Stop People Pleasing

#23: Why Is It So Hard To Set Boundaries?

0s · Published 29 Apr 19:14

HEADS UP! https://www.theshiftinside.com/freed/

17th May sees the start of Boundary Setting 101 Week. The link has more information about this series of 3 free masterclasses that will make this challenge…well, less challenging.

Why Is It So Hard To Set Boundaries? In today’s episode, I dive deep into some fundamental truths about the challenges of standing up for yourself…truths that I only discovered in getting over my own blocks to boundary setting.

Interview of The Week

…is Riz Ahmed, appearing on Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p09clnkr

Main section: What To Do If Boundary Setting Is Tough

I tear down the 3 reasons you may believe that you cannot say no and stand your ground more often.

REASON #1 - I’M TOO WEAK

I challenge the very notion of you having a fixed personality. Are you the same person you were 20, 10 or even 5 years ago? What I think is really going on when you say “I can’t do boundaries because I am not strong enough” is that it carries a perceived risk that is far more significant than the situation warrants.

REASON #2 - CAVEBRAIN INTERPRETS IT AS A SURVIVAL THREAT

Listen to episode 17 for more about Cavebrain

http://stoppeoplepleasingshow.com/17-what-is-cavebrain-and-why-it-matters-in-stopping-people-pleasing

People pleasing is about seeking external acceptance because you don’t feel you can offer that to yourself – and creating healthy boundaries threatens that. What people don’t realise is that to the primitive part of your brain, that threat is very real and a basic survival issue. Find out why in this section.

I also introduce you to the solution

REASON #3 – I HAVE TRIED IT IN THE PAST AND IT HAS GONE BADLY

Maybe you have only set boundaries when you were so furious that it was eating you up. The solution is to understand the difference between proactive and reactive boundary setting and give you a real life example.

RESOURCES

#23: Why Is It So Hard To Set Boundaries?

0s · Published 29 Apr 19:14

HEADS UP! https://www.theshiftinside.com/freed/

17th May sees the start of Boundary Setting 101 Week. The link has more information about this series of 3 free masterclasses that will make this challenge…well, less challenging.

Why Is It So Hard To Set Boundaries? In today’s episode, I dive deep into some fundamental truths about the challenges of standing up for yourself…truths that I only discovered in getting over my own blocks to boundary setting.

Interview of The Week

…is Riz Ahmed, appearing on Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p09clnkr

Main section: What To Do If Boundary Setting Is Tough

I tear down the 3 reasons you may believe that you cannot say no and stand your ground more often.

REASON #1 - I’M TOO WEAK

I challenge the very notion of you having a fixed personality. Are you the same person you were 20, 10 or even 5 years ago? What I think is really going on when you say “I can’t do boundaries because I am not strong enough” is that it carries a perceived risk that is far more significant than the situation warrants.

REASON #2 - CAVEBRAIN INTERPRETS IT AS A SURVIVAL THREAT

Listen to episode 17 for more about Cavebrain

http://stoppeoplepleasingshow.com/17-what-is-cavebrain-and-why-it-matters-in-stopping-people-pleasing

People pleasing is about seeking external acceptance because you don’t feel you can offer that to yourself – and creating healthy boundaries threatens that. What people don’t realise is that to the primitive part of your brain, that threat is very real and a basic survival issue. Find out why in this section.

I also introduce you to the solution

REASON #3 – I HAVE TRIED IT IN THE PAST AND IT HAS GONE BADLY

Maybe you have only set boundaries when you were so furious that it was eating you up. The solution is to understand the difference between proactive and reactive boundary setting and give you a real life example.

RESOURCES

BONUS: Let's Do Coffee Tomorrow

1m · Published 27 Apr 09:03

I am hosting an informal coffee chat on Zoom tomorrow Wednesday 28th April. It will last about 45 minutes. No cost. No need to register - just turn up. Bring your favourite beverage!

When is it?
Because of the different time zones of my listeners, I'll be doing this twice - at 11am UK time then again at 8pm UK time

You can check the time in your own time zone here

https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

Here are the links and passcodes

11AM CHAT

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/88918134729

Passcode 4321

8PM CHAT

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/87373610264

Passcode 4321

Why Do This?
Because it is an opportunity to ask me any questions or discuss anything you hear on the podcast

Because I really enjoy meeting my listeners and getting to know more about what they want. I am obsessed with quality podcasting, so the better episodes I can produce, the happier I am :)

Because I often share about experiences that I would not talk about publicly

Because it will probably be really fun!

Because you never know what you might learn or think of as a result

Because I think it is is so important for us empaths to get together in a way that is super empowering

#22: Unusual Advantages of Being An Empath

26m · Published 22 Apr 20:15

Google advantages of being an empath and you will get a laundry list of benefits: intuition, ability to connect, an understanding of animals and so forth. In today’s episode, I want to look at some lesser known positives which may get you thinking more deeply about this topic.

HEADS UP: LET’S DO COFFEE

I am hosting two coffee chats on Zoom next Wednesday 28th April at 11am and 8pm UK time. Check your own time zone. No need to book, just turn up with your favourite beverage.

You can get the link if you join the Stop people Pleasing Facebook group at

https://www.facebook.com/groups/stoppeoplepleasingclan

Or you will get an email if you previously attended a Zoom with me or have downloaded my free Lifesaver 10 phrasebook for empaths.

Get yours here

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

Interview of The Week

Today’s interview of the week comes from the brilliant Comedian’s Comedian podcast and features Dave Gorman. I talk about how Dave shares about the comedic power of vulnerability on stage

https://www.comedianscomedian.com/161-dave-gorman-live-at-soho-theatre/

I also talk about belonging and give it a slant that I don’t think you will have been aware of.

RESOURCES

More details about one-to-one coaching:

https://www.theshiftinside.com/stop/

Episode 2: What Is A Rebel Empath?

https://stoppeoplepleasingshow.com/02-what-is-a-rebel-queen-empath

Episode 17 on Cavebrain

https://stoppeoplepleasingshow.com/17-what-is-cavebrain-and-why-it-matters-in-stopping-pleasing

Email me : info [at] theshiftinside dot com

#21: Transforming Resentment with Lauren Ammon

24m · Published 15 Apr 15:55

HEADS UP! - BOUNDARIES COURSE COMING

I am in the process of creating a course on setting better boundaries. At the moment I want your feedback. Here are the problems that I see block empaths from creating boundaries. Do these resonate with you? Give me your feedback by emailing me info {at} theshiftinside.com or join the SPP Facebook group (link below)

#1 I really wish I could stand up for myself, but I don’t know how

#2 It would be difficult to set boundaries with X, because s/he has a hard life and they really need me. How could I do that to them?

#3 Setting boundaries equals creating massive conflict, which scares me

#4 I am resentful that people do not give me the time and attention I give them - why should I have to set a boundary?

#5 I feel too overwhelmed to do this work, and end up stuck giving too much energy away. It’s catch 22.

#6 I am so hurt by how narcissists and energy vampires treat me, it’s kind of paralysing. Catch 22 - nothing changes.

#7 I can’t deal with the negative comeback I would get if I did set boundaries.

...................................

Lauren Amman Interview

In this interview, coach and ex-people pleaser Lauren Ammon shares about

*How her entire previous career – HR - was born out of people pleasing

*How her empath nature led to overwork

*How she changed to living life on her own terms

*Taking responsibility for the way she was showing up with others

*Her fears about changing careers

RESOURCES

Connect with Lauren Ammon

https://www.laurenammon.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurenammon/

Join The Stop People Pleasing Facebook group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/stoppeoplepleasingtribe

Lifesaver 10 download

https://www.theshiftinside.com/lifesaver/

Email

Info @theshiftinside.com