The Self-Driven Child

I’m thrilled to have Lenore Skenazy, founder of the Free-Range Kids movement, as my guest on the show today. Lenore has been sounding the alarm about childhood anxiety and overprotection for years, and she shares powerful insights from psychology professor Camilo Ortiz’s recent research on how independence - not just accommodation - can help anxious kids thrive.

Timeline Summary:

[00:53] - Introducing Lenore Skenazy and the Free-Range Parenting movement.

[02:09] – Lenore’s New York Times article about how we’ve increasingly deprived kids of independence.

[06:15] - Camilo Ortiz tried “independence therapy” with anxious kids.

[08:33] - This therapy works like cognitive behavioral therapy but starting with intrinsic motivation.

[14:13] - Overprotection may make kids scared, not the world itself being scary.

[16:19] - Taking away autonomy means no problem-solving.

[19:03] - Trying to protect makes kids anxious. Independence provides chances to gain optimism.

[24:32] - Activities create intrinsic motivation to overcome obstacles and build resilience.

[27:17] - We’ve taken the foot off the developmental brake.

[32:02] - Schools are ideal for “Let Grow” projects, normalizing independence among peers.

[33:33] - Holding kids back sends a dangerous message.

[43:32] - We must give kids freedom so they become brave, resilient adults.

Connect with Lenore Skenazy:

· LetGrow.org

· Free-Range Kids

· The New York Times: Anxious Kids Need to Learn Independence. Here’s How Parents Can Help

Links & Resources:

· The Croods Krispy Bear Dies!

· The National Library of Medicine: Learned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neuroscience

· Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If you found it insightful, I urge you to share it with others. And hey, if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support means the world to us. Until the next time, remember to love your kids and stay curious!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Today I talk with Jennifer Wallace, an award-winning journalist and author of "Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic and What We Can Do About It." With an illustrious career that began at “60 Minutes” and her current role as a Journalism Fellow at the Center for Parent and Teen Communication at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, Jennifer brings a wealth of knowledge and a keen eye to the discussion.

Together, we discuss the intricacies of parental pressures, the weight of societal expectations, and the emotional toll it takes on children. As we navigate the turbulent waters of achievement and the idea of "never enough," Jennifer sheds light on the transforming landscape of parenthood and the silent battles our children face. Are parents unknowingly acting as conduits of social pressure? Can the prestige of a top-ranked college serve as a life vest in uncertain times, or is it turning into a lead vest drowning our children? Tune in for an episode filled with profound insights, backed by Jennifer's impeccable journalism and real-life anecdotes.

Timeline Summary:
[02:11] Shocking stats from nationwide parenting survey

[05:45] Overworked teen runs laps on 5 hours of sleep

[07:08] Relentless achievement culture like dystopian novel

[08:04] Vital importance of sleep for anxious teens

[11:04] Ned's "sleep stipend" motivates better rest

[12:25] Sleep fuels anxiety's fire

[15:21] Control and stress relation

[18:31] Giving teens autonomy improves grades

[19:41] 5:1 positive to negative interaction ratio

[20:24] Abandoning play and downtime

[22:39] Instilling balanced lives early on

[23:23] "Don't talk that way about my kid!"

[25:08] Not anti-achievement, just pro-balance

[25:40] PDFT - playtime, downtime, family time

[26:04] Parents as "social conduits"

[27:41] Zero-sum thinking and safety nets

[28:20] Teen already worried about affording food

[29:02] Regressing down Maslow's hierarchy

[30:34] The vital concept of mattering

[33:55] Actionable mattering framework

[35:02] Crumpled money "mattering hack"

[36:07] Teaching internal vs. external pride

[38:29] Nostalgia informing future direction

Connect with Jennier Wallace:

https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/

Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It

Links & Resources:

· The Long Walk by Steven King

· Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker

· The Sleep-Deprived Teen by Lisa Lewis

·

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this enlightening conversation with the brilliant Dr. Donna Henderson, we delve into a topic that's close to my heart: autism. We attempt to debunk common misconceptions, discuss the true prevalence of the condition, and explore the challenges faced by those living with autism. Dr. Henderson also shares insights from her new book, "Is This Autism?" and offers an in-depth look at the key criteria for diagnosing autism. Whether you're a parent, a teacher, or just someone looking to understand autism better, this episode is packed with valuable information.

[00:41] - The common misconceptions about autism and the prevalence of autism.

[08:55] - A personal anecdote about having an autistic daughter and the challenges she faces. Dr. Henderson explains how autism is a "neurological mismatch," not a character flaw.

[11:26] - Discussion on the unique challenges faced by autistic individuals in social situations and the criteria used to diagnose autism.

[15:05] - A case study on a student with autism and how his condition impacts his social interactions.

[18:13] - Evolution of autism symptoms over time and whether individuals can "grow out" of it or learn to mask it.

[20:33] - Conversation about unique habits of autistic individuals, such as flexing toes in shoes during intense situations.

[26:05] - Dustin Hoffman's portrayal of an autistic character.

[34:20] - Discussion about the emotional and cognitive taxing that socializing can have on autistic individuals.

[28:09] – I share my experience as a boy with physical symptoms.

[41:46] – Cautionary tale about making presumptions about another person’s autism diagnosis.

[48:34] - Importance of educators being curious and open to learning about their students' unique experiences.

[49:38] - Dr. Henderson discusses her book, "Is this Autism?"

[50:01] - I share my experience as a parent.

Links & Resources

· Dr. Donna Henderson's Website: https://www.drdonnahenderson.com/

· Is this Autism? Book Website: https://www.isthisautism.com/

Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If you found it insightful, I urge you to share it with others. And hey, if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support means the world to us. Until the next time, remember to love your kids and stay curious!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Ever wondered why middle school can feel like a turbulent ride not just for kids, but for parents too? In this episode, we dive deep into the world of middle schoolers with our special guest, Phyllis Fagell. Phyllis, a seasoned middle school counselor, shares her unique insights into the complexities of adolescence, identity formation, and the pivotal role that parents and educators play.

Whether you're a parent, educator, or simply curious about the intricacies of this developmental stage, this episode offers a fresh perspective. Phyllis debunks some common misconceptions about the middle school experience and provides valuable strategies to navigate this often misunderstood phase.

Timeline Summary

[0:00] How to talk with kids to build motivation, stress tolerance, and a happy home.
[6:38] Middle school is a phase of enormous growth and development, not suffering.
[10:51] What should we look for when we see bullying.
[15:00] Being different makes you a target in middle school, it’s associated with bullying.
[20:52] How to talk to your kids so they don’t feel like they’re disappointed in you.
[22:47] Where do we get the crazy idea that in order to help kids do better, we have to make them feel worse?
[26:21] What is it about the brains of kids at this age?
[33:52] When children identify with a core value, it improves academic performance in a way that persists.
[37:43] The importance of having male influences in a boy’s life.
[43:03] Why is it so hard for parents and schools to help kids with racial and ethnic differences?
[48:46] What’s the difference between a real apology vs. a “sorry”?
[57:03] Why is it so hard for parents to love their kids for who they are?

Links & Resources

- Phyllis's website: phyllisfagell.com
- Phyllis's book, Middle School Matters: phyllisfagell.com/middle-school-matters/

I hope you enjoy this episode of "The Self-Driven Child". If you found our conversation with Phyllis Fagell insightful, please take a moment to rate and follow our podcast, share this episode with others, and leave a review. Your feedback helps us bring more meaningful content to you. Thanks for tuning in!

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In today’s episode, I have an important conversation with Ron Leiber, the Your Money columnist for the New York Times. He’s also the author of, The Price You Pay for College, the book we discuss during the podcast. He has some fascinating insights. I hope you will find them valuable!

[1:50] Introducing Ron Lieber
[3:01] Why he wrote The Price You Pay For College: An Entirely New Roadmap For The Biggest Financial Decision Your Family Will Ever Make
[5:16] How much does college actually cost nowadays?
[7:04] What is merit aid?
[10:09] The “Chivas Regal” effect
[12:14] Negative effects of merit aid
[14:08] The complexity of the college aid system
[17:45] Balancing expectations and cost
[23:23] What are the three things you buy when you pay for a college education?
[27:02] Different classes’ considerations regarding colleges
[32:25] Parents’ and teens’ reasons for college attendance
[34:29] Questions to ask & resources
[37:39] The value of attending a diverse college
[41:00] Psychological safety for marginalized people
[47:28] Crucial considerations for all parents of college-bound kids
[50:17] The financial serenity prayer
[52:04] Final thoughts

Links & Resources:

New York Times Your Money column by Ron Lieber: https://www.nytimes.com/column/your-money

Ron's book: The Price You Pay for College: https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/0062867318/

Thank you for joining us in this insightful discussion with Ron Lieber, where we dove into the complexities of college costs and the considerations every parent and student should make. From understanding the true price of college to navigating merit aid and creating psychological safety for marginalized groups, we hope this conversation has shed light on these important topics. We believe these are necessary discussions for fostering a self-driven child. Until next time, continue to explore, learn, and support your children in their journey to becoming self-driven individuals.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode, I speak with Jess Lahey about her latest book, The Addiction Inoculation, and what she learned from her work as a teacher at a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents. Jess talks candidly about the effects of alcohol and drug use on developing brains and provides parents with tips for having age appropriate discussions about the topic with their children and teenagers. Jess also shares how genetics, parenting styles, and education can all play a role in both risk and protective measures against child substance abuse. Join us for valuable insights into navigating how to raise healthy kids and prevent substance use disorder in children.

Timestamps:
[02:11] Introducing Jess Lahey.
[03:27] What does an alcoholic look like?
[05:39] Defining “substance use disorder”.
[09:56] What should we know about substance abuse and developing brains?
[16:28] The role of genetics and epigenetics on substance abuse.
[21:33] Looking at the brain in early childhood and mindfulness.
[29:53] Substance abuse and arrested development.
[32:02] How to frame and encourage positive risk in adolescents.
[34:56] Jess Lahey compares different schools of thought in addiction science and substance abuse.
[38:49] What are the impacts of different parenting styles?
[42:56] The importance of self-efficacy.
[47:17] How to make education feel more relevant and connected for children and teens.
[52:47] Jess Lahey discusses the importance of family connection with examples.
[01:00:13] Jess Lahey talks about navigating her son’s friendship with a peer struggling with substance abuse.
[01:04:37] Final question and piece of advice.

After listening to our conversation, I hope you and your child are able to approach the topic of addiction and substance abuse with clarity and compassion.

Resources:
The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Failure-Parents-Children-Succeed/dp/0062299255
The Addiction Inoculation by Jessica Lahey: https://www.amazon.com/Addiction-Inoculation-Raising-Healthy-Dependence/dp/006288378X
Jessica’s website: https://www.jessicalahey.com/

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In today’s episode of The Self-Driven Child, I interview Eli Lebowitz, the creator of the concept SPACE, or Supportive Parenting of Anxious Childhood Emotions. He is helping parents and kids break the cycle of chronic stress. We discuss how to help our kids cope with uncertainty or a lack of control over situations. I’m so excited to share this conversation with you – Bill and I are huge fans of Eli’s work, and we feel so fortunate to spread the word about the SPACE concept. I hope you enjoy it!

Timestamps:
[2:48] Why he wrote Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD
[4:35] The pandemic’s effect on childhood anxiety
[6:10] Is it regular anxiety or an anxiety disorder?
[10:50] The value of coping mechanisms
[11:15] The heart of anxiety disorders
[13:37] Helping with anxiety comes from a place of love
[17:24] Empathy helps parents with this process
[21:22] How anxiety can present in families
[23:44] The NUTS and bolts of anxiety
[25:27] Addressing anxiety widens a child’s world
[27:58] The traps parents fall into
[35:38] Accommodations for anxious kids
[38:56] Moving toward letting kids feel anxiety sometimes
[42:47] Teaching kids to be the hero of their anxiety story
[44:05] The problems of always accommodating kids’ anxieties
[47:51] Preventing learned helplessness
[50:23] The value of a plan & where to start
[58:00] Final thoughts

Resources:
Breaking Free from Child Anxiety and OCD: https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Free-Child-Anxiety-Scientifically/dp/0190883529

More about the guest:
Professor Lebowitz is the Director of the Program for Anxiety Disorders at the Yale Child Study Center, where she researches and treats anxiety in children and adolescents. His work investigates the genetic and hereditary factors that have a role in the onset and maintenance of anxiety and associated diseases. Dr. Lebowitz has written extensively on child and adolescent anxiety and is the primary researcher on several grant-supported studies.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Welcome to another exciting episode of our podcast, where I had an enlightening conversation with Dr. William Stixrud. We explore the fascinating world of neuroscience, education, and how stress affects learning. You won't want to miss this!

[2:56] ADHD and anxiety in teens.
[5:20] Taking the long view.
[8:59] Three questions to ask yourself about your child.
[11:24] College isn’t an entitlement.
[15:21] Where do you have some leverage?
[17:01] The language of silence in social media.
[20:44] How we connect with our kids.
[24:51] The importance of a non anxious presence.

Resources:

What Do You Say by Dr. William Stixrud & Ned Johnson: amazon.com/What-You-Say-Motivation-Tolerance/dp/B08SP4CQ57/

The National Sleep Foundation: thensf.org

The American Psychological Association's resources on stress: apa.org/topics/stress

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Self Driven Child. If you enjoyed this conversation, please follow the podcast on your favorite platform and leave a review to let us know your thoughts.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

For parents, there’s always that juggling act we do for our kids where we must keep one eye on what is happening in their lives today, and one eye on what lies ahead. It’s stressful to think about what the future holds for our kids. After all, the world is becoming a harder and harder place to live in. My guest for this episode of the Self Driven Child Podcast is author, educator and similarly concerned parent Stephania Malia Krauss. She stopped by to discuss her book Whole Child, Whole Life: 10 Ways to Help Kids Live, Learn, and Thrive and what she’s learned as a parent to become an expert juggler of her kids’ priorities today, and goals of tomorrow. We discuss everything from motivation, brain function, what experts are saying now and some inspiring success stories too.

[01:30] We meet our guest Stephanie Malia Krauss.
[02:30] Stephanie provides some background information about what inspired her book.
[07:35] Education and child development priorities need to be re-examined.
[10:30] The disconnect between education and parental/community goals.
[15:50] ‘Livability’ & ‘Lovability’.
[19:00] “Pockets full of red Maple Leaves.” What is truly valuable?
[25:28] The struggle for college preparedness.
[29:30] A true cause of childhood stress.
[33:00] Putting things in perspective through real human struggle.
[35:45] The importance of resilience.
[39:00] The benefits of listening and respecting our kids.

Resources

• Whole Child, Whole Life: 10 Ways to Help Kids Live, Learn, and Thrive by Stephanie Malia Krauss: https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Child-Life-Learn-Thrive/dp/1071884425
• What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home by William Stixrud PhD, Ned Johnson: https://www.amazon.com/What-You-Say-Motivation-Tolerance/dp/1984880365
• Prep Matters: https://prepmatters.com/

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Self Driven Child. If you enjoyed this conversation, please follow the podcast on your favorite platform and leave a review to let us know your thoughts.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

When it comes to parenting, there are plenty of dos and don’ts experts will give you. But one thing most experts will agree on, including my guest for this week’s episode Sarah R Moore, is that discipline should be used sparingly, and only to teach. Letting children learn from their mistakes whilst getting them to move forward, and test their limits are things many parents struggle to ensure happen. Sarah, the author of Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior and an expert in gentle parenting joined us to discuss how parents can delicately, and with kindness, get their children to become self-disciplined whilst contributing to a peaceful and strong family connection.

[01:40] Introduction of our guest Sarah R Moore.
[06:05] The importance of being consistent and predictable with children.
[08:10] Negotiating as a part of any relationship.
[11:05] Emotional safety and a child’s mental health.
[15:14] What is Story Teaching?
[17:40] Why lecturing and yelling never work with children.
[23:03] Josh Compton’s Inoculation Theory.
[27:35] Being collaborative with children and it’s positive effects.
[34:30] The importance of being a non-anxious presence.

Resources & Links:

Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior by Sarah R Moore: https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Discipline-Teaching-Science-Behavior/dp/1643436759

Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills by Jane Nelsen, Ed. D:
https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Discipline-Self-Discipline-Responsibility-Problem-Solving/dp/0345487672

Prep Matters: https://prepmatters.com/

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Self Driven Child. If you enjoyed this conversation, please follow the podcast on your favorite platform and leave a review to let us know your thoughts.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com