Stop People Pleasing

How many people have told you that mindset is the key to changing your behaviour, and indeed life?

While  there is a lot of truth in this, I contend in this episode that the opposite is a more powerful way to make  things better for yourself - especially if standing up to others is an issue for you.

Yes, I am talking about your actions changing your mindset, your beliefs and your life.

Could actions be more powerful than mindset?

In this episode:

*Teardown of why belief change is limited – it is only ever useful as a description. It is not a prescription, which unfortunately is what is being sold as. Find out what I mean by this.

*A straightforward example of actions changing beliefs about other people.

*The process of using actions to change your concept of yourself, using the example of not being so available for people you wish to distance yourself from.

RESOURCES

Lifesaver 10 phrase book:

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

Join the Stop People Pleasing Facebook group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/498527804436886

PODFLASH! (a podcast newsflash…err Ok no…!) This show is changing its name to Stop People Pleasing within the coming week. If you are subscribed, the name and podcast art will automatically change. You  don't need to do anything.

In this short episode to welcome in 2021, I talk about 2 things I want for you in 2021 to help you start to live life on your terms at last.

Next episode will be a full length one out on or before Tuesday 12th January.

Join the Facebook group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/498527804436886

email: info (at) theshiftinside . com

It's time to own our abnormality! In today's show, I want to fight the oft-repeated phrase I just want to be normal. Whether they are talking about their eating, or their personality, I believe that there is no normal. Let's explore this.

This is a replay of episode 22 of my other podcast, The Eating Coach. Although the focus is is on food, I believe there is a lot of useful information here.

Being out of control can prompt a desire to be "normal". However, it has such wildly differing definitions throughout history and across the globe today. This word is nothing but the agreed upon beliefs and traditions of the people around us. 

It really is an expression of a different need that all empaths will relate to. In this episode, I divide this concept into two separate parts. I explain what these are, as well as:

*The phrase that means two completely different things, depending on how you say it

*The new normal you really do not want to be a part of

*How normal equals mediocrity

RESOURCES

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

Hear more episodes of The Eating Coach by searching for it in your podcast app, or visit

https://www.theshiftinside.com/podcast/

The Buzzfeed article on what is normal around the world and throughout history:

https://www.buzzfeed.com/hgrant/8-jaw-dropping-traditions-from-around-the-world?utm_term=.gr84oOyXr#.spW0YJRgl

SRINI PILLAY's Book

https://drsrinipillay.com/resource/life-unlocked-7-revolutionary-lessons-overcome-fear/

This episode has two rather unexpected power moves for how to deal with energy vampires and manipulators.

We are going to look at neutralising narcissism.

If you are looking for a quick top ten tips sort of episode, then this will disappoint you. If, however, you want a strong foundation on which to build the confidence to stand up to manipulators and passive aggressive ego merchants (to name but a few types), you’ve come to the right place.

RESOURCES

Free phrase book to deal with narcissistic behaviour

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

Articles mentioned:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/acquainted-the-night/201912/sorry-your-ex-probably-isnt-narcissist

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2011-jan-06-la-oe-daum-narcissism-20110106-story.html

https://theconversation.com/narcissists-why-we-need-to-take-better-care-of-them-126528

email info (at) theshiftinside dot com

This episode gives you two ways to not only spot a narcissist, but deal with them.  Let's go beyond the quick descriptions such as 'grandiose' and 'belittles others' to a really useful filter to get past the excuses that  you as an empath or HSP have made for these people before.

What Is A Narcissist?

We are going to keep the definition to the very short ‘self-absorption’ for this episode, because this topic is so complex. What seems at first glance to be synonymous with the personality of the 45th president of The United States is actually a multi-faceted concept. You would never call Donald Trump vulnerable, yet there is such a thing as a vulnerable narcissist for example.

Recognising A Narcissist Strategy #1

Become Aware of Narcissist PR

PR stands for public relations, and is a perfectly ethical part of any business marketing strategy. What is not ethical, however, is PR that is out of alignment with the way that the company operates. Think of an environmentally irresponsible firm that funds an orphanage in the area that it is stripping bare, merely as an exercise in damage limitation.

What is the narcissist equivalent? Passive aggression, manipulation, put downs – any attempt to elevate their sense of self at your expense. This is then followed by an equally strategic show of gratitude, praise, selflessness and so on – but minus an apology.

It is the lack of contrition, of vulnerability that shows you that this is PR and not a genuine apology.

Another sign of PR – a return to the first stage of manipulation and put downs.

Recognising narcissist PR for what it  is is not a panacea – but you get better laying the foundations for boundary setting.

Spotting A Narcissist Technique #2 

The 10-Minute Rule

This is an excellent filter to save yourself a  LOT of future energy drain and stress. Nip any unwanted connections with strangers in the bud within 10 minutes.

Resources

The Empath Phrasebook – Lifesaver 10 is at

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

Connect with Harriet

Instagram: @rebelqueenempath

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/498527804436886

Email info (at) theshiftinside dot com

Whether you are self-isolating or in semi quarantine,  as an empath there is always something you can do to protect your energy and prevent overwhelm at this time of COVID uncertainty.

In this week’s episode, I give three practical lessons I learnt from last lockdown that I hope will help you now.

LESSON #1

Identify your overwhelm triggers

Discover why you need to be careful with the term ‘triggers’.

A good example of one of my overwhelm triggers is people catastrophising about the future with zero evidence to back up their claims. Find out what they are getting out of this seemingly illogical but very common habit, and what you can actually do about this…without losing all your friends!

LESSON #2

The 30 Minute Experiment

Listen and find out what this is….

LESSON #3

Use Social Media Wisely

RESOURCES

Join the RQE Facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/498527804436886

You can find Trista Ainsworth at https://expansive.me/joy

Get your empath phrase book to deal with difficult people at 

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

The Insider Optical illusions article https://www.insider.com/best-optical-illusions-photos-2017-10

Email me: info (at) theshiftinside.com

Whether you are self-isolating or in semi quarantine,  as an empath there is always something you can do to protect your energy and prevent overwhelm at this time of COVID uncertainty.

In this week’s episode, I give three practical lessons I learnt from last lockdown that I hope will help you now.

LESSON #1

Identify your overwhelm triggers

Discover why you need to be careful with the term ‘triggers’.

A good example of one of my overwhelm triggers is people catastrophising about the future with zero evidence to back up their claims. Find out what they are getting out of this seemingly illogical but very common habit, and what you can actually do about this…without losing all your friends!

LESSON #2

The 30 Minute Experiment

Listen and find out what this is….

LESSON #3

Use Social Media Wisely

RESOURCES

Join the RQE Facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/498527804436886

You can find Trista Ainsworth at https://expansive.me/joy

Get your empath phrase book to deal with difficult people at 

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

The Insider Optical illusions article https://www.insider.com/best-optical-illusions-photos-2017-10

Email me: info (at) theshiftinside.com

Get your Lifesaver 10 phrases to deal with energy vampires here: https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

In today’s episode, I shine a light on energy vampires – those people who draw energy from  draining us of ours.

My definition is: someone who, whether they know it or not, is invested in behaving in a way that is potentially parasitical to others.

I discuss when this is a useful term, and when it is not…and even if we should replace the phrase with a different one altogether.

I talk about…

When energy vampires’ version of generosity/pleasantness etc is just PR to take you off your guard.

What the parasite radar is

How this term gives the person you are referring to far too much power

Email me: info (at) theshiftinside.com

RESOURCES

Get your Lifesaver 10 phrases to deal with energy vampires here:https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

Dodging Energy Vampires is by Christiane Northrup

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-spot-deal-energy-vampire-ncna896251

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/energy-vampires

Starring Matt Damon, Robin Williams and...The Imbalance of Understanding. 

Get you free Lifesaver 10 download - 10 phrases to help  you stand up to others without conflict

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

In this episode, I give you some ideas for learning to manage the world as an empath or highly sensitive person. It’s about not letting self pity or resentment get you down. No tough love guaranteed!

We are going to come at this from a sideways angle.

I give an example of how your past, when viewed through the lens of realising you are an empath, can become dangerously fertile ground for hosting an endless pity party in your head.

I explain what The Imbalance of Understanding is

I give you some  ways to start leveraging what you have got.

This short episode focuses on a real life situation that I as an empath had to deal with this summer.

Sometimes, when we are looking the other way, we find ourselves putting others’ needs before our own.

Listen to this story and ask yourself: What would I do?

Get your free Lifesaver 10 list of phrases you can use in tricky situations

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/