HammeredRecovery Podcast

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com  or e-mail me at [email protected] Types of AA Meetings Open/ClosedMale/FemaleBig BookStepSpeakerDiscussionCombo What is a relapse?  Stages of Relapse = TRIGER(Emotional) – THOUGHT(Mental) – CRAVING (Physical) – USE Like it or not, the first stage of relapse is emotional, so in order for us to become more aware of the warning we need to understand our feelings and emotions a little better. We may believe it’s impossible to understand, predict or control our emotional responses to people or events, however, feelings and emotions are not magical.  They are part of being human and we can learn how to Think about our feelings in a way that makes it less likely that we will be Ruled by what we feel. Feelings Learning to “deal” with feelings.Accepting they are normal.Understanding that thoughts or ideas may influence feelings.Talking about it helps.Most people will gladly express their Opinions and Thoughts on a subject, but not their Feelings or Emotions.As a society it seems we have learned that feelings and emotions should be suppressed and denied.Don’t get mad.There’s no reason to be upset.Don’t be a cry baby.Calm down.You shouldn’t feel that way.The inability to recognize and identify our feelings can cause problems.Effects our ability to communicate honestly and assertively with people.When we don’t have an avenue for dealing with our feelings openly, we may attempt to “medicate” those feelings that trouble us with drugs and alcohol.Medication wears off, but the feelings remain.What are Feelings and emotions?Physical ResponsesSweaty palms, increased blood pressure, increased adrenaline, and blood sugar (Fight or Flight)Many emotions have similar physical characteristics. Angry/EmbarrassedNeed to be able to ask “what am I feeling right now” we can become aware of a physical response to a situation.Nonverbal ResponsesWe communicate most of what we are feeling NonverballyGestures, facial expressions, tone, loudness, eye contact, distanceIn order to communicate effectively, it’s important to be aware of how we communicate nonverbally.  Nonverbal communication is often more powerful and believed more than the wordsYour upset… NO I AM NOT!When there is confusion between what you are saying, and your body language people go with the body language.Feelings have a physical side; in that we can feel them in our bodies.We also communicate feelings with our bodies, whether we are aware of doing so or not.Nonverbal communication is one of the most important ways we communicate.Awareness of these things is the first step in learning to use our feelings constructively.Pay attention to what your body tells you, especially wen it comes to uncomfortable feelings like anger, jealousy, resentment, anxiety.Awareness gives you a tool to use for taking some deep beaths to calm down.Also pay attention to the things you do to communicate your feelings without words. It may not be fair, but we have turned certain body languages into signs of us drinking.Eye contactNot getting things doneCouchIt’s important to realize the impact that certain thoughts and ideas may have on our feelings and emotional states.Important to learn to recognize ideas and Thinking Patterns that lead to negative or uncomfortable feelings or Mind Traps.These mind traps can wear us down and keep us emotionally upset.  Often we may not even realize our thinking is causing bad feelings.Example if I create a mind trap that says I MUST ALWAYS BE LIKED BY EVERYONE I MEET IN LIFE, then I have set myself us for a lot of negative and unhappy feelings. It’s not realistic to think everyone in the world MUST like me and as long as I carry that idea around in my head, (mind trap) I’ll be disappointed and unhappy on a regular basis. Mid Traps, or unrealistic thinking patterns, can threaten recovery efforts because of the emotional turmoil they produce.One solution is to learn to challenge these Mind Traps...

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com  or e-mail me at [email protected] Types of AA Meetings Open/ClosedMale/FemaleBig BookStepSpeakerDiscussionCombo What is a relapse?  Stages of Relapse = TRIGER(Emotional) – THOUGHT(Mental) – CRAVING (Physical) – USE Like it or not, the first stage of relapse is emotional, so in order for us to become more aware of the warning we need to understand our feelings and emotions a little better. We may believe it’s impossible to understand, predict or control our emotional responses to people or events, however, feelings and emotions are not magical.  They are part of being human and we can learn how to Think about our feelings in a way that makes it less likely that we will be Ruled by what we feel. Feelings Learning to “deal” with feelings.Accepting they are normal.Understanding that thoughts or ideas may influence feelings.Talking about it helps.Most people will gladly express their Opinions and Thoughts on a subject, but not their Feelings or Emotions.As a society it seems we have learned that feelings and emotions should be suppressed and denied.Don’t get mad.There’s no reason to be upset.Don’t be a cry baby.Calm down.You shouldn’t feel that way.The inability to recognize and identify our feelings can cause problems.Effects our ability to communicate honestly and assertively with people.When we don’t have an avenue for dealing with our feelings openly, we may attempt to “medicate” those feelings that trouble us with drugs and alcohol.Medication wears off, but the feelings remain.What are Feelings and emotions?Physical ResponsesSweaty palms, increased blood pressure, increased adrenaline, and blood sugar (Fight or Flight)Many emotions have similar physical characteristics. Angry/EmbarrassedNeed to be able to ask “what am I feeling right now” we can become aware of a physical response to a situation.Nonverbal ResponsesWe communicate most of what we are feeling NonverballyGestures, facial expressions, tone, loudness, eye contact, distanceIn order to communicate effectively, it’s important to be aware of how we communicate nonverbally.  Nonverbal communication is often more powerful and believed more than the wordsYour upset… NO I AM NOT!When there is confusion between what you are saying, and your body language people go with the body language.Feelings have a physical side; in that we can feel them in our bodies.We also communicate feelings with our bodies, whether we are aware of doing so or not.Nonverbal communication is one of the most important ways we communicate.Awareness of these things is the first step in learning to use our feelings constructively.Pay attention to what your body tells you, especially wen it comes to uncomfortable feelings like anger, jealousy, resentment, anxiety.Awareness gives you a tool to use for taking some deep beaths to calm down.Also pay attention to the things you do to communicate your feelings without words. It may not be fair, but we have turned certain body languages into signs of us drinking.Eye contactNot getting things doneCouchIt’s important to realize the impact that certain thoughts and ideas may have on our feelings and emotional states.Important to learn to recognize ideas and Thinking Patterns that lead to negative or uncomfortable feelings or Mind Traps.These mind traps can wear us down and keep us emotionally upset.  Often we may not even realize our thinking is causing bad feelings.Example if I create a mind trap that says I MUST ALWAYS BE LIKED BY EVERYONE I MEET IN LIFE, then I have set myself us for a lot of negative and unhappy feelings. It’s not realistic to think everyone in the world MUST like me and as long as I carry that idea around in my head, (mind trap) I’ll be disappointed and unhappy on a regular basis. Mid Traps, or unrealistic thinking patterns, can threaten recovery efforts because of the emotional turmoil they produce.One solution is to learn to challenge these Mind Traps...

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com  or e-mail me at [email protected] Show Notes Family Trip – Glensheen MansionI believe there is a marketing OpportunityIf you do the research I think you can pretty much conclude who did it, but I am not going to get into that since this is not a murder mystery Podcast although if I could figure out a way to tie those together I definitely would.However, I’ll tie it together in this way Sobriety could use a bit of a marketing campaign as well.I think for those starting out they look at it as loosing somethingWe need to start looking at it as gaining so much more.First you need to get through that first year.All the studies will show that if you can make it a year the chances you stay sober go way up.  Why is this?A lot of the research will say that your brain starts to reset and not think about it anymore.I also think you get past all the firsts that can be hardFirst work tripFirst Happy HourFirst VacationFirst BirthdayFirst XmasFirst MeetingBut how do we do this?24 hours at a timeAll you need to do is string 365 24-hour periods togetherI have already talked aboutMeetingsSponsorWorking the stepsToday I am going to focus on a few more ideasTechnically one day at a time is a tool, but I’m going to talk about how to get through 24 hours. There is a book by AA called Living Sober – I’ve become a little addicted to books written before I was born. This book was written in 1975 Because you find things like “…Treatment primarily involves not drinking…” American Medical AssociationI like this book because it’s written by AA, not doctors.People with experience.  They don’t know why things work; they just now that they do.Of course, there are doctor’sBill W and Dr. Bob – Founders of AABill was a BusinessmanManaged to stay sobor 5 mos. by helping others (12th step) he traveled to Akron for a meeting that didn’t go his way.After he felt compelled to drink, but instead he searched out another alcoholic to talk to and found Dr. Bob.  May 15th, 1935, first AA meeting.Dr Bob was still an active alcoholic, but never drank againTook 4 years to put together 100 former alcoholics to write the Big Book.Maybe I’ll do a more informative podcast on that…Eating or drinking something – usually, sweetThis booklet is based on our own personal experiences, rather than on scientific reports.  So, we cannot explain precisely, in technical terms, why this should be so. We can only pass on the word that thousands of us - even many who said they had never liked sweets – have found that eating or drinking something sweet allays the urge to drink.Arnie PalmerI was a Diet Coke drinker – I moved back to Regular Coke, and now on to Coke Zero because … that’s healthierI like ice cream all of a sudden. Anyone can quick drinking.  I’ve done it lots of times. How do we Live Sober? Play the Tape ForwardQuins Story Getting ActiveIt is very hard just to sit still trying not to do a certain thing, or not even to think about it.  It’s much easier to get active and do something else.What to do with all this time on our hands we had once spent planning, getting our drinks, drinking, recovering…Substituting a new and different activity is easier than just stopping the old activity and putting nothing in its placeVacationActive in AANot going to say much about this other than this is a good step for those that are on the fence about being an alcoholic too.Don’t worry sitting at, and observing, AA. Meetings does not make you an alcoholic, or an AA Member, any more than sitting in a hen house makes you a hen.Not required to do anythingActive out of AATaking walksEddieReadingNot a big fan, but I do it for the podcastGoing to museumsUsually don’t but… GleensheenStarting on long-neglected choresI just moved instead, but may be good for youTrying a new hobbyGrilling/CookingYouTubeSomething that takes a lot of time and seems out of your league (bacon)PodcastSober HouseRevisiting an old pastimepuzzlesT...

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com  or e-mail me at [email protected] Show Notes Family Trip – Glensheen MansionI believe there is a marketing OpportunityIf you do the research I think you can pretty much conclude who did it, but I am not going to get into that since this is not a murder mystery Podcast although if I could figure out a way to tie those together I definitely would.However, I’ll tie it together in this way Sobriety could use a bit of a marketing campaign as well.I think for those starting out they look at it as loosing somethingWe need to start looking at it as gaining so much more.First you need to get through that first year.All the studies will show that if you can make it a year the chances you stay sober go way up.  Why is this?A lot of the research will say that your brain starts to reset and not think about it anymore.I also think you get past all the firsts that can be hardFirst work tripFirst Happy HourFirst VacationFirst BirthdayFirst XmasFirst MeetingBut how do we do this?24 hours at a timeAll you need to do is string 365 24-hour periods togetherI have already talked aboutMeetingsSponsorWorking the stepsToday I am going to focus on a few more ideasTechnically one day at a time is a tool, but I’m going to talk about how to get through 24 hours. There is a book by AA called Living Sober – I’ve become a little addicted to books written before I was born. This book was written in 1975 Because you find things like “…Treatment primarily involves not drinking…” American Medical AssociationI like this book because it’s written by AA, not doctors.People with experience.  They don’t know why things work; they just now that they do.Of course, there are doctor’sBill W and Dr. Bob – Founders of AABill was a BusinessmanManaged to stay sobor 5 mos. by helping others (12th step) he traveled to Akron for a meeting that didn’t go his way.After he felt compelled to drink, but instead he searched out another alcoholic to talk to and found Dr. Bob.  May 15th, 1935, first AA meeting.Dr Bob was still an active alcoholic, but never drank againTook 4 years to put together 100 former alcoholics to write the Big Book.Maybe I’ll do a more informative podcast on that…Eating or drinking something – usually, sweetThis booklet is based on our own personal experiences, rather than on scientific reports.  So, we cannot explain precisely, in technical terms, why this should be so. We can only pass on the word that thousands of us - even many who said they had never liked sweets – have found that eating or drinking something sweet allays the urge to drink.Arnie PalmerI was a Diet Coke drinker – I moved back to Regular Coke, and now on to Coke Zero because … that’s healthierI like ice cream all of a sudden. Anyone can quick drinking.  I’ve done it lots of times. How do we Live Sober? Play the Tape ForwardQuins Story Getting ActiveIt is very hard just to sit still trying not to do a certain thing, or not even to think about it.  It’s much easier to get active and do something else.What to do with all this time on our hands we had once spent planning, getting our drinks, drinking, recovering…Substituting a new and different activity is easier than just stopping the old activity and putting nothing in its placeVacationActive in AANot going to say much about this other than this is a good step for those that are on the fence about being an alcoholic too.Don’t worry sitting at, and observing, AA. Meetings does not make you an alcoholic, or an AA Member, any more than sitting in a hen house makes you a hen.Not required to do anythingActive out of AATaking walksEddieReadingNot a big fan, but I do it for the podcastGoing to museumsUsually don’t but… GleensheenStarting on long-neglected choresI just moved instead, but may be good for youTrying a new hobbyGrilling/CookingYouTubeSomething that takes a lot of time and seems out of your league (bacon)PodcastSober HouseRevisiting an old pastimepuzzlesT...

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com  or e-mail me at [email protected] Show Notes Today we discussed:Love Songs for Angry Men, the opening band for the podcastthe similarities between AA and NAAn audio book I listened to this week that didn't quite pan outHow it workshow finding an easier softer way does not work

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com  or e-mail me at [email protected] Show Notes Today we discussed:Love Songs for Angry Men, the opening band for the podcastthe similarities between AA and NAAn audio book I listened to this week that didn't quite pan outHow it workshow finding an easier softer way does not work

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com or e-mail me at [email protected] Show Notes When I started this podcast one of the things I wanted to do was to chronicle my journey so that others just starting out could benefit from my experience, which admittedly started at Zero When Anybody asks me How I am doing this I answer them all the say way. Go to meetingsGet a sponsorWork the steps And for me, that is the order. I started going to meetings right out of treatmentIt took me a few meetings before I found my sponsorNot long after that we started working the steps. Over the past few weeks, we have been meeting, working the steps, and I am now starting Step 8 Step 4 – PodcastToday 5-7Only 1 mentions alcohol On Sunday I attended a new Big Book meeting, my first, and the reading was The Man who mastered Fear. I then went to Church and the topic was Build a great defense to offence Cannot be offended it you see it coming.Being offended is like a trap.  Don’t get stuck in it. Step over it.Week begore Judging others – Don’t make assumptions.Don’t be offended – Never take things personally. What is the common denominator?  Humility Best time to plant an oak tree… 15 years ago.  Second best? Today. All of this ties to Steps 5-7 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of CharacterHumbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings Today I am going to pick up at Steps 5-7I’m going to start with a quick recap of the steps.I know most people listening are either very familiar with them, or can easily look them up online, so as I go through them I’m going to add the Spiritual Principle of each, which people may be less familiar with12 Steps for Concrete ThinkersThe Secular 12 StepsAgnostic AA 12 StepsOnly the 1st step mentions alcohol or addictionMore evidence of this being an Exclusive Club which everyone could benefit from. Each of the 12 steps contains a Spiritual Principle HonestyHopeFaithCourageIntegrityWillingnessHumilityCompassionJusticePerseveranceSpiritual AwarenessService Step 5 – Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.Key phrase – To another human beingAll Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires… They will deflate our egosFew Steps can be harder to take than Five, but scarcely any Step is more necessary to long-term sobriety and peach of mind than this one.AA has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them.We have to talk to somebody about them.So intense is our fear and reluctance to do this, that many people at first try to bypass Step Five.We search for an easier softer wayWhich usually consists of the general and fairly painless admission that when drinking we were sometimes bad actors.  Then we add dramatic descriptions of that part of our behavior, which our friends probably know about anyhow.But of the things that really bother and burn us we say nothingFew things have caused us more trouble than holding back on Step 5Some people are unable to stay soberOthers relapse periodically until they REALLY clean houseOldtimers, sober for years, often pay dearly for skimping on this StepSuffer Irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depressionThey discovered that relief never came by confessing the sins of another.  Everybody had to confess his own.It seems plain that the grace of God will not enter to expel our destructive obsessions until we are willing to try this.What are we likely to receive from Step 5… we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolation we’ve always had.Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by lonelinessWhen we found AA, and for the first time in our lives stood among people who seemed to understand (our Tribe) the sense of belonging was tremendously excitingWe thought the isolation proble...

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com or e-mail me at [email protected] Show Notes When I started this podcast one of the things I wanted to do was to chronicle my journey so that others just starting out could benefit from my experience, which admittedly started at Zero When Anybody asks me How I am doing this I answer them all the say way. Go to meetingsGet a sponsorWork the steps And for me, that is the order. I started going to meetings right out of treatmentIt took me a few meetings before I found my sponsorNot long after that we started working the steps. Over the past few weeks, we have been meeting, working the steps, and I am now starting Step 8 Step 4 – PodcastToday 5-7Only 1 mentions alcohol On Sunday I attended a new Big Book meeting, my first, and the reading was The Man who mastered Fear. I then went to Church and the topic was Build a great defense to offence Cannot be offended it you see it coming.Being offended is like a trap.  Don’t get stuck in it. Step over it.Week begore Judging others – Don’t make assumptions.Don’t be offended – Never take things personally. What is the common denominator?  Humility Best time to plant an oak tree… 15 years ago.  Second best? Today. All of this ties to Steps 5-7 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of CharacterHumbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings Today I am going to pick up at Steps 5-7I’m going to start with a quick recap of the steps.I know most people listening are either very familiar with them, or can easily look them up online, so as I go through them I’m going to add the Spiritual Principle of each, which people may be less familiar with12 Steps for Concrete ThinkersThe Secular 12 StepsAgnostic AA 12 StepsOnly the 1st step mentions alcohol or addictionMore evidence of this being an Exclusive Club which everyone could benefit from. Each of the 12 steps contains a Spiritual Principle HonestyHopeFaithCourageIntegrityWillingnessHumilityCompassionJusticePerseveranceSpiritual AwarenessService Step 5 – Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.Key phrase – To another human beingAll Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires… They will deflate our egosFew Steps can be harder to take than Five, but scarcely any Step is more necessary to long-term sobriety and peach of mind than this one.AA has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them.We have to talk to somebody about them.So intense is our fear and reluctance to do this, that many people at first try to bypass Step Five.We search for an easier softer wayWhich usually consists of the general and fairly painless admission that when drinking we were sometimes bad actors.  Then we add dramatic descriptions of that part of our behavior, which our friends probably know about anyhow.But of the things that really bother and burn us we say nothingFew things have caused us more trouble than holding back on Step 5Some people are unable to stay soberOthers relapse periodically until they REALLY clean houseOldtimers, sober for years, often pay dearly for skimping on this StepSuffer Irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depressionThey discovered that relief never came by confessing the sins of another.  Everybody had to confess his own.It seems plain that the grace of God will not enter to expel our destructive obsessions until we are willing to try this.What are we likely to receive from Step 5… we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolation we’ve always had.Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by lonelinessWhen we found AA, and for the first time in our lives stood among people who seemed to understand (our Tribe) the sense of belonging was tremendously excitingWe thought the isolation proble...

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com  or e-mail me at [email protected] A lot of what I am going to cover comes from It’s OK that you’re not OK by Megan Devine.  This is not going to be a deep dive, so I encourage you all to buy and read the book (Website).I also want to point out that this is a book about the loss of a loved one. I fully understand that admitting I am an alcoholic is not the same as my wife drowning in front of me, but this is a book about loss, and I have experienced loss.This shitty disease took from me the person I used to be.  The same way finding out you have cancer changed your life from that point on.I happen to like the person I have become, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard and I also understand that others may be having a much harder time dealing with it.This book can be used for all kinds of loss, and it does it a disservice if it is type casted as a book for only those who have lost someone.Not all losses are created equal.  The loss of a child is different than the loss of a grandparent the same way the loss of who you used to be is different.I also want to state, that this episode is not just for you. A good part of this episode is for your friends and family.  I’ve never done this before, but if you feel it would help I would ask that you ask your friends and family to listen to this episode.  Hell, I actually feel most of my episodes would be good for anyone to listen to, but I am hoping these helps alleviate some stress for you too. I’m going to break this episode down into 4 parts that loosely follow the book. You’ve admitted you an alcoholic, now what (coming to terms)Sometimes shit just sucks!A message for Friends and familyThe way forward with your tribe. First a little bit about Megan Devine. She was a counselor for over a decadeIn 2009 she watched her partner drown just before his 30th birthday.After she wanted to call all of her clients and apologize for her ignoranceNothing could have prepared her, and nothing she had learned mattered. You’ve admitted you’re an alcoholic, now what? Reality of loss sets inEverything is different nowNothing makes senseYour life was normal, but now it is anything butNothing feels realYour mind cannot stop replaying events to try make senseBecause you feel crazy doesn’t make you crazyThere is only so much you can absorb at a timeWe need to know how to live hereLittle land minesYou don’t just loose the present, you lose the future you should have hadTrips to the grocery storeNo wonder grief is so exhaustingIt’s not the actual pain of loss it’s the sheer number of tiny things to be avoided or planned for.The need to just not talkSmart people have started to try take away your painWhat the outside world believes and what you know to be true can be the hardest partWondering if others are nuts or if you are too sensitive adds another layer of stressThere really is something not comforting in the ways people are trying to comfort youPeople are saying the sweetest things, why does this make you angryEveryone has their opinionIn early recovery you feel crazy, but it’s the culture that is crazy.  It’s not you it’s usOur views on grief are almost all negative.  Something to be taken away.There is no room for your pain to just existMaybe you feel aloneWhat does matter is that you are not alone feeling the world had failed you Suicide Surviving early grief is a massive effortWhat to do when the pain is too much?Not wanting to be alive is different than wanting to be deadIt’s hard to tell none grieving people that.You simply don’t careNeed to find a way to get through these momentsMake a pact with another alcoholicRemind yourself of the consequences – Play the tape forwardAnything to get through these times.Please stay alive! Do it for others if you must.Please reach out for help. Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-TALK (8255)Acknowledgement is the only form of medicine that works

For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com  or e-mail me at [email protected] A lot of what I am going to cover comes from It’s OK that you’re not OK by Megan Devine.  This is not going to be a deep dive, so I encourage you all to buy and read the book (Website).I also want to point out that this is a book about the loss of a loved one. I fully understand that admitting I am an alcoholic is not the same as my wife drowning in front of me, but this is a book about loss, and I have experienced loss.This shitty disease took from me the person I used to be.  The same way finding out you have cancer changed your life from that point on.I happen to like the person I have become, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard and I also understand that others may be having a much harder time dealing with it.This book can be used for all kinds of loss, and it does it a disservice if it is type casted as a book for only those who have lost someone.Not all losses are created equal.  The loss of a child is different than the loss of a grandparent the same way the loss of who you used to be is different.I also want to state, that this episode is not just for you. A good part of this episode is for your friends and family.  I’ve never done this before, but if you feel it would help I would ask that you ask your friends and family to listen to this episode.  Hell, I actually feel most of my episodes would be good for anyone to listen to, but I am hoping these helps alleviate some stress for you too. I’m going to break this episode down into 4 parts that loosely follow the book. You’ve admitted you an alcoholic, now what (coming to terms)Sometimes shit just sucks!A message for Friends and familyThe way forward with your tribe. First a little bit about Megan Devine. She was a counselor for over a decadeIn 2009 she watched her partner drown just before his 30th birthday.After she wanted to call all of her clients and apologize for her ignoranceNothing could have prepared her, and nothing she had learned mattered. You’ve admitted you’re an alcoholic, now what? Reality of loss sets inEverything is different nowNothing makes senseYour life was normal, but now it is anything butNothing feels realYour mind cannot stop replaying events to try make senseBecause you feel crazy doesn’t make you crazyThere is only so much you can absorb at a timeWe need to know how to live hereLittle land minesYou don’t just loose the present, you lose the future you should have hadTrips to the grocery storeNo wonder grief is so exhaustingIt’s not the actual pain of loss it’s the sheer number of tiny things to be avoided or planned for.The need to just not talkSmart people have started to try take away your painWhat the outside world believes and what you know to be true can be the hardest partWondering if others are nuts or if you are too sensitive adds another layer of stressThere really is something not comforting in the ways people are trying to comfort youPeople are saying the sweetest things, why does this make you angryEveryone has their opinionIn early recovery you feel crazy, but it’s the culture that is crazy.  It’s not you it’s usOur views on grief are almost all negative.  Something to be taken away.There is no room for your pain to just existMaybe you feel aloneWhat does matter is that you are not alone feeling the world had failed you Suicide Surviving early grief is a massive effortWhat to do when the pain is too much?Not wanting to be alive is different than wanting to be deadIt’s hard to tell none grieving people that.You simply don’t careNeed to find a way to get through these momentsMake a pact with another alcoholicRemind yourself of the consequences – Play the tape forwardAnything to get through these times.Please stay alive! Do it for others if you must.Please reach out for help. Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-TALK (8255)Acknowledgement is the only form of medicine that works