Would you ever consider using a matchmaker? In a world of dating apps (and let's be real -- those are rough for a LOT of people!), not to mention a whole lotta ghosting, matchmaking is an appealing notion for many.

Plus, matchmakers play a unique role in that they speak to both parties, before and after dates. They're able, therefore, to give people honest feedback about how they're coming across, and help them make adjustments.

Here I chat with Anika, a matchmaker for Three Day Rule, about how we can all get more honest in dating. We also talk about how men and women differ when it comes to their must-haves and dealbreakers -- as someone who has spoken to hundreds if not thousands of people by now, that's actually quite interesting. She also shares some memorable matches she has made over the years. This is a sweet one!

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "There are women who wonder why they’re not being approached, but they don’t have an approachable aura."
• "Success means different things to different people."
• "Dating really is a numbers game … the more conversations you have, the higher chance you’re going to find someone you want to move forward with."
• "Some people have told me, 'I’ve gotten deeper with you than I’ve gotten with my therapist.'"

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Anika's site: askanika.com
• Anika's Instagram: @nikarashaun

This episode is pulled from the podcast Ask Women, where I myself was the guest! We delve into my sex research here, in which I asked over 1,065 women about the men who were best in bed.

But this isn't just about finding the clit. It's a deeper conversation about how to talk about difficult subjects. Why is hard to talk about what we actually like or want in sex? Why is it so hard for a woman to tell a man that something isn't working sexually? It's actually the same reason it's hard to tell a colleague that something they do bothers you.

If you want a woman to open to you sexually, and make sex great for her (whether you're dating someone or in a committed relationship), it's helpful to know how to set things up. Among other things, you want to know how ask the right questions in the right way. And it's always helpful to hear from women themselves about what they crave, what delights them, what turns them on, and what works for their specific body. Learning to be skillful in asking is part of becoming the unstoppable, sexually empowered divine masculine.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "I was like ... what?!"
• "Sex is important to human beings."
• "I almost feel like telling a man the sex isn't good is a mortal sin."
• "He played me like a fine instrument."

Polarity can help you have a hot sex & dating life, not to mention a stronger love relationship overall. And like many things in life, it's not a perfect concept; there are issues with it.

"In what ways have you found polarity to be useful in your sex and relationship life? In what ways have you found it to be off or problematic?"

I posed these questions to our clients in an effort to help shine a light on the problems with polarity. I believe polarity can be hugely helpful in understanding sexual attraction and heat, as well as trust and fulfillment, in both short- and long-term relationships. I also believe it can help us understand ourselves better as human beings in our own rights, not just in interpersonal dynamics.

Becoming skillful with polarity is a valuable goal, and including its flaws in the conversation is important. Here we delve into what we see as the top three problems with polarity, and how to use it as a force of good in sex, dating, and relationships.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Alpha is often observing and omega is being observed."
• "Things can be in opposition without being in conflict."
• "Polarity is not an excuse for abusive behavior."

---

Other helpful episodes on polarity:

• 181: What exactly is polarity? We break it down. (ft. Violet Lange)
• 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- unless you do this

As a woman, I sometimes feel like saying to all the Nice Guys out there: We need you!

We need you on the court, in the game, on the field of Life. We need you not just as romantic partners (though we do desperately want you there), but as fathers, as colleagues, as teammates.

And we need you to be in your power. We need you to be able to speak up for yourself, to tell use the truth (even if it's uncomfortable), to come towards us sexually, to set healthy boundaries. We need your full self.

If you identify as a Nice Guy, it's likely that you're working on stepping into your power. And we want to support you in that. Here, we don't just talk about what it means to step into your power, but share success stories of men we've worked with who've gone from feeling disempowered/unable to take up space ... to asserting themselves in healthy and deeply satisfying ways.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "When I’ve been out of my power, it’s when I’ve lost connection to myself."
• "It was easier to just let her control everything, and not assert much agency, let alone power. This worked for a while, but eventually blew up in my face."
• "I’m happy to interrupt people now (in a way I did not used to)."
• "I often used to fall into others people’s desires or wants."
• "In relationship it’s, 'Here’s my truth, what’s your truth, and then how can we empower each other?'"
• ---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Other episodes related to this one:

• Episode 239: Realized I’m a "Nice Guy." Now what do I do about it?
• Episode 6: From "Nice Guy" to Confident With Women & Married to a Goddess

Here's a pattern we've noticed in a lot of the men we work with:

They've never gone after the women they really wanted. As one man put it, "A lot of times the girls that I’ve attracted have come to me … and haven't been the most stable."

For some men, these dating relationships have even turned into marriages -- without the man necessarily wanting things to go that way. He has felt swept along by the current, often going along with what she wants rather than deeply considering his own wants and needs.

If a lot of the sexual or romantic relationships you've been in have been because a woman approached you, rather than you taking the lead, you might fall into this category. Or if you've been too intimidated or scared to pursue women you find really attractive, this could be you. (We also cover super-crushes here, which you may relate to.)

Fortunately there are things you can do to interrupt the pattern, and stand up for what you truly want. We've worked with countless clients who've learned how to stop being passive and become active agents in their own sex, dating, and relationship lives -- and it has absolutely changed the game.

Remember: It’s always possible to heal trauma, grow as a person, build community, and enjoy a thriving love and sex life. Listen on to hear more!

---

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "I was getting hung up on partners that weren't really interested or available."
• "There was this other thing going on is that the women that liked me, I didn't want. So I felt stuck."
• "It turns out, it was me!"
• "The hidden thing was that having a supercrush was very safe."
• "I never actually had to confront my edges of intimacy."

It's a solo episode! I pulled together some questions from clients or listeners, and go into depth on them.

Remember that you can always send me your question or questions -- just email me at [email protected]. Everything is on the table, from sex and dating to relationships and repair. I want to hear from you!

Here are the questions I answer on this episode:

• How do I rebuild trust with a partner after a rupture, or a lack of leading over time?
• How do I date someone in the same friend group without it getting weird?
• I went on a date with a woman and it went pretty well, but we didn't kiss at the end. I got the sense (especially in thinking back) that she wanted me to kiss her when we were outside waiting for her ride.It's tough because it's so hard to know what the right thing to do is. How do I know when it's time to kiss her on a date??

---

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men episode 238: How do I approach a woman at the gym? How do I approach a woman at work?

Does it feel exiting for your woman to be fully open with you, feel deeply cherished, and want to f*** your brains out?

Then you’re going to want to listen to this one.

You’re likely familiar with polarity — that sacred dance between alpha & omega. It’s a potent force that shows up in dating, sex, love relationships, and beyond (and helps explain the mystery of attraction).

But polarity also includes the 3 stages of relating. As we mature in relationships, we can graduate from stage 1 (we’re in rigidly-defined roles), to stage 2 (we talk through everything), to stage 3 — the topic of this episode.

Stage 3 relationships are cutting-edge. They go beyond societal norms. Stage 3 is exciting, pioneering, and embodied. And in Jason’s words, “it tends to *wake us up* as men.”

This kind of relating makes things sexy in relationship, and it also makes things deeply safe — if you know how to work it. The truth is, most omega partners deeply yearn to be fully, truly expressed, and in stage 3, that's the name of the game.In Jason's words, “Through your direction, you can invite expression.”

If you want to lead your woman in ways you’ve never even considered — if you want to provide a space within which she can both deeply relax and feel even more of her heart, and even soul, listen on.

Note: Credit to David Deida’s work on polarity and the stages of relationships.

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I used to try to explain why what she was feeling was wrong.”
• “I had so much resistance to the Hot Mess archetype because I was punished by my parents for being that.”
• “In stage 2 it’s about wanting it to end — I want to release and get us back to peace. But in stage 3, it’s like, ‘Bring it all. Let’s ride this wave.’”
• “Tell me that again, but like a hippo.”
• “Once we welcome the expression of energy fully, it often resolves itself … you don’t have to do nearly as much as you think.”

If you want a thriving sex and relationship life, you'll benefit from knowing about polarity. Polarity, shorthand for the healthy dance between omega energy (aka feminine) and alpha energy (aka masculine), is both life-affirming and hot, whether it's in the context of dating or a long-term relationship.

In man/woman relationships, when a man embodies alpha and a woman embodies omega a good amount of the time (not all the time, but in certain key moments), the result is a thriving sex life.

But the opposite is also true -- when a woman is more in her alpha energy and a man is more in his omega, you can get "reverse polarity." This can, among other things, damage your sex life as a couple.

We see this a lot in our work, and explore the concept in more depth here. It may be a bit confronting to hear about the pattern in such detail, and it's important to keep in mind that nothing is fixed. Human beings, including couple and those in love relationships, can always grow.

Even if you're experiencing reverse polarity, you can both grow in different ways and generate polarity again. We can always expand our consciousness and capacity -- it just takes some work and sometimes some skilled guidance to get there. The good news? Figuring this out can lead to the most satisfying sex and connection of your life.

Note: The concept of polarity comes in part from David Deida's work, and in addition to reverse polarity, here we also delve into the concepts of first-, second-, and third-stage relationships.

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

As a client recently put it, where do you go to "scrimmage" with women? How and where do you practice relating, flirting, and connecting with the feminine? It can feel like the stakes are high once you're on an actual date (not to mention getting to sexy time and beyond).

Here we talk all about that! We cover communities where relating (and practicing relating authentically) is the name of the game. We give you concrete suggestions on where to go during your week to get practice in with women, as well as what kinds of events to prioritize.

This is doable. You can join communities where there's a regular partner practice, find spots where women are but someone else sets the container so you can focus on relating to her, and more.We want to support and encourage healthy relationships, and practice around dating can help. It's the new year -- LFG!

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

—

Memorable quotes

• "Online dating can be crushing."
• "Structure in your life can lead to other structures."
• "Half my female clients meet their partners in real life."
• "Creating a structure in your week where there are opportunities to be around new womencan be a game-changer."

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Violet's program: Radiant Love
• Jaiya's community work with the erotic blueprints
• Londin Angel Winters & Justin Patrick Pierce's work

How do we teach boys how to be "a calm but assured version of masculinity"?

— fatherhood retreat (for any dad)

— men’s retreats for adult men

— and some train the trainer stuff

, co-founder of the Inspiring Men Project and healthy masculinity educator

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I was starting to see so much toxic masculinity I started to devalue my own masculinity.”
• “These boys don’t get shown possibilities — it’s just, ‘Don’t be these things.’”
• “I started to see how much harm our boys are facing.”
• “I can’t control what the world does to me, but I can control how I meet that.”
• “Emotion are tools. They’re important.”
• “Power is our ability to meet and shape the world around us.”
• “Sometimes it’s important to bond shoulder-to-shoulder; sometimes it’s important to bond face-to-face.”

---

Mentioned on the episode

• Scott's program, the Inspiring Men Project, and his own site
• This is Your Moment (program to stop rape)
• RAINN (Rape & Incest National Network) -- free, confidential chat-based support for anyone who has experience any form of sexual assault
• Sacred Sonz -- virtual and in-person support for boys and teens