Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something "wrong," and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you'll likely resonate with this episode.

If you're someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you've ended up with.

In our work with men we've often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around ... and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows.

Fortunately, we've also seen countless men overcome this pattern and grow beyond it. Here we delve into the pattern itself, reasons behind it, and what to do about it.

Memorable quotes:

• “One of the hallmark traits of Nice Guys is overextending.”
• “It’s often the volatile person’s nervous system that gets centered.”
• “If you don’t see reality their way, you’re the enemy.”
• “There’s a fear that if I end this, I’m going to be alone."
• “At an early age, the Nice Guy had to regulate one of his parents, or the family system itself.”
• “Maybe me speaking up isn’t aggressive.”

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men episode 239: Just realized I'm a nice guy. Now what?
• Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder

Divorce is a complex and often sensitive topic. For many, there are questions of success and failure, grief and loss, as well as the question of what we’re role-modeling to our children.

Questions can come up like, “Is it honoring of myself to stay in this relationship? Should I stay because I made a vow, even if it sacrifices my well-being? And if we do get divorced, will I ever find another partner?”

Here, three men reveal their truth around their process of getting divorced, as well as their experiences dating, having sex, and getting into new relationships post-divorce.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I didn’t feel safe to voice my needs with my partner.”
• “I felt like my identity was being snuffed out in my marriage.”
• “It was a deep-dive back into my passions.”
• “Am I worthy? Will a quality woman say yes to this?”
• “We’re both doing work and we support each other.”

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

This episode is kinda edgy! Here we (a small group of women who are attracted to men) give you a peek behind the curtain in terms of what we really crave from the masculine. The thing we rarely outline so starkly.

The truth is, many of us human beings limit ourselves when it comes to having it all. We think we can either have a job we like, or one that pays us well ... we can either settle down and become 'boring,' or have an exciting life without stability.

This pattern of thinking is especially obvious when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. A lot of people struggle with believing they can have a partner who is BOTH one thing and another thing. And for women who are attracted to men, that is frequently: I want to feel claimed/ravaged AND respected/cherished.

There's more to it than that, and here we get down and dirty with it. Listen on for insight into the light and dark masculine, fuckboys at Da Club, the shame we hold around this pattern, and how to embody everything a woman yearns for.

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men Episode 269: The heart/cock matrix

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I can either have fun … or be married.”
• “I liked the feeling of being respected, but I didn’t feel juicy.”
• “This is the best sex that I’ve ever had with anybody.”
• “I could trust that he would show up, and see parts of me that I wasn’t necessarily proud of.”
• “It’s not something you do or say. It’s a vibe!”

Online dating can be hard! As a hetero man on the apps, you're statistically likely to get far fewer matches than a hetero woman. If you're on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony, Match, MeetMindful, and/or OKCupid and you're not finding what you're looking for ... you're not alone.

Dating apps can be crazy-making -- for real! That said, online dating does NOT have to suck for you. We have 5 concrete tips for you to maintain your sanity and actually have a good experience.

These are things we've seen work for our clients, and they can work for you. Take a listen if you want more hot sex, dating, and relationships in your life.

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "A lot of times we see men limiting themselves because they assume a woman won’t be open to a “less serious” relationship."
• “Everybody is navigating different phases of life.”
• “For it to be a successful relationship, it doesn’t have to last forever.”
• “Turn the notifications off!”
• "I have an ability to impact my life (vs. I feel like a victim).”
• "When we’re doing the work, we’re getting our power back.”

How do depression & anxiety intersect with sex & dating?

If you’re one of the millions of people who’ve experience anxiety, clinical depression, and/or dysthymia — low-grade, chronic depression — then you know how easy it is to spiral. When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, it can feel daunting to even get started. Negative self-talk abounds! This can be exacerbated if you identify with Nice Guy Syndrome.

The fact is, human beings (especially in the modern world) are prone to anxiety & depression. So how do you work on it and respectfully get laid at the same time?

Here, Toby Endelman, who collaborates closely with Dr. Glover (author of No More Mr. Nice Guy), discusses his own personal journey around overcoming depression, and practical steps you can take if you’re in the same boat.

This is a big subject and there are no quick fixes, but the important thing to know is that there *is* hope, and things can get better.

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “My father’s passing really knocked me on my ass.”
• “I grew up thinking I was deeply unattractive.”
• “I couldn’t believe this woman was going out with me!”
• “Changing my environment was a great start.”
• “Every relationship is a choice, and you always have the choice to walk away.”
• “You cannot do this work alone. We need other people to become who we are.”

Cheating is both a sensitive and complex topic. It lies at the intersection of sexuality, betrayal, needs, wants, and power.

Here we explore something we've noticed in our work: the correlation we’ve witnessed between the pattern of cheating, and not being in your power as a man. We go over both the experience of cheating as well as being cheated on.

In Jason’s words, “One of the shadow sides of a lot of Nice Guys is tolerating not being treated well, and in a weird way this has partners treat them even worse.”

To be clear, cheating is wrong and causes harm, and we are not condoning it. What we are doing is discussing questions like:

What happens when your needs aren’t met in a relationship?

How do you handle feeling stuck when it comes to sex and relationship?

Whether you're dating or in a committed partnership, how do you effectively communicate with a partner when were never taught how to do so?

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I wasn’t taught to attune to myself, or advocate for myself.”
• ‘“Life just happening to us’ (as Nice Guys) vs. ‘I have the power to impact my life.’”
• “Confrontational tolerance is critical.”
• “It tends to bring guys alive.”

Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men episode 128: Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder
• Dear Men episode 196: The “invisible” relationship pattern that can affect everything -- this is the one I reference, where we talk about emotional neglect
• 250: How do you re-polarize a relationship (bring back the spark)? ft. Jason Lange -- this one explores the concept of polarity as well as reverse polarity

"What should I do with my life?"

It's a question most of us ask ourselves (sometimes on repeat!), and one many of us could use more guidance around.

Knowing the answer matters for several reasons, and one is that it naturally generates polarity with a partner. In sex, dating, and relationships, you, as a man, will polarize women far more when you know who you are and what you're about. It will bring you energy and give you direction, which is naturally polarizing.

But how the hell do you figure it out?! It isn't always easy. Enter Brian Johnson, who has worked with elite athletes, Navy SEALs, the CEO of Whole Foods, Phil Stutz (psychiatrist to the stars), and thousands more. He's successful, driven, and very passionate about helping everyone know how to answer the question, and go from stuck to unstuck to thriving.

Traditional sex and relationship advice won't cover this, but if you want women to desire you on a deep level -- sexually as well as in a relationship -- this isn't one to miss.

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "You’re supposed to enter the forest at the darkest spot, and sometimes Life throws you into that spot."
• "It’s laser tag; do I really need instructions??"
• "The most elite performers in the world have the most coaches."
• "Love is the hero’s secret weapon."
• “Action drives creativity.”

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Mentioned on this episode:

Brian's book: Areté

Ever wanted to explore the dark side of the moon? ;) If you've ever been curious about anal sex -- or enjoy it already and want to hear what others have to say -- this one's for you.

Here we hear from one woman who really enjoys anal, and another who hasn’t had great experiences with it (yet). We also talk a lot about how to open up a conversation with your partner about it (i.e. how do you say, "I'd like to try anal sex. Would you?"). And we cover the shame that can be inherent in wanting to try a new sex act, whether that's anal sex or something else.

Anal sex isn’t just for women, either! We also discuss men who enjoy receiving anal stimulation, whether that's anal sex or prostrate massage. Yay, healthy, connected sex and pleasure!

Mentioned on this episode:

• Please Her in Bed, my streaming course on sex
• Maude, the sexual intimacy company with the awesome lube

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Everybody's got an anus."
• "Pussy juice!"
• "For me to feel safe having anal sex with a man, it would require more trust and intimacy than vaginal sex."
• "It takes the most prep and intention going into it."
• "We were doing it doggy style and he said, 'Can I stick it in your ass?'"

One pattern we've often seen in our clients (and lived ourselves) is feeling like our partner needs us in order to feel OK. This can start to feel like a burden, especially if it's a constant pattern.

The truth is, it is each partner’s responsibility to tend to their nervous systems and be able to regulate their emotions enough to be able to regularly come to the relationship with presence and energy.

But what do you do when someone's going through a hard time, or they've gotten used to leaning on you for support? This kind of thing can affect a dating or long-term relationship, and it tends to impact everything in your dynamic (including the sex).

Here, we go through the ins and outs of this pattern, including its origins and how you can start to address it proactively with a love partner.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “When she was feeling down, she needed a lot of support and attention from me.”
• “One partner can often keep giving and giving and giving and get burnt out.”
• “One of the benefits of relationship is co-regulation.”
• “She felt rejected because I needed to take space.”
• "It’s fair to say, 'I need you to have meaningful support outside the relationship in order to feel secure in our connection.'"

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Ahhh, the conundrum: Your partner does something you don't like but you don't know how to say so, so you just let it ride (and resentment builds). Or there's something you do want from her ... but you don't know how to say it.

This can also sound like, "How do I tell my partner I want something without seeming demanding?" or, "How do I share my needs without being needy?" or, "How do I tell her [something hard] without pissing her off, or having her feeling judged??"

Real talk: Most of us didn't have healthy communication role-modeled to us in our family of origin. So when these kinds of things happen, we don't know what to say:

• Your dating partner wants to hang out this Friday evening, but you want alone time
• You want to try something new in sex with your wife, but have no idea how to bring it up
• Your woman partner is going through a hard time and has been leaning on you a lot, and you need a break

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The good news? This is doable. You can learn how to communicate your needs skillfully in relationship, and it makes all the difference. Whether it's about sex, dating, or a relationship issue, the freedom to bring up and hold space for challenging subjects is not only deeply masculine, but of deep service in the world.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "I guess I’ll just tolerate it."
• "Under every complaint is a desire."
• "Sharing desire is inherently vulnerable."
• "We have to teach our partners how to love us."

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a callhere. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)