Real Life Resilience

This ain’t your Momma’s scrapbooking! Anna Broome, National Sales Director for Forever.com, has a passion for helping people preserve their memories.  She shares her unique idea for Love Letters to your kids on this episode. Every year in January she selects one photo that she took the past year for each of her children. She then writes a heart-felt letter to that child mentioning events from the previous year, challenges they had, what she’s most proud of, anything she wants them to remember (and herself to remember). Discover what she tears up about and the most amazing way you can preserve your family history. Anna gives a special discount at Forever.com to Write of Your Life listeners.

Preserve Your Family History

Forever.com was started to make sure that everyone has a place for their stories to be preserved. It is a place for families to collect, curate, and celebrate their memories. They can preserve their memories for generations – it’s permanent and private. You can provide different people access to different albums within your account, and it’s all mobile.

Other ways that people use Forever.com include digitization. Memorabilia can be preserved, such as children’s artwork, ceramics, clothing, flags, anything that’s important can be digitized and stored in your account. You can even send in old photo albums to be digitized and then shared with other family members. They also put photos on a coaster or holiday mugs, or other gift items. It’s a way to enjoy the photos without having to pull out the photo album.

Love Letters to Kids

Anna shares her unique idea for Love Letters to your kids. Every year in January she selects one photo that she took the past year for each of her children. She then writes a heart-felt letter to that child mentioning events from the previous year, challenges they had, what she’s most proud of, anything she wants them to remember (and herself to remember).

These love letters have had a huge impact on her kids. Every year they look forward to their special letter about themselves. One year, her son got big tears in his eyes. When she asked him why he was crying, he said “Mom, you said such nice things to me!” When you start to think about your everyday interactions with your kids, you realize how much of the thoughts of praise you keep in your head while you are actually telling them to pick up their dirty socks.  When you write it down, they will have it forever. Ultimately, they will have a story of their life.

Anna doesn’t make it a very long letter, so she doesn’t procrastinate. It literally takes 15 minutes and $5. She prints the letter/photo for their personal scrapbook through Forever.com and it comes in a mailer. When they arrive, they read the story of each of the kids together around the dinner table. It’s fun to hear each other’s stories.

Take Home Message:

• Don’t worry about what you haven’t done, just start writing from the heart
• Store your photos permanently and securely by scrapbooking online at Forever.com
• Write of Your Life listeners get a 25% off discount at Forever.com. Use the code: Curtis25

Lifestory Toolkit: Your Life as Story by Tristine Rainer

(Brought to you by Lifestorytelling.com – Discover YOUR life stories!)

This episode’s Lifestory Toolkit features one of my favorite books about life story writing. It’s called Your Life as Story by Tristine Rainer. I love this book so much, that I’m on my...

Talk back at the mean girl voice in your head! If you don’t have loving people supporting you when you’re in an abusive relationship or you’re unhappy, that mean girl voice in your head starts to take on a life of her own. She represents all the negative people in your life: bad boss, bad mother or father, angry spouse, whoever. You have the power to change that mean girl voice, and anything else about your life. Lindsey Ellison helps people get unstuck and stop beating themselves up.

Destructive Journaling vs Constructive Journaling

We’re back for Part 2 with Lindsey Ellison, founder of Start Over, Find Happiness to talk about journaling your way to a positive place.

Today, we’re going to be covering how constructive journaling can help silence your inner critic and give you clarity when dealing with the narcissist in your life.  For more information specific to narcissism, see Part 1 of Lindsey’s interview at www.stacybrookman.com/lindseyellison1/

• There is a difference between ‘Constructive’ and ‘Destructive’ Journaling.
• Stay away from the negative stories that we tell ourselves, such as “I’m so stupid”, “I’m a horrible mother”, “My kids don’t love me”.
• Instead, create a loving situation for yourself, be kind.  Write as if you are talking to yourself from a 3^rd person vantage point.
  • If you’re a faith-based person, what would God say to you? If you are not faith-based, what would your best friend say?
  • When you write to yourself, you will see a completely different angle on the problem than you see from ‘inside’ the problem.
  
  

Journaling for Healing

• Many of us live outside of our bodies-we are just powering through our days.
• Journaling is your one moment where you’re looking inward and dealing with what’s in your heart.
• There are a lot of healing benefits from that and it’s very similar to meditating.
  • In yoga, it’s called seeing with your Third Eye. Writing can have the same effect.
  
  

Boundaries

• There’s a reason why you’re with a narcissist and it is probably traceable to your childhood.
  • If you were being raised with a narcissist or co-dependent, you were likely rewarded for not standing up for yourself.
  • If you spoke up or voiced needs, you were probably told you can’t be so ‘selfish’, and you were probably denied what you needed. These small moments are all a form of rejection.
  • So when you kept quiet is when there was peace in the household.
  
  
• Now, you tend to maintain those patterns through your adult relationships because you haven’t or weren’t able to resolve them. Starting today, you must learn those skills that will make you healthier.
  • When you are dealing with narcissists, you have to have boundaries. They don’t like them.
  • You must say the words ‘that’s not okay’. You don’t have to say it to them, but you have to start by saying it to yourself.
  • Variants can include “You can’t speak to me like that”, ‘I won’t tolerate that”, or “I require change”.
  
  
• Having boundaries also means not engaging the narcissist in their behavior
  • They cause a drama over virtually everything, called ‘The Narcissistic Vortex’, where even a seemingly innocent compliment can escalate into WWIII
  • The tendency for the partner/relative is to get sucked into an argument, try to change their mind, and get them to ‘see the light’.
    • This is a fool’s errand because the narcissist is incapable of having a balanced conversation or realizing they are wrong.
    
    
  ...

“I have somewhat been a magnet for narcissists my whole life,” says Lindsey Ellison, founder of Start Over – Find Happiness, a coaching program. She now runs a course called “Break Free from Your Narcissist” that helps women overcome difficulties and get free from narcissistic partners. Women need to realize that it is impossible to nurture a narcissist enough. That’s where narcissists get the gasoline for their ego. Someone who falls in love with a narcissist is frequently a co-dependent person. They give away too much to someone who hasn’t earned it. Listen to the podcast for insight into how to break free from a narcissist…AND listen to Lindsey read her story of the worst Mother’s Day ever (and what she did about it).

Tough Life Writing Helps Other Women

Not a lot of people understand narcissists and sociopaths. When Lindsey first started her blog, she was writing to no one, but she started pitching them to Huffington Post. However, her personal story about not wanting to have sex with her husband got picked up and resonated with women. Now, as a regular contributor, she writes specifically about what women go through and receives hundreds of comments on her articles.

What is a Narcissist?

They are related to sociopaths, and both of these disorders produce manipulating and abusive behavior. Abuse comes in many forms and affects many people in the victim’s life. Emotional, physical, and sexual abuses are common and equally degrading and harmful. They are ALL abuse. How do you spot one? One of the first signs of a narcissist or sociopath is they get people to feel sorry for them. In hindsight, their stories are unbelievable, but their initially charming personalities draw people in. Once they’ve won you over, the mask comes off and they denigrate their victims, devalue and demean them. It’s incredibly difficult to get away from a narcissist or a sociopath. Believe it or not, you have likely encountered one either in your family, your neighborhood, or your workplace.

Blindfolds, Guilt, and Getting Help

Lindsey felt she went through her own divorce with a blindfold on, and experienced incredible guilt over what was happening with her children. She started writing through her pain and shared her story which actually helps other women. Knowing that you’re not alone and that others have been through the same thing is a beautiful gift for others. So her pain is helping to heal other people.

Women are taught to be nurturers. Sometimes, though, they over nurture. When they want to do something for themselves, they feel guilty. Setting boundaries in place and saying “I deserve better,” provides a healthier perspective.

Women need to realize that it is impossible to nurture a narcissist enough. Narcissists are attracted to over givers. That’s where they get the gasoline for their ego.

Someone who falls in love with a narcissist is frequently a co-dependent person. They don’t require many things of people and give away too much to someone who hasn’t earned it.

Listen to the podcast for additional insight…AND listen to Lindsey read her story of the worst Mother’s Day ever (and what she did about it).

Take Home Message (listen to the podcast for the full scoop):

• Don’t make compromises until you are in a safe and healthy relationship. That includes your relationships with friends, family, and even children.
• Teach your kids NOT to be narcissists…by having boundaries and calling them on their behavior.

Lifestory Toolkit: Forever.com

(Brought to...

“Well, your credit says you owe $1.4 million.” Natalie Jill’s lowest point in life went down like this:

I caught this glimpse of myself just really out of shape and it was the first time I didn’t even recognize who I was. I remember going to the gas station and I went to put my credit card in the machine to pump gas and it was declined. That never happened to me in my life and I’ll never forget….I’d never been late ever, and they declined it. I called them from my car and said “Why is my credit card declined?” And then they said “Well, your credit says you owe $1.4 million.” And I just thought, “Oh my God”, I couldn’t even breathe!

Now, Natalie Jill lives the life of her dreams….a life that she has designed….and runs a business that helps others.

Natalie Jill Designs Her Own Life

Natalie Jill was living what everyone else thought was the American dream. She was married, had a great corporate job, living in a beautiful neighborhood, had two dogs and was pregnant with her daughter. It looked like the perfect life. The dream disappeared when her marriage fell apart, the stock market crashed, and her finances spiraled out of control. She realized that she was not living the life that she really wanted.

At her rock bottom, Natalie decided to start figuring out who she was and live authentically. She spent her life before that point pretending to be somebody, to fit in, to be perfect.

It was only when she finally became vulnerable, asked for help, and admitted that she wasn’t perfect that her life started to fall into place. She started with a vision board, then Facebook posts, and ultimately grew a huge community of followers. In the meantime, she built a life by design.

Her advice for someone also hitting rock bottom?

“Rock bottom is not a bad place. It’s actually a new beginning….it’s the perfect place to rebuild and I wholeheartedly believe that. It may not make sense right now, but it will later.“

Natalie Jill said she could have blamed a million things on her failures, but that wasn’t going to help change her life. She had to take ownership in what she did to get herself there. She doesn’t judge people’s situations because anyone can hit rock bottom.

Take Home Message:

• Authenticity – If you live authentically, you don’t have to lie, or worry about how other people view you. You just be the best version of you that you can. It’s freeing and addictive once you start to live your truth.
• Accountability – You just can’t be a victim and have victim mentality or nothing will change. The first true step is to be accountable and recognize your role and how you got to where you are. When something goes wrong, don’t blame others. Ask what was your role in that.

Lifestory Toolkit: Discover Your Life Theme

(Brought to you by Lifestorytelling.com – Discover YOUR life stories!)

This episode’s Lifestory Toolkit features an activity. If you have a transformation to make, or would like to discover your life stories, the place to begin is with your life theme. You definitely have a story to tell, but it may NOT be the one you think. Here’s an exercise you can do. Get out a pencil and paper, or start a document on your computer and label it Landmarks.

Think back through your life, and make a list of landmarks that you’ve had in your life (could be both good and bad). You can start with “I was...

If you’re not failing all the time, you’re not succeeding at all, according to Deb Ross, publisher of KidsOutAndAbout.com. Writing can propel a child’s success much faster than almost any other skill. In the podcast, Deb shares her secret to encourage kids to not only write, but foster gratitude in them as well. Her real-life examples will spark your own ideas…because writing and gratitude transcend all boundaries.

Teach Kids to Fail Well

Deb chronicles her failures (and successes) in her weekly KidsOutAndAbout.com newsletter. Deb runs KidsOutAndAbout.com a parenting resource and BeyondTheNest.com a resource for active adults over 55 with locations all over the United States. Both websites list fun activities and things for families to do in their area.

“Good writing is not the appearance of good things that happened but it goes to the heart of the matter. You allow your own vulnerability to shine through a bit and let that be what readers connect with because every parent feels vulnerable,” Deb says.

Her mission has been to help parents become their child’s tour guide to this great adventure called life–and to enjoy the trip right along with them. Deb’s recently published book Seasons and Reasons: A Parent’s Guide to Cultivating Great Kids is a compilation of her parenting philosophy and advice for cultivating a child’s thrill of lifelong learning and discovery.

Writing can propel a kid’s success much faster than almost any other skill. In the podcast, Deb shares her secret to encourage kids to not only write, but foster gratitude in them as well. Her real-life examples will spark your own ideas…because writing and gratitude transcend all boundaries.

Deb also comments on how anyone can change their own story by writing. Kids can even change their own behavior, alter future outcomes, and give themselves courage through writing about what goes on in their lives. Plus, listen in to see what she thinks about kids and texting.

Take Home Message (listen to the podcast for the full scoop):

• Fail early and often – schools don’t teach kids to do this. Show kids your own failures and construct circumstances where they can fail “safely”
• Want to help kids love to write? Try helping them write gratitude notes…it helps kids, businesses, and people
• Kids who write will propel their success much faster than almost any other skill. It will distinguish them from the people who can’t write well.

Lifestory Toolkit: 5 Minute Journal

This episode’s Lifestory Toolkit features a book AND an app – yet it’s the same thing! It’s called The Five Minute Journal. And get this, it’s based on positive psychology research. The Five Minute Journal says that it will prime your brain, cultivate gratitude, and put you in a growth mindset. It starts by including a daily inspirational quote, and then asks you “What are you grateful for today?” And gets you to think “What would make today great?” That puts you in a positive mindset. Then, at the end of the day, you can capture your best moments with a photo-of-the-day, plus a reflection: what were the best things happened in your day? The book is the paper version of this tool and includes weekly challenges.

Free Download: 21 Ways to Capture Family History

Can Socrates reveal the meaning of life for a prisoner? After making a series of bad decisions, including selling cocaine, Michael Santos was convicted to 45 years in prison. There he discovered a book on the prison library cart that changed his life. Now Michael is a free man, a writer, an adjunct professor and a speaker on social injustice. He has reconciled with society and teaches tens of thousands of prisoners to be great citizens. While in prison, he wrote his life story, multiple nonfiction and criminal justice textbooks, and ghost wrote the stories of many incarcerated individuals.  Listen to discover how he served his sentence with dignity, his 3 steps to surviving prison, the key moment that turned his life around, and his latest prison project.

Michael Santos encountered Socrates in prison

…and it changed his life.

Michael Santos is known as the “Prison Professor.” As a young man, he made a series of bad decisions, including selling cocaine, and was sentenced to 45 years in prison. Santos eventually decided to “reconcile with society and become a better citizen.”

After spending 26 years in the Federal Penitentiary System, Santos was released in 2013 and hired by San Francisco State University as an adjunct professor, teaching criminal justice students and others wanting to improve the outcomes of the nation’s criminal justice system.

Michael credits an anthology discovered on the prison library cart, The Treasury of Philosophy, with changing his life. It included the story of Greek philosopher, Socrates, who had been imprisoned, awaiting execution. Having been given the opportunity to live the rest of his life in exile, Socrates refused the opportunity to escape. Michael recalls Socrates’ response to those trying to help him:

“Socrates said, ‘We live in a democracy, and in a democracy, we have to take the good with the bad. I don’t agree with this law, but I have taken all of the good that society has to offer: it’s clothed me and fed me and protected me from foreign enemies, and I took all of that. So, I have the right to work to change laws I don’t agree with, but I don’t have the right to break laws… and because I broke the law, I would rather take the punishment with my dignity intact than run away like a coward.’”

Michael credits that powerful statement with changing his attitude while in prison. Asking himself if there was anything to help him serve his sentence with his dignity intact, he set out to accomplish goals for himself. Michael says he couldn’t comprehend a 45 year sentence, so he started working toward accomplishing his goals in the first ten years.

“I said, ‘in ten years, I am going to earn a university degree, I am going to publish something, and I’m going to find ten people who believe in me,” he recalls. Those goals provided him the motivation he needed to survive prison and led him into a writing career. He credits men such as Socrates, Nelson Mandela and Viktor Frankl for keeping him inspired to accomplish those goals.

Motivation For The Future

Michael hopes that his struggles, pain and success will help people find something of value that may change their own lives. His life changed because of writing his story, and essentially re-writing his future.

“It gave me an opportunity to try and create a new narrative of my life. I really wanted to demonstrate a sense of remorse for the bad decisions I had made as a young man and I wanted to show that prison maybe the context of my story but the reality is that it’s a human story. We all face struggle and adversity at some point in our life and the strategies that empowered me, as those days turned