The Self Development Podcast

This is a great, light-hearted way to profile people.  And Stephen always tells it so well it feels like it should be in a book.

Rhinos and Cattle - One is not good, and one is not bad. 

None of us are all one or the other – it’s a spectrum that can help us to understand ourselves and those around us – it can help to improve how we work with others.

• Short description below - and scroll down for the first 10 minutes of the transcript.
• Loads more from Stephen on www.coachpro.online
• Full transcript available on www.rhinoconsulting.nl/podcast
• Any thoughts or suggestions - let us know at [email protected]

The story is a little playful – you hear it and you immediately start putting yourself into one of the 2 camps – and then you start looking around you and doing the same.  Your whole family and team are suddenly full of horns and black spots.

The spectrum so colourfully described is also a useful way to characterise yourself and those around you – by labelling you and others you can start to manage the relationships around you better – you to them, and them to you. 

There are many other charts that allow you to profile people – but this one I found to be useful.  There are others too.

The second part is the learning to appreciate that a balance is needed.  Without a team that can covers all skills and viewpoints you will be weaker. By acknowledging the different type of animals around you, there is now an understanding that you should manage the different personalities better. In the future you can use this knowledge to build an optimum team.

This move from “seeing the differences and denying them” - to toleration – to appreciating them - to actively seeking out complementary skills - is a valuable skill to learn and consciously employ.

Lastly, it’s an important learning that can be applied to other spectrum and differences.  Gender, age, cognitive models, backgrounds, roles… there is a huge and important movement to diversity and inclusion.  It’s important that everyone understands and appreciates that

1. Those that are different are not be tolerated. They are to be appreciated and valued.  They are strengthening your team and improving results if you embrace the perspective they can offer.
2. Those that are different- you were brought in to be different. Fitting in is a common and normal habit – it makes sense.  Find a way to fit in by being you. Keep your unique perspective. Be authentic – that’s the real value.

Transcript (AI generated so forgive the typos)

Warren Hammond  02:13

Today, as always, interesting topic, the Rhino and Cattle model. Now, I'm going to be working really hard not to say too much in this because this is a story I have abused and abused so many times, Stephen, that it's going to be good to get it from the horse's mouth so to speak. So let's get into it. The Rhino and Cattle model? What is it?

 

Stephen Gribben  02:40

In essence, what it is is a Profiling framework. It'll help you to see yourself and understand others more as a process so that you can authentically connect, engage, understand and appreciate both yourself and others intelligently, rather than just see yourself or others through an emotional prism.

 

Warren Hammond  03:03

So I just thought it was a nice wildlife story, but already you've come up with lots and lots of four syllable words. So it's a profiling framework. So how I think about it, and you tell me which bits are right and which bits are nearly right, let's put it that way, this is a way of looking at yourself, looking at other people, and helping you to see the differences between them without it being good or bad.

 

Stephen Gribben  03:31

Yes it's to understand those differences, and accept those differences. Appreciate those differences, be okay with those differences and value them and expect them as opposed to seeing them and judging them on the basis of whether you like them or not, or whether you agree with them or not. So that it gets beyond either asking people to be more like you, or feeling the pressure for you to have to be more like them.

 

Warren Hammond  04:00

And you use the word already 'intelligent'. We talk a lot about when you're thinking intelligently it is more complex and nuanced versus emotionally which tends to be binary, black and white, good or bad, hero or zero. This is part of that. Intelligently looking at somebody and seeing the many different shades of of skills in them. They're not good or bad. They are just different. Unique.

 

Stephen Gribben  04:28

Yeah, if you're going to have relationships and you're going to be of influence then you first have to connect. So you need to know where people are to be able to connect.  What this allows you to do, even with this profiling we're going to use the caricatures of a rhinoceros and cattle. This isn't, then, to label people as either being Rhino or Cattle. But to understand if they are more Rhino or more Cattle, so that we can define more intelligently where they are, as we did with Trust before.  There's emotional trust, which is 100% or 0%, the 99 boxes in-between is where intelligent trust sits. Well, when we're profiling people, in terms of their characteristics, this is an objective process to see where they are on a scale, as opposed to just putting them in a box.

 

Warren Hammond  05:22

This makes sense. We think about workplaces at the moment, we've got so many different generations, and then there's  ages, there's genders, there's so many different spectrum at the moment in play, I can see that this is going to be useful for that. So firstly, internally, why is this important in terms of my own self development?

 

Stephen Gribben  05:48

In terms of your own self development, and the four pillars of that are your Self awareness, Self confidence, Self management, Self determination. Having a greater self awareness of where you are on the spectrum, from know the extreme Cattle to the extreme Rhino, where you are helps you become more self aware of where you are, what's important to you, what works for you, what matters to you, how you see the world, it reinforces that self awareness. It then also supports that self confidence that if you're more Rhino, it's okay, and it's pretty cool to be a Rhino, and if you're more Cattle, it's okay and pretty cool to be Cattle. So it's having that Self-Confidence that I know who I am, I know what I'm about, I'm okay with that.

 

Warren Hammond  06:37

So that profiling, that naming you talked about before, is when you name something, it's easier to manage it. Using these profiles of Rhino and Cattle help you to name and identify and acknowledge certain characteristics about yourself. And as you said, once you become aware of it, be absolutely fine about it, then, okay.

 

Stephen Gribben  06:56

Yeah, because it helps you get beyond the 'is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is that a strength or weakness, is it right or wrong? It's an objective Profiling. So you can see it is what it is, and that's okay. And if you've got that self awareness, of what you are and you're confident then of what you are more of, then you can move on to that self management. Which is managing then how you communicate with yourself, how you connect with yourself, how you position things with yourself, to your natural strengths, and tendencies. And then the last element is about self determination. You're then more empowered, more in control of being able to say 'what do I want to be? What is my full potential? What do I want to develop? Being successful by being you. Now knowing and understanding more about who you are on that profile allows you then to determine what success would look like for you, what happiness would look like for you, what health and fulfilment would look like for you, and being able to determine that rather than wait to hear what others think is best for you.

 

Warren Hammond  08:06

So in this one, we're talking rhinos and cattles, it doesn't matter where you are on it. But once you understand which you are, you can then use that to your advantage to determine what's going to happen next. You don't have to pretend to be something else, this is who you are. And that's enough. And that's good enough already.

 

Stephen Gribben  08:27

Yeah. And as I say, it takes you beyond the labelling of good or bad, right or wrong, strong or weak. It's just an objective, this is where you fit. In your opinion, this is where you fit and therefore, let's start from there, rather than the where am I not, who am I not, looking at the gaps all the time. It is building upon what's there. And then you take that externally to others, So if the self development is your piece in it, the external benefit of this is then it helps you build stronger relationships, authentic, genuine, sincere relationships, you being you, and them being them. It also allows you to connect. You don't have to be the same to connect. It's not about having something in common. It's about creating a connection. And therefore with that connection, you can be far more influential, you can add more value, you can make more of a difference. And the difference is it's of value to that other person. Because you have that connection. You will also have greater harmony through this, and importantly, less conflict. Because you're not forcing your way of looking at the world onto someone else who sees it differently. You will understand and expect they're going to see this differently and theref

Satisfaction and loyalty – the holy grails for relationships – personal, professional, internal and external.

The two are mentioned in the same sentence all the time – like a double act in comedy, foods that complement each other or a famous sporting duo – but they’re not necessarily found together all the time .

Satisfaction is an attitude – Loyalty is the behaviour.  People may be satisfied but not loyal – and loyal people may not be always satisfied

One way I considered it was pizza delivery– I’m usually satisfied with any of them and will happily order for any of the 4 nearby – I’m not particularly loyal to any one brand. 

Someone shopping for a car may start at their favourite brand – Audi – and end up buying BMW.  But in their heads, they remain a loyal Audi customer and will go back to Audi first next time.

Stephen walks us through this model that looks at different components that make up Satisfaction and Loyalty.  Once you understand them you can manage them.  And then you can decide which relationships you want to build up into ones that are full of satisfaction and loyalty.

Any comments or thoughts: email us at [email protected]

More great models at www.coachpro.online

Full transcript and blog:

https://rhinoconsulting.nl/episode-132-satisfaction-amp-loyalty Thanks for your support so far - please subscribe and share

 

The first 15 minutes of the podcast is transcripted below - 

 

Warren Hammond  00:56

Welcome back podcats, to another episode of our podcast. This one's a good one. I always say that, this one is a Loyalty and Satisfaction or Satisfaction and Loyalty. I'm always tempted to put in 'Customer' before that, it just seems to be one of those phrases that we always hear; Customer satisfaction and Customer loyalty, we spend ages talking about it. It's one of the key metrics for business success. That is covered and it's talked about, but also how we can take this into other areas of our lives. internal and external. So it's looking at the whole relationship. So it's good, there's a model, there's a six point guide at the end. So there's lots to take away. Any thoughts questions, give us a shout, [email protected] or find us on LinkedIn. There is a full transcript available for these so please look that up. And on www.coachpro.online itself there's loads more models and frameworks that you can use. So let's get straight into it. I’ll be back at the end with some brief comments. Here comes the cheesy music.

Warren Hammond  02:11

So here we are. Normal call signs, Edinburgh, can you hear me?

Stephen Gribben  02:16

Loud and clear

Warren Hammond  02:17

Loud and clear? It's not a surprise anymore. But when we started this a year ago, all the zoom and the video conferencing, it felt that this was almost magic, it was almost wizardry, the fact that we could hear each other, even though we were countries apart now is the most normal thing in the world. Anyway, today, we're discussing satisfaction, and loyalty. Now I know I've got in my head while I think of loyalty and satisfaction. And I'm immediately thinking of customers and NPS etc. And I also know that I always think about these things too small. So let's go to Stephen and get a formal definition that we can kick ourselves off with. So how should we think about satisfaction and loyalty? What's the definition we should be using Stephen?

 

Stephen Gribben  03:08

Well, satisfaction is about attitude. And loyalty is about behaviour.

 

Stephen Gribben  03:16

Typically in relationships, whether that is as a customer relationship, or a personal relationship, or professional relationship, satisfaction is the attitude, how you feel and how you judge; loyalty's about behaviour, which is about what you then do.

 

Warren Hammond  03:34

That's a good definition. Because I do you think that sometimes we use satisfaction in a broader way. But that makes sense. And so this is an attitude, this is how you're feeling about something. And loyalty is then how you're demonstrating that feeling that behaviour.

 

Stephen Gribben  03:51

Yeah, typically, this is used in the concept of customer and there's value in that. But you'll get customer satisfaction, which is based largely on your attitude of what's happened. But that doesn't necessarily always lead them to customer loyalty. So you'll get people who will say satisfaction versus loyalty, rather than satisfaction AND loyalty. And ideally, what you're looking for in a relationship is satisfaction and loyalty.

 

Warren Hammond  04:19

You're I mean, maybe it's because he's in the middle of the day. You know, we're not sitting in a pub with a beer or a glass of wine. Because if you were to talk about loyalty and satisfaction in a social setting, you do automatically think about relationships, but it seems very different when you think about customer relationships. But how you just said this is attitude and behaviour. Yeah, it's different relationships where both of these things are important.

 

Stephen Gribben  04:48

But if we hold on to that concept of customer, and the challenge that we've all got is how wide is your concept of customer. So, who do you consider or who could you consider to be a customer. I've used a model with clients for years, called the Client Box. I use this at home as well. In the client box, everything becomes kind of automatic for me, I know the parameters to work in. I know what I can get away with, what I cant get away with. I know what's good enough and what's not good enough. So for a client, in that client box, it becomes very clear on what professional and standard looks like. However, I can leave home in the morning and be asked what time will I be home at  tonight? And my answer could be, Well, it depends on what messages I get through what calls I have to do. What else comes in during the day. Probably sometime, it could be as early as four could be as late as eight'. Because at home, I haven't put my family in that client box. If I was to say to a client, the client said, Could you be there on Tuesday, and what time will you be here, and I say to him sometime between four or eight. And then they'll say 'well, do you want to just not bother coming along until you can tell us what time you're going to be here'. So sometimes putting things in the client box gives you absolute clarity on how you should be dealing with something in that relationship. And it's not for me to pretend my family are clients, no disrespect, they're  a lot more to than clients, but sometimes they deserve that attitude and behaviour that my clients benefit from

 

Warren Hammond  06:27

That firm border that you'd put around that. Even when you say the client box in my head, I've got that visual of a thick black frame, you know, around it, which you don't get through,

 

Stephen Gribben  06:39

We do this with family members. In business, we might do it with suppliers, we don't treat them as clients or we don't treat our colleagues the way we would treat clients. And people deserve to be treated as a client.

 

Warren Hammond  06:52

Okay. So this is a relationship then with way more than just intimates or customers, this is about satisfaction, as an attitude and loyalty as a behaviour, all around us. So this is a lot bigger already, as I'm getting accustomed to. So we talk a lot about personal growth, and especially about self development. So how does satisfaction and loyalty, and understanding that, fit within the whole self development philosophy?

 

Stephen Gribben  07:26

Well, as you know, the four pillars in self development are self awareness, self confidence, self management, and self determination. And what self development is about is focusing on your strengths and what you're really good at, and building upon those so that when you take on those gaps or areas of weakness that you want to improve, they become less challenging, and you're more authentic in it. So in terms of self awareness, what this is about is becoming more aware of the level of satisfaction and loyalty, so the attitudes and the behaviours that you want to foster or to have within relationships, both personally and professionally. So becoming more aware of what makes a relationship have satisfaction and loyalty to the level that you want.

 

Warren Hammond  08:15

So this is part of then understanding what the terms are the satisfaction and loyalty which we touched on which we'll go through more, but also understanding when you should be aware of satisfaction and loyalty, that's that whole self awareness thing. Okay,

 

Stephen Gribben  08:29

This is self awareness so you're consciously aware of what a good relationship looks like. So that you get beyond saying, we've got a great relationship or with that person I don't have such a good relationship, or you know, better relationships than others. It's having that self awareness, to be more conscious of why certain relationships are at certain stages. So you become more aware, therefore, you're already more empowered.

 

Warren Hammond  08:55

Love that. And that is the consciousness that we talk about as well. You're owning it. It isn't something happening to you, you've actually can see it, you're noticing it, you're acknowledging it, and therefore you've got a chance of working to make it better. Okay? So self awareness is the first plank,

 

Stephen Gribben  09:11

Then self confidence. And self confidence is making sure that if you're aware of what's going to driv

What is the 3 Box Model?

Philosophies and religions both talk about the concept that we can decide how we feel about events – it’s our choice on how we react.  This model takes that concept and helps you to do precisely that.  It is a framework that allows you to consider everything that has happened, is happening and may happen and supports you in deciding how you are going to react and to use it.

The three box model is a framework where you can consciously frame what has, what is or will happen in your personal or professional life. 

Why this is important

We can spend so much time and energy trying to bury things, pretend things are different, that we are different and when we do this, all that time and energy doesn’t move us forward.  It doesn’t make us happier.  By taking control of what is in each box we get to choose what to spend our time on.  Important in that is the ‘we”. 

We take control.  Nobody else. We get to determine what we want. We choose what will take our energy, time and focus.

Will a particular situation work against you, be a constant battle to control or actually work for you?

You get to choose.

This self determination is a key part of Self Development.

This model is a new tool in your mental tool box.  This can help you to prepare yourself for a better outcome – allow you to take more control over what is happening and what is going to happen next.  This means a more confident version of ‘You’. More authentic. A ‘You’ who is spending their energy better, leading to a more successful, happier version of you.  You get to channel issues and experiences so you get better returns and a higher self confidence

Stephen walks us through the model and the 3 boxes - Deny It - Fight it and Use it.

When Stephen first introduced me to this model there was an immediate impact - understanding the framework allowed me to make sense of some things that I was unable to nail down before.

Once we understand that there are 3 boxes with issues sitting within each it helps to make sense about some of the things that are working really well for us – and why we sometimes seem to struggle.  This understanding on its own is a confidence builder

Then there is the knowledge that the boxes remain where they are – but that issues can be moved from box to box.  And you can make that happen.  You can choose which issue is something you’re going to move up the chain and improve your own self confidence

As you get more comfortable with the model you get to think more strategically - Which situations work against you? Be a constant battle to control? Or actually work for you? Which situations is it time to move? Which do I need to acknowledge are there?

Some notes:

1 Naming – naming issues and situations is the start of objectifying them.  Once it is a a named object, it feels more controllable.  Visible. Manageable.

2 Acknowledge it – understand that it is in a box already.  Something you are already denying, fighting against or using.

3 Choose what you want to move.  There will always be something in each of the 3 boxes.  Some will remain where they are for a long time.  That’s ok – you’re choosing the order. Consciously.

4 One step at a time.  Don’t try to jump from Deny straight to Use it – ‘Fight It’ is a good staging post to get there.

5 Good things count too. Acknowledging and appreciating that good things live in the boxes too.  Don’t deny your own part in your successes.  Don’t fight against recognising your skills.  This will lead to a drop in your confidence and the Imposter syndrome.  Accept and Use what you did and let it fuel your next success.

Any thoughts or comments let us know at [email protected]

Full Transcript at

https://rhinoconsulting.nl/episode-131-three-boxes-deny-fight-or-use-it 

First 10 minutes transcript below

 

Warren Hammond  01:07

Welcome back Podcats to another conversation with me Warren, and CEO of CoachPro Stephen Gribben. Now, this is a good one. This one is about The Three Boxes. That's the best way for me to describe it, you hear me struggling to try and come up with a decent description later. But in my head is just the three box model. Very powerful. For one it's a simple model, which we all know is always useful. This can change how you look at anything that's ever happened to you and everything that's going to happen to you. So it's an important part of the optimal appraisal process, and the whole self-development. We have the choices. The choice of whether we're going to spend energy fighting these things, or denying these things, or using these things. Not going to say too much, you'll quickly see how simple this model is but how profound its influence can be. You'll enjoy this one. There's lots of good stuff in it.

 

Warren Hammond  02:07

As always, there'll be some notes, we're doing a full transcript now. So you can read along, if that helps. Blogs, there's the models on the different websites. So get involved, get in touch, if there's anything else you'd like us to cover, if there's any questions that you have. Email is [email protected]. Anyway, let's get going. Here comes cheesy music.

 

Warren Hammond  02:39

Today, as always, is a good topic. And how I think about this is the framework that it's described in. The three box model is how I think about it. And I use this and think about it in so many different ways. And I'm trying to think what is the perfect description for anyone listening to it. And the best I've come up with so far is this is a perfect model for better reframing of your past. Now, that's doesn't sound like the title of an album. But we'll go with it so far. So let's get to the expert, Stephen. Three box model. What is it? Explain to everybody who can't see into my head, what exactly is the three box model?

 

Stephen Gribben  03:32

The three box model is a framework where you can consciously frame what has, what is or will happen in your personal or professional life.

 

Warren Hammond  03:49

Okay, so this isn't just past then. So I've just said past. This is about today, what's happening today, what could happen tomorrow, this is about how you look at anything around you and think how do I put this into a better context?

 

Stephen Gribben  04:02

Yeah, it's a framework for empowering you to make that conscious choice and own where you place things that happen to you or things that you make happen in a way that has optimal benefit. So rather than things just happening to you or occurring, you get more of a sense of ownership, more of a self-determination of where that's going to go, how that's going to work for you, what you can use it for, how you're going to make that optimal. Whether it is labelled a good thing or bad thing or an okay thing to begin with emotionally, you making that conscious decision to then say I'm going to decide what I'm going to do with that. Whether that is a thing that's happened in the past, whether it's something that's happened to you just now or whether it's something that's on its way.

 

Warren Hammond  04:53

Okay. This is already bigger, as always. So this is anything that's going on around me, me, thinking in the self-development, consciously owning, this is the part this is going to play in my future outcome. This is how I decide how important or how I'm going to use this for whatever my future outcome is.

 

Stephen Gribben  05:21

Yeah, and look, this can be for the smallest practical things. I tend to first of all get to introduce this with clients, when they describe something as a Make or Break. And that's when I feel well, you really don’t want to leave that chance do you?

 

Warren Hammond  05:37

Okay. I think of this a lot when I think back, especially about past experiences, especially bad experiences. So we're talking in sales teams and stuff, then there's a way of recontextualizing, again, another awful word, about anything awful that's happened  to us. Let’s say a bad Q or a bad month, or a bad loss of a client. This is something that this model can be used to reframe it and make it better. But you're saying this is not just bad things from your past. This can be anything from today, from tomorrow, as well as from yesterday.

 

Stephen Gribben  06:16

I think most people would accept we naturally see, or create, rather the opportunity to learn from adversity, learn from mistakes, in order to improve things that haven't gone the way we'd wanted. I've always looked upon that and said, Well, what if we could also learn from our successes? What if we could build from a winning position? What if we could use the victory and use the great result, to learn from that also so that we can recreate and enhance that. So this is not a fix? This is a solution. This is a way of looking at the things that happen and get beyond that label of right wrong, good, bad, strong, weak, things I wanted, things that I didn't want or liked or didn't like, and saying, well,  that thing, which box is it currently in and which box do I want to start putting it in.

 

Warren Hammond  07:16

This is great. This goes straight to the heart, then of this whole self-development chat that we talk about is you know, the building on the strengths, that conscious ownership, there's looking at everything around you and deciding what you're going to make work for you. So where do we get started on this in the three boxes,

 

Stephen Gribben  07:35

First of all, as you've said this fits with self-development, and this is the 'why should you put things in boxes, first of all. There is a

What is Value?  We sometimes define value by what it isn’t – cost, the price tag – but what is it? The definition Stephen introduces here is:  Value is how you define importance or worth.

Importantly – Value is in the eye of the beholder. It’s what the other person thinks that determines the value. Not you or your effort, time and money.

So think about everything you are doing.  Should it be valued? Is it considered by others as valuable?  And importantly - And everything happening to you.  Do you appreciate and recognise its value?

In this conversation we discuss the value of being aware of what is valuable that you do for others and for yourself; and what others do for you.  And once that is appreciated, we discuss the Value Creation Model - Stephen walks us through some steps that we sometimes use but should always use to ensure our Value lands with maximum impact.

If there is a disconnect between the assessment of value one of the parties will end up feeling undervalued, commoditised, taken for granted.  Disappointed.  And they will leave – taking their importance and value with them – which is why it is so important that you acknowledge the value from those around you.  If you are blind to the value that others are bringing all around you – they’ll soon pack up and go. And the value goes with them. 

What this model does is makes sure your Value lands with maximum impact.  This model works to ensure that the other party is clear in the importance and worth of your product, service, relationship, time, advice… everything.  So you feel valued, important, worthy.  An important note to add here – the other party can be ‘you’.  This can be an internal exercise.  

What the VCM does is allow your value to land with impact.  It’ll help you to light up the eye of the beholder.  It helps you to demonstrate your value in such a way that the other party is no doubt that your service, product, relationship, activity is of importance and of worth to them.  Which is great for sales, for commitment, for partnerships.

Once this model is understood it can be used to help build more value for everything you do.  If you cannot identify the value in the things you do – then stop.  If you can – use the model to ensure that the value is felt.  By you, by your friends, your family, colleagues and partners.

Full transcript available on rhinoconsulting.nl.  More models and frameworks can be found on CoachPro.online. Any thoughts, questions, suggestions - let us know on LinkedIn or email us at [email protected].

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This podcast episode features a key tool in the Self Development toolbox - Questions. Questions allow you to take control and give guidance on where you are going to end up. Better Questions, bigger questions generate better thinking.  That thinking leads to better results and bigger outcomes.  Choose to be the one asking the questions and choose which questions are asked.

Welcome to this episode on Questions. This is a little bit bigger, as usual, than I thought it was going to be. I'll give you a clue. When I asked Stephen for the definition of a Question, he said, It is to elicit a challenge or to inspire a response.  Immediately that helped me to move into a higher gear. We get taught at a young age, we see it in the classroom and we see it in our careers that the person who's asking the Question is controlling the conversation, is controlling the room. So don't you want to be the one asking the Questions? To the room and to yourself. So there is that element of control.

Also this idea that Questions determine the thinking, which determines the results. So if you're not getting the results you want, dont question the thinking. Go back to your original Question. And this also takes us on to the idea that the bigger Question, gets you bigger results, bigger outcomes, more powerful. The basic idea to first of all, be aware of this, and how can you do this better? How can you manage this? And how can you use this to your benefit? How can you help this knowledge of how questions can work and their impact, they can have, how can you use this and turn it to your advantage? We spend a lot of time on this. Stephen goes through lots of different examples of questions, type of questions you can ask. And the sort of impact they can have.

Questions are at the heart of so many of the different conversations we've had and so you'll see so many things that we touched on before coming back. I've genuinely had this one resonating my head ever since we did it. I hope you enjoy this one too. Any thoughts or questions, please get in contact [email protected]. Check out the CoachPro.online website. Loads of information on there. Please take a look at that.

Full transcript on https://rhinoconsulting.nl/podcast-entries/betterquestions

Any thoughts? Any questions, any feedback? Do let us know.

Thanks for sharing, subscribing and liking - it all helps.

 

Below an excerpt from the transcript:

So today, as always, is a great topic: Questions. Now Questions is something we talked about pretty regularly, it came up a lot in the solution focused one, we spoke a lot about it there. And even in our tagline is we talk about the importance of questions. So this one's probably way overdue. So as always, let's get started. You always make the subject a lot more interesting than it sounds when we start. If we say to people, we're going to talk about questions, people aren't going to understand how deep and wide and important this is going to be. So let's start with the first question. What is a question? Lets start there. What is a question? What's the definition of a question, Stephen?

Stephen Gribben  04:34

Technically a question is a method to elicit challenge or inspire a response.

Warren Hammond  04:42

elicit a challenge or inspire a response. Okay. So you've already made it bigger. Just not just to get an answer. It's to elicit a challenge or inspire a response. Okay.

Stephen Gribben  04:56

It could be to get an answer, but it's a powerful method to elicit challenge or to inspire a response. So it's a method of communication. It's a strategy of influence. It's a demonstration of your value. And it can be a catalyst for greater impact and outcomes. So a question is to get an answer. But it can be used to communicate, to influence to demonstrate, and also to make things happen.

Warren Hammond  05:27

But even just using words like challenge and inspire in the definition, this is a weapon. This is a useful tool. And I don't think of questions as necessarily always being a part of my armory. But I should be.

Stephen Gribben  05:44

Questions are one of the most important things to have, to connect and to have impact, is having the questions.  You will have more influence from the questions you ask, than the answers that you give. One of the most important things about questions is that long after the answer has become redundant or irrelevant. The question is still standing. The answer may change. But really good questions stand the test of time, even though the answer to that same question in a year's time may be different.

Warren Hammond  06:20

That makes sense. So we talked about in these difficult times, for example, as a leader, what your team want to hear is that you're asking the right questions, even if the answers aren't available yet, or as you said, things will change. How people get confidence is knowing that you're asking the right questions. So as always, now I start to understand that I should be taking my questions more seriously, or how I use questions more seriously. Where do I start in building out my awareness of my questioning technique? Or is it about how many questions I ask? Or is it how I ask the questions or to whom I ask the questions? What's the first things I should be thinking about when it comes to my questioning approach?

Stephen Gribben  07:07

Well, the first thing is, once you're starting to understand the value, and the potential of having the questions, and it's one of the most common requests that I get is, can you just write down all those questions and give me them? And I have done that a couple of times, but finding your own questions is the most effective way of doing this. But there's the why you're asking this, the types of questions you're going to ask, there's the when to ask, there's the whom to ask. There's a whole number of areas and aspects of questioning that will determine how effective it is, and we're going to cover them all. So we're going to look at why questions are so important. And then we're going to look at the different types of questions to ask, we're going to look at how you're best to ask them. And then so we are fulfilling that popular request is we're going to give you some good questions at the end of this, in particular categories, that are going to help experience the value of those questions.

Warren Hammond  08:02

That's great. It's good. We're getting the list at the end as well. But I think as we go through this, it's just understanding that questions can take you into so many important places, isn't it? This is what you've explained and taught me before, is about this importance of better questions. But as you said, it isn't just the question itself is, when you're asking it, how you're asking it to whom you're asking it, because there's a lot of different things isn't it isn't just going to be, as you said, rattling off your list is understanding the importance of a questioning strategy. Okay, so what are the important things that I need to be thinking about when I'm asking questions? Where do I start? What's my starting point,

Stephen Gribben  08:43

Important to be first of all motivated to ask questions and so understanding the reasons why you ask questions, and particularly now,  why you need to be more aware and more conscious of the questions that you're asking not just to yourselves. But the questions you're then asking others. Questions are hugely, hugely powerful. And they can have a massive impact, positively or negatively. And so it's really important.  You and I are big exponents of self development, about taking ownership of your growth and fulfilling your own potential. So being more consciously aware of the quality of questions that you're asking. There's a fundamental to that, that you're asking positive questions. Otherwise, you can start asking negative questions, or questions that are neither positive or negative, and just get you to stand still. And this isn't about saying they're right or wrong. It's about being more conscious of making a choice. Am I asking the question I really need to be asking at this stage.

Warren Hammond  09:49

And this is asking yourself is pretty much what you're starting with here. And this is really powerful. So we talked a little bit about this in Affirmations, about the importance of those powerful statements to yourself to help, not drown out, but at least balance out all of the noise around you.

Stephen Gribben  10:07

Yeah, well taking ownership is really important Warren and it starts with you. You will never ask better questions of other people with any credibility than you're asking of yourself. So that personal leadership of you going first. If you're not asking great questions of yourself, you'll not know the great questions to go and ask other people. So it starts with you. And we are all the sum and substance of the question that we ask. And we've touched on this in a number of the sessions is that the quality of the question you ask, is the cause of the quality of thinking that you then have, which then we'll culminate in the quality of the result you produce. So the question is the cause the thinking is the symptom, the result is the consequence. So big questions, you'll have bigger thoughts, you'll have bigger outcomes; smaller questions, smaller thinking, smaller outcomes.

Warren Hammond  11:06

This is great. I love the idea of practicing on yourself as well. I mean, one, because then practice asking yourself bigger questions, and you'll get bigger results. But yeah, of course, you should start with you that makes total sense, doesn't it? Starting with you?

Stephen Gribben  11:22

So what's interesting about this episode, from the start, is the difference between Solution and Problem. So it's easy to think they're 2 sides of the same coin - if you're solution minded, you're a problem fixer. But right from the start, Stephen explains that fixing a problem is taking something, let's say from a minus three back to zero.  Whereas Solution Focus is taking a situation which is a minus three, but building something better. A sort of a 'don't waste a good crisis' approach. When there's a problem going on, when there's something that needs to be fixed, you can just repair it, patch it up, take it all back to base level, or you can use this as an opportunity to make something better.

As with all these things, it's so simple when it's been pointed out to you.  With all of these Self Development podcasts that we're doing, the first thing is just being aware about the difference between them. And there will be times that you've done this and that I've done it, and there'll be times that maybe you should have done it. But it's good to understand the difference between it. And as always, there's a simple four point checklist on how to set yourself up so that you can go into as many situations as possible, focus on the solution.

This is about choosing to do it consciously, making the decision that this is the time and the place for the solution focus tool to come out of the toolbox. And using the checklist, just makes it easier for you to do better and better every time. Solution focus is a key leadership trait. This is something they're going to impress and motivate your team. I enjoyed this and I hope you enjoy this one too.

Anything you want to add, let us know, [email protected]. I'm working on some transcripts as well at the moment which will be online. And we're writing blogs around this to do check out the different websites, Coachpro.online. There's lots of good videos and all the models are explained there. And I've got Rhinoconsulting.nl. So check us out, see the transcripts, see different blogs around the subjects that we discuss. Look at the different models on coachpro.online.

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This episode, we're talking about Motivation. We all know what motivation is. We all know when we feel it as well. Some days you just can't wait to get going, can't wait to make things happen. You’re full of buzz and energy and it’s catching and contagious.  It feels great. Whatever it is you're doing, when you have that sense of motivation, it can be the most boring task ever. But when you're motivated to do it, it just flies by. So the trick to this, then, is how can you create an environment where you make yourself motivated, where you can create that level of motivation you need.

In this conversation, we discuss understanding what and where motivation comes from and then how to take ownership of it. As usual, there's a simple model that Stephen talks us through: We have got Dangers, Opportunities, we've got the Comfort Zone, and how we move ourselves out of the comfort zone.

One of the things I think is important about this model is The Motivation to Move. Basically, this is creating the tension that makes you move, that allows you to move, but you're choosing the direction, you're owning it, you decide it. instead of letting motivation be something that happens to us. Sometimes we wake up, we don't really get why it is that this is the thing that we're really excited about, or looking forward to.

What's simple about this model is we get a choice. We can decide where is it we really want to move to. That's great. That's a superpower we talked about during the self development talk. So there's understanding it. First of all, how the motivation works, how the comfort zone works, how the danger and the opportunities work, and we get to manipulate it and make it work for us. It's so simple, when it's spelled out to us. It always makes me feel that that's where the power is. You know, that joyous surprise when you realize, aha, I get this. In fact, sometimes I already do this. Sometimes I have made this work for me in the past. This is just a way of getting there more often, more quickly, more powerfully.

A theme of self development is owning and determining for yourself what is going to happen.  Self development.  Self Ownership. Self Determination.  I think is a really important thing. 

If you've got anything to add or any comments email us at [email protected]. or find us on LinkedIn.

We're going to publish more transcripts and detailed notes to go along with the episodes - we know some people like to read as well as listen.  Below are some notes - full transcripts will be available online as well.

 

Transcript Notes

So today, Stephen, we are talking about motivation. Now, you framed it particularly as motivation to move. And I'm really curious about this topic, or interested. It's not just these times, but sometimes it can feel pretty flat, boring and dull, stuck in lockdown and under curfew. So I think this is going to be a good topic. So, motivation to move? Should we start with that? Why motivation to move?

Yeah, well, this is a big topic, whether it's in the situation we’re in just now or forever. the motivation to move is understanding basically, why you do and why you don’t . So it's understanding the motivation that you have to do something and also the the level of motivation to not do something. So it's about understanding where that motivation comes from, how that process works. So that you can take more ownership on the things that you really want to do. And the things that you then make more conscious decisions not to do. So is owning that motivation to move.

So that's basically isn't it, we understand that motivation. It's a word that we use, and we hear lots of times it's the underlying reasons we get out of bed to do something, or we spend time or energy on it. And I guessing what we're going to cover today then is a little better understanding of what it is, but then also how we can control it or how we can build it or how we can maintain it or how we can turn it on and turn it off. Is that the win we'll get from today?

Yeah, it's understanding that this is a process by which you make all your decisions and choices. And it's an ongoing process by which you then decide to see things through or not, so that we get beyond the ‘Why am I still saying that I want to do that and haven't gotten around to it. Or why is it I start things off, but I never really see them through. it’s to give us that more control and empowerment on it to make those decisions consciously. Rather than saying I’ll leave it to how motivated I am to make that decision for me it’s actually making the decision and then driving that motivation to see it through. So rather than your emotions making that decision, which is your your energy of motivation, you're consciously making that I'm self determining that this is going to happen, this is what I'm going to do, and knowing how to then create a level of motivation, and continue to recreate that level of motivation, not just to start, but to see it through.

Like that, you're right, because sometimes you, it does feel it's outside of your control, you know, you sometimes you somehow feel motivated to do something and, and other times you don't, sometimes I've got particular ways, which will motivate me to, you know, hit an exercise goal or something. But other times, I'll try the same thing, and it doesn't work. You know, there's good habits I've created, there's bad ones I can't kick and I've tried to use different methods, but they don't always work. So yeah, that makes sense. So this is going to help me with understand this better, okay, I like this. So literally, then this is about owning and controlling what I want to do what I want to spend my time on or and what I don't want to do,

yeah, and if you really want to do it, then knowing how to make sure you've got the motivation to do it and see it through. And not just saying it's another thing on the list that I just never get to.  And equally also for the things that are taking up your current levels of motivation, are those the things you really want to be doing? Or are those just the things you've always done. You know, if there's things you continually do, without a great deal of motivation, all they're doing is draining. But there's also some things that you keep saying, I keep saying I'm going to do, I'm definitely going to do that at some point. It's understanding that unless you have that level of motivation, you're not going to do it. And that's okay. If it's not okay that you don't do it, it's then creating the motivation so that it's done. So it gives you that level of self awareness gives you your self confidence, because you're determining it, it's about self management, so that you're getting the best out of yourself and, and investing that motivation into the things that matter most to you, you'll generate greater results, you'll be successful by being you, and you'll be happier with your decisions.

 

This is great, okay, because some of the things we talked about before such as imagining better future selves, whether in terms of habits, even vision and purpose. And that's great to have that picture. But then this is going to help us get there. This is going to be creating an engine to get from today's place to that place that you've already decided you wouldn't mind getting to this is going to build those extra levels of motivation to help you get there.

 

And it's understanding how your engine works. And your engine may work differently to mine.  Your motivations might be different from mine. Because if you don't take control, and this is all self development is about is that conscious self determination of you being the best version of you. It's finding out where your motivations are. Otherwise, you're trading off what other people are telling you, you should be motivated by. And nowadays, there's no shortage of other people, particularly social media, situations or circumstances or your past telling you what you should be motivated by. And therefore you're not in control of that. And therefore it's a variable. sometimes you're beating yourself up saying why is I'm just not finding the motivation to do that. And so this gives you that empowerment to take control of that self determine that. And make sure therefore, that you're putting the motivation into the things that matter most to you.

 

you’re right because that's it, we are all being told this should be important to you, therefore, do this, or this should be your motivation. But this is a personal thing. And so we've talked about before, about personal ownership, this isn't something people don't give you, their motivation to you and you, you swallow it and move on. This is about you figuring out what is, as you said, your own personal engine, okay.

 

And importantly on that, you're able to define your motivation, rather than it just being a thing. So one of the best examples of this is people in sales jobs, it’s always assumed that there's going to be motivated by money. And that is a quite one dimensional motivation for most people, unless you've defined what you're going to do with the money. And that's by being able to define actually what that money means to you and makes possible and the difference it makes, then you start becoming more motivated that the money becomes a means towards an end that means something to you, rather than it being an end in itself. Therefore this allows you to take things that are the sort of formal motivator, but being able to expand and amplify that level of motivation by what you’d really want to do with it. So it's by understanding that we can then create a level of motivation, find that level of motivation that works for us, what pushes our buttons, rather than being told you should be motivated by this. And sometimes that's not a boss, that's telling us sometimes that us sa

Welcome to this conversation on Vision. Vision sometimes gets a bad rap. It's either one of those things which is just painted onto a wall somewhere and ignored. But at other times we think of Vision as being the be all and end all. We all admire those able to articulate Big Visions and position themselves as Visionaries.

What I like about the session that we do on Vision, is that every time I've done this, I've done it a few times now, it always excites me again, I suddenly realize how big Vision can be and I realize that it isn't something that only certain people have. And it definitely isn't something that should be relegated to a handbook somewhere. This is something that we should all be conscious of, develop, have front and centre in our lives. The key thing is that it isn't about imagining what you are or want to be, it's about thinking about the impact that you want to have, that you want your company to have.

It seems strange when we were talking about this before because in some ways, Vision is almost the starting point for a lot of the conversations we’ve had in the past.  You should enjoy this - a simple model, definitions for Vision, Mission, Goals and objectives and how to create your own vision without spending millions on consultancy.

Any comments let us know at [email protected].  Thanks for subscribing, sharing and your support.

Some notes from the transcript below:

Stephen, Vision is a word bandied around a lot in companies and business plans. And but what is the definition we're going to use for Vision today?

A Vision, whether it's a company Vision, or a personal Vision, is your ability to imagine something that hasn't yet happened. In a way that has the impact. It has passion. it's energizing. And it makes the kind of difference you really want something to make, it's being able to see in your mind something that hasn't yet happened and being able to articulate, and start to shape that, based upon the impact you want it to have. So a Vision for something is not necessarily about what you do, it's about the impact that you want it to have.

Vision is about the impact - not about I want to be this is.  It’s I want to make this happen. Is that the difference?

If your company has the ambition to be number one, in the world or in a market or in an industry. A Vision for that would be what would we want that impact then to be? What difference would we want to make then as the number one? In a personal Vision it's not about what you want to have, be or do. It's the impact that you then want to have by having, being or doing.

So an ambition is, 'we want to be number one'.  Vision is we want to change the world in a certain way, or make people's lives better and if we could achieve this impact, it's not about whether we're number one, two or three.  That's massively different from what you'd see on most companies walls. Their Vision would be what you would call an ambition.

Often BHAGs are dressed up as a Vision, just because they're beyond what they can see at that moment and that's a good place to start. If you then move on to a Vision, and that’s what impact do I  want to have with that, you can be number one in the world and hold an industry back. Or you can be number one in the world and redefine what the industry does,

Vision is about the impact and this is such a big difference, As you're talking. I‘m thinking of all the different Vision statements that people have are they are just big, hairy, audacious goals. These are goal statements then that I'm guilty of myself so many times.

Having big ambitious goals is fantastic. And there's an awful lot of people and businesses who do extremely well, because their goals are bigger than other people's goals. But there is a level above that, and that's Vision. And that is what can become really, really compelling. Because people might not necessarily agree with what you're aiming for. But they can really engage with the impact that, you want to have, the difference that you want to make, the cause, the purpose, something to be proud of,

There’s an immediate connection to purpose which we know really motivates people and gets everyone going. And we talked about it before about finding your purpose, finding your own purpose. If you've got a Vision, then which is about impact. It's kind of easier to hitch your own personal purpose wagon to this, the bigger story cool.

It really demonstrates and illustrates what your belief system is, because it's the real big reason why you're trying to achieve things. It's not just to beat everybody else,

There are some people & businesses who struggle to get beyond Goals to Vision, and there are other people who have really good at Vision, but don't necessarily connect it with goals. So it's about understanding what Vision is, and where it sits in the rest of that process to make sure that if our Vision is a light bulb, that you've got all the cable that goes all the way to the socket in the wall.  So that when you switch it on your bulb lights up.  Just having a Vision, is sitting with a light bulb and no connection.  Not having a Vision is just having cable with nothing at the end of it

What do you want to make negotiable and non negotiable.  If the non negotiable as a parent or a family member, is that your brothers, sisters or your kids, your parents continue to be happy, healthy and confident. If it doesn't work out exactly the way you thought it was going to be but the impact was there, the outcome was everything you wanted it to be, you’d be happy. 

If you really want to change the world, or redefine something, and it doesn't end up looking the way you imagined it might, but it still changes the world and makes that difference. That's when you're making the Vision more important.  You're going to have the impact you really want to have, even if it doesn't actually look the way you thought it may.

We’ve got the three components in the model; a socket in the wall, cable, and then a light bulb.  And you need to make sure that they're all connected up.  Any breaks in the cable and that light bulb isn't going to light up. If the light bulb was not connected to the socket in the wall with cable, all you've got is a light bulb. And if all you've got is a socket in the wall and cable with nothing at the end of it. It's not going anywhere, nothing's happening.

People will ask if we really need Vision.  And in essence, you don't really need it up to a level. But if you have Vision it takes you over the line in terms of direction and momentum because it helps drive energy, passion. And when you start to look at the impact and the difference that you can make. It gives you something to align to. It can start to improve decision making of what we do and what we don't do. And importantly, how we do it and how we don't do it anymore. And because there’s a sense of purpose, which is a key component to your resilience, you'll be amazed at what you can get through, when you have a Vision.  It leads to high performing habits. And importantly, fits in with self-development. Vision is about you self-determining the impact and the difference that you want to make. It's not just you doing something and seeing how it pans out. It's not waiting for what other people tell you it is, or for luck, or fate, or nice or other consequences. It's use self-determining, this is the difference I want to make. This is the impact I want to have. These are my reasons why I do what I do. The way I do.

We've talked in the past a lot about the importance of understanding and having that clear identity that enables you to make better decisions, clearer decisions, more confident decisions to be happier. Vision then is part of that being clear about my impact. And the difference I want to make to the world and being clear about that. That's a really strong identity statement. If I'm really clear about Vision as you said I’ll put up with lots of issues & obstacles because my Vision is going to be so big and sexy that I'm only interested in driving towards it.

Sometimes you find in conversations with people on this that they've dedicated their whole life, whole career or all their time, energy, money into things and then ask ‘What was it all for?’ What difference did I make?’ What impact did I have? Did I move the dial at all? That wasn't actually what I wanted to be kind of known for within my industry. What is this all for? And this is about setting a Vision to determine what it's all going to be for, to give you that sense of direction where you can still affect the game.

The bigger the size of the Vision, the more compelling so that you can then do even the smallest things, even the stuff you hate do, the things you get fed up doing, the stuff you're bored doing, you've got a million reasons why you're doing it, because it's connected to that Vision. Otherwise, you're going through the motions, and you're trying progressively to to a little bit better, a little bit more. But that's where the momentum stops, and you have to dig deep every day to keep going, when you have that connection to that Vision, then you've got a real purpose in what you do, even for the smallest thing, there's a massive reason for it.

Should you be working on Visions for all the different areas of your life?

If you've got an overall Vision, that's something to align to and what you want everything to add up to and the difference you want that to make.  Then it's about alignment. And there may be some things as a business, or as a company, or a team, or even your personal life that you're doing, that might sort of drive some passion and energy, might have impact. But if it's not going through this cable connected to a light bulb, it's just activity. Need that sense of alignment to somet

For most of us, the challenge these days is not our capability. It’s our capacity. Challenge is not how well we're actually doing things.  Our challenge is can we make the space to do as much as we can. Which is why this episode is so valuable because this will help you to increase your capacity. This is about taking ownership of your capacity; self-determination of your day, self-determination of your time, to ensure that you're getting the optimal value of what you're putting your time into.

I had a hard time trying to name this one, because it touches on so many vital things. I found it impossible to pick one out, but have gone for capacity in the end, but I guarantee that you will take at least one other thing from this and make it your own. There's an entrepreneurial way of looking at time management; there's managing your week for value and impact. There's increasing your motivation and energy levels. There’s successful delegation. There’s how to increase your overall capacity and that of your team, creativity, confidence, and much, much more. I know, it sounds amazing. It was. I really enjoyed this one. This is something I wanted to talk about for a while. So let's not wait. Your time is important. Drop me a line and tell me what you think I should have called it you know the email address [email protected] or send me a note on LinkedIn.

Below is a transcript of the introduction which introduces this week's model:

So today is a good topic. One I know that lots of people ask about in different ways. Capacity, efficiency or efficacy but lots of people ask how can I do more with my time. We discussed some of this before in Overwhelm that it isn't about simple time management and to do lists.

 

Well, this is really about realising the value and maximising the value of time, not just the quantity of time that we have for things, or the quality of time in terms of what we choose to prioritise. But making sure that we're getting the optimal value of time.  We've all got the same 24 hours in the day to do stuff. So why does certain people seem to achieve more, get more out of that time. Whereas other times we feel we're just sort of grinding it out and getting through.

 

Some of these like time management systems is about how to steal an extra five minutes by improving your email system. This is way more than that, then this isn't about trying to steal minutes from your lunch break.

 

Time management is a really, really good thing. And Time management is about how do you fit 24 hours worth of stuff into a 24 hour a day that's most efficient. Beyond time management, people then move into priority management. And that's how do you take 124 hours of stuff in a day and make sure that the most important 24 hours worth of stuff is focused on and the 100 worth of hours is not getting done isn’t a distraction. This is the level above that because this is about the value and impact that what you spend your time on does. So this is more of an entrepreneurial type system.  You're not measured by activity. You're measured by value and impact.

The starting point is to make sure we understand what the benefits we’re expecting to get out of this. And what you will get out of this is a greater sense of energy, control, self awareness, focus, allocation of your time, your effort into things. This is about taking ownership of that self determination of your day self determination of your time, to ensure that you're getting the optimal value of what you're putting your time into.

 

It gives you back energy and control. Because so many different systems, it seems to be how to get every last drop of energy from yourself to get the job done, so you go to bed exhausted and finished and you know how to survive on five hours of better quality sleep. But this isn't about squeezing every single last drop of energy out of you, if you do this, well, you'll actually it will feed you with energy.

 

You can generate your own energy on this. And what you're going to get on this is an understanding of those days where you're buzzing with energy. And those days, when you're just flying, you just feel everything's going in flow with you and you just have bags of energy, enthusiasm, focus and concentration. And yet, there's other times when you're just flat and dull, in a fog. You’re waking up in the morning and gradually pouring the water out of your glass over the day. And trying to time it so that's a little bit left. But this is actually about taking more ownership of that.  Of where you expend your energy, where you invest it so you get something back.  Managing that better, more consciously. So that you get to determine your energy, you get more influence on your capacity to do things really well.

 

We've all had those days where you've been as busy as you like, and you seem to have more energy at the end of the week than you did at the beginning of the week. And then there's other times where every morning seems to have lasted a week. And this is about understanding why you felt like there's some weeks and why you didn't other weeks. And as soon as you understand that, then you can start to manage it this way.

 

So there is a four-box model. And this is the four boxes of where your work is put into your time. So you get two boxes above the line and two boxes below the line. So in the bottom right-hand box, which is below the line is labelled Incompetent. The box in the bottom left, still below the line, but on the left-hand side is labelled Competent.  And then both below an energy line above that line in the top left-hand corner is labelled Excellence and the top right box, it's labelled Unique Ability.

 

So below that line is negative and above that line is positive. So to define first of all what each of these boxes means. So if we take incompetence - the bottom right-hand box and competence. This is not the things that you're incompetent at. These are the things that are an incompetent use of your time. It's the things that an incompetent use of your time rather than incompetent at. So these are going to be things that you probably know how to do pretty comfortably, you've probably been doing these things for quite some time, you can almost do it without thinking with your eyes closed, one hand behind your back, you've been doing it for so long. It's just something that needs to be done. It takes up your time, it takes up headspace, it takes up energy and resource. The reason why it's incompetent as it gives you nothing back.

 

 

The bottom left box is the Competent box. And this is not something that you're competent are. This is what is a competent use of your time to do. So again, these things are likely to be things you've been doing for a while, things you know how to do. You're not looking to do them any better, quicker, faster, differently . It takes up time headspace, resource and energy. But rather than it giving you nothing back, it gives you something back. And there's something that it gives you back is satisfaction, just satisfaction that it's done.  So Incompetent gives you nothing back, Competence, at least gives you satisfaction. But it's still below that energy line, because it's still taking more from you than it gives you back. Although it’s giving you back something, you're just kind of glad to see the back of it. Satisfied that it's done, at least until next month.

 

An example of an incompetent use of someone's time then is what something which just gives you no pleasure. So I do it. I know it needs to be done. I do it grudgingly. But I don't when I finished it. I don't go Woohoo, that's done.

 

You can move them from box to box, depending on how you do them, or why you're doing them. So what I don't want to do is label a chore or a task as always sitting in Incompetence. It will sit in your incompetence box if you're getting nothing back from it.  It will sit in your competent box if at least it's giving you a degree of satisfaction.

 

An excellent use of your time may or may not be something you've done before. It may be something you know how to do and you've been doing it for a while, but you're still looking to do better, quicker, faster. It may be something that you’re actually learning how to do it, something new and fresh. It still takes up your time, your energy, headspace but what it does is it gives you back a sense of achievement. And that sense of achievement means that it's giving you more than it's taking out of you. And that's why it sets above the line.

There's a feeling of achievement then that's that of course that automatically there's all the physiological and psychological benefits; there's confidence & dopamine. All these great things. A sense of achievement.  I’ve achieved something that might be because I’ve learned something or done it differently or better. But you get that sense of achievement, not just satisfaction that it’s done but achievement in doing something

 

Then we move on to Unique Ability. Excellence is wrapped around the result; the outcome is when you get that sense of achievement.  Unique Ability is the time when you get the energy and the excitement, not just in the outcome, but actually on the journey. It's something you actually just love doing. It's something that you love. You love the experience of it. It has your passion; it has an interest.  It has something that even in the working through it, there is an energy that comes from it. The energy isn't all just wrapped up in the outcome.  This is a real passion, then is that passion for it all. We've all had something like that. This isn't only about achieving results, this is just enjoying being as part of this whole story, this whole process, whatever it is.  It’s more than just achievement, you actually get a thrill d

This conversation will open your eyes to how we all learn - and might even change the way you read books forever.

Stephen explains the difference between Self Help, Self improvement and Self Development and the impact that choosing Self Development can have on your learning - but also on your confidence, resilience, energy, behaviours, decision making and that important part of self identity.  We walk through the differences between them and some good examples of how to make this work for you.

Stephen introduces it as:

Self-Development is optimal in terms of personal growth and ownership of your own personal development. It's ensuring that you're taking ownership of the learning that you're doing and the information that you're taking on board.  It’s about action - you're going to do something with it - you're not just going to gather it - you're actually going to do something with it. By taking ownership, you build up greater self-awareness, self-confidence, self-management, more influence, better results. You enjoy success by being you, as opposed to thinking 'I followed the manual and it worked out well.’  You actually start to define a more authentic, sincere and concrete level of performance in terms of your own thinking, your own habits, your own emotions because this is you being you. This is the highest level of personal development, because you're going through personal growth by taking ownership.

I've added some detailed transcription notes below to help follow along with the conversation - let us know what you think at [email protected].

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TRANSCRIPTION NOTES:There's a personal development continuum. It's important that we understand that a there is a continuum, and where we are on that continuum. And by understanding where we are and what we're trying to achieve, and we can maximize our results and our time, make sure we get what we want. Now, this is valuable, because every day, all of us, we're all trying to progress, improve, learn something brand new, learn to adapt, get slightly better at something. So, understanding how we can best do this will ensure that we get the best possible results.

There is going to be some work involved. But it's worth it. You taking ownership. You build on your strengths, it builds your confidence, makes you more authentic, helps you take control.

 

Personal development is a huge industry, and it’s something that we all do - consciously or otherwise.

It's always been there. And it's come so much more to the fore recently because people are more aware of what they don't have, what they don't do. And they're being bombarded a lot with information as to who they should be, what they should be doing, what they should be good at, what they're going to need to succeed, what they're going to need to be happy. 

 

We’re being consistently told we could be happier, we could be doing more, could be more efficient, we could be better looking richer, taller, better dressed.  There's also the pressure to succeed.  To be a good parent, to be a good employee, to be a good neighbour, to be a leader.  It used to be, if you really want to get on, you're going to have to develop.  Now it’s if you want to remain where you are, you're still going to have to develop with the pace of change and the challenges. So personal development is a massive industry, extremely aggressively sold, and pushed to people. And it's something that we're doing every day, not necessarily consciously, but we are in a world of personal development.

 

We do need to constantly learn.  In the old days we used to learn everything you used to need at school. And that was kind of it. But nowadays, the half-life of knowledge keeps getting shorter and shorter. So, we need to improve. So, we need to personally develop, that's the key thing. And then so let's look at the different ways then. Or let's look at the different options that we have.

 

Imagine a continuum.  At one end it is very much about information. It's just building awareness. It's what you read, it's what you watch, the news channels, the gossip magazines, it's anything that's stimulating your thinking and presenting the world to you, That’s a level of personal development.  You will be informed of something that you weren't informed about before; you’re now informed about it so there is that low level of personal development, which is just getting that information. If all we needed was knowledge, then you know, we'd all be billionaires with six packs. If it was just information that we needed, then we'd all have achieved our dreams already. That's kind of what you're saying is the information isn't enough to help you get to where you need to get to.

 

The next level on the continuum, which is slightly higher in terms of personal development is when you go into Self-help. This is the fitness videos, books and publications and many of the different media and channels that you have from now. Self-help is mainly information, and it's general information. But it's considered to be helpful information on a general basis.  it's a kind of wide fishing net that gets thrown out there. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to be happy? Sleep better? Eat better? Do you want to feel younger or have better skin? Do you have you know want better career? It’s a very general approach; non-specific & not personalized. Some of it is fantastic. It can really inspire your thinking and ideas. But it's not about you. It's in general terms. Surely everybody wants this - why wouldn't you?

 

So simple guides to productivity, efficiency, how to sell more, how to be better at sports, anything. It’s general. I could pick it up, the person next to me can pick it up, and they'll be getting exactly the same information given to them.

 

The next level, Self-improvement, is moving more towards being about you. There's a higher level of personal development but it is still external.  If you decide that there’s something you want to get better at, maybe because you've realized there's a gap there, or there's something holding you back. Or you've pinpointed that if you can just solve this situation, everything else is going to be better.  Maybe it's your New Year's resolution, or it's going to be your project on yourself, or you’re seeing your neighbour, your colleague or your friend benefit from this, and you think ‘I want some of that’. You're going to add a language, a skill, one more qualification or complete another course.  These are all about Self-improvement.  I don't have something - something that's a perceived weakness - and I want to improve. And that's where you move into Self-improvement.  It's a weakness, it’s a hole you're trying to fill.

 

Many clients will say ‘I'm not a completer finisher’, or ‘I'm not a good presenter’, or ‘I'm just not good in a crisis’. They’ll then go and sign up to a crisis management course, or a presentation course a complete a finisher course. Because they think: ’I want to know what I'm missing, because I’ll then fill those gaps. And they want me to help.  Because one of the big things about Self-improvement is you're handing it over to someone else.  You want their secrets of success, someone else's methods, someone else's process, someone else's story of success, that you think ‘I could do that myself’

It's obviously more powerful than Self-help, because there is a level of involvement from the person as well, but it is still external and it's more about completing gaps.

It's still a lot of information.  It’s if I know that information, then I'm going to be better. But it's someone else's information. So, I have questions that I want someone else to give me the answer to.

 

Self-Development is at the end of the continuum where it's optimal in terms of personal growth and ownership of your own personal development. It's ensuring that you're taking ownership of the learning that you're going and the information that you're taking on board.  It’s about action - you're going to do something with it, you're not just going to gather it, you're actually going to do something with it. By taking ownership, you build up greater self-awareness, self-confidence, self-management, more influence, better results. You enjoy success by being you, as opposed to’ I followed the manual and it worked out well.’. You actually start to define a more authentic, sincere and concrete level of performance in terms of your own thinking, your own habits, your own emotions because this is you being you. This is the highest level of personal development, because you're going through personal growth by taking ownership.

 

So, it's clear from your tone that you're a big fan of this one.

 

I've seen it work. I've always believed that the success, the growth, and the real value with the people I've worked with, is what they then go on and do with the things we work on, rather than creating a dependency that they need me to be there all the time with them. As soon as they think the answer is in me more than the answer is within them, then I know I've got the balance of this wrong. I've always had an approach where I believed in the person, and I wanted that person to believe in themselves.  And that's why I have relationships with people that are lifelong and ongoing, as opposed to transactional, for one area of improvement. I've always believed in this approach.

When I've sat down with people it's quite common that they will say, ‘I want to know where the gaps are, I want to know what I'm missing.’ I will turn that round, and say, but I want to know what you're good at. Because if I can understand what you're really good at. And if