present and Future

Highlights from the interview:

• We all need witnesses to our stories, especially formative stories where we’ve known heartache and harm. When we’re young, we don’t have the capacity to see the whole picture.
• When other people read our stories with us, they help us see the story more fully and accurately because we make a lot of assumptions about ourselves and what happened based on our younger self and our body’s desire to survive.
• Often we develop shame and judgment around what has happened and we interpret it to be our fault if we don’t tell our stories.
• We are storied people. That’s why she invites people to start to tell their stories and discover the stories that have shaped who you are.
• It’s important to know that in some ways no family is perfect so there will always be some absence of love in places that we need it. It involves heartbreak and loss.
• Trauma is a distressing or threatening event that gives your body an experience of threat.
• A child who observes domestic violence will experience the same traumatic response as a child who has domestic violence directed at them. Being in the presence of terror activates the limbic system.
• Is losing a family pet as traumatic as refugee families fleeing for their lives? There is no trauma olympics.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource.

Rachael and I touched on a side topic of finding a good therapist or counselor. So many people feel they must be in crisis to go to a therapist or they think only “other” people do so. I’d like to propose a different way of looking at this. A counselor or therapist is a fantastic brainstorming partner. They are a neutral person, someone who doesn’t judge you for your thoughts and feelings in any way. And they don’t have authority over you, so you don’t have to enter into the conversation as a weaker party. If you approach a therapist as a great person to bounce ideas off of, a partner to collaborate with you, and as someone to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with to take a keen eye to life’s issues, then you will gain tremendous insights and make the most of your connection. Psychology today is a great resource for finding just the right fit. And like Rachael said, start by having an introductory conversation with several to see who you click with. If you find a great counselor, please drop me a line and let me know your favorite way to work with that professional.

Last episode, Dr. Dan Allender shared his thoughts on the trauma of shame and the agreements we make with ourselves to hide that shame, so if you know anyone who may have been silenced by shame, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview our third guest from the Allender Center, Jeannette White and we continue digging into healing from heartache.

I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and just...

According to Dr. Dan Allender, we all need to look at those trauma stories we’ve written off as already resolved and say “What more am I to learn and how can I engage these stories with kindness?”

Realizing and Recovering from Trauma and Shame

Highlights from the interview:

• The Allender Center of Abuse and Trauma addresses the heartbreaking reality that nobody goes through life without some level of violation and assault. At some point in our lives, we will all know some violation of our dignity and honor through abuse.
• Can one recover from trauma and turn their life into a thing of beauty? Absolutely, Jesus turns ashes into beauty. There is the probability, if we’re engaging the story, to enter into that story without despair.
• Trauma is when our world comes into upheaval and there is no quick way to restore it.
• Time does NOT heal all wounds.  Trauma is living in a fallen world. Abuse is the experience of some form of violation and injustice in the midst of that trauma. When you combine the two….no one escapes trauma, most people don’t escape abuse.
• Those issues must be addressed forthrightly, naming what occurred, who brought about the harm, what did you experience, what did your brain do then and now.
• The byproduct of not addressing it is a lack of wholeness and therefore a lack of joy.
• When you experience trauma, the portion of the brain that regulates speech goes offline, which is why we often have no memory of what happened and/or we get numb.
• We must do good things for our fragmented selves. How do you care for the broken part of you?

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. Today I want to talk about naming our hurt. Naming what has happened to us. Dr. Allender touched on this in our interview. Often, we don’t have names for the trauma and shame that has occurred in our lives. Sometimes because we have buried the events and the memories, sometimes because we’ve denied what happened to us, and sometimes because people have told us to get over it or we try to minimize the damage. But as we carefully step into our hurts and write about them, we start to find specific words and language for what happened.

The interesting thing is, as soon as you find words to describe your trauma, it starts to lose its grip on you. It separates you from that emotional pain and puts you in better control of your own story. That is the first step to healing. I encourage you to name your trauma, name your shame, name your heartache, disappointments, and devastations. Take that first step to free yourself from their entanglements. You might want to start by attending my free webinar – the 4 simple, proven methods to writing the first chapter of your life story in just 7 days. I’ll share how to easily get started writing your own stories and finding the words you need.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Radney Foster shared his heartbreak when his ex wife moved with their 4 year old son to France. He explained what he did to stay connected to his child and to resolve the anger. So, if you’ve had some heartbreak yourself, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview Rachael Clinton, our second interview in this trilogy. She discusses tending to heartbreak and I think you’ll find it fascinating.

I love...

“How did you get into my living room?” That’s what people ask country music singer/songwriter Radney Foster. His songs get to the heart of heartbreak, and life in general. But are his songs borne from experience? You bet!

Radney Foster, Iconic Country Music Singer/Songwriter

Highlights from the interview:

• Radney has written a book of short stories that match with songs on his album. Both are entitled: For You to See the Stars. Autographed copies can be ordered at radneyfoster.com
• Radney believes you have to get in there and dig around in your soul when you write. That’s when you know you’re doing it right.
• His book writing got a jump start when he fell ill with laryngitis and couldn’t speak for six weeks.
• Robert Frost quote: “No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the reader.”
• When his ex-wife took their 5-year-old son and moved to France

Radney’s song, Godspeed, written and played for his son:

More Radney Foster music and videos here.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Bonus material:

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. Everyone gets angry sometimes. Often, it’s from events that are out of your control, like Radney’s ex-wife taking their son to France. Radney knew that anger and hatred would destroy him and he had to dig deep to figure out how to forgive the wrong. We’ve all experienced injustices – both large and small. In addition to therapy, which is incredibly helpful, prayer and meditation provided Radney with the means to get through his emotions. This is similar to last week’s guest, Ed Cyzewski, who has written about contemplative prayer. Doing the inner and outer work necessary to bring peace will help you overcome anger. Science backs the benefits of meditation too. Studies have shown that brain signaling during meditation increases in the left side of the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for positive emotions, while activity decreases in the right side, responsible for negative emotions. My favorite meditation app is called Headspace. If you don’t know how to meditate and want an easy way to get started, check out the headspace app to build your serenity.

That’s all we have for today. Hey, remember you can go to RadneyFoster.com and get an autographed book and CD. Radney told me he autographs these while he’s watching ball games on TV. Last episode, Ed Cyzewski shared his thoughts on...

Both writing and the Christian tradition of contemplative prayer depend on us facing our fears and anxieties, and the path to healing is about going through our pain rather than numbing it or distracting ourselves from it.

What does contemplation have to do with it?

• Ed has long struggled with anxiety from his parent’s contentious divorce and from various incidents that involved them during his high school years. Writing and prayer have served as vital outlets that have enabled him to become more aware of his anxiety, its sources, and the potential solutions.
• Contemplation helps us become present in the moment so that we can receive God’s love, while writing demands that we stay in the present moment in order to fully see and process our stories or ideas.
• Writing helps refine ideas so that you can better pray with eyes wide open. In addition, the quiet and stillness of contemplative prayer often uncovers hidden places in your life that need to be explored further in through writing.
• Why Brennan Manning’s The Furious Longing of God is his favorite inspirational book.
• It takes a lot of discipline to create a space in your mind to let ideas take shape so when you sit down to write you have raw materials to work with.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. I really liked Ed’s take on healing. He believes that the path to healing is about going through our pain rather than numbing it or distracting ourselves from it. Contemplation helps us become present in the moment and that, in turn, helps us discover places that need to be explored further in writing.

There are so many times we try to gloss over our hurts, or past difficulties. We just try to get through them and then ignore them. Or squeeze those tough times into a small place at the back of our mind and just hope that they don’t pop back out. But, when we do that, we aren’t truly recovering from those times. We aren’t resolving that conflict, we’re ignoring it. It hurts us in ways we don’t even realize.

Research has proven that pulling that pain out, and the simple act of writing about your feelings, even a short amount, is incredibly beneficial. We know that it even boosts your immune system! I encourage you to try it out. Think back to a tough time in your life, or a time when someone hurt you, and write about your feelings. In other words, lean in to get through.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Evan Hanson discussed the two journeys to manhood – so if you’re raising boys, or know someone who is, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview Radney Foster, a legendary country music singer/songwriter.

I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and just about anywhere you can hold a great virtual conversation. Plus, I answer all my emails personally, so feel free to email me: stacy{at}stacybrookman{dot}com.

100 Most Important Memoirs

of the Past 200 Years

This week’s memoir is: The

Becoming a “man” isn’t a new idea – there are centuries of precedence. But it’s been pretty much forgotten – especially in terms of some sort of ceremony, some sort of moment.

Developing Manhood From Boyhood

Highlights from the interview:

• When does a boy become a man? If you’re a man and you’re reading this, there probably isn’t one moment you can pinpoint.
• Becoming a “man” isn’t a new idea – there are centuries of precedence. But it’s been pretty much forgotten – especially in terms of some sort of ceremony, some sort of moment.
• Feeding and clothing and sending your son to school isn’t enough. It’s a start, but that’s what it is – a start.
• These are some things that Evan did with his son in helping him to become a man: he prepared him for relationships, he showed him how to love a woman, he used the community of men around him to tell his son about their failures and what they learned from them, his son went into a place of solitude in the wilderness, his son’s mother wrote him a letter saying goodbye to him as a child, and they had a big ceremony to celebrate him becoming a man.
• On writing the book: If you want to write a book but don’t know if you can write a book, think of it less as writing a book and more as telling a story.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. Evan’s interview got me thinking about those things we need to teach our children, but often miss out on. We are really not raising kids, are we? We’re really raising adults. We want our kids to grow up to be healthy and happy. In order to do that, we need to teach them a lot of things that aren’t taught in school. That goes for girls as well as boys. And it really does take a community. Maybe think about some of the kids that are in your life, whether it’s your own, or your nieces or nephews, grandkids, neighbor kids, or kids you are connected to in other ways. In what way can you, and I, help mold those kids, help them mature with the tools, skillset, and understanding they need to become resilient adults? What rites of passage need to come about? Who do you need to take under your wing or give a little advice to? I’m going to ponder that myself.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Matt Gagnon discussed methods to gracefully weather life’s transitions – so if you’ve had a recent transition in your life, or are going through one now, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview Ed Cyzewski, author of Coffeehouse Theology.

I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and just about anywhere you can hold a great virtual conversation. Plus, I answer all my emails personally, so feel free to email me: stacy{at}stacybrookman{dot}com.

100 Most Important Memoirs

of the Past 200 Years

This week’s memoir is: Karen Blixen’s Out of Africa written in 1937. Click on the graphic to learn about this memoir and all of the most important memoirs of the past 200 years…